M51 F50

Already explained to my wife I want to swing, advice please.

October 16 2013

How i got my wife to find out i was interested was i had been looking at advice forums and i know she looks on my phone when shes flatten her battery. We was both in bed she was using my phone found the internet history then asked me 'is there something you want to tell me?'. I told her she asked for explanation so i told her it was something that i think is exciting and should look into. What she told me was she has only ever had sex with me and loves our sex life, we been married since age 22, married in 1996. She went on about how she has not broken her marriage vows and that she wanted to stay faithful. I said you would still be faithful as I want to be by her side for same room play and interaction, not off behind close doors with others. I want to explore 3 somes me another guy and her. I suggested a local singers club i looked up and explained theres a bit of a club bar, we should go there socialize see how it goes not rush take it slow. She has turned that idea down. But during sex she said she would think about it, then a no again, which got me confused a bit. Anyway i have discussed it with her we have listened to each others points amicably and thats where we are. I kind of am hoping she will think it thru as the chat was out the blue and probably took some coming to terms to the idea. I don't want to in anyway put her under pressure. She loves sex and I think she would swing given the right approach. really i am asking on here for advice and things that i can do that might warm her to the idea of at least going to a club just for a visit.

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madotara69

11 years ago

Your post sounds familiar to the way we first started talking about the what if's. Being faithful doesn't mean we can't have fantasies, To think that I was the only man that tickled Tara's fancy would be pretty stupid. So we discuss our thoughts with what appeals to each other for the types of playmates we would and have for the experience.Without any jealousy (very important) I enjoy it when Tara has the thoughts with another guy during sex, It really spices things up, and when we have played with another guy, It was everything we had hoped for.I never put Tara under pressure and all in good time we had discussed the idea well enough to both agree for giving it a shot.We are both totally in love, and the sex we have shared with others has not changed anything other than confirming and trusting that love. We also treat playing as an all together adventure, for us that is everything about the experience.It can be an extremely sexy and intense time fucking and no need for anything to be felt as negative.For me, to be with Tara and experiencing the passion she releases while in the moments, is indescribable for finding the words to share the thoughts. (Just awesome feelings).Mado Tara xx

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Mischeviouslad

11 years ago

You've discussed it.... Let her decide, and drop it- Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Different people take different amounts of time to get used to new ideas. Swinging can be a pretty confronting idea for people, so they might more time than usual. Your wife might never agree, or she might just need time to get used to the idea and even moreso, enticed by it. In the meantime, remember she might be having doubts about "not being enough for you" or similar. Take the time yourself to make sure she feels loved, desired and cherished. A strong, trusting, sexy, loving relationship is a good basis for successful swinging. Good luck :)

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RHP User

11 years ago

If you really want her to warm to it, allow her to have as many young hot hung guys as she wants in a MFM...she will soon be enjoying it :)

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RHP User

11 years ago

for her to never change her mind...you are the only man she has ever had sex with...she has always wanted to be monogamous....you have a lot to consider losing ,so be careful.

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Playful2looking

11 years ago

I'm with mischievious lad; your pressuring her you want to swing she says no but you still think with time she may change her mind. Well if she was a virgin when you met and you are the only guy she has fucked. Then I cant see her changing her mind; other wise she would have played around before you guys got together; saving herself for the man she loves was a big deal for her. the married vows also loom big in her mind. They seem to be important to her. I think she will see swinging as cheating on her vows and her promise in front of witnesses The only chance is if she thinks she has missed out on experiencing other guys and might want to try other men. but only if she feels like its not cheating on her vows

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Paradisepair

11 years ago

And together start regularly reading Dan Savage's Savage Love, and the stuff he's put out about straight couples being monogamish...

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RHP User

11 years ago

You start with going to a swingers club and just have sex together in front of others or have a date with another couple and just have sex in the same room with your own partners and see how that goes . That way she has still stayed faithful to you but you have dipped you toes in the lifestyle and then go from there. Lots of couples out there who just like to spice it up by being watched but staying safe together . You will meet so many great people and it might make her relax and change her mind slowly over time . Good luck Xx mrs cs- Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Lots of good advice here.my ex-wife and I had those discussions, a bit of roleplaying and fantasy with a vvibrator as a substitute. We never went further than that because she didn't want to. If I had pressured her or kept bringing it up I suspect it would have caused quite a few dramas. She knows you like the idea and that seed has been planted, time to let it grow or not as it will.

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madotara69

11 years ago

completely agree, though with mention that the OP has interests for bringing another man to share adventures with his wife, is a little more trusting that his intentions are all about her being all what you say.If the OP mentioned his thoughts directed at pursuing the idea for seeking a woman for the experience, I would not have posted my first thoughts.MadoMado, Tara xx

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RHP User

11 years ago

Is to suggest going to a swingers/couples club and state she doesn't have to play, just see what it's like. That's what my hubby of 23 years and I did and at first we just played between us. Also, we have a strict set of rules that we discuss after each visit to the club. NEVER pressure or go on about it, otherwise she will start to question what you are unhappy about with her that you feel you need to do this. Good luck, I know our marriage is so much better since starting to swing, it opens up the communication and trust we have for each other.

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RHP User

11 years ago

With my ex we gave te nudist thing a good long (about 12yrs) go then out of the blue she decided it was time she did a girl ?? My ex like most loves her sex (2 the point 1 of my girls is not really mine) problem was she cldnt be true to her self? What I've read in ur post is a great approach but why don't u guys give the nudist thing a go to test the waters there first (not all nudist swing but)

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RHP User

11 years ago

Its the age old thing about how we were programmed for vs the dark alternative. I'd say your wife is wired in such a way she feels compelled to reject anything other than what she feels comfortable with. Even though in a moment of passion she let slip with a maybe. Its a hard decision for her, where as for you , you are ready rearing to go...As the invited on several occasions, I always make sure the wife is just as prepared as her hubby. No way could I impose on any female being there for the husbands sake only. Both have to be comfortable with their decision and open enough to enjoy the moment. Shyness or awkwardness is normal, as long as everyone is relaxed and the invited acknowledges its mainly about the couple not so much him, it usually turns out quite good.. I meet with a couple early this year where I quickly realised the lady was not really ready. So I suggested we just have dinner and a few drinks and meet at some other time. She relaxed, we had a nice sociable evening and went our own way. About 2 months later, the hubby contacted me saying the wife asked him to call me to meet again. This time we took it to the next level and things were more relaxed.. That night we made arrangements to meet at a hotel the following week ' she was nervous but excited and things unfolded beautifully. So even if you meet a few times to start with until she feels OK.. its worth it.. But she has to be involved in the decision making.. Just my experience...

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Mischeviouslad

11 years ago

Given that his lady has only been with him, and stated she was not interested on swinging... I'm not too confident that the advice to just take her to a club is gonna fly. To him sex is most likely just sex. But to her, sex is only about them expressing intimacy as a couple.... In her mind intimacy means just that.... Intimate... Him, her, private expression.... and the more pressure he places on her to change, the more she will wonder why he wants that change and where she must be inadequate for him. OP.... perhaps focus on bringing out her inner "naughty girl" through SLOW escalation of sexual expression outside of her "norm".... like subtle public touching, sly change room passion while shopping... any public location with that taboo element of getting caught.... just to broaden YOUR experience horizons as a couple. DG- Posted from rhpmobile

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madotara69

11 years ago

see if your wife might read through these forums with you, there is a lot of topics, where other couples have shared their thoughts.You may find there is some posts that interest either of you to different ideas, then there may be a good means for open discussion, mainly to see each others different perspectives to the what if's.Would you be prepared for your wife to read this thread?You are on this site as a couple, She should probably know that.Mado Tara xx

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RHP User

11 years ago

At the end of the day respect is the biggest key here? Regardless if she swings or not you must respect her wishes either way... If she decides not to be involved then look at other ways to fill your own needs... My ex brother rang me years ago saying he slpt with his then partners best friend and stated he fell in love with her? I asked him was it her or the sex his reply was he didn't no? I said go to a brothel n see how you feel after that! He did so n they stayed together for many years... Point is be open with her and she will open up to you but never ever push your own needs into soemone else :)) find another outlet ;) but include her in your choices

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Already explained to my wife I want to swing, advice please.

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