F37
Abstinence
May 20 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think it will be a very individual thing... I was abstinent for 17 years by choice.. I focused on being a mum.. it was choice, it did get easier, but I did find that I was too tense and serious all the time.. maybe you dont need abstinence, but change the boundaries for yourself..
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Violetincredible
11 years ago
I am not a nice person when I don't have sex.. I get grumpy, moody and short tempered and struggle to be creative and think flexibly.. Sex is really important to me. I find when sexy things are the cause of my problems it's the way I'm looking at them not them in themselves that is the fundamental problem. I hope this helps lovely. Xxxxxviolet
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RHP User
11 years ago
Ever since i joined RHP i have been Abstinent ! Sometimes its good to have a break,it puts life into perspective.Sex can sometimes run your life..if you go cold turkey you grapple parts of your life back And can sometimes feel empowered Good luck
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RHP User
11 years ago
for 3 yrs in a long distance relationship, worst decision ever! I was missing out in the prime of my life. I have had similar thoughts lately though simply because the sex has been terrible mostly. Feel like I am chasing my tail looking for something that doesn't exist. I am highly sexually charged but my vibrator makes more of an effort than most guys so might have to stick with that for a bit.
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JessicaRabbit
11 years ago
Tension and seriousness can be relieved solo though without the headaches that sexual relationships seem to cause. Even those that are supposed to be 'casual.' Seems to be something not a lot of people are capable of. Violet, I don't like that my mood is so ruled by how well my sex life is going and feel like if I took that out of the equation maybe i'd re-learn how to be happy without relying on sex as a source of happiness. LOL Kizza, abstinent by choice or...? Ralf, it's not that it's been terrible, but I can related with chasing my tail looking for something that doesn't exist.
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RHP User
11 years ago
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RHP User
11 years ago
I haven't been with someone for quite sometime and that sure isn't by choice. While having sex would sure make me feel better I don't consider it to rule my mood. For me having the company is more what makes me happy than the sex itself. Sex is the bonus. Having someone to hold, kiss, cuddle is a lot more positive influence on me. To not have company does make me feel lonely however and dampens the mood when I come to that point where I realise there isn't someone there
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think it's cleansing for your soul to take ownership of your body from time to time. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'JessicaRabbit' Tension and seriousness can be relieved solo though without the headaches that sexual relationships seem to cause. Even those that are supposed to be 'casual.' Seems to be something not a lot of people are capable of. Violet, I don't like that my mood is so ruled by how well my sex life is going and feel like if I took that out of the equation maybe i'd re-learn how to be happy without relying on sex as a source of happiness. LOL Kizza, abstinent by choice or...? Ralf, it's not that it's been terrible, but I can related with chasing my tail looking for something that doesn't exist. agree lol its just not quite the same tho lol
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Violetincredible
11 years ago
Runawayandjointhecircus... I have met guys who end up only being able to cum through their hand because they have isolated their sexual activity to themselves too long be careful!! I think the problem is meeting/finding people you can have casual sex with who will accept it for what it is and not load their insecurities on you...if everything after the sex/fuck/shag was as positive as the sex was there would be no problems :)) Xxviolet
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
I suspect that one is going to get the biggest run in here. DG
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
I have many times, some by choice and some not....they would range in times from 2 years to 2 months and every thing in between.....💋
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am quite happy to abstain. Chemistry is important and a good understanding of each other makes the encounter more enjoyable rather than -he/she will do.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
I think it's such a great feeling of empowerment. Sometimes I get intolerant with all the bullshit that goes with having and wanting sex, that I go fuck it! I'd rather go with out then deal with all the crap that goes with, myself. Don't get me wrong I love and adore sex but sometimes I just want to be without it for a while, with out all the crap! Without all the organizing, without all the planning..my time is too precious to waste it, when I could be doing other things besides being with a man just for sex. If I want it I could have it any time of the day, but sometimes I choose not to other times I want it...like badly! If that makes sense. I also believe people use sex to fill a void other than finding their-self or are afraid to spend time alone with their self. It's scary for some if they have never spent time alone with their self. Jessica you do what ever you want to do..it's your choice. If people look at you with disgusts looks and comments, well it's their problem not yours. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'arkangel1978' I haven't been with someone for quite sometime and that sure isn't by choice. While having sex would sure make me feel better I don't consider it to rule my mood. For me having the company is more what makes me happy than the sex itself. Sex is the bonus. Having someone to hold, kiss, cuddle is a lot more positive influence on me. To not have company does make me feel lonely however and dampens the mood when I come to that point where I realise there isn't someone there Its been 9 month since the last time I had sex. 4 of those have been by choice, not because there hasn't been any one. Just not any one I like enough to go down that road. Gee arkangle what you have said is almost exactly how I feel. The company of a great woman that you have a lot in common with is much more satisfying. The sex is the bonus I guess the type of woman I'm looking for is my elusive unicorn. I rather go without than to have dissatisfying sex with some one.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You know what is best for you and sex is highly overrated,if that is all it is.Yes the chemical cocktail of endorphins,seratonins blah, blah,will make you feel happy,but it is empty.....so Jessica if it feels right take a break,it's good for the soul and the body.....but nature abhors a vacuum so find something,perhaps yoga ?,that will help you refocus...hugs xx Q
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Violetincredible' Runawayandjointhecircus... I have met guys who end up only being able to cum through their hand because they have isolated their sexual activity to themselves too long be careful!! I think the problem is meeting/finding people you can have casual sex with who will accept it for what it is and not load their insecurities on you...if everything after the sex/fuck/shag was as positive as the sex was there would be no problems :)) Xxviolet I think I may need to lower my standards a little and get my ass into gear I need divorce Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters. hey Jessica looked at your profile wish you were my unicorn that body of yours is awesome typical though your on the other side of the country not that I'd have any chance.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't think that celibacy for a person who is essentially sexual is healthy; mentally or physically.Non-sexual people may have a different response. I have had periods when this has been externally enforced (it is really ladies choice) and I believe it diminishes you. It also puts you in an invidious position: do you end up trying to have just "any" sex (which can be very pedestrian) and somewhat disingenuous in that the person you are with isn't really valued? I do subscribe to the idea that when you have good sex, you want to have it more frequently.It is also not *just* about copulation, its also the lack of touch, being held, sensuality, companionship. I good FWB or FB is more than just a "root," but short of the Full Monty
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tamworthguy46
11 years ago
Easter was my last time, usually at the 4 week mark I'm getting a bit toey though ! It was 4 months before that. and I sort had some family things going on during that time so it didn't really worry me..... plus I don't mind waiting for something special and Intimate to come my way !
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erotictouch4u
11 years ago
All the way until my early 30's I abstained while concentrating on uni studies and career, not even bothering with girlfriends or sex.Then again about 6 yrs ago for a 3yr period because the abusive attitude of the wife every day did not make me feel like it. Then I found a kindred spirit in a lovely lady with the same marital problems and we became FWBsSex is not everything and when needed, pouring all your emotions and energy into a career can be very rewarding.ET xox
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have done it.... not exactly by choice but I did consciously think to focus on having time to heal after a relationship. That said, I didn't exactly get any offers in that timw so that's what I mean about not making that choice. I used the time for self development and it was overal a period of pospositivity and change. By the time it broke (about 18 months) I was well and truly ready though! Good luck with your current predicament. Jay. - Posted from rhpmobile
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davidex46x
11 years ago
I got to the point where it was kind of ruling my life and as a consequence I was always looking for causal encounters which can be good at times but if that's what you get all the time it can become quite boring too. Plus I wasn't enjoying it as much as I used to for a number of reasons, so I decided to have a break from it for a while and it worked out really well for me. I guess one tend to go for quality rather than quantity as you grow older. My two cents worth. xx PS I agree with you re "Tension and seriousness can be relieved solo though without the headaches that sexual relationships seem to cause" No one knows your body as well well as you do :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Lol. I am one of those people that the less I get, the less I think about it. May take you awhile to get there but it may happen to you too JR. Good luck. xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sex is a priority in my life but some times there are higher priorities. Last year I had to put sex on the backburner for 6 months so I could get work and home in order. I had 99 problems but sex wasn't one. Once I got back on an even keel then I was back in the game, but you can't let sex rule your life and (temporary) abstinence is a great way to exercise some self control over where you are headed. It also feels amazing the first time after a break.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'RunAwayJoinCircz' I did well from 13 onwards, was rich, good-looking, had places to stay.... In my 20s I had loads of money and loads of drugs and incredible loads of sex. At the end of my 20's I decided to abstain from drugs, sex, human company....I became a hermit for three years. I did extensive therapy while also studying philosophy and spirituality, practiced meditation. In the past two years I've only had two brief sexual affairs (very intense but brief). So for a decent-looking fit and talented guy I guess some would see that as going to waste, i see It as 'been there done that, want something more'. And the fact Is fucking Is all well and good but i need a sexual-mind that Is somewhere on my wavelength, and they're few and far between I can tell ya, otherwise It's all just masturbation.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Its about finding that balance in your life. Its about finding just the right amount of sensuality and its about getting back your woman's/ man power. I went without for three years at a stretch , did I miss sex no, not really as I had not had a really hot time of it with sex. Like one put it I was pounded on for a long time. I was like a kid in a candy shop when I realised you can actually use this as a way to get laid. I have had some amazing sexual rides and now down to no sex, and its my choice. As my life is taking a different turn. Your young , exquisitely beautiful , warm articulate and smart. get of RHP and go out there and enjoy all that life can offer,yoga can help. Its about the energy that you can generate to kick in those feel good endorphins sex can either build you up or exhaust you to the point it becomes a chore. LadyT taking a break herself
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lovman8
11 years ago
The trouble with sex is that its complex. It has strong and powerful emotional and physical effects on us humans and we overlay it with all sorts of meanings and games and expectations. I think the trick is to be honest with yourself about what you want out of sex, and then decide how to go about. Be aware if you fucking because you're lonely, or looking for physical release or looking for love etc. and then decide to fuck or not to fuck with a clear perspective on what you're doing. Abstinence may be a way to become clear about what you are looking for from a fuck. And wanking does provide orgasms ( usually more quickly than training another operator) if physical relief is all you are after. PS Meeka .....deserts are my favourite place to be!
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RHP User
11 years ago
How ironic... so does anyone on this sex site have sex orrr.....?
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JessicaRabbit
11 years ago
So those that have done it by choice seem to have had positive experiences with it. RunAwayJoinCrcz,"Dinner / Movie / Fuck, why is that so hard for people?" Is a question I constantly ask myself and come up with nothing - baffles me and it's very frustrating. Violet, your comment about people accepting it for what it is - Hit the nail on the head. LadyT, thanks so much for the advice and the lovely compliments. Whilst I don't think i'll ever get off RHP completely, I might just lock my inbox and update my profile to one of those dreaded (by some) 'I'm only here for the forums' profiles haha. Gotta say though, I feel silly doing Yoga but maybe I'll just focus on hitting the gym even harder than I do currently, that's a great stress release! Or find another hobby besides sex. At least then I won't umm and ahh trying to come up with a PG answer when people ask me what I like to do in my spare time or what my hobbies are
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madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'RunAwayJoinCircz' That's it, all the good ones are in WA, I'm moving...... If i start walking now......feb? If you jog. he he.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well, sex therapists tend to say that if you are thinking there is something wrong in your sex life, it is probably true.... One of the questions you might ask yourself is : is my sexual behaviour impacting negatively on my life, or stopping me from leadig the lifestyle I want to lead? If the answer is yes, then you need to change something, and from your post, it looks like you are reqdy to do so.... It is absolutely true that the "urges" will diminish as you go, you need to give your body time to snap out of the cycle... Like when one quits smoking, sugar, caffeine etc.... If you are neck deep ibto an addictive sexual behaviour, it will take some time.... Just make sure that in the meanwhile you surround yourself with good friends, or past FB, who are now also good friends... Beig able to talk or share this process will help I guess... and as someone suggested, this will be a time where u will need to be reassured, cuddled, and feel valued even by affectionate physical touch by someone trusted, someone who will not try to screw you just cause yoi are hot and vulnerable... Good luck... We can chat further if you like :-)... (I believe we have an aquantance in common)... ;-) E
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MsJonesy
11 years ago
I go through periods where there are glorious times in my life, where the whispers of passion and lust are consuming and sublime. And there is periods of quietness and rest which are cathartic and quite necessary... The mix is all quite fine by me. Circus, send me some of that 'Dinner / Movie / Fuck' ... I'm always fond of a slice of that pie
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RHP User
11 years ago
Say it ain't so!, what will those of us whom live vicariously through the antics of hotties such as your yummy self do should you follow through with said lunacy? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just to clarify... On the contrary... I think it is difficult to admit to oneself that there is "a problem" in an area of one's life... So good on you for having the strength to look in the mirror and being honest with yourself... E
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JessicaRabbit
11 years ago
Quoting 'Vamonos' How ironic... so does anyone on this sex site have sex orrr.....? Yep, my problem was having too much of it. Sucks to be me, huh? Marketing ploy? Trust me when I say that all you need to market yourself on here is the right gender (i.e. female) and you're instantly popular. Nothing worthwhile to contribute? Then move along, thanks. Quoting 'RunAwayJoinCircz' But that's not to say there's anything wrong with you, just maybe take some time out and take a look inward, ask yourself what you're really looking for, what It is that is good about sex for you and what it is that's not so good at the moment, and devise a new approach based on whatever answers you come up with.Exactly what I plan to do, thanks for the constructive advice, I really appreciate it. I know exactly what i'm looking for but it's more just about not trying so hard to find it and being disappointed and frustrated when it doesn't turn out the way I would have wanted it to. Definitely devising a new approach to how I do things is in order.Quoting 'Enif_WA' Just to clarify... On the contrary... I think it is difficult to admit to oneself that there is "a problem" in an area of one's life... So good on you for having the strength to look in the mirror and being honest with yourself... EE I didn't think that you were saying that all, so thank you. A lot of what you said rings true...apart from the part where you said I will be vulnerable ;) Not sure who our mutual acquaintance is, but again, thanks for the advice. I've got a few exciting personal achievements coming up in the next few months so I'm going to take an undefined period of time and enjoy everything that's awesome in my life right now without the negativity/drama that has come lately from all things sexy. I know it won't be easy, but in the long run I think it will definitely be worth it! I'll get back into the swing of things when everyone else decides to stop acting like crazies ...Or maybe I'm the crazy one for wanting something that no one seems prepared (or able) to offer? Hmm.... Jess xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why give up something that Makes you feel good?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Abstinence makes my dick grow harder ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Like everything in life, balance is necessary. We all love sex (why else are we on RHP after all?), but sometimes complication comes into it, which is unavoidable with the Human Animal. Sometimes things just need to be taken on face value. A shag sometimes is just a shag and not something else by another name. Keep things simple, and you will return to much sexual and all other kinds of happiness. Zen out!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'JessicaRabbit' Quoting 'Vamonos' How ironic... so does anyone on this sex site have sex orrr.....? Yep, my problem was having too much of it. Sucks to be me, huh? Marketing ploy? Trust me when I say that all you need to market yourself on here is the right gender (i.e. female) and you're instantly popular. Nothing worthwhile to contribute? Then move along, thanks. My comment wasn't directed at you as an individual Miss. I'm well aware that no marketing is needed when your gender is female. Just found it amusing at the number of people who were abstaining on a sex site. Your state of defensiveness is forgiven
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