M60

A finer line online

April 09 2014

When meeting someone new in person there are copious clues in the dating and mating ritual that are absent when chatting with someone new online e.g. body language, tone of voice, eye contact, etc. Therefore people are bound to get it wrong more often online than they would in person. By wrong I mean not coming across as themselves, and instead coming across as too pushy, or too eager, desperate, or flippant, funny at the wrong time, serious at the wrong time, not responding quickly enough, or too quickly, not picking the right time to ask for a date, asking too many times, or not enough times, etc, etc. In person these distinctions and decisions are made much more clear by a subtle or sudden shake of the head, a twitch or pout of the lips, a softening or narrowing of the eyes, speeding up or slowing down speech etc, etc. So in the absence of these clues that we as humans have spent most of our lives relying upon, I think we tend to assume a lot more online than we would in person. We are more likely to assume the worst when it was all good, and even assume the best when it was far from good. Online we take a greater risk of getting it wrong because of the very nature of the technology, which is very mature in terms of connecting us but rather immature in terms of thousands of years of traditional human communication I.e online communication relies upon typing and timing and not much more. Assumptions are generally a bad thing e.g. they can create disharmony where everyone should feel good, or come between two people that could be soulmates. What can we do to be less assumptive online? What other clues can we give each other to get it right more often? How do we help each other overcome the limitations of the current technology to get what we want more often, and piss each other off less often? Any thoughts?

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RHP User

11 years ago

Tex unfortunately due to the ratio of female/male on the website assumptions are made through - intellectually,looks,the body,oh and the profile,now as im a 40 plus guy,the body and looks are somewhat weathered ( hard life ) intellectuality- no not really im pretty much a day by day materialist who learns through previous mistakes,ah the profile- Im simplistic with values,straight and to the point,now thats the biggest fall - intrigue- it doesnt appease everyone but ! The ones it does assumptions arent there :-) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

when forming your profile. Far too many leave the option for doubt with not filling things in properly which tends to lead to assumptions, eg 'ask me' under marital status. Most will assume that someone isn't being upfront about being attached. I find a lot of guys also don't respond well, one word answers, short sentences, it doesn't show a lot of interest and when you are trying to make an impression it doesn't open the flow of conversation to get to know each other. I think a lot can be read from a persons pictures too, as they say the eyes are the windows to the soul, also other features tend to represent personality traits. I had a lady perform some psychosomatic therapy on me once and I was astounded what she knew about me without saying a word to the point that she knew something significant happened to me when I was 17 from looking at my nose?? Even just the backgrounds can be quite revealing. I think if you are serious about putting yourself out there, you will put the effort in to attract what you want and not spending the time to fill in your profile I think says a lot in itself. I am not attracted to people who do things by halves.

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RHP User

11 years ago

I think its important to use online sites as a supplement to your dating and real life. Its easier to meet couples who play online, because you know what they are after, whereas in real life how would you know? I do feel that finding genuine females to date and play is a LOT easier in real life than online - not sure why that is though In the real world there are assumptions made as well, but at least on-line it seems that people tend to be more direct and discuss issues they may never contemplate talking about face-to-face.

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madotara69

11 years ago

are much the same on-line as we are off-line, Our profile is same from the day we wrote it. We knew there would be people on-line to find the fun we want to have, meet and greets people were just people all the same. All the people we have met got on fine, some up to mischief, well all of them really The beauty of the on-line lifestyle, is that people can and have come together from all over the country, that aint so easy to do in everyday social life. Suppose the easiest thing is just being yourself, with a bit of luck someone might just like to like you. Mado Tara xx

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ruby_blossum

11 years ago

When I first started online... I would chat for a while before meeting with someone. Quickly learnt that didnt work for me. Too many unrealistic scenarios and expectations form on both sides which generally left both parties disappointed. So now, if I my interested has been sparked by our initial contact, I like to meet up before any majorpre-conceptions can be formed and see what the person is like in real life.

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RHP User

11 years ago

If someone says/types something that can be taken in two or more ways, I take the positive / humourous perspective. I can't help it if they're a pain in the arse but I can enjoy having a laugh whether they join in or not.

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RHP User

11 years ago

All of what you say is possible, but I don't think it's definite. Other scenarios and outcomes are also possible. I'm a slow burn kind of girl. It takes me time to warm up to people and to relax and reveal myself to them. It turns out online chat works for me because it allows me to learn about people and build that trust. When I meet someone after chatting online for a while I already know I genuinely like them. We already have a connection. If we're physically attracted that's a bonus, if not I have a lovely new friend. Many of them are still friends :) A quicker meet tends to be a yes/no proposition. We're attracted so we meet again, or we're not so goodbye. On principle I don't like the 'meat market' element of that, and I really don't enjoy those experiences. I'm never myself and they're doomed from the get-go. So, I like online chat :). - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'ruby_blossum' When I first started online... I would chat for a while before meeting with someone. Quickly learnt that didnt work for me. Too many unrealistic scenarios and expectations form on both sides which generally left both parties disappointed. So now, if I my interested has been sparked by our initial contact, I like to meet up before any majorpre-conceptions can be formed and see what the person is like in real life. I like to get in before the bullshit factor creeps in. And I don't like to know all their personal details beforehand either, doesn't leave much to talk about when you do meet. I like surprises :) You can read people far easier in person, body language says a lot and text can get lost in translation. I am quite sarcastic which often gets translated as people think I am either stupid or a bitch (I can be both of those at times too, lol)

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RHP User

11 years ago

I agree we all make assumptions, in person and online. I also think people can be lazy when they communicate online. It's a more challenging medium because it's missing the visual and auditory cues. For this reason, the sender needs to work a bit harder at being unambiguous and the receiver needs to work a bit harder at not making assumptions. I'm generally pretty good at reading the message behind someone's words. I'll often ask directly if I'm not certain what they mean, but I also trust my gut and it rarely lets me down. I don't think that's about making assumptions, I think it's about 'listening', clarifying, and good old intuition. For example, if it looks like flippancy, smells like flippancy and sounds like flippancy, it's probably flippancy ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Expectation. Expectations drive the assumptions that we make. Those of you who know me, and those lurkers who follow me; know that I've left this place many times. My own expectations, that my posts here, and my profile - which I think is not only funny, but shows depth and intelligence - are enough to drive enough attraction to be contacted as much as I would contact others. But it's not. My own even worse expectation, was that if we(a potential playmate and I) got along, then we would meet, and shag like two nymphomaniac teens trying to set the world record for quality and quantity of orgasms. But it doesn't work that way. You need to be sure of yourself, have EVERY aspect of your life together, and be able to read people. Which brings me to my last expectation. My most fatal expectation, was and still is to a degree, that if my profile and my posts here, catch someone's attention, that they'll make themselves known. Once again....WRONG. The ladies of the forums have said many times before. "It's a mans job to contact us." There are of course stigmas attached to them being any other way, but I remain adamant; I'm no mind reader, and given flirts are free, there's honestly no stopping them from making it known, and THEN; THE MAN will message. There are however expectations that are fair and reasonable. The expectation of respect. The expectation of integrity. The expectation of honesty, no matter how much it puts people off side. But more importantly, honesty unto ourselves. So I think that it's not as much assumptions that kill us on these sites, but our own minds and lonely hearts that are own worst enemy. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Our own worst enemy. :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

I am meeting someone new on Friday. I am not anymore scared or shy or shaky. Maybe t comes from dealing with so many people? Yes I have not only spoken with him on the phone since Saturday we also have messaged....which have been funny, sex and very brave sensual sexy messages indeed Yes there is a big amount of pre...hornyness which could be deminished by meeting in person. Still I believe I can hear and sense enough to make this meeting easy. I know will have at least a great time sitting and conversing to a very fine man. And this thinking is what gives me confidence in anything what will happen. I can only talk about myself, and meeting a new person is always exciting, so when I am not expectation anything, nothing can be disappointing.:) Should the attraction for sex not be there, this doesn’t make any dent's into my believe I med a beautiful man. I know I will laugh and giggle allot. Call me naive...but I think I am not in the least wrong with my assumption. Maybe I should write back after the weekend. Yes there are the once who say they will be meeting and then never show....even should this happen I am still ahead because I am so much more confident in meeting men than ever before in my life.

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A finer line online

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