RHP

RHP User

F35

A woman's touch

October 27 2012

How does a woman ask out another woman in public?Having been straight for most of my life, I can easily pick up the signals from a guy out and about - at a nightclub, or in a store browsing - and gauge his level of interest. However since becoming bisexual, I can't help but notice all the delectable specimens around in my day-to-day life (a particular saleslady at my favourite lingerie joint, the beauty therapist I see once a month) and idly wonder if they bat at least halfway for their home team. I've found that men are much more blatantly obvious when flirting. I find with many women that it's in their nature to be flirtatious, even when it's just being friendly. Whereas before I would have brushed it off as just a bit of 'girly-chat' and 'girly-touch-and-feel', I'm now confused and aggravated, but not wanting to make a move if it turns out that I completely got the wrong message! And yes, guys, I totally understand your pain now :/Tips for one woman to approach another - where, how, what to say, do? Do we women give off subtle signs when we're interested in someone?

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Then wax lyrical about signals and stuff... But you'd slap me.. And notice me terrible spelling (how embarrassing)..But actually I'm interested to see what gets said here..

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    A woman has to basically hit me on the head with a club for me to realise she's interested!! Men are so much easier to gauge...Only thing I can offer up is perhaps the overly long hand touching your leg and the talk about what is it about women you like..Ive had two friends who've sworn they are not bi go in for the pash and feel up of me...I was like WTF??....then just went with the flow lol..who am I to stop them...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    The easiest way is to embellish on some normal day activites that you share with your vanilla girlfriends. If your trying to subtly let the other girl know you are bi. If she picks up and runs with what you are saying then you can build from there. Like if you said " God I was soo drunk at a party I kissed girl" and she responded "How did you like it?" Ide take that as a positive note. Note, you only kissed your friend as a normal hello kiss between friends.   But mees with Miss Staurn. When a girl just grabs me and kisses me....

  • flimac

    flimac

    12 years ago

    I have the same issues, what a shame you are in Sydney we could go girl hunting together!

  • Splicey

    Splicey

    12 years ago

    I love hearing from her man 'when she gets drunk she's known to play with the girls' because I know I'm pretty much guaranteed a good night :DMrsSplicey

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Welcome to a mans world :p

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Amuse_bouche, I feel with you! I've got exactly the same problem.... I just don't know when it's just girly friendliness and when it's flirting.... Men are so much easier to flirt with haha Surely someone must have an idea...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Oh LRE, you know I'd never slap you! Lay about you with a wooden spoon, maybe ;)Hardtruckin - all I can say is, thank god I'm not a lesbian! :PSaturn - funny how that happens, isn't it? Many girls declare they aren't in any way bi, but then after a few drinks...Europian - that's a fabulous idea, which I definitely will try! Thank you :)I remember the one incident that had me the most confused was a month or so ago when I had some sexy (lingerie) shots taken at a photography studio (known for their glamour, nude, and maternity photography).The photographer was a very attractive and very pregnant lady and we got along fabulously during the shoot, a sassy flirt here and there, her telling me to 'give a little more' for the camera and me reciprocating with a laugh, her fixing my twisted suspender, etc. It was at the end of the session when my time slot was up that she came very close to me, put a hand on my shoulder and asked if there was anything else she could do for me. I've never been so confused in my life..!! :(

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    So long as I can lick the mix off first..Why does raw cake taste so good when you are a child??

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    What you should have said was. "Yes there is please ask my inhibitions and nerves to wait outside".Happy to ride shotgun when needed.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Flimac & awesomedebs - even when it's full-on flirting I still can't tell! I have a lesbian friend who has always felt me up and made sleazy comments... but that's just who she is and she does it to everyone. Then she admitted to me last year that she has a crush on me and I had the shock of my life! I felt like such a doofus haha. Splicey - I'm generally not a fan of girls who will only make out with other girls when they're drunk. To me it's more of a show for the guys in that case or simply 'having fun', rather than genuinely fulfilling a side of you; hence why I don't look for girls on the bar scene. I've visited the gay bar scene in Sydney with some friends and none of the full lesbian girls are my type at all... Maybe I just lust after the (more than likely) straight girls because I know I (probably) can't have them! :/

  • flimac

    flimac

    12 years ago

    I go gay clubbing all the time (I seem to be collecting gay males....) and I am much more inclined to go for the less ummm gay girls? But I also am looking only to fulfill a certain need, a lot of the girls there are looking for relationships with full blown lesbians - which I am not at all, I still like a man around :) and that makes them turned off me. I cant win! lol

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    We have never met a woman in public and progressed from there. Too much of a mine field.That's what RHP is for. You know up front if a woman is that way inclined so it avoids embarrassing moments.And all I can say is it's shame you're a little below our age bracket. ;)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    When I was young, I had no idea at all how to read woman. I would scan the room at a club and just zero in on the girl I found most attractive. When knocked back by her, I'd go to the next most attractive and so on. If I didn't get lucky on the first two or three goes, my behaviour would usually have been noticed by the other girls . I would look desperate to them and stood no chance at all. I was kind of a pretty boy when younger (sad what age does to a person) so I often got away with it but since, as I said, I knew nothing about women, I wasn't able to hold their interest once I had gotten their attention. I was a late bloomer. When I turned thirty, I became disillusioned with life and developed a "who gives a fuck" attitude. Amazingly, this is what a lot of women respond to. They want a bad boy. I think it's the challenge of taming him. Anyway, the secret for me was to never pick up a woman. I'd allow them to pick me up. Flirt wickedly and shamelessly with every attractive female that pays you some attention, let them see you doing the same with other women and then wait to see which are interested enough to make the move themselves. I was actually knocking some back as I didn't have time for all of them and I was selective. I preferred bored house wives as there were fewer chances of complications setting in. Everyone knew where they stood. So, why do good girls like bad boys? Buggered if I know but I'm awfully glad they do. So there you have it, Amouse_bouche, you could behave seductive and provocative and completely open about your bisexuality or you can stick with RHP. Do you really need the triumph of a public hook up?

  • katie_q

    katie_q

    12 years ago

    a-b, i have that problem all the time!! i go clubbing with my gay girlfriends quite a lot, and when you appear femme, the more butch types think you're straight and won't have anything to do with you anyway, it seems. then there are the other femme types who catches your eye, and you spend all night wondering if she'll be interested...i guess at least going to the usual haunts - newtown, oxford st, will at least make it a little easier. you'd at least hope they or their friends who dragged them to go clubbing in a lesbian club would be our way inclined.and if all that fails, there's always the crowded dancefloor scenario, where you're almost guaranteed to be grinding up against a girl at some stage if you're at the above clubbing...and if the attraction's mutual, the grinding soon turns into a little more... ;) good luck!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    LRE - speak for yourself, I still love raw cookie dough ;) Probably because you learn of the hazards of uncooked egg when you become an adult...Triunity - agreed that RHP helps to avoid potential social awkwardness, but slim pickings on here. And shame you're out of my age range too!Jensman - your comment actually reminded me of the scenario in the movie A Beautiful Mind, the scene that I found the funniest. To summarise, he (Russell Crowe's character) theorised that if a group of guys were to all zero in on a group of girl's most attractive female, they would all lose as the girl would reject them, and then when they turn to the attractive girl's friends, they would also be rejected as no girl likes to be considered second best. ....However, if the guys only focused their attentions directly on the attractive girl's friends, they would have a better chance of hooking up. I can't say it's so much the 'triumph' of a public hookup, although I suppose there certainly is an element of it as you've relied on your charisma and in-person seduction techniques as opposed to negotiating a meet online. While there is the challenge of it that greatly appeals to me, it is predominantly because, as I say above, RHP has slim pickings.Katie_q - the difficult thing about gay bars is that so many straight girls go with their friends (I used to be one)! Although funnily enough I tend to get the attention of more girls on the dancefloor at notorious straight bars in the central CBD rather than on Oxford Street; just totally doesn't make any sense.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    a long, long, long time ago I read Allan Pease's book on body language, it's helped a little. but for the most part i'm like most guys clueless.cheersa

  • cougar4fun

    cougar4fun

    12 years ago

    I have been hit on by women in pubs etc quite a bit (don't ask me why), but I find the first thing they do is comment on what you are wearing.....if I give them a positive response and engage with them verbally, they seem to take that as a cue to comment on me personally.....then it goes from there.   For example the last chick told me I was wearing the most awesome boots...we chatted for a bit and then she just randomly told me she thought I was georgous.....when she got a positive response, she did some dirty dancingwith me for a bit.....then kissed me.   I had one woman tell me I was georgous and ask me if she could kiss me straight up and that worked too....but could be a recipie for a slap in the face as well.....   So my thoughts would be start small and see if you get a positive reaction as you get more and more personal with a female.....just keep testing the water...if she backs off or gives you a "what the hell" look, back off, otherwise go for it!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'triunity' We have never met a woman in public and progressed from there. Too much of a mine field.That's what RHP is for. You know up front if a woman is that way inclined so it avoids embarrassing moments.And all I can say is it's shame you're a little below our age bracket. ;) The shame is your stuck in it !

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Shame on you ladies. I have no sympathy for any of you. Its like my daddy always used to say.... Man up and grow a pair!

  • rk5tar

    rk5tar

    12 years ago

    Aww Nick, didn't you know us ladies have a pair so big they had to be put on our chest???Back to the topic.... I have found this thread really interesting. Having been in a committed relationship for 17 years, looking for a lady friend is like starting all over again. It's not been completely fruitless, I've had a few women. But the ones Ive had, have had "issues". Including one who I met through a friend, she was a full lesbian, and because we already knew each other, I thought it would be easy to grasp that I wasn't going to leave my husband for her. Apparently she thought otherwise, and it got quite messy and as though I was trying to maintain two "relationships". I've decided on no more Lesbians or "referrals" through friends Thanks to all those who have had input into this thread, it has given me some ideas to follow.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    But Nick_Wilde... We already have a pair... And mine are bigger than yours :p

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Pfft I got no freakin idea about women's signals, a woman needs to jump me for me to get the hint! Either that or I get genuine friendliness confused with "how about it"

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    amuse_bouche- You're words express my feelings to the tee!I am ablivious to the female flirts and am utterly confused when my partner mentions "she is totally into u!" He can read the signs so y cant I??U can get all soughts of male signals and 9/10 you can pick em!! Quite obvious! No offense insinuated tho! Some flirty moves/words can benefit both parties! After all the chase is quite a turn on!!EuropianBliss such simple play with words can get to the comfort zone.. Thanx EuropianBliss.. you're comment is soooo obvious. "Breath of fresh air with that info and yet so simple!"

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    my friends bailed early in the night, I looked fucking amazing and wasn't leaving without having some fun :)   I saw a young lass, about 20yo, sitting by herself too, so I ventured over with my G&T and plonked down right next to her. I told her my friends had left, she said hers were somewhere out there with a dismissive wave of her hand towards the DF. We sat and chatted for a while. Got another drink, etc etc. I asked her if she wanted to have a dance and see if we could find her friends. Obliging me, we walked to the DF, she grabbed my hand and I knew it was on!   We hit the DF and with both our hands entwined she pulled me in and kissed me. Dirty grinding followed, as did the piggish boys who thought it was a show for them. I looked up at one, gave him the filthiest look I could muster in my very aroused state and said to him "does it look like we are doing this for you?!" - to which he visibly shrunk on the spot and moved away. Our dresses were rising because of the grinding and thrusting onto each other's legs, in her case nearly up to her waist and I figured we should DEFINITELY go sit back down in a booth. Get to the booth, she pushes me on the seat and straddles me and goes in for the kill   Didn't get her number but holy shit I got dripping wet panties and a strong desire to go home and flatten every battery powered toy in the naughty draw...   Oh to answer your question Miss Bouche, I had NO idea she wanted to play until she grabbed my hand. There was, from hazy memory, some coyness and a few leg touches here and there; but I am naturally a touchy feely person and very flirty so I thought nothing of it. I will quite often comment on a hot girls dress or top, jewellery, hair etc; send a compliment their way and gauge their response... hit and miss mostly. Good luck and have fun with this one when you are out :)   HB xo

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Girls are touchy feely and sometimes you wouldnt know, well I wouldnt I used to have a very hot female rep that all the boys wanted but I would say to them I thinks she hot for me she keeps touching me all the time....that was fun teasing the boys with that. Turned out she was straightThen the other night a friend of a friend who I totally assume to be very straight says to me my goodnes you have such big tits and I said yes and the boys love them.....she then wanted to know what they did with them....lol....I said exactly what they do with yours lick suck touch....mmmmm

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I think I've just lost about 10,000 brain cells picturing your scenario in my head...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Oh I forgot to say she had a pretty good feel of them too

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Im very shy which doesn't seem to help Have gone to 1 or 2 gay clubs in Sydney but didn't have much luck there :-/ Hmmm maybe it's me but I just don't know how to go about letting a girl know I'm into her let alone if she plays on both teams???? ARGHHHHH there needs to be a nice big bi club for us girls then it takes all the guess work out on who they play for lol Ahhh a bi girl can dream can't she?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I need to go to that club :-p

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'amuse_bouche'I think I've just lost about 10,000 brain cells picturing your scenario in my head... And I'll take you there!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'friskyfun2012'I need to go to that club :-p The more the merrier!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    You could buy honeybee a ticket to Sydney and get her to take you out on the town for some tips?Better still you should all come to Perth, It's pride week here and I'm sure you babes would all do very well.I'll be thinking of you... ~smiles~

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Very interesting post Amuse, just to add my thoughts..perhaps you are over thinking this? Maybe the next time your interest or curiosity is piqued you should simply approach her and be more direct. Ask a few more probing questions; I am sure that if nothing eventuates she will be extremely flattered..and..if something happens, happy days ;-)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'LittleRedEngine'You could buy honeybee a ticket to Sydney and get her to take you out on the town for some tips?Better still you should all come to Perth, It's pride week here and I'm sure you babes would all do very well.I'll be thinking of you... ~smiles~ I think this could work *strokes chin*

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'LittleRedEngine' You could buy honeybee a ticket to Sydney and get her to take you out on the town for some tips? If I get the gorgeous Honeybee a ticket to Sydney, LRE... it wouldn't be to take her out around town ;)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'LittleRedEngine' You could buy honeybee a ticket to Sydney and get her to take you out on the town for some tips? If I get the gorgeous Honeybee a ticket to Sydney, LRE... it wouldn't be to take her out around town ;)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'amuse_bouche' Quoting 'LittleRedEngine' You could buy honeybee a ticket to Sydney and get her to take you out on the town for some tips? If I get the gorgeous Honeybee a ticket to Sydney, LRE... it wouldn't be to take her out around town ;) Teehee! Although there is this uber cute cocktail bar I want to go to again...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Lotus lounge does freakin awesome mojitos!!!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    So important, it needed to be said twice ~laughs~Actually now I think about it, you two holding hands gives me butterflies..~goes out to shed to look for lepidoptera net~

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Oh shush you, LRE. I can't help it if my mouse-clicking was more enthusiastic than was appropriate :p Tortured cliche - give La Bodeguita del Medio a go - best $10 mojitos I've ever tasted!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Straight,Bi,Gay-we are such confused bunnies aren't we? I could go on about how genetically small the differnce betwen male and female is,we all have vestigal bits of the other sex. And all the 50 shades of grey inbetween. However,MEN and WOMEN is a social and intellectual construct that is a world of difference-and pain quite often- when people start to believe there own illusion is reality.. So many sterotypes to be knocked off the shelf here..

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    From my experience and the things mentioned earlier in the discussion I think it’s about putting out small signals that get larger with positive reactions/ responses. However ultimately like everything sometimes you have to be assertive and clear as daunting as that is. I was once waiting in a line at bar for a drink and a girl behind me brushed my ass with her hand and apologised I laughed and told her not to worry, she did it again and me being shy and sometimes thick lol I told her not to worry and that it was a squishy line. The next time she did it she leaned into me and whispered “Just quietly it wasn't an accident" and proceeded to tell me she adored my tits. Only then did I realise she was interested and that i was either too modest or daft to see that this gorgeous girl was interested in me.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    My GF and I can certainly draw a bit of attention with our dancing. Gawd we practically have sex on the dance floor with all that caressing and kissing. Lucky for me she is straight. Many a time Ive ended up in the ladies cubicle with a girl who has joined us for a dance.

  • katie_q

    katie_q

    12 years ago

    @europianbliss, i've been kicked out of a club for spending too long in the cubicle with the 1 girl...but 2??! ;)

  • katie_q

    katie_q

    12 years ago

    wait, i just re-read that. you've got one heck of a wingwoman then, europianbliss!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I sent you a pm. Had a great idea

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'katie_q'wait, i just re-read that. you've got one heck of a wingwoman then, europianbliss!! Care to join us for a night of dancing. We can always look for a third to join us in the cubicle.

  • katie_q

    katie_q

    12 years ago

    yes, yes, and oh god yes! ;) i notice you're on your way to sydney...i reckon i can show you a few dancefloors which would be rather welcome to some out-of-towners ;) message me!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'katie_q'yes, yes, and oh god yes! ;) i notice you're on your way to sydney...i reckon i can show you a few dancefloors which would be rather welcome to some out-of-towners ;) message me! Mesage sent.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I'm also in a similar situation. I don't have a problem approaching girls and telling them I like what they are wearing or complimenting them but I have trouble judging their responses. Most women are friendly in general so I find it hard to tell if they're interested or not.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    We love to play with girls and my hubby is always trying to encourage me to pick up a girl when we go out but it is the same thing, I have a really difficult time gauging if a woman is interested, and then on top of that if she is interested in not only me but my hubby as well. When we have ended up hooking up with someone we know or meet out it has usually been helped along by drinks, and actually a lot of the same things I would do with a man, flirty touching, maybe hugging or playing with her hair, little things that if she isn't into it are subtle enough to be brushed off as drunken friendliness. A lot of the time that goes nowhere, but still ends up being a fun night, and once in a while it does go somewhere and that ends up being a VERY fun evening.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Wow, your story makes me want to go to my to goodie drawer right now! Do let me know the next time you're in Sydney. We seem to have some male RHP friends in common, whom I'm sure would love to join us!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Am bi and adore being bi xx I must have my blinkers on because i seem to b naive wen it comes to female come-on's too. I liked EuropianBliss's comment so simple yet an opening line "hav u tried kissing a girl?"! Defiantly worth trying :) Mind u.. went to the pub recently and finally got a obvious flirt! She looked at me with that seductive flirtatious look and omg wat a hottie too!!!! A bit later she enticed me with her come here finger! Well, wat do u think i did?Funny thing is... I read this subject b4 that nite and thought, blow this beating around the bush thing but because she was more than obvious i grew a couple and straight out asked her if she was looking for fem company! etc etc...Other than that my man tells me wen im getting hit on! Wat tha??? Can b frustrating!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Think of it this way. Even if you're not interested in someone, but they come onto you, in most cases it's flattering, yes? Be blunt! Be bold! Worst years of my life were the "what if?" years. What if I get rejected? What if they don't like/want me? Well, shit, what do you lose by asking? And what do you potentially gain by trying? Best night of my life was a competition with a male friend of mine. "How many boobs can you grope before the new year?" (NYE obviously) I won. Why? Because I'd walk up to the pretty girls and say "you have beautiful breasts, may I?" And gesticulate. Hell, it worked 14 times. That night! And I'm quite sure that if I wasn't determined to jump a particular person that night, I could have set up one helluva girl party 0.o Confidence is your friend, and the knowledge that it is better to try and fail, than never try.

  • not2bz4uqt

    not2bz4uqt

    12 years ago

    Don't you have women's intuition for all that?Its all in the touch, not too hard, not too soft. Be observant and it becomes fairly easy to see the signs and then its all a matter of timing

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'SilkenWhisper' Think of it this way. Even if you're not interested in someone, but they come onto you, in most cases it's flattering, yes? Be blunt! Be bold! Worst years of my life were the "what if?" years. What if I get rejected? What if they don't like/want me? Well, shit, what do you lose by asking? And what do you potentially gain by trying? Best night of my life was a competition with a male friend of mine. "How many boobs can you grope before the new year?" (NYE obviously) I won. Why? Because I'd walk up to the pretty girls and say "you have beautiful breasts, may I?" And gesticulate. Hell, it worked 14 times. That night! And I'm quite sure that if I wasn't determined to jump a particular person that night, I could have set up one helluva girl party 0.o Confidence is your friend, and the knowledge that it is better to try and fail, than never try. I have never had a prob flirting with men but my confidence seems very unsure/shaken with us women as we tend to be alot more picky........or is that just me too???I am yet to go to a nice G/L/B bar in sydney :-/

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    msrnk still hasnt found herself a playmate... perhaps we aren't looking hard enough or cant read the signals (or perth just sucks :/) aside from confidence and you have nice tits, are there any other good convo starters to use when out and about? Like not particularly at a club but maybe a restaurant, shop, random bump etc. or is it just shooting in the dark without a social lubricant like alcohol?is she expecting a bit much wanting to kinda get to know the person a little first / gauge them in person before getting down and dirty (even just a drink or 2 seems to be a lot to ask for a meet :S)?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Mrs Rainbow dolphin says “if you feel her arse (while complimenting her outfit) and she doesn’t complain and if you are lucky she moves closer”. Mr Dolphin will tell you it just isn’t fair, she can feel a girls arse and when the girl turns around she looks all innocent “its ok its just me J” she says and gets away with it. Like us guys would ever have even half a chance.