M52

A Story to Tell

January 18 2014

This is a story that has gone on for a while, and you view on my past post. Yes I am a married man and the relationship with my wife has been a rollercoaster for 3 years now with some great parts to it and some no so great components. I have discussed with my wife many of our issues but to no avail, I get the deep feeling that she is not listening to what I am saying or is choosing to put her head in the sand. In the past 10 months she has been very absorbed in everyone else’s problems and as result has neglected her own relationship and we have drifted apart.Over the past 8 months, I have been drawn to a fellow employee it all started as idle chat, however I have become quite attracted to her both emotionally, intellectually and physically. In my last post it could have been considered it infatuation or a crush. We have had many conversations together but they have not discussed my home issues but have mentioned that I am not happy, so I have not been seeking sympathy.There have been some idle elements of flirting and banter in the workplace but it is innocent. My previous comments in a previous post were probably a bit hasty, this is more than infatuation with a work colleague, I really do care about this girl, it's not about sex. I daydream constantly about just being with her, being close and gently holding her. I imagine about a long term future together, these are true feelings I feel like my heart has been ripped out and squeezed and no wonder how complicated this situation is I really don't know what to do about. I am lost, I think she has similar feelings but is suppressing them either to protect herself and from me doing something stupid. We have nicknames for each other which are only mentioned in private. I will refer to her as H. I watch her body language I see the positive signs then she gets uncomfortable and you can see she is consciously attempting to change her composure. The past 6 weeks it has become a little more intense. I sat with her at the Xmas lunch, I was the last person to enter the room of 20 people and the only available seat was conveniently next to her, it was saved for me. I was uncomfortable for a while, trying not to show my body language and how I felt, through the whole lunch another female colleague was giving me crap about siting next her, this colleague knows the whole story as she has caught me gazing at H many times and questioned me about it. The day continued until the work lunch was officially over and 6 of us stayed and continued until late at night.It was my drinks round and I know she loves cocktail so I bought her a surprise drink which did not arrive at the table for about 5 minutes. She asked where her drink was and I said it is a surprise, I got her a cocktail with blueberry’s in it, she got all embarrassed when it arrived. She said to the group she didn't like fruit in her drink and I was disappointed, but she latter owned up to loving the drink. Later that night we were talking quietly together, I was guarded and another two workmates were talking away from us, she pulled out her perfume to reapply and I asked if I could smell it (perfume is very personal to a women) she handed it to me to smell. I smelt it but as I pulled it away from my nose she deliberately squeezed the button and sprayed it on my arm and shirt, this is not the first time. I said that last time she did it I could smell her all night while in my bed, I looked down in a panic hot was I going to get rid of the smell before going home to my wife. I asked to her stop fucking with my head, when I looked up I was greeted with wry smile, without awkwardness.Through the whole night she was always revealing her feet and lower legs to where I could see them. An hour after the perfume incident she was sitting across from me, sitting on the chair partly turned away with legs straight out resting on another chair. She was positioned deliberately so I could see right down the length of her body from her breasts to her legs to her feet, toenails painted a sexy red, she was talking to me partly over her shoulder and asked whether that gold polish would be better. I was off put so I asked if she wanted me to tell the truth or just say yes/no, her response was “tell me the truth” so I did, I said no and that the red looked good from where I was looking, she smiled over her shoulder, I then said the red was sexy and not to change it. 4 weeks later she is still wearing the red polish and has reapplied it.At the end of the night there were 3 taxis booked to take us in different directions, she caught the first then five minutes later came back to pick me and my female friend up whom I mentioned before. We dropped her off and then it was me and H on our own, I live further away than H but her house was on the way. I said that I would drop her off at her place and then continue home, but she didn't want me to drop her off, so she stayed in the taxi and was with me for the next 10 km, I asked her why is she doing this. 3 times I asked her and she responded that she wanted to see Xmas lights (I told her there were none) but continued to stay with me, each time she would answer me she looked back at me and raise her eyebrows and grin when she said it. The next day in a group discussion I mentioned the taxi, and she responded with "I didn't want you to know where I lived", but she knows where I live now (was she scoping). I am confused and dumbfounded, I was very anxious but guarded in the taxi, I wanted to tell her how I felt but held it in, I wanted to be with her all night, not sex I just wanted to be with her. I was intoxicated but in full control. On another no work related group outing when the perfume thing was done the first time, we sat across from each talking quietly, she was concerned that she smelt bad (was a long day) I said quietly in her ear, "she smelt great and looked great, let's leave it at that" she smiled and then continued to focus on how she smelt, then she started talking about sex and her sex life. The best sex she had was with somebody after 18 months of no sex, I responded with the best sex is with somebody you have an emotional connection two, and with a man who cares about you feel, the conversation continued for a half hour when I changed the subject (was she telling me something). At the end of the night I went to say goodbye, and I went to kiss her on the cheek, she got awkward so I stopped. She wasn't in control and was uncomfortable. At work one day I needed help with software, she sat with me and I moved away to give her space , I could her breathing a little out of kilter, and then she lost plot totally (I didn't do anything) but she was clearly out of kilter with slightly heavy breathing and could not string two words together.Any function together she stands or sits across from me, legs crossed tightly with foot pointing at me and her hand on inner thigh, or stand opposite me with foot in my direction with knees slightly inward (like if she is taking her knickers off). Things at home are not good, I have tried to talk to my wife about our issues we have but doesn't listen to me. The 2 nights ago she said "if you want to leave, then leave" I have mentioned this to H at weak moment, I just need to talk to her. When I mentioned about what my wife said, her face totally changed her eyes welled up and went a red colour. Why would she have this reaction.She is from another country and will have to go back to North America soon as her 457 sponsor will be no longer. She doesn't want go back, but there is no reason for her stay. I asked her the other day what she wanted to do and she had the most dramatic reaction, so I don’t what it meant, but she was upset and wanted to say something but couldn’t. I don't want her to go, but maybe it is the best thing. I am an emotional mess and very sad, confused and feel empty. I have not felt like this for over 12 years.

Comments

RHP User

11 years ago

Look's like a tome to me. And due to the length of it i'll give it a miss tyvm

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Mischeviouslad

11 years ago

Let it go. You claim to be an emotional mess....... best be rid of it. DG

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RHP User

11 years ago

Um , all I can say is be Bold and listen to what your Heart yearns for . GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

honestly.. forget the woman at work, go and get some counseling and find out what you want to do with your marriage.. if after counseling, you have to walk from your marriage, then find someone that is not going to be a total head case!

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RHP User

11 years ago

Why did you even bother to comment

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RHP User

11 years ago

I am not sure but a lot of these thoughts may all be in your mind. All these body language type scenarios you keep referring to.....and co-incindences or events ............ that she looks at you a certain way or points her toes at you or in the taxi....or even the fact that the only place to sit was next to her. I wouldnt exactly be blaming her.....you are the one with issues in your marraige and when people are lost and confused they can see things and signs that arent really there. Seek Counselling. I think you are feeling lonely this women has not said she wants to be with you......

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RHP User

11 years ago

1. I know how I feel and I know what I want, and that is something I have done a lot soul searching on. 2. I know what my heart is telling me and is not about the things that are missing in my marriage. 3. I am not stupid and I don't make things up. 4. I have not acted on anything and don't intend to. 5. When she leaves the country that will be the true test on feelings. 6. I have all to lose, she has nothing too lose. 7. I intend to save my marriage, however it does take two to want make the changes that are required.

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RHP User

11 years ago

I think that your marriage may be over but first seek professional help...you have children and so this is not just about you and your wife.....the woman at work is a distraction and someone that you can project your wants and needs onto....go carefully A and best wishes Q x

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Mischeviouslad

11 years ago

Affogato..... It is unrealistic to expect the world to agree with you.... unless, you only choose to surround yourself with sycophants who blow smoke up your butt and tell you what you want to hear..... instead of friends.

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wingman2014

11 years ago

Priorities I understand full well what you are feeling. But first things first . You need to sort out the problems in your marriage first , no matter which way it turns out you need to focus on that first to a final conclusion. Once that is settled , you then move forward without the demons in your head distracting you. Best wishes. - Posted from rhpmobile

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On_Safari

11 years ago

Perhaps you should be asking your wife with point blank honesty "Are you still "in love" with me and do you want our marriage to continue to work?" If the answer is an honest "No" then..... I guess you need to sit your colleague down and ask her bluntly if the feelings you have for her are indeed mutual. I've recently seperated, soeaking from my personal situation as it is at this very moment..... when you are vulnerable (which whilst KNOWING you are intelligent, strong and together in every other aspect) it is possible you are polarising your feelings toward this girl and her level of interest may merely be a passing thing. Yes yes her signals are unclear but do lend themselves to that of someone struggling with like emotions. Affogato you need to fulfil the task with your wife (and or counselling if she agrees) before compromising YOUR feelings further. I'm a hypocrite in this scenario because I want someone who doesn't share the same level of caring or investment in our dalliance (and rightfully so I guess). My conundrum.....I trust him and the sex is anazing but he is not as "connected" to me as I would wish for him to be not even after over a year together. It's not easy. Please be certain before you lay your heart on the table. Being second best isn't fun nor is being taken for a whirlwind ride down a dead end street even if it seems to fulfil your needs at the time. I do not envy you your conundrum ~ Indy On Safari and learning more about myself everyday xx

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NightLuva

11 years ago

that the story's so long and very rambling. No offence, but from my view it would be cowardly to secretively, seriously hook up a new partner whilst your main relationship is ongoing. And then perhaps transferring from one to the other. The decent and sensible way would be to give your marriage the consideration it deserves independent of the 'new girl'. If it is irrecoverrable, so be it - but don't link an end to your marriage with the pretty new girl waltzing by. Fact is, even if you had 100 times more of these teasing interactions with your fellow worker, it would still be just a drop compared to the history and interpersonal investment of your marriage. It would be very easy, even likely, to swap out of your marriage, hook up with the new girl and be in a bigger mess in a years time. HTH

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RHP User

11 years ago

risk taking and VERY HOT FCKN SEX... YOUR problem to me.. is that YOU may be coming out of the closet...I do not have a problem with this, and wis you well.. I would have done her in the office.. in the office toilets.. on the bosses desk.. then AGAIN in the taxi... maybe even on my neighbours front lawn, OR against my wifes car...IF there was a river nearby... I might even have wandered to it.. done the girl there.. then "FALLEN" in the river.. totaly soaked.. then gone home said I was "Pissed.. and fell in the river"Then would have done my wife..But hey.. everyone knows I am a wanker at times :)

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RHP User

11 years ago

You don't have the luxury of being selfish here. If you talk to your workmate about your feelings, it will help them to manifest, both in you and in her, and will cause you to make the decision about your marriage sooner than you want to. It will hurt her, either way, if your marriage dissolves she will feel guilt and she will have a broken man, and if this challenge proves in the end to strengthen your bond with your wife, she will be discarded and likely heartbroken. Please, for her sake, be careful with what you choose to express to her. You've already said too much (with your words and actions) and that's why you're in this predicament now. Your marriage and children, your family, deserve your attention right now. You are also responsible for teaching your children how to behave in relationships through the example you set for them and as a child of an ugly divorce I cannot understate the impact of your choices here on their ability to find successful relationships and happiness in their own futures. I honestly believe in that old saying "Sometimes love isn't enough". You also need the right time and place in your life, and that is not where you are right now, hence the internal conflict. I understand that no matter what you do or don't do you will hurt, and you are hurting, so my heartfelt advice to you is to cut your crush off, hard. Do not allow yourself to luxuriate in thoughts of her any longer, focus your mind on the most important task in your life because you need your entire brain/heart/soul/body to make or break a family. Good luck.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Affogsto this woman is a waste of time friend...This is 2014 and my advice is DON"T take shit,,,If you do then its simple you attract shit...Grow some balls and if wife is not interested then mate do something and don't cry over split milk...If there is kids involved then take things genle and in this sort of situations kids suffer more then us adults. Now for goodness sake fuck this woman off from work and concentrate on YOU buddy....If things are not working at home then get professional held and don't let some stupid dough head fuck you emotionally......All the best handsome....

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