M43
2nd Message to a Non-reply after time?
December 13 2017
Comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
1. Example: I see a profile, looks new, recently online, probably new photos, possibly new username, I delve further and see... hang on, this profile rings a bell... yes, contact history says I sent a message to her in... let's see... Feb 2015... wow, a long time ago. Should I retry? Maybe the first message was a bit lame? Maybe my photos back then were also such ;) 2. Also, for other people's stories, have you been the one to reply positively to someone who messaged you a loooooong time after their first attempt? (Being the reciever, as well as being the person who was the sender). 3. Does the "playing hard to get" dating concept apply online at all? (This is where, in my understanding, the pursuee will create deliberate distance between themselves and the pursuer, in order to test their resolve/initiative. The pursuer is not supposed to give up too easily...? (I also call this out as unnecessary dating games). This topic is not just about messaging on RHP, but on other similar sites and general dating sites.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Sorry not so much a "quick question" after all!
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Livingandloving2
7 years ago
People's wants and needs change over time so you should be open to another message.... I know in RL.... the people I'm friends with now aren't the same ones I had five or so years ago..... My personality has evolved, so did theirs, and so we happily find our " tribe" as needs change Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Great topic and I have some happy news. Yes, absolutely send a second message. Difficult to know how to put this into words but our taste can change over time, we evolve as we go based on a variety of things and it very much depends on what we are currently looking for. Take me for example, I once used to be so fussy, I would filter based on A. Cock size (yes I'm ashamed to say, until I encountered guys with smaller endowment who blew my mind, that is absolutely not even a fleeting thought anymore as it doesn't impact the type of lover they are or how turned on I am by them and their appendage lol) B. Perfectly sculpured gym body. I now look at the whole person shock horror C. Tall - as much as I still like height, again it doesn't impact my attraction D. Given that I was wanting sex only, I was looking for fuck machines. This far on, they have to win me over in other ways, win my trust, and I can tell you, I haven't trusted or met anyone in quite a while now, with the exception of a couple of RL guys E. Body and facial hair - still not a fan but there was a time where one blade would turn me off lol much more relaxed now F. Too inundated with messages/established fb's/flirts etc - choices have to be made and using the above examples of how we change with what we're looking for, plenty were overlooked purely because there was no time. G. Quick meets vs slow/drawn out intimate encounters - i used to love quick random, still like public stuff but I now long to be naked with someone for a whole afternoon or a whole day. No longer remotely interested in quick fucks. So you see how we can change/evolve over time? I have contacted a few guys after a long period of time, not often getting a reply. I understand why, they (like me) would need to feel I'm full on attracted to them, they may have been hurt by the initial rejection and still question whether my attraction is strong enough. But on the receiving end, I would urge all men to try again after a period of time. I have responded favourably to a few who have done that. I would also love my old fb's to hit me up again this far along. It would be fun to reunite with some of them again You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and for me personally, I'm flattered if they try again, certainly not offended, and definitely not thinking negatively about them, even if not interested. Life is so short, it passes by so fast. Just do it, don't hesitate ๐
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RHP User
7 years ago
On the mobile, sorry for the long post
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theredlordau
7 years ago
A simple yes I'm interested or no I'm not to a message is just basic manners and respect. If it is dirty sleazy message then you could probably expect a non reply. (unless that's the type of message they want ) I'm always respectful in the way I write my messages and reply in kind to any winks or messages with a simple yes/no Costs nothing to be nice!
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Eiliethiya
7 years ago
Itouch. It can't hurt, and yes people's wants, desires and expectations can change over time. - Posted from rhpmobile
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boobsandbusted
7 years ago
itโs all in the wording of your second message,i have responded to a second one ,and did let them know we had read their message first time around and thanks but no thanks, and on the other hand had another one ,iโd forgotten about and it was lieing there we had forgotten about ,you have nothing to loose whats the worst that could happen?,another non answer ,go for it ! especially if it continually floats around your brain, sink or float that boat fella . mr b - Posted from rhpmobile
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Freaky_Fun
7 years ago
For starters you're a genuinely nice person so l couldn't imagine you would be rude/disingenuous in your first message. I don't mind a second message BUT not 5 seconds after I've read the first one asking why l haven't replied ๐Sometimes l have time to view and not time to reply straight away. I'm guilty of forgetfulness or just missing one altogether, every now and then l will go back through my messages and realise l haven't replied. Sorry people that would be the dementia setting in ๐ Also when l first joined up l was a little swamped and overwhelmed and there were lots of messages l missed. I will look at a hot profile now and think 'oh they're yum' then when l have a look they had sent me a message 18 months ๐ซ. Shit l missed that boat. Although when l get the "hey" or "nice tits" or "how r u" or "wats doing" l will respond accordingly by not responding. And yep have to agree tastes are definitely changing ๐
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
Like when people tell me to get lost, I message once, if they donโt reply, I assume no consent has been given to engage.... Door closes, and itโs never reopened. Itโs not my choice it was theirs..... And I donโt bother looking backwards either.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
So... assuming you notice that someone sent you a message 18 months ago, does that mean you think it's too late to actually reply, that they would no longer be interested? Speaking for myself I would still be interested. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Freaky_Fun
7 years ago
I have replied apologising for my tardiness. Some have replied and think it's funny others l don't hear back from which is ok because things have probably changed for them along the way as well. Definitely when l first joined up was when l missed heaps and was a little overwhelmed. So thinking other women might be feeling the same way when they first join, it's probably worth a 'hi, how's it been going for you' type of second message. What's the worst that can happen they either don't reply or report you for stalking ๐
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RHP User
7 years ago
When I first joined I was inundated with messages. I did forget to reply to a lot of them, some were a flat out "No Way" and others were a "Hell Yes when and where". I have only been on here as a single for 6 months I think. It can be overwhelming. The thing that holds me back is I cant travel. Would I revisit someone I knocked back previously for whatever reason. Yes If I felt something different or was looking for something different. I would also revisit some of the guys who I liked if they wanted to go there again.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
I must admit the response wasn't too bad at the start, but then I hit a patch with mixed reactions and that was it.. In RL ' I never had them problems because being face to face you can judge a persons reactions and if any things doing .. Here ? First you gotta separate the charf form the hay , meaning fake ppl , fake profiles and out and out liars . So I just stopped messaging all together and these days wait until I'm contacted. I find that works better for me. I know I'm probally passing up some good people , but as usual , the bad spoils it for the good.. Doesn't mean I won't get back to messaging some day , just that when something working for you , why change. ?
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Mischeviouslad
7 years ago
You know when you get into a lift.... and you push the "close doors" button once. Maybe a second time until the door starts to close (which we all know it was going to do anyway) It's kind of a bit like that. Pushing it over and over and over doesn't do anything more than the first push or two did - Posted from rhpmobile
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boobsandbusted
7 years ago
totally get it ,itโs so hard when your a people person rather than a typing and being awesome with words person ,there is no exspession or body language to read, there is no tone ,that can often be misread in just typing , rl is much easier to play it as it lies ,not so much wondering or second guessing ,cos if it comes to second guessing to put it politely ,iโm totally useless at it and will always errr on the side of caution without other cursors such as body language and just general chit chat mr b - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'Livingandloving2' People's wants and needs change over time so you should be open to another message.... I know in RL.... the people I'm friends with now aren't the same ones I had five or so years ago..... My personality has evolved, so did theirs, and so we happily find our " tribe" as needs change Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile "finding our " tribe" as needs change" .........totally agree. And CT, go for it.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' You know when you get into a lift.... and you push the "close doors" button once. Maybe a second time until the door starts to close (which we all know it was going to do anyway) It's kind of a bit like that. Pushing it over and over and over doesn't do anything more than the first push or two did - Posted from rhpmobile Yes but that's only measured in seconds apart, for the purposes of RHP messages this analogy might be put in days or weeks. I'm talking months or years. And certainly not over and over. I'd never push it to a third message if the second one was also a non-reply.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Two points: 1. In many areas of life, (take business, job opportunities for example), giving up FOREVER on any one opportunity after just one attempt (for this example, perhaps sending off a resume and never knowing if it has even been recieved/read/noted), may not be the preferred option, especially to actually achieve what you are looking for in life. :P (I also note that in my family, a few couples are together because they actually made more than one attempt to woo their current partner into dating them in the first place). 2. If you send a second message, do you mention the first one in any way at all? Or is that somehow going to be viewed as a guilt trip for the other person? Or, alternatively do you send a second "first message", as though the first one was never sent?
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RHP User
7 years ago
its worked for me
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MissRedFox
7 years ago
And this is one of the reasons I don't send no thanks messages - it closes the door completely. I would say go for it in the case of men like yourself who have a decent profile and send thoughtful messages. Things can change over time, sometimes you can forget to respond to a message, sometimes your attention is just captured elsewhere. In any case the worse that can happen is a non reply or a no thanks. Small chance to take really for the chance for the best to happen. XX - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
7 years ago
You mean...., sending the same template message you sent someone weeks/months earlier to introduce yourself because you don't care enough to pay attention to who you've messaged before..... doesn't work??! ๐ - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
I received a message from a man, I met and turned down over 12mths ago. He messaged me a few days ago: "Are you sure you weren't premature in turning me down ;)? Can you remember why? Would you reconsider." My mind has not changed and is still a No. ๐ I wouldn't do it. But it's up to you.๐ If they didn't answer you the first time, they were just not that into you. No one is that busy or that popular (celebrity status) to forget to answer an email. It's a choice. Yes, mail can be read unopened on this site. Ms Foxy
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
And for some reason, their gut told them not to reply... Would anyone honestly then ignore it 12 months later?? Sometimes I can judge really quickly about a yay or nay.... Other times it may take 2-3 days/weeks of messaging....but once that decision is in, its โLock it in Eddieโ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
"If they didn't answer you the first time, they were just not that into you" According to who, you? You met that guy, very different to maybe having a guy slip through the cracks with inbox congestion which all women have when they're new. Sorry but your comment sounded arrogant and braggy
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RHP User
7 years ago
there were plenty that just weren't that into you too ๐
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RHP User
7 years ago
had a guy I met contact me again too, there was no chemistry between us at the time, and it left me feeling a bit cold, chilly you know when you're with someone who doesn't give out warmth and passion? Struggling to see that will be any different, but I didn't consider it was me turning him down, I could sense he wasn't that into me. Quite often rejecting someone is because they've already inwardly rejected you and it's a reactive thing. He was also fresh into this, just coming out of the gates so to speak ๐ My conversation warmed him up a bit though let's say ๐ bit of a pash and grope near the car, have to try before you buy right? ๐ So I have put some thought into whether I will reply or not. At this stage I'm not but haven't completely closed the door. He was a nice guy, and hot ๐ and nice the way he went about messaging me this time around. He had my phone number but flirted me here again. I thought that was a nice no pressure way to do it and did make me smile when I saw it so who knows. I'm still considering, he'd be fun to go out on a proper date with, the night we met was rushed because I happened to be in his area. Never close doors, you just don't know where you'll both be in a years time or 2 years time or 3 years time ๐ฏ Another guy I did have sex with and turned him down after, I would now love to see him again. I'm into him 'now', because I've changed, maybe the rollercoaster has rumbled in and settled to a stop lol I'm not making this shit up, that's exactly how I feel
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RHP User
7 years ago
Freaky summed it up. What's the worst that can happen? ๐
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RHP User
7 years ago
I also 100% disagree that no-one is that busy they lose messages. Are you serious? I had more messages coming in than I could reply to. Pages and pages of messages, same with flirts. There are plenty I looked at and opted to leave and go back to later. Those messages then got pushed down because of the volume of new messages coming in, hence how many slipped through the cracks. That was only the beginning, then factor in time away from the inbox while you actually try to meet someone, then come home to a jammed inbox again. Heady days ๐ and the cycle would start again, absolute mayhem. I knew even then that I was losing guys I wanted to meet but short of employing a secretary ๐ Not that way now of course, tumbleweed lol
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boobsandbusted
7 years ago
the first time a message is sent a year ago , the person crosses a variety of no boxes ,has a beard, a bad haircut ,overweight ,and missing teeth causing non smiley pics ,a year down the track teeth are fixed ,smiles with big pearly white are on show ,had a hair cut, chose some good clothes due to weight loss and the self confidence is oozing ,gone from nahhhhh ,to yeahhh baby ,whoaaaaa this person is stunning to say the least now ,people change as much as others preferences do , CT not knowing is awful ,open the door or nail it shut , ps ,why not mention the first message ,shows thoughtfulness ,no harm in that mr b - Posted from rhpmobile
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twowithnolimits
7 years ago
Sometimes moods don't match but the reply hasn't been discarded merely set aside Sometimes the in box can be flooded and a message can be overlooked Sometimes people are in the middle of a bust spot and NO replies are getting answered Sometimes people are waiting to align the right elements for the individual concerned Nothing wrong with writing more than once, no "acceptable" interval over which you can or cannot write again or reply to a message you have missed, although as a rule we do try and answer every message within 48 hours, although sometimes the single guys get tough..what we hate is when we have already replied a couple of times and people keep sending a flirt asking for a message, how hard is it to check prior communication?
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I think though your contact history will always show you've been in touch before, you can only see the actual message for six months. Right now I can read messages as far back as May 2015...
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RHP User
7 years ago
I think that you're overthinking the whole thing OP. If you want to send a message, just send one, what's the worst that can happen? I personally probably would not change my mind, but I'm hardly going to think poorly of somebody that sent me a second message, months or years later. Heck I probably wouldn't give it a second thought!! Having said that, I did give somebody a second chance and he turned out to be an incredible lover :-)
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MnauMnau
7 years ago
My oldest unread message goes back to Jan 2016, the latest is from 2 days ago. It doesn't bother me. It comes down to few things: 1. Fake/ghost profile 2. he/she not interested 3. Overlooked message (small chance but..) And some females, or most of them have few too many messages to go through, or not. And no, no one is required to reply to message. If the profile shows some activity, you might send 2nd message, otherwise I would not bother. Don't think too much about it and don't take it personally.
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Freaky_Fun
7 years ago
I recently found one from June last year. I messaged him and apologised for missing it and have since been on a rather nice date. Apparently l wasn't that busy after all ๐
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RHP User
7 years ago
Good point, nicely put ๐
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RHP User
7 years ago
I can also see/read all my messages right back to Sept 2015 which is when I opened this profile. Funny reading the messages now. I had a badly broken heart and messages of support came in. What a bloody drama queen haha I was so sad though. Long road back from that one. I still talk to him occasionally, just tell him he's a fucker ๐
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RHP User
7 years ago
When someone approaches me with no Photo on their profile I automatically am not interested. If they tried again with a profile picture and I like what I saw and little conversation I would probably give them a go.
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