RHP

RHP User

F55

Actions vs. words

February 18 2018

My guy did something for me today that really got me thinking about how actions can sometimes mean so much more than words. Bit of background... we're in a long distance relationship, been about 11 months now. We don't get to see each other as often as either of us would like, and we've certainly had some rocky moments. I know he loves me because he's said so, but I've always wished he'd say it more often. Until today, when what he did told me more clearly how much he loves me than any words could. I've also experienced the opposite... where someone told me everything I wanted to hear, but their actions said something completely different. So, fellow forumites, what do you think? Do you place more value on actions than words or vice versa? What have your experiences been?

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    So...are you going to tell us what he did today..? 🙄

  • Bazingal

    Bazingal

    7 years ago

    But I think someone's actions speak more to their real feelings or intentions as it can't necessarily be faked for prolonged periods. You can eventually the bs. Especially when their words don't match their actions. Words can easily be a lie and so easily believed. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Bazingal

    Bazingal

    7 years ago

    *you can eventually SEE the bs. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    In no contact with my mother as recently and not for the first time her words have left me really upset, I have learnt over the years not to by into her actions of support because they aren't at a healthy level. An example is that quite a number of years ago I went no contact with her for 5 yrs during that time I became involved with A.S.C.A. ( Advocates For Surviviours Of Child Abuse ) now known as The Blue Knot Foudation during my time of being involved with A.S.C.A. I became a convener running meetings for the many surviours that came through our door. My mother was aware and wrote me a letter asking to attend a meeting I knew I couldn't let her because of the nature of my upbringing and a major crisis that changed everthing in my life and my son and daughters lives too, something that I knew she was in reality disconected from, and it was really only about I'm sad to say about getting back into my life not about being authentic We had dicussions about how I was treated over many years and at times she would aknowledge things about the way I was treated but mostly scapegoat me and excuse all the shit that happened. The crisis myself and my family went through taught me a lot and becoming involved in A.S.C.A. I learnt a lot including learning to set bounderies, hence no contact with my mother, I am also in no contact with my siblings, one I will never have contact with again. Something I am aware of is that when I set my bounderies my family disaproved because I finally shifted where the line was. The real issue about bouderies in any family dynamics they want you to stay in the role you have always played, in my case it threw them out because I fucked the dynamics of what was normal to them. I have learnt that if people don't match their words and actions I will consider seeing if it's just a one off, if it's not then I will walk away. This quote sums it up for me "You don’t have to respect anyone who doesn’t show you the same kind of respect."-- Audi Anderson --

  • WineAndFunTimes

    WineAndFunTimes

    7 years ago

    Everyone is different in how they express love and want it shown back to them. There is a love languages quiz that you can take to help you understand yours a little better. I prefer that my partner shows me their love by acts of service such as doing the dishes, washing, mowing the lawn etc. My partner feels that physical touch shows someone that you love them. It's about finding what works for you. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I've heard the right noises and seen the wrong deeds, especially out of Canberra.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Haha... no. What he did was really quite simple, but also highly personal 🙂

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I agree words alone, well time will show bs or bring out the players, been there and it was devastating. I'm also wary though with not enough spoken affirmation. Also love to hear what it was he did, to be able to a answer properly

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Just saw your follow up comment

  • Hawt1

    Hawt1

    7 years ago

    Say it.. "More than words" is all I need to hear

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    If one cannot follow up with their actions it's probably best not to speak. Can only speak of life in general but there are a lot of blowhards out there and I have never wished to be one of them

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    7 years ago

    Either verbal or non verbal. There's many forms to get a message across from gestures, facial, oral, written, kissing, touch, facial expression, eye contact etc and how I pick up on those cues and how one does that to show affection and appreciation towards me. For me it's not just one set of actions and one set of words. Both go hand in hand. Ms Foxy

  • The_Antichrist

    The_Antichrist

    7 years ago

    He finally left the toilet seat down.... - Posted from rhpmobile

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    7 years ago

    I agree and to do those little, things without any prompting or hinting. They do things out if love, because they want too. Ms Foxy

  • The_Phoenix

    The_Phoenix

    7 years ago

    100% agree with Meander and foxxxy. And no pun intended on this one Pangolin 😜 BB - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Than words. Just little things to show how much you are appreciated, desired and thought of. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Actions do speak louder. However you need to have a way with words, before you get the chance to show any actions. Just sayin...

  • EarthQueen

    EarthQueen

    7 years ago

    Feel like I’m bad with both at the moment. ☹️ Stupid overthinking don’t let me screw up a good thing. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • MrPlayful

    MrPlayful

    7 years ago

    As we all seem to agree, actions do speak louder and must be displayed, otherwise what’s the point really? But on specific occasions, words seem more important. Example here is if you have had a significant experience... lost your job, were hurt by someone or something of importance, and you are deeply upset... then some comforting words from someone you trust and is dear to you goes a very long way to reassuring you of your self worth.

  • MrPlayful

    MrPlayful

    7 years ago

    The words I mention in the above could also be considered as actions in this case.

  • EarthQueen

    EarthQueen

    7 years ago

    Its both I think. Those little actions that let you know that make you know you are loved and thought of. For me, they are really important. Like bringing you a cup of coffee in bed in the morning, getting dinner ready when they know you have had a long day and are tired, the impromptu hug and kiss as you are walking past each other, the sexy little text just because. They complement the words and create that sense of intimacy and connection that keeps relationships strong.