M43
33
May 27 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is something you can never have enough of!! Happy Birthday hope you had a great day. But stay positive and up beat, yes it definitely can be difficult but there is always someone less fortunate than you and you are above ground, bonus all round 😄 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Take yourself out, get loose.....Have a drink or 2.... have an opposite day, turn everything upside down, (especially the frown) think outside the box, throw caution to the wind and dust off that box, just in case Enjoy yourself
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RHP User
10 years ago
Dryphuz ? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
But remember you and you alone are the driver of your life, if you don't like the direction it has been going in, then time to change that direction and create some adventures. I just read a quote from Whinnie the Pooh of all things. "You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes" sums it up I say.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Happy bday! Don't give up, seek honest improvement.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Have a great year Dryphuz. Stay positive and get that box as you will be annoyed if this is your year
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RHP User
10 years ago
Fellow Gemini. I can certainly empathise with how you are feeling and I hope things improve for you soon.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Happy Birthday! Buy that new box! Just because something doesn't happen for a time, it doesn't mean that nothing will happen again. Shake it up, try new things and go forward with optimism. You deserve it! ~KK xo - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
You survived another lap around the sun, there's no guarantee that you will survive this next one so make it count. 33 is the magic number.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Happy birthday friend. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
slay a dragon. it's good for your mojo.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Dryphuz'I don't think I'll bother with another box until 34 They're called vaginas, thanks. Happy birthday Dryphuz! Virtual hug, I can emphathise x
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RHP User
10 years ago
I hope things are looking up for you soon. Maybe a change in routine, join some clubs, try and change what you have been doing up to this point in small ways and you never know what may come of it. A friend of mine was also in a similar situation... finding it hard to find work and getting very dispirited about it. He has volunteered to join the SES (State Emergency Services) and he is being trained up in all sorts of different things and meeting lots of people. Things are looking up for him now. You just never know/ Meeka xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Happy Birthday Dude .... 33 .... not even a threshold year ! Happiness/ satisfaction is a choice that we make ?? ...... and if you choose it you will truly be 'content' ..... take a deep breath ...... look at all of the 'love' sent to you here today (from some pretty awesome people) .. and smile to yourself/ at your folly and how great life is ... at the male prime age of 33 .... and with no expectation or entitlement, the happiness will pour in ... and the love will take care of it self. .... happiness is an effective aphrodisiac ;) ...... and if you do not choose this ? ...... the purgatory of the glass half full forever? ....eeeek Uly
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RHP User
10 years ago
Look at the fine women here, so supportive and positive. Pity I am old enough to be their father/grandfather. No joy for me, wish I had your looks and hair.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I hope your 34th year is the year things change for you..you have so many gifts and talents,share them with the world,the old will love you for it .hugs xx Freya
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RHP User
10 years ago
I meant the world but maybe the old will love you for it too xxFreya
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Dryphuz
10 years ago
when my 32nd found me in the same boat as my 31st which is as it is now... Except as i recall i was also bedridden with a cold for my 32nd. Yep long out of optimism. I've got jars of cynicism and pessimism open at the moment. I'm saving fatalism and defeatism for next year. I have tried for... must be nearly 10 years to get out of the rut i'm in using various methods including whats on offer in your posts.I thank you for trying, but they're not solutions for me. In fact some, like volunteering or joining a club, makes things worse. Normally i'm more upbeat, but birthdays are a reminder of just how long i've been joyless. Thanks for the birthday wishes though. Here's hoping there's a suitable job somewhere in my 34th year.
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RHP User
10 years ago
... did I miss that bit ?? ..... look to do what ya love .... and offer to do it for nothing ?? ..... a job will materialise ...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Merry birthday. Be more social. We thrive on it and get sad when we are disconnected and isolated. But I'm not really in a position to comment on your life, am I. Fix your monobrow, cut your hair, shave the thing off your chin. You'll immediately look and feel better. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Baysidecouple214
10 years ago
Your alive.. you have two arms, two legs and a heart beatyou may not have a job but you have a home. You have plenty... you just need to change your perspective.
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RHP User
10 years ago
It sounds to me like you're stuck in a rut, whether through habit or potentially an underlying cause like depression or anxiety. From memory you have mentioned in previous posts that you play a lot of X-Box games, for hours at a time. And there was something about living with mum and dad and mum finding certain herbs once? This may not be current at all and please forgive me if I'm wrong about any of the above (not suggesting any of these things are necessarily bad either), but perhaps the best thing is to get up, get out and do something more fulfilling then sitting at home. If you find you can't, it may be an idea explore what else is going on. I mean that sincerely, and these are merely my thoughts. I'm not trying to tell you what to do.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' It sounds to me like you're stuck in a rut, whether through habit or potentially an underlying cause like depression or anxiety. From memory you have mentioned in previous posts that you play a lot of X-Box games, for hours at a time. And there was something about living with mum and dad and mum finding certain herbs once? This may not be current at all and please forgive me if I'm wrong about any of the above (not suggesting any of these things are necessarily bad either), but perhaps the best thing is to get up, get out and do something more fulfilling then sitting at home. If you find you can't, it may be an idea explore what else is going on. I mean that sincerely, and these are merely my thoughts. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I think Meanders onto it ...... if you always do, what you have always done, then you'll always get, what you have always got ??? ...... its a folly to believe that repeating the same Groundhog day will oneday give you a different result .... What is it that Psych's say Freya ? ..... ' a light bulb can change itself .... but it has to want to'!
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Dryphuz
10 years ago
Do different things... Like what? Keep in mind i have little to no money and no one to do anything with. I get what you're saying about gaming, but its my hobby. I think i should point out I don't do it instead of other things, i just look forward to it when everything else is out of the way. I don't think i spend any more time gaming than any other hobbyist spends on their pursuits.
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RHP User
10 years ago
How about you find yourself a busy area and a busy little coffee place, have a coffee or some kind of drink regularly at the same time each day (only $5 a day) and see if you can't catch the eye of a few regulars and just strike up a conversation maybe
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RHP User
10 years ago
That I have said this before Dry,but volunteer some time ..it will help others,a feel good thing,for you too and it may lead to paid work..this has happened to me a number of times and my current and previous career came about because I volunteered..xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Dryphuz'Here's hoping there's a suitable job somewhere in my 34th year. I don't mean to be insensitive, but it makes me wonder how hard you are looking.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Disagree*
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79'volunteer some time ..it will help others,a feel good thing,for you too and it may lead to paid work. Quoting 'Dryphuz' I have tried for... must be nearly 10 years to get out of the rut i'm in using various methods including whats on offer in your posts.I thank you for trying, but they're not solutions for me. In fact some, like volunteering or joining a club, makes things worse. Just wondering why?
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RHP User
10 years ago
you're worried about being 33 and dried up, my life didn't begin until I turned 51, yep you heard it, I turned my life upside down, got fit, got sexy, hormones went nuts, still are, wouldn't swap this last year for any money, age has nothing to do with happiness or sexiness, it's your mind, wake up every day being happy to be alive, happiness exudes sexiness, you're a sexy looking guy, take it out for a spin
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RHP User
10 years ago
get off the couch, get off the xbox, get a job (any job), stop feeling sorry for yourself and make your 34th year alive better than the last. I am not judging you but the solution is obvious and you know it. You are well into your 30s now, that shit is fun for a while but ultimately it leads to the place you are in right now. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
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Dryphuz
10 years ago
You sure? it's gonna take some time to explain... All right, you asked for it. I'm introverted. For those who don't know, that means i am enervated by spending time alone with my own thoughts, and mentally exhausted by time spent with other people. Even if that other person is the 16 year old bagging my groceries at woolies. Introversion used to be considered a disorder and they treated people with everything from medications to shock therapy. Now they know introversion and extroversion is like left or right handed (once lefties used to be beaten for writing with their left hand). I can deal with people about 30 %- 40% of the time, but its semi-random when i feel like one or the other. Generally speaking, there isn't enough downtime between one work day and the next for me to recover. When i need to do something or be somewhere and i just cant deal with it, i get severely anxious (normally a sense of dread, shortness of breath, racing heartbeat, nausea, dizziness) and if i cant overcome it i will make some excuse. But then i feel like i've let everyone down and then i shame spiral (part of depression, guilt that leads to shame that generally leads to further guilt and thus further shame etc.). This inevitably leads to me being too ashamed to show my face and the people who are counting on me get let down again by my further absence (more guilt). It doesn't only apply to work. Social obligations and situations give me the same problem. For example, there was this coffee shop i used to go to and one day the girl said "hello" and i said "fine thanks" and i felt so stupid i've never been back to that coffee shop and still try not to even be visible from the windows if i have to walk past. I'm an excellent worker whatever i apply myself to, but my attendance is unreliable. I can't do that to employers or even to volunteer organizations. That's why i left my last job. I worked hard and kept myself in check through sheer willpower for a while, but as a result i quickly became indispensable which put pressure on me. Then i was legitimately sick, but none the less i felt like i let everyone down and made extra work for everyone else (which i in fact did, since i was by now part of the machinery and my sickness was like a missing gear). This caused me to spiral again until i was only going 1 or 2 days a week and those days were a nightmare and of course i was making things worse and worse the more i was absent. I was so anxious about the next day i was getting less than an hour sleep if any most nights, which led to me becoming anxious about getting enough sleep, which inevitably led to me not sleeping yet again. Even now there are several alarm tones which make me feel like i want to throw up when i hear them. So after a while i told them i was leaving, that they could and should find someone more reliable. They called me a month or so later to see if i could come back, but I was and am still struggling and could not cope with that again. This was about the 3rd or 4th job where i had had issues like this so i went to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me and got properly diagnosed. So while i'm dealing with my issues (meds for depression and psych for anxiety) I'm trying to find a job i can do without driving myself crazy... And it really can be quite crazy. Whole days can pass in a confused daze where i'm just on autopilot. Its like being drunk, you only remember vague scattered images. But without work i feel worthless a lot, because I'm not contributing anything. So while i look really hard for work, for the moment i steer clear of things that are just gonna add another failure to my tally and drive me further down ('setting yourself up to fail' my psych calls it). Which these days is nearly everything because we've spent the last 30 - 40 years making workplaces extrovert friendly. "Work as part of a team", "great team atmosphere", "vibrant, social workplace" are statements made often and all make me cringe. Never mind that studies show extroverts get less work done and have a lower quality of work. And the underlying issue will never go away. I will always be an introvert. And like most introverts I'm exceptionally good with people, most of us being brought up thinking there's something wrong with being introverted so we get VERY good at faking it and being a people person... Until we finally break down of course. As a result people are drawn to me and i end up making 'friends' with nearly everyone i meet, despite the fact that i'm often crawling out of my skin to get away from them. This makes workplaces areas of dread as everyone wants to converse and generally i don't but i can't tell them that. And relationships were very strained for me too. I didn't know what was wrong with me or why sometimes i didn't want to come over, or go to their friends place or spend time together, which inevitably leads them to feel unloved or like i am cold and distant. Of course now i know why i feel like this and can explain myself and do things like plan ahead (days alone before a social engagement for example). Finally introversion is not shyness, nor is it anti-social. Most introverts love nothing more than to be the center of attention and meet new people, but not during those times when we feel we've had enough socializing for a while. So normally people like me get disability pension, but I'm just normal enough not to qualify. Although i do think this is because i've only ever been assessed while having a good day, because on my bad days i couldn't turn up to the appointment. So there you have it... That's why i struggle. I can't find suitable work and every day i"m pressured by centrelink (who, fair enough, have a vested interest in getting me employed), my parents (who are too old and set in their ways to really get it) and my own mind (which keeps telling me I'm letting everyone down). If you could be arsed reading all that I will be quite impressed.
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RHP User
10 years ago
and I was a lot like that. Then I stopped smoking dope and things got easier. Life is still a struggle, it is for most people I think. Nothing is going to change on it's own, you have to make it happen. I got that advice once and I wish I had taken it earlier than I did.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is there nobody helping you with this?..If people are a problem surely there must be work that you can do from home...you write really well..and it seems like you like communicating online..you also need to be reassessed by the psychs...you are caught in a spiral and your high levels of anxiety lead to your inability to function in the outside world..I get that..which makes it difficult to find the help you need..you say some days are better than others,take the time then to find the right kind of help ..there might be an online support group that you could connect with xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
I had a quick look and Beyond Blue and Blackdog Institute have online support groups..that could be a start..good luck Freya xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry to hear you indeed suffer from anxiety and depression, two conditions that can be very hard to treat. It looks you're taking the right steps. You don't say when you got diagnosed, but I hope the meds and psych help have begun to make a difference. You are very eloquent (everyone I know who suffers from anxiety is), are you on any forums for anxiety at all? I hope you'll be able to break the cycle and get back on your feet x (Sorry, bit scattered here due to a migraine, but just wanted to say I hear what you're saying and you're not an exception).
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RHP User
10 years ago
Bad Joke.........You are defineitly not alone , we have a family member who is also an introvert, she survives quite well in her own existence, fortunately for her she is quite crafty and able to maintain a steady income from this, is there an avenue within your hobby to pursue from home, critic, new game test,etc? Perhaps some courses that can be conducted from home and part time in a learning environment to help facilitate a career along those lines??........ Freya is right (of course) you are very well written and I've previously read your love of Science...You are a very clever man :) Reach out as you have done here, reach a little further and take advantage of the groups mentioned, you may open up a whole new chapter for 33, Good Luck Dry, Keep Smiling :)
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Dryphuz
10 years ago
has been a great help, If for no other reason than to get my thoughts into writing where i can look at it and assess myself more objectively. Although their small character count per post can be a hindrance (I'm very verbose as you may have noticed). It was at beyond blue where i first found the help i needed. I didn't have a GP, just a centre i went to for whatever ailment, but they were terrible when i realised i needed to get my mental health assessed. The psychiatrist they sent me to had to google words i was using because his english was so bad, and his computer literacy was so bad he didn't save any of the assessment he did during the session, so when i went back to the GP he had to assess me again himself. So with the help of posters on beyondblue i found a better GP who did everything right, set me up with a psychologist and filled out all the centrelink forms for me and even bulk billed me even though the practice he works for normally doesn't. As to work, working from home would be ideal, but i've found nothing yet. As to doing a hobby for a living, I've always been against it. Most people i know who have turned a hobby into a job no longer enjoy it as a hobby. That being said, if something came up i would jump on it nonetheless. After pushing centrelink again and again (another beyondblue tip) i was reassigned from from a regular job service provider to a disablity job service provider, which has been a great help. However there is still only so much they can do and their hands are tied by centrelink regulation which thanks to Tony is being tightened every other week. Again i actually agree with the reform as during my time with the regular employment service provider i saw soooo many people abuse the system. I feel terrible that your tax dollars provide me some money every fortnight, yet others seem to think they are entitled to those dollars just for existing. Apparently anxiety is the most common mental problem affecting employment. I've met many more people who suffer similar problems since i was diagnosed.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have been able to start working when I was 16. And stay working without any interruption since 22. I worked my summer holidays between 16-22. Now at the ripe age of 36 I can claim not having been unemployed even for a day! I respect that everyone has their challenges.but please don't say you cannot get a job because you are an introvert....yes society is geared towards extroverts but there are plenty of jobs at various skill levels for introverts like us. IT industry for once would not be making everyone's life this easy if it not had been for introvert people ...shop selves would not get stocked if it were not for introverts (extroverts don't enjoy that kind of work) etc etc... My advice is go and get proper career advice - talk to a consultant who is specializing in helping people deciding what kind of work they should train for..it is never too late...as far as I am aware there is even a free government advice service of this kind available..
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RHP User
10 years ago
becoming available..society as a whole is moving towards to short term- casual work so I think you will find that once you found your field - attendance is going to become less of a struggle..given there will be less permament positions available. Good luck to your happy 34!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Dryphuz' Apparently anxiety is the most common mental problem affecting employment. I've met many more people who suffer similar problems since i was diagnosed. Anxiety is the most common mental health problem overall, although there are a range of different disorders under the anxiety umbrella. It sounds as though you may have a fairly significant level of social anxiety / social phobia. I'm assuming that your psych has been educating you about how anxiety works in terms of the physical responses it induces in your body, and various ways that you can work to reduce those responses. I wonder too, have they talked to you about some graded exposure type therapy?
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inspirit
10 years ago
You are a very very good writer. I find your posts easy to read.
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On_Safari
10 years ago
Firstly Happy UnBirthday xx and as for a work from home suggestion, I've seen publishing houses advertising for proofreaders which you can do from home. Also if you can find a way of turning your hobby into some kind of earner you can earn up to $40k tax free and remain on your Centrelink Benefits. The SES and volunteering is a good idea for you too, it would be therapeutic for yourself to push the odd boundary imposed by your condition ...... baby steps, nothing too drastic and on your terms. Good luck with everything, you can do it!
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RHP User
10 years ago
There is not many places on the net these days that you can get such a big group of people helping someone else out these days. Well guys good to see. Happy birthday mate keep your chin up u will get there - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Very honest post Dry good work. I can only relate to your problem as I do not understand introversion. I was infact quite opposite suffering from very high ADHD making me extremely extroverted, which caused quite a bit of social and work problems. I was a bit like Homer Simp... hey look there's a squirrel. I was also quite screwed over as a child which caused much contradiction in my life. So this led me to similar patterns as yourself with being somewhat unreliable day to day. I also took no crap from anybody including employers so I would walk on jobs if I felt they were treating myself or other employers badly. All asked me to come back as I worked very well. Over the years my ADHD turned to bipolar2 which just amped everything up with mood swinging. For a long time as I had no understanding I just thought myself a screw loose fool, felt I let people down and felt very ashamed like you. After a major episode I became separated from the world my friends and social circles. I did not understand people and they likewise. I found voluntary work in community gardens helped with this immensely as you have all that time to yourself. I eventually became sick and tired of not finding work regularly as my resume was never considered as it reads badly with sporadic work history and many short lived jobs. Unlike years ago when you could walk in and show the person you are it is now all resume driven. So I stormed into centerlink one day and demanded they help me, all they offered was a disability pension so have been on and off it for over ten years now. You have to produce both doctor and Psychiatrist evaluations and diagnoses. Not that I had to to begin with as I was livid and gave them hell. There are also job networks that deal strictly with people who have mental disorders and can be very helpful and welcoming. Giving employers letters of introduction of who and what you are. Medical and psychological help from those that have experience unlike the normal job search employees and centerlink staff. Have you ever considered work in roads as a lollipop person as you do not have to have dealings with people in that work, though I would tend to find help that will get you over your problem. Perhaps some hypnosis as it is a deep seeded thing as far as I know. Just to end my thoughts don't worry about those silly little things like saying good thanks to a hello as I have done that so many times I cannot count them and I tend to take the piss out of myself and everyone has a good laugh. Try to look into medications for anxiety as that is such a bastard as it is part of my problem as well. Just be yourself as I know you are a great person with much intelligence and a heart of gold. So good luck my friend make the most of this year and those to come and I hope something turns for you and you find your way out of the fog. Cheers Tis
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RHP User
10 years ago
OP wrote "Introversion used to be considered a disorder and they treated people with everything from medications to shock therapy. Now they know introversion and extroversion is like left or right handed (once lefties used to be beaten for writing with their left hand" Introversion has never been considered a disorder -never! there is no basis to this statement of yours and I frankly finding it very disappointing that you are comparing introversion to mental illness or disability. Introversion is a personality trait -that is it and nothing more. Depression is a mental illness - even extrovert people deal with depression. IF you think your introversion is a disorder and therefore should be recognised a disability then I have to tell you that your thinking is way off.. As I mentioned there are plenty of job opportunities for introvert personality types - and for some of them one does not even have to leave the house - working online, working from home makes it possible. There are many scientist, IT people, even teachers who are introverts. If you -an introvert- want to get some skills and learn something new then there is the world of online learning - you don't have to go a class and "compete" with extrovert people who might better marks because they are more open to sharing their thoughts and ideas...etc... There are so many things you, an introvert, could do as a job- a call centre, data entry, typing up documents etc etc..the opportunities are endless. Yes it takes some effort but introversion is not a mental illness - painting it as such as borderline "passing the blame" and being very uninformed.. oh btw I am an introvert and left handed, yet I manage :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'KrissySYD' OP wrote "Introversion used to be considered a disorder and they treated people with everything from medications to shock therapy. Now they know introversion and extroversion is like left or right handed (once lefties used to be beaten for writing with their left hand" Introversion has never been considered a disorder -never! there is no basis to this statement of yours and I frankly finding it very disappointing that you are comparing introversion to mental illness or disability. Yes, it was considered a disorder (and still is by some). The World Health Organisation's International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems, ninth revision (ICD 9) listed Introverted Personality' and Íntroverted Disorder of Childhood', and it was very close to being included in the 5th edition of the DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual). I believe that in the OP's case, his introversion is complicated by his significant anxiety and depression and this is what is causing him the most issues. Whilst it is good to hear that you have managed to maintain employment and a fulfilling life with your introversion, it isn't very helpful to compare your situation and abilities to the OP's - or to lecture him about the types of jobs he should be able to do - when your context appears to be quite different and you know little else about him.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You still have years in ya Happy bday !! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
but introverted personality is not illness .. there is a difference between introverted personality and "Introverted Disorder of Childhood". I agree that if there are additional issues such as depression and anxiety or even agoraphobia then it is mental illness and all support available should be given. But being an introvert is not an illness or a disorder as it being left handed is not either. but I learned something new today - thank you!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Cheer up mate, l have spent the last 9 years working between Afghanistan and Africa as a medic. If you think your getting none then there are many way worse off than you.Happy birthday anyway.................
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'amilucky' Look at the fine women here, so supportive and positive. Pity I am old enough to be their father/grandfather. No joy for me, wish I had your looks and hair. Yeah ! ....... you got all that hair and your unlucky? ....lol ..... I got to the stage where it grows faster out of my ears and nose than on my head ..... ;) ( but makes unusual comb over ?)
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