M59 F58

Advice needed for newbies -pissing up a post or not ?

November 08 2013

Hi we are relatively new to the lifestyle. Fem has taken to it like a duck to water and seems to have no trouble finding a contingent of willing players both male and fem. Have discovered she is very Bi and loves the soft touch of a woman,, who doesn't?? I (M) have gone along for the ride and enjoyed discovering her real intimate nature.. however.. seems all is not beer and skittles in love and play..Have had lots of trouble getting into the moment with fems even when attracted and otherwise safe to play..ie love giving oral etc but can't let go and enjoy it myself.. how frustrating especially considering this whole lifestyle change was my idea initially. Seems every experience revolves around everyone else giving and receiving and me just tagging along for the ride.. Are there any tips on how we can make the experience more inclusive and everyone goes home satisfied and cool. Is becoming a real issue as every occasion when i don't perform makes me increasingly jealous of her loss of inhibition and the frustration of my inadequacies. Latest play involved lots of action for her and none for me ( not that I really tried ) to make matters worse other guys seem to be performing quite well with her and when it is my turn .. blah..Will this resolve with time ? She doesn't want to stop, nor do I but the whole performance anxiety thing is only making it worse..and despite not being the evil jealous type just wish we could let go together and have a wild time together..it's driving me nuts and don't understand where the block is coming from.. Feel as if a MFF would resolve the matter as no male issues to contend with other than my own and don't feel the need to protect her from the potential violation from other guys ( dumb though that sounds ) Are there any fems around that enjoy the mutual respect and touch of a loving couple or are we in for an ongoing pissing contest with other couples (be it mostly in my head)Your thoughts appreciatedSussman and Sussman

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RHP User

11 years ago

Hey Bill, can't give any good advice, but have you considered that maybe it isn't your thing? Maybe you are more of a watcher than a doer? Nothing wrong with that by the way. :)

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RHP User

11 years ago

As some people have enjoyed picking at my insecurities like a crow on a corpse. Which makes it even more frustrating, don't ya think??- Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

I can't comment on men's insecurities or performance issues, however I do know that it can take quite awhile for someone to feel comfortable with it all. Or sometimes you have a certain group or scenario that really puts a tingle in your pink bits and you suddenly realise, ahhh this is what really turns me on. Lots of people fantasize about group sex but the reality can be very different.... I know I am quite often feel removed from the action. I can take it or leave it, but I have certain scenarios or situations where I can't help myself I've just got to be in the middle... Not all group sex is the same. Some people only ever watch, or direct and that's their thing. Everyone is different.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Maybe you are one gal kinda of guy?

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RHP User

11 years ago

the solution is in your post...just have MFF...no other men to contend with either as a protector or competitor....and good luck x R

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perthhotcple20

11 years ago

It can take a while to feel comfortable, but you both need to or it will tear you as a cple apart. I'm thinking another cple in same room fun, when you are up to it - swap partners then...keep the numbers even... :)

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DTE_couple

11 years ago

Don't let this get you down. Listen carefully. 1. Don't drink anything, then try again. 2. If still no luck then go to the blue pills yes Viagra, a lot of people in the lifestyle us them. I am not one of them but a lot of couples we speak to use Viagra a lot, especially early on. Just to get past those nerves and build some confidence I have heard some people when they are newbies with nerves it just does not happen. Its very common from what we see and hear. Hope this helps !!

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RHP User

11 years ago

We've found that when we decide to join in on group play at a private party or club that Mrs L gets in a way "pounced on" not only by the guys but also the gals when they know she's keen to join in, looks a bit like a feeding frenzy. As there's a 10.5 year age difference, and she is an attractive alluring type of woman, with me being an average type of guy, I do get left out of the play a bit which we both find quite shallow, as we're there to play together not apart. We've found that most people only want her, and not me in the play..Their loss really.. So we have a rule, which we let people know before play, "Play with both of us, or nothing" that way we both have a good time. Being left out of the play your wife is involved in could be giving you confidence issues (Am I good enough?) which could be why you are experiencing a lack of desire to perform.. Try playing with one couple at a time until you become more in tune with what works for you both.. Enjoy your journey guys..

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RHP User

11 years ago

Initially, entering the lifestyle was your idea.Maybe it's a case of jumping in the deep end. Have you discussed in detail (honestly) both your needs, desires, limits and rules. Don't let the lifestyle destroy you as a cpl.Put rules in place and if others refuse to follow them they're not worthy of joining you for play.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Hey BillSussman. I agree with Freya. I have heard someone say that sex with a person other than their partner tends to be more driven by lust than caring, and that can be confronting I would imagine to you as a partner, more so if she is enjoying its primal nature. Also, feeling left out defeats the purpose of your endeavours it seems. The dynamics of a four way needs mutual attraction between all playing parties for it to work, each person being attracted to all other 3 people (if we're talking full bi MMFF). That's not easily come by. Would it be different for you if the 2 females or 2 females and the man put you as the centre of their attentions?

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Advice needed for newbies -pissing up a post or not ?

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