M46

Advice from Dom's and Sub's

June 24 2014

I was recently in a relationship with a woman who opened my eyes to the world of bondage and discipline. I'll be the first one to admit my knowledge on this subject is minimal to say the least. Our journey made it obvious I had a suppressed dominant personality sexualy and my problem is now that the relationship has ended (because of matters unrelated to this topic) I'm left wanting to learn more, experience more and fully understand this new and exciting lifestyle. Outside of our sexlife Miss was the dominant personality...strong, assertive, confident and made most decisions. But behind closed doors our personalities switched dramatically. I've read how some see being dominant as a justification for roughing up a woman...this wasnt like that at all. Our adventures never lacked respect for each other. Most I guess would look at the marks left on her cute lil butt and body as being extreme, but it made Miss smile and said she wore her marks with pride. It was very rough sex at times but always mutual and safe. Nothing but complete trust and faith in each others intentions and actions. It guess I could describe it as primal, instinctive and erotic! Discipline was involved only as required and almost prompted by Miss with her actions to guide me. 'Care time' was ample...this phase was beautiful for feeling truly connected with someone after such an intense moment. So guys and gals, Doms and Subs....I've got 3 questions. After experiencing this lifestyle I'm completely hooked & stuck feeling like I have this secret anyone new I meet won't understand. How did you feel once you realised and accepted this Dom or Sub personality existed within you? And how did you cope with introducing this lifestyle to new partners? And does anyone know of a community or group that enjoys this lifestyle on the Gold Coast? I've got casual reference to the lifestyle in my profile, but not sure if thats a plus or a negitive. Being a public RHP forum I realise I may recive negitive feed back but where else do you discuss a topic such as this? Any opinion or input will be greatly apriciated either here or via a personal msg. Regards JWP - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

Hello Justwannaplay, I can suggest a site called Fetlife that will have information for you, and groups that you can meet and discuss this with online and in person. There are regular meet and greets for people in the lifestyle. They are called munches. Look at the website for details. I can't help you with any of your questions though. Good luck.

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RHP User

10 years ago

Thanks for your help Meeka :-D I'll have a look at Fetlife and see what I can learn from there...maybe even attend a 'Munch' one day! - Posted from rhpmobile

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Missb4u

10 years ago

I don't really have anything to add of any value. Fetlife is definitely worth a look. I was referred their myself by the lovely forumites of RHP. Its certainly been an education. Good luck and welcome.

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Lovinit28andKC72

10 years ago

It's an eye opener for sure, but there are some great people in there, as well as some very strange characters. Munches are the best way to meet like minded people, learn, ask your questions, there are those who teach/train, I have been lucky enough to be given some excellent reading martial, but yes I'm still learning about it all as well. Interesting to say the least, good luck with your journey....💋

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RHP User

10 years ago

Thankyou Missb72 & Lovinit28...seeing others who enjoy this lifestyle comment on my post and help guide me is awesome and very much appreciated :-D Need to think of a Fetlife name...suggestions?? Lol 3 awesome ladies of RHP xx - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

I did a lot of research before starting a search for my current Sir and as mentioned Fetlife was not only a wonderful resource of people, but also reading material and groups................... I have an unique situation in that I'm married and my Sir and husband get along great...... Hubby said to Sir last week, that whilst he can't understand what we do and why we do it, he does accept that I am calmer and happier within myself for having him and as such, he is happy...... I am truly blessed

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RHP User

10 years ago

There's also another adult site called Alt.Com that focuses on the more 'alternative' lifestyles of BDSM and various other kinks and fetishes. Easy format, lots of groups and forums you can work with and we've met a bunch of sincere easy going people off there who are more than happy to help people just getting in to the scene. I've almost always known myself to be submissive, things just gradually evolved more and more with each relationship and as time went on. Some relationships my sub side didn't even make an appearance, always on case by case basis with me. Casual reference isn't a positive or negative for me, but everyone is different. So long as there is a generous amount of information, including their preferred fetishes then I am happy to make contact and/or respond to their messages. As for Gold Coast bdsm - absolutely no idea, but it would be good to know that's for sure. -Uppy

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Smilingwithfun

10 years ago

Great honesty & good subject.

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Lovinit28andKC72

10 years ago

Sorry I didn't help answer and of your other questions.... 1. I guess I'd always new that this side of me existed just unable to explore, due to being in very vanilla relationships, living in a very small community for so many years and not having the tools or knowledge. After joining this site, finding the fetlife site, opening my mind a little, the lifestyle is now part of who I am...... 2. As for introducing it to new partners, I'm not sure. As any play like this takes time to plan, communication, understanding, knowing someone and a shit load of trust. I tend not to play with every many and prefer to usually play with profile that make reference to it in some way..... 3. Yes this is a public forum, but most if the posters are very open minded, non judgmental and don't tend to shoot someone down for asking questions. Profiles all read differently and my fetlife profile is very different from mine on RHP, as fetlife caters more for kinksters, D/s relationships and everything else your mind could imagine.....once again good luck with your journey.....💋

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RHP User

10 years ago

Quoting 'Smilingwithfun' Great honesty & good subject. I am of no help but an interesting read. Good luck OP.

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RHP User

10 years ago

Why is introducing your lovers to this concept a difficult thing? I mean don't you kind of talking about this stuff before you even get to the bedroom...... or at least soon after. How the hell do kinksters end up with vanilla folk. You don't. Therefore you avoid all these problems.

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RHP User

10 years ago

Because, once you have found the kinky side of life and like it.......... you can't go back.

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Mr_MrsAraps

10 years ago

Quoting 'Meeka100' Why is introducing your lovers to this concept a difficult thing? I mean don't you kind of talking about this stuff before you even get to the bedroom...... or at least soon after. How the hell do kinksters end up with vanilla folk. You don't. Therefore you avoid all these problems. Couldn't agree with you more Meeka. If its something you want in the relationship then you have to be honest with the people you want to date if its something you want and a part of your sexual DNA. You deserve to be honest with yourself and the people you want to date If they are scared off or run for the hills then that is a GOOD thing as you were not a sexual match. Better to find this out early in the relationship and not invest much time and emotional energy into someone who is looking for opposite things to you. Find someone who is a match for you and wants the same things as you want both emotionally, personality and sexually.

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Mr_MrsAraps

10 years ago

The other thing I would suggest is not to roll it out your kinks on the very first date/meeting

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RHP User

10 years ago

Meeka it's because I don't fully understand this new concept myself and up until I received fantastic advice both here in the forums and via personal msgs I've been too afraid to bring up the subject for fear of being judged. Only now after the guidance I've been given do I feel like I could handle the situation. To all of you who have given me insight to your own personal lives and offered me guidance I sincerely thank you. I was terrified about posting my story but I'm so glad I did now...you are all amazing people to help someone you don't even know. Looking forward to this kinky journey ;-) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

Hey Justwannaplay. I understand that you are only just learning about this side of yourself but if you are really enjoying it, I would say that any person you commit too should also have an interest in the lifestyle. Or be open to it. Obviously you will not have all the same kinks but you need someone who has kinks. You know what I mean? There are lots of people in the BDSM lifestyle, or like you just starting out, you just have to look in the right places to find them. Have fun.

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RHP User

10 years ago

Hey... im new to this RHP site, but I agree Fetlife is a great place to meet people with similar likes/needs. I agree it is awkward bringing your BDSM interests up in conversation when meeting potential partners. I just drop subtle hints.. like telling them they may have to ball gag me.. or tell them I need firm discipline lol Good luck with it all Linda

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RHP User

10 years ago

hi jwp. i am sort of in the same boat. my girl is the ''boss'' at work and comes home and wonts to be dominated.as this is new to me, and not in my personality to be a dom. how can i find a dom on this sit. or even better a dom couple m/f

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Missb4u

10 years ago

If you justwannaplay....call me :) lol... - Posted from rhpmobile

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