F50
Affairs - Swing Couples
April 21 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
My assumption would be that they either get off on the secrecy and that's what turns them on or their feelings for the other person are serious and they don't want their partner to know they have fallen for someone else.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Affairs are not just about sex, and in fact many probably aren't about sex at all.Swinging couples aren't going to be immune just because they are more open about one part of their relationship.Mr C
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inspirit
12 years ago
Chic..thx for your comment and yeah I guess swingers are not immune to "cheating".I have not witnessed a marriage break down of a couple who swings because of an affair. Other reasons yes. I just thought this would not happen in an open relationship. Perhaps I am quite naive on the topic.
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RHP User
12 years ago
One must define it!! For example, traditionally, you have man and lady in a committed monogamous relationship. This would mean, that if one party sort physical, emotional, intimate comfort in another then it could be seen as cheating or infidelity. Today's, swinging couples and modern day relationships have changed the definition of what defines that commitment. Essentially making relationships a designer commodity. This means, that the definition of cheating has and must have changed to suit the boundaries of the relationship that's been defined by the parties involved. Therefore, playing may not be seen as cheating, but going to the movies with a potential play date might be?? Sounds weird huh?? But the reality is, cheating(as Chic said) doesn't necessarily need to be confined to sex. I could be wrong though :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cheating is about deceit. Swinging is something a couple shares together - it's not cheating at all. I wouldn't even necessarily say that people who swing are in an 'open relationship'. To me, an open relationship means freedom to date as well as sleep with other people.In my opinion, many affairs are as much emotional as they are physical. Perhaps even MORE emotional than physical. Meeka's hit the nail on the head I think. Either they're a jerk who enjoys the secrecy, or the affair is more about the emotional connection than the physical.
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RHP User
12 years ago
we've asked ourselves these questions many many times....we've been approached on quite a few occasions, by the male half of a swinging couple...who either wanted to play....on the 'sly' and exclude his wife....or because he imagined we might offer him something outside of what he and his spouse normally sought. we cant believe a guy could, or would betray his wife/partner in this way, and see it as an insult to our own integrity as well... our response is to block him/them ...not always what we really want to do, but something we feel we have no real choice about...and thats a real shame ................we have close friends.....who were swingers, but after he strayed,it broke their family up...its something we are mindful of when we play...to do 'no harm'......
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've seen it break apart a swinging couple, she had told him and he agreed that they are a couple in a partnership. They had set the rules of engagement to be they swing as a couple not as a single. Lo and behold he is out there cheating on here time and time again and she finds out and gives him the boot. She and I for the life of us cannot figure out why he needed to do that, in my opinion he had the best any man could ask for. True they were not in an open relationship as that would have meant they both could do whatever whenever with whomever. But that was not the the agreement. I guess some cheat because it's their nature (too much alpha in them I guess) and it seems they cannot control that urge to be with someone else... a mating habit I guess. I know it wasn't anything to do with the mental side, other than the fact he was quite stupid to think he would not get caught or bear any consequences for his actions... I cheated once in my life and after seeing the pain I caused that was my wake up call. Have never done it again and never will. I still feel the pain I caused another and believe me it doesn't feel good when it comes back and haunts you.
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ur_enigma
12 years ago
I can only comment on my experience ( being cheated on, when no need too ).I have asked myself this same question , over and over again... along with all the otherstuff , like... Why ?, Whats wrong with me ?. Which opens up a whole other can of worms... but i am not going there... becuase essentially.. i know there is nothing wrong with me,its something they are seeking within themselfs.He did it becuase he felt he could... He did it becuase it was a thrill... He did it becuase in the so called open world we live in, its still considered a no , no, therefore exciting ....In my experience he did it for his own selfish needs , wants.. there was no emotion in any of it as there were many, not just one, and i am sure there are many more i dont know about.It took me 12 months to walk away, i had to leave the relationship in my own time , when i felt i was strong enough to deal with the hurt and the pain, But with the aid and support of good and close friends ( you know who you are ) from here i did.... and life is wonderfull.But sadly...... He will always be a lying, cheating F..k !... Who will never except or take on board what he has done..... It will always be " someone else made me do it ".When thinking about it , i feel quiet sorry for him , as he will never be true to himself.xxxxxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
If the other person does not know about it, it is cheating - if there is lies and deceit, it is cheating.There are many forms of cheating...Physical, emotional, cyber, text messaging.Cheating is an addiction - it normally starts off when there is temptation - from there it leads to the thrill or the chase, and the adrenalin rush- want to fulfill some sort of fantasies.. Men and women react differently to cheating for example men go on their sexual side while a women focus on their emotional side. When people stray, it means a lot of the time something is wrong in that relationship. Most of the time one person strays because they want to find that missing something that their relationship has lost mainly sex or their emotional needs are not met.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Does it not? .Perhaps the one seeking extra sexual affairs behind the others back is just a selfish yellow-bellied turd that offers trust but is a liar and a cheat instead..Perhaps...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ego inflation is my guess? Or maybe (and I hate this term being overused) sex addiction? If I was lucky enough to be in an open or partly open relationship I would be doing everything i could to make sure I didn't fk it up. I can only guess some folks get all rapt up in their own sex god/goddess abilities and just can't stop there. For those thaat have read my profile, you will note I am attached but here solo (without partner's knowledge). You probably jumped to think 'typical stray Tom Cat'. Hardly, but thanks for arrogantly stereotyping. It's not a situation I'm happy with but after many, many years (like +10) frustration I tried to discuss all sorts of options including some form of 'openess' for our relationship. SHUT DOWN!! Verbally abused.. threats involving house and offspring.. sigh.. my partner has several factors in the way of a healthy sex life. I've tried and treid with her issues and just had to give up (after many years) So, the situation remains.. none at home, not allowed to find some joy for myself and year after year slipping away. If I had a partner that would allow any open aspect to the relationship, I'd be haning on tightly and cherishing that woman, not pandering to ego and trying to root everything that moves. But that's just me.. and I'm not stereotypical. ; )
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RHP User
12 years ago
there are those who will tell you that cheating is a symptom af a 'bad' marriage or relationship... but thats a crock. people stray, deceive, lie and manipulate, because thats who they are, and they just cant help themselves.....its about boundaries, and the inability to work within them, its about lack of care, and lack of respect. men and women in relationships where they play, either as a couple or singly, run the risk of being betrayed, because thats where they put ourselves, in a high risk situation. people become familiar with others, dialogues begin, and relationships change, thats how it goes. its the main reason we will never, ever go anywhere for a second time, we dont want anyone feeling they have the right...or even tacit permission, to pursue anything other than what we offer.... some play, but without any lasting 'connection' . we all need to remember, that as soon as we allow another person to put a smile on our partners face.....we run the risk of losing them.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Why? how the fck would I know? Why does a snake bite? Why does a dog lick his balls? How long is a piece of string? How long is a wait? It is what I do.. Having said that.. NOW, I at least tell the person, that.. If the chance comes along, I probably WILL fckn someone.. or get intimate to SOME degree. I (Not-so-long-ago) told a girl who was putting pressure on me to go to bed with her.. that.. "When I leave town, I will be leaving alone.. ABSOLUTELY..." "So, IF you are not ready for that, then don't suck my dick" She promised me..and sucked... then, when the time came a couple of months later.. She turned into a fckn MONSTER!!!!!!! said.. "I THOUGHT we had something special..... rah rah rah.." Accused me of being a dirty cheating using c^^^.... and more.. *shrugs* I reckon I am a TRUTHFUL cheat
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RHP User
12 years ago
IMO..."Co-dependency" as well...People depend/stay with the other person in relationship for various reasons...Them being financial, routine, children, medical etc etc...and not only that they seek validation from another as well, thus seeking an "affair" to fix the bit missing or use an affair to leave into another relationship...I call people who do this "Relationship Jumpers" cause they can't be by themselves....At the end of the day its a selfish Act of Betrayal.....FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
You are single. So technically it's not cheating. And bless her sweet little heart for trying to tame the caveman ... I sometimes think that my skin is made of teflon too.
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RHP User
12 years ago
its not really the ones who stray that we really get pissed at...its the ones who facilitate the straying that get under our skin... why would anyone knowingly involve themselves with anothers partner? why would, or how could ,this person allow the other to deceive, betray and disrespect their partner/family/friends? i dont get that at all....whats the payback, other than a few minutes of arousal? is someone elses relationship truly worth so little?
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DonnaBrett
12 years ago
Swinging is about sex...not love or other relationship stuff. If two people who meet through swinging then fall for each other well their respective relationships were not strong to start with. People who get into swinging to try and spice up or fix a rocky relationship are heading for disaster right from the get go!
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RHP User
12 years ago
some people compartmentalize their lives and even if they are seemingly getting their sexual needs met,the need for a secret life,someone else that desires them and who provides the intimacy that may be lacking,a thousand and one reasons perhaps. The need for separateness,the opposite to coupling in some people is strong. Some people just want to have it all and have a sense of entitlement to both the attached lifestyle and the single.
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' Why? how the fck would I know? Why does a snake bite? Why does a dog lick his balls? How long is a piece of string? How long is a wait? It is what I do.. Having said that.. NOW, I at least tell the person, that.. If the chance comes along, I probably WILL fckn someone.. or get intimate to SOME degree. I (Not-so-long-ago) told a girl who was putting pressure on me to go to bed with her.. that.. "When I leave town, I will be leaving alone.. ABSOLUTELY..." "So, IF you are not ready for that, then don't suck my dick" She promised me..and sucked... then, when the time came a couple of months later.. She turned into a fckn MONSTER!!!!!!! said.. "I THOUGHT we had something special..... rah rah rah.." Accused me of being a dirty cheating using c^^^.... and more.. *shrugs* I reckon I am a TRUTHFUL cheat Your "partners" can then make an informed decision. Some woman just screw with men thinking they can capture them and whn it all goes to shit they turn to venom.
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