F48
Advice please on what to do next....
January 10 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
That way she can't ignore you if you are standing at the front door. Maybe she's pissed with you for going home.Maybe when she asked why you would want to kiss her she wanted you to tell her that you want her.It sounds like she had some intentions and then got scared and maybe she's now feeling embarrassed.Regardless of the maybe's go around and tell her you want to get it sorted. Wildl
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RHP User
15 years ago
"So here we are, 2 naked chicks in the spa having a drink, having a laugh (or giggle in my case *giggle*). Of course there was some accidental touching and some hand holding, but I was just happy to be in there…so relaxing! She then asked if she could rub my back and I returned the favour for her. She hopped out of the spa and went and got us some shots."Oh my idea of heaven Serious now if she is a friend than give her a call and she will have remembered even if she politely say nothing has happened. You need to have friends you can talk openly with and in the situation you where in naked and a little tipsy it was natural. It may not be easy but the longer you leave it the harder it will be.Good luck ciao Hermes
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RHP User
15 years ago
Mz S, I'm sorry to hear that you have been put in this sordid situation. You were taken advantage of by someone who should have known better! Always loath to proffer advice over a medium such as this, particularly where real issues are concerned, however, for what its worth....here goes It is pretty clear to me that your mate is keen to 'develop' your relationship into something a little more meaningful. I can imagine how mortified she must be feeling at how it all went down. The fact she has not returned your txts is classic rejection behaviour. However this does not excuse her motives as you were put into a situation for which you were ill prepared. Or were you? Had there been previous occasions where you noticed or felt she may have feelings for you other than 'mates? Hindsight is a wonderful thing, as it allows you an opportunity to evaluate past actions which, given this situation, puts same into perspective. Therefore I suggest prior to considering what action to take regarding her ignoring your txts, consider what you want to get out of all this. How do you feel about what happened & are you prepared for all possible scenarios? You are the priority here as this happened to you & you were clearly 'set up'. Therefore in both your interests, I suggest you contact her directly when you have given the matter due consideration. You need to be in full control when this all goes down, unlike at the initial event. and arrange a time in which to 'lay your cards on the table' I anticipate two reactions, one being she will just blow it off the second, and one you need to be prepared for, she will give it to you with both barrels. Is this fair and reasonable? Please do not underestimate the impact this has on you, read your post and look at it with a fresh set of eyes. You were lured to a place you felt safe, you were seduced via means of alcohol and you behaved in a manner which contradicted your usual values and common sense. None of which are 'ok' by any stretch of the imagination! I hope you can sort this out in a manner which gives you satisfaction and resolution. Take care
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RHP User
15 years ago
All she wanted to do was experience lesbian se without being a lesbian...hence the kiss.The kiss made it weird for her and thats where you blew it, and I'm guessing because you did not...after a few hours of blatant signs....go down on her or at least finger her,that when she woke the next day she completely freaked out about it and is embarrassed!! She's made clear as hell what she wanted and you danced around the subject.I'd be thinking she's have looked at you as the more experienced one, to take the lead and just get into the "sex" side of it...blow and go type thing, hence the amount of alcohol consumed,and her levels of comfort being naked and sexual with another women slowly coming down with each shot.BUT....the kissing for 99.9% of people starting out in bi sexual exploration....is a big no no freak out!! That's what gay people do.....I'm not gay, I just wanna have a play and see if I like it or not. If I was you I'd say to her....."I know you might be embarassed and feeling like a fool about what happened the other night, but I had a really great time and I'd like to do it again with you when you feel ready.I'm sorry I talked about kissing,lets just spend some time in the spa again having some shots and forget about it" I dunno, myabe I'm wrong...but if I know girls and their idea of fantasy Vs. reality...you killed with the reality of making it intimate with kissing,insead of exploration by touching.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Mynameonurlips' Mz S, I'm sorry to hear that you have been put in this sordid situation. You were taken advantage of by someone who should have known better! Always loath to proffer advice over a medium such as this, particularly where real issues are concerned, however, for what its worth....here goes It is pretty clear to me that your mate is keen to 'develop' your relationship into something a little more meaningful. I can imagine how mortified she must be feeling at how it all went down. The fact she has not returned your txts is classic rejection behaviour. However this does not excuse her motives as you were put into a situation for which you were ill prepared. Or were you? Had there been previous occasions where you noticed or felt she may have feelings for you other than 'mates? Hindsight is a wonderful thing, as it allows you an opportunity to evaluate past actions which, given this situation, puts same into perspective. Therefore I suggest prior to considering what action to take regarding her ignoring your txts, consider what you want to get out of all this. How do you feel about what happened & are you prepared for all possible scenarios? You are the priority here as this happened to you & you were clearly 'set up'. Therefore in both your interests, I suggest you contact her directly when you have given the matter due consideration. You need to be in full control when this all goes down, unlike at the initial event. and arrange a time in which to 'lay your cards on the table' I anticipate two reactions, one being she will just blow it off the second, and one you need to be prepared for, she will give it to you with both barrels. Is this fair and reasonable? Please do not underestimate the impact this has on you, read your post and look at it with a fresh set of eyes. You were lured to a place you felt safe, you were seduced via means of alcohol and you behaved in a manner which contradicted your usual values and common sense. None of which are 'ok' by any stretch of the imagination! I hope you can sort this out in a manner which gives you satisfaction and resolution. Take care I'm sorry but this has to be the most incorrect advice you could possibly give to this situation.You'll make it worse with this approach.Let's eep in mind who was the newbie and who was the bisexual swining expert.Also that her friend did ask on numerous occasions if she could do things with her, and seriously....you're treating her as if she's a 13yr old girl taen advantage of by an older man.It's two mature women,I'm guessing both married with children...so worldly enough to figure out what's going on,even after 7 shots. Use the mutual attraction and friendship to your advantage.It's clear she's embrassed about the situation not turning out the way her fantasy in her head was.She's the one feeling rejected and foolish,so go get her for a coffee in a nice mutually safe bar by the beach for example and just say that you enjoyed the night and wanna try it again.Simple.....she'll naturally blow it off a lil bit but if you keep telling her how sexy she was and how turned on she made you feel, she'll start to see that she's attractive and get over that inhibition/rejection and so long as she feels comfortable and not insecure about her sexuality/naked body...I'm sure you'll get lucky. Trust me..If I was lucky enough to be in your shoes and having a woman want me for sex,I'd have skipped past the 7 shots and nude dancing and dived straight into her pussy.....show me a woman who does not go crazy when being eaten out by someone who's clearly horny as hell for them and adoring their naked body?!?!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi...i have to agree with myname...as you have to look after no1..Maybe your friend feels embarrassed about what occured...and feels awkward..hence not replying to you.Thus even after trying myname's great suggestings..and you get now where...id move on and leave it all in the past.what ever happens..i wish you the best..xoxoheymummakeep on *giggling*..lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
i thoroughly agree with hermes on this one. its inevitable that you will see each other again as you said. so why make things any more awkward and uncomfortable than they have to be. nip it in the bud and ring her. NOW. then just be completely honest with her. tell her you have mixed feelings about what happened, however you dont want to make things awkward and weird between you. you obviously have bisexual tendencies. even if it is only lurking in the subconscious(thats why it emerged when you were shitfaced!). you need to address that, and face that demon. a whole new dimension of hedonistic pleasure could be waitng for you on the other side. one of completeness, and sexual fulfillment. anyway, i generally hate giving advice. but you asked for it. good luck. hope this situation pans out for you. christopher xoxo
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RHP User
15 years ago
All I really want out of it is to just not feel awkward with each other. Our kids are all really good friends and I don't want that taken away from them because of me/us. I'm so not interested in revisiting the possibility with her and am actually very very glad that it didn't go any further as that would have made it even more weird. Mz J to answer your question...no, I never got signs or signals before that night. Although...I always got a vibe from them (as a couple) that they were a swinging type of couple or had been in the past which turns out was right on the money. Thanks for your thoughts guys xox
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RHP User
15 years ago
If I wanted to read this much I'd buy a book! Now I'm an armchair expert like everyone else, but when a girl says "Why would you want to kiss me?", the only correct reply is "Because you're f&^(i8g HOT!!" followed by another shot. Sonsie, I think we need to both go around there and get this sorted out together. As the responsible adult (by the looks of it the only one who will know what he wants out of the encounter) I will pack Cointreau, Butterscotch schnapps, Tequila and some Jaegermeister (that should cover the good and bad in a girl) and a cabcharge voucher.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sorry guys...I only saw Heymumma and Mynames replies when I replied before... Wild...yes, I have considered this myself and am actually thinking that that's a real probablity. Hermes...thank you...couldn't agree more Whitehawk...LOL - trust me, without going into details of her past and her private life or mine, I am the most definately the newbie and her the bisexual swinging expert! I have relatively little experience with girls...and I am yet to actually swing! Oh, and I think you will find that it was only my "levels of comfort being naked and sexual with another women slowly coming down with each shot"...hence she kept offering me another one. Not too sure on the kissing thing...you could be right, but in the experience I have had bisexual or bi-curious women are quite big on the kissing thing... Christopher...*giggle* I have always been well aware of my bisexual tendancies . I am a bit unsure about calling her straight away..we never had the type of friendship where we'd just ring each other for a chat otherwise I wouldn't hesitate. There is a real possibility that our paths will cross tomorrow, so I will make sure I am as prepared as I can be if that happens. Jean-Gilrard (what happened to au3902349029347843??)...ROFLMAO! You never fail to crack me up! *huge smiles* I will definately take the jagermeister...I really am a bad bad girl just waiting to take the plunge into the daaaark side :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sonsie...sorry that this has happened to you...personally...I would just forget the whole thing happened. You have extended the olive branch....she ignored it....and just coz your sons are friends....doesnt mean you have to be besties....but you still can be polite and civil.And Im sorry....but a woman doesnt wear bright red lipstick unless she wants to bring attention to her lips...and she did kiss your first, after all. Classic control freak behaviour...she was trying to call all the shots...and faffing around...and you pre-empted her by asking for the kiss first.Meh...life is too short to worry your pretty little head about people like this.Move on...Just my opinion...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sonsie... Look sweetheart... darling.... hun... .... Seriously - I think this gal wanted to "play", and she was fine while she was in control, and she felt most likely that you didn't realise what was going on.... till you said about kissing her... then she thought "oh shit... she DOES know what I'm up too... and then she freaked..." if you had said "sure go ahead and touch.. I don't mind..." then I suspect things would have reacted differently... Ok - that's the past... Given she's not responded to txt's... (heck you don't know she got them either cos txts are not guaranteed delivery).... then I'd rock up at her place with my son to play with her son... that way the kids are there to "break the ice.." and you can have a quiet chat... I'd take it head on.. "look we were both pretty drunk... maybe you could feign that you don't recall all of what happened... gives her an out...."... and then I'd try to keep on with the friendship... Just my two bits worth... keen to know the final chapter to this story... Wayne
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hello,Firstly thanks for sharing this with us. It must have been surreal in a way if the person did this out of the blue. My idea with this is communication is needed now to repair any damage that may (or may not) of occurred. At least if you both can talk about it as adults then you work it through. The way I read the situation is that she probably has thought long and hard about this encounter for a while and maybe got the guilt's up in some fashion and that is why she said she shouldn't touch and stepped back. Go over with the best intentions to talk about it and work it through and go from there. You have nothing to lose.Good luck with it!outdoorguy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thanks Miss BJ... I guess what worried me the most was that I was the one who had completely misread the situation and that she wasn't thinking along those lines at all. I really really don't think that's the case though. Wayne, Wayne, Wayne...you should know by now that you don't need to duck for cover from me ;) I'm all sweet and innocent *giggle*! You may be right...perhaps if I had reacted differently to her 'really shouldn't touch you' then things would have turned out differently. I'm really glad now that they didn't though LOL. Of course you will find out what happens in the final chapter...will let you know when it's written *hehe* :) Outdoorguy...surreal is actually a wonderful way to describe it all! You know...the way she was talking to me, telling me how it's not often that you 'connect' with someone like she does me, that she had missed me and that she thought of me often...I wouldn't be surprised if she had been thinking about it for ages too. I think I will wait until I have another excuse to call her - ie making a play date for the kids rather than calling her up (or going there) specifically to talk about that evening. That way I can judge by her reaction whether she wants to talk about it, remembers it or just wants to move on and move forward.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Miss BJ has the right advice. I shall add no more.
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RHP User
15 years ago
What MissBJ said! It all sounds incredibly suss... and deceptive. Still, I am so sorry that your relationship has now changed and I very much admire the way you are dealing with it. I hope you're proud of yourself for the way you are handling a very difficult situation.I also thought you explained the everything really well! I always enjoy reading what you write. Hugs... Deb
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RHP User
15 years ago
If there is one thing about me that I know for sure, it's that I'm not one to hold a grudge...I can forgive, forget and move onwards and upwards! I know I will be ok no matter what the outcome...it's more our kids who rely so much on each other for friendship...I don't want them to suffer - although I also know that that is completely up to her and the ball is now in her court. And thanks hon :) I always enjoy reading what you write too! Perhaps it's time I penned another epic ;) MWAH!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Isn't it my turn to pen another epic? Either way, it'll be great hehe!MWAH! Deb
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RHP User
15 years ago
Nah, it's my turn Deb! I will get to it soon I promise Sorry Daytimelover and thanks for your response...you appeared after I'd replied!
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RHP User
15 years ago
”no, I really shouldn’t touch”seems to me it all comes down to this one phrase, Sonsie.... what you are writing about sounds like text book seduction tactics and sounds like she was getting everything right, too... right up to "no, I really shouldn't touch".... you asked why, but did you get a reply? She was definitely the seducer and the more aggressive, dominant party up to that point (no way you're wrong about that honey lol)... I'd be interested to know what caused her to turn tables like that.... from your account, sounds like cold feet but I do wonder why and I think that it is actually her that should be trying to explain her behaviour... Perhaps (just an idea) she switched roles and wanted you to be the aggressor.... that would be difficult and embarassing for me too, so I completely understand your reaction lolIf she wasn't behaving badly by trying to seduce a gorgeous submissive miss like yourself (who wouldn't try? lol) then she is most certainly behaving badly now by not offering an explanation or a chance to talk. Communication, as you know, is the only way to avoid misunderstandings and bad feelings. Most definitely not a friend to keep.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I ain't no saint lol, 2 pages of messages in our inbox to answer, and they're all from friends
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RHP User
15 years ago
Well, she replied with a sigh while looking into my eyes *giggle*...and that's when I asked her. Switching roles is possible...especially given that I stand a good 5-6inches taller than her? Doesn't come easy to me though LOL. It was all very strange! I don't really want to go into what I think about possible reasons on here...will mail you ;) (another epic I owe *giggle*). To be honest, given that I haven't even gone into half the stuff that was said to me directly and she also intimated on here and the general concensus is that she was definately sending me signs I don't quite feel as bad - I was worried I'd read it all wrong! Peachy...well you'll have another one to add to the long list before too long *giggle*... S xox
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RHP User
15 years ago
She doesn't have issues with her sexuality?? Coming to terms with it and exploring doesn't always happen when you are a teen...it can happen at any age.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yeah I know...I am learning that myself *blush*. But, given her past long term relationships I know that she is very comfortable with her sexuality. I don't know...perhaps she thought all of that girl on girl stuff was behind her and it took her by surprise to be back there. I don't know. A bit of an update... I missed a call from her number yesterday afternoon but no message was left. I then bumped into her hubby and everything seemed perfectly normal.
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RHP User
15 years ago
"After about our 7th shot (and I am really tipsy after 2 so I have no idea how I was still standing LOL)" There's your problem right there. Easily spotted.
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RHP User
15 years ago
dancing snowmen syndrome ...you all woman are just "bip" in the head . We never know how you gona react and what you gona do next.... I had to read this epic , only because I like Jean_G . comments ....
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RHP User
15 years ago
admit it, you really wanted to read my epic in case there were juicy details of hot girl on girl sex at the end
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RHP User
15 years ago
I'm still waiting on confirmation from Sonsie as to when we're going to sort out this sordid problem like irresponsible adults... but I have the Jaegermeister, inflatable pool and jelly all ready to go. I just need Sonsie and that horrible tramp who wears a short skirt and red lipstick to lock down a time. Then will we be able to close this forum thread with a happy ending and some hot girl on girl sex. (Yes girl on girl, as I will be there purely as a counsellor / umpire, ...... at least until I have that first Jaeger). Oh who am I kidding.... I'm not going to need the Jaeger. Is red jelly OK Sonsie? Just checking because I know some people get all hyper with red food colouring (well I kinda hope they will!)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'De_luxe' dancing snowmen syndrome ...you all woman are just "bip" in the head . We never know how you gona react and what you gona do next.... I had to read this epic , only because I like Jean_G . comments .... Quoting 'Sonsie' admit it, you really wanted to read my epic in case there were juicy details of hot girl on girl sex at the end
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RHP User
15 years ago
Seems things have been resolved - no answers given - but resolved none the less (Sorry Jean-G...didn't need you after all *giggle*). She called me up on Friday night in a bit of an upset state and asked if she could "run away" to my place and hang out and talk.... She apologied for not replying to my texts saying that she didn't have any credit on her phone (still doesn't explain why she didn't call though, but oh well....). Apart from that, we talked about how seedy we were the next day and that is about it! Her coming over here and talking about stuff that's going on in her life at the moment did give me some clues as to what could have happened though. I'm just happy to know that we can forget and move past it :) Anyway...shall leave this thread up for a little while so people can read the update if they wish...then the whole thing is coming down. Thank you to you all for taking the time to reply and helping me out! I really do appreciate it xox S
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