RHP

RHP User

M48

50 : 50 split

April 15 2014

This weekend, we were out to dinner with some good friends and the subject of one of our mutual friends' upcoming breast augmentation came up... Things got heated, and this is why... The lady in question has no - and I mean no breasts. She has breast fed two children, but has pectoral muscle and nipples, that is it. Personally I think she is very attractive as she is, but she suffers terribly from low self esteem. She is getting implants so that for the first time in her life she will need a bra.. She is not going huge, I think a B cup is what she is after. The debate was around the following.................if she is having a boob job to boost her self esteem, will it work? Two of us (myself and the other couple's wife) believed it would help, and my wife, and the husband said no way, that self esteem is driven by more than what a person looks like. They both were of the strong opinion that she should work out her self esteem issues before having the implants.... My wife said that if you had breasts and went larger because it fitted with your large personality, then that was okay. We called time on the discussion as it got a little heated!! I would love to hear your thoughts. I don't think there is a better group of people to offer comment on this subject... Thank you all in advance.... Judge

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I can't help thinking that your wife's opinion might be different if she was the one with no breasts to speak of. Yeah sure, self esteem is something that should never originate first and foremost from looks....but let's face it, we are talking about breasts, which for most women are a major symbol of their femininity and 'womanliness'. It's one thing to have small breasts, and quite another to have none. I can empathise with this lady's decision, and I'm pretty sure that if I was in her position I would do the same thing. I think that if she isn't already receiving some counselling in regards to her self esteem issues then she would benefit from doing so, but I also don't think that in this case the self esteem issue is as black and white as it may appear on the surface.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    making me depressed just thinking about that poor woman. I have huge boobs and I know what advantages that creates for me should I choose to 'get them out' and use them. To have nothing would be very hard as a woman. I have seen a lot of women become really unhappy with their bodies after they have lost weight, and with it their boobs or they have become deflated after breastfeeding, my Nan had 2 different sized boobs!! You look at how confident women become when they loose weight, get their hair done, glam up for a night out, it does make a difference to your self esteem when you think you look good, you feel good and unfortunately there is nothing she can really do other than surgery to gain boobs.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    affect our self esteem?...Well it entirely depends on the person,if she has constantly been criticised, made to feel less than a woman,then of course her self esteem will be affected.....and then again sometimes fixing what we perceive to be the problem as in her case her breasts ,isn't necessarily going to solve the problem if there are other issues that she needs to deal with...but if this is something that she wants to do ,then she should,and be supported in that decision,not criticised yet again xx Q

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    could take forever to deal with, its a constant "work in progress" anyways......get the boobs and just keep dealing with your shit, thats what Im doing haha. As long as you know buying some tits aint gonna make your problems go away, temporarily maybe but it'll always be their til its dealth with. Mrs_AJ

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    if I could handle the pain. My self esteem is mostly fine but there are a couple of things I'm super self-conscious about. 'Tidying them up', so to speak, would definitely boost my spirits m I think it might depend on whether she has confidence in other areas of her life or whether she's has general, wide-spread, low self-esteem. Perhaps her husband might feel reassured she's doing it for the right reasons if she got independent professional advice. Just a thought. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    A long time, when in what I call BC years (before children) I was very slim but believed I was overweight and had a low self esteem. Now, AC (after children) I'm huge. My self esteem isn't better (if anything, it's worse). That's not to say her self esteem won't improve after the implants. Some have a low self esteem regardless what they look like. There's only one way to tell though, isn't there... - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I think breasts are a huge part of being a woman and we are judged on them in every way........big small perky droopy.....funny the issues they cause us. If this is her issue then yes it will help maybe make her feel amazing. She can look in the mirror and see what men desire and they will fil out her shape.

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    11 years ago

    Knowing that she feels self conscious about her small chest, some of you got carried away and the discussion got "heated" ???...... some friends. Thumbs down. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I'm hoping that the lady in question's husband is helping support her decision. As your all mutual friends your doing the same......people's needs and wants are all different as we all know. Breastfed two kids she is what she is....if her hubby supports her decision then great.....a lot of women struggle with their looks...."if I could..I'd change this...change that".....unfortunately due to the fact that they think this is what their hubby wants....when in fact nothing could be further from the truth.....our men love us just the way we are.... Really hoping the two of them have looked at the pro's and cons of same........

  • sweetgem

    sweetgem

    11 years ago

    Easier for those who have a bit of a chest (B cup) or big boobs (D and larger) to say the negative things about someone getting breast implant done, or criticise people who got it done, or plan to have it implanted! If, only if, implant was the only or last hope that the lady in question had for boosting her self esteem, then her so called friends and loved ones should support her instead of killing the hope for her! Surely this lady is old enough, as well as has consulted with various specialists before making her decision, to know the consequences that might associate with the implantation. Therefore, let her have it done and give her some confidence! - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    There have never been any negative attitudes towards her lack of breasts in her adult life. Very supportive husband, loving extended family, good group of friends..... But you never know what demons she may be battling... It seems we have similar outlooks on RHP with some of you saying that she needs to work on her self esteem outside of having her operation.... I know for a fact that she has not sought help, and that the operation may well be her first step..... A bit drastic, I know.... But as Wiccan Beltane said, there is only one way to know isn't there.. Thank you all for letting me see both sides.... Judge

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    We compare too much. We concentrate too much on what we don't have that we feel inferior for it. There goes the self esteem right there. Being happy comes from knowing that there is only one of us!! And let's face it, you lot couldn't handle two of me :p - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    As dicks and balls are to men. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Knowing that she feels self conscious about her small chest, some of you got carried away and the discussion got "heated" ???...... some friends. Thumbs down. - Posted from rhpmobile To talk about the issue, fine. But to tell this friend off for wanting to improve that one thing she is unhappy with? Seriously uncalled for. Yes, self-esteem shouldn't be based on looks, but that's not always real life. Why not make herself happy? It's not she's getting DD cups to make men like her. It's when people have a mindset of ""if I have... fixed/loose ten kilos/get botoxed to look younger" my life will be perfect and my problems will disappear. Those are the ones who set themselves up for failure. Your friend doesn't sound like that. She wants breasts, and why not? She'll have the same daily issues to deal with, but may just face them feeling a bit more more confident. I say, you go girl!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    If your wife were to have a double mastectomy with the option of a full reconstruction (implants) in the same operation, would she? Or would she decline, as having no breasts wouldn't affect her self-esteem one bit?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Concerning other people...its her body, her choice. She doesn't have to justify her decision to anyone. Will it increase the way she sees herself and her self esteem? Probably...but thats her choice not others. Sounds like she needs more supportive friends ? - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    She needs new friend implants.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Self esteem comes in many forms. I am confident, independent, happy. But after having kids and losing weight, I hate my stomach and it affects me enormously. Everyone says it's fine, you''re fit, muscular, don't stress...no guy has ever commented, but I am horribly self conscious, to the point of not baring all easily with the lights on. I've also gone from a DD to an A-B cup, and while I don't mind a small chest, not a fan of empty balloons and being face down horizontally. Thank fuck for reverse cowgirl...every woman deserves to do what they feel is right for them, and them alone. I can't run if I get a tummy tuck. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    She was not present at the dinner... It was a topic that came up due to her telling us that she was having the op when she got back off holiday... I fully support her doing it, but, as has been seen on this forum, there were differing opinions on why she was. I argued for her having it, as she is her own person, and it is her body, but just like people on here have argued for her sorting out the self esteem prior to having the operation, that was the other point of view. The discussion got heated based on our points of view, not her breast implants..... Sorry I did not make that clear. We will all absolutely support her decision.. But have differing opinions on the reasoning behind the decision...I hope this clarifies the situation somewhat.. Judge...

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    11 years ago

    thumbs

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I think she has had her children and now its time to be a little selfish. I would encourage her to do what she thinks may make her happy. Good Luck and go forward I say.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Ubthejudge76' She was not present at the dinner... (...)The discussion got heated based on our points of view, not her breast implants.....

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    And she sounds tired, but I could here a smile in her voice. We will be seeing her tomorrow as a group.. Should be exciting... The big bandaged reveal!!!! Lol!!!

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    11 years ago

    HER reason is not your reason...... The one thing you've said which I agree with is.... you will sup[port her decision. DG

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    If the lady in question announced her intentions in a matter-of-fact manner and was booked in to have it done, I would wish her well and leave it at that. If she were to ask for my opinion, I would say that I'm not a fan of cosmetic surgery (for the sake of vanity as opposed to reconstruction) and that having larger breasts would not make me think any better of her. As already mentioned, I would wonder whether he lack of self esteem actually stemmed from the appearance of her breast or whether there were a more deeply entrenched problem that would remain even after the surgery.If she were determined to have the procedure done and was happy with the rest of her appearance, all good. I wouldn't think less of her for going ahead, either.