M47
Are Divorced males a turn off.
August 08 2014
Comments
-
RHP User
10 years ago
No alarm bells at all, I have met a couple of divorced men who were gentlemen, their wives actually had an affair. Im divorced myself, and to be fair, as we get older we all have some baggage to lug around. Alarm bells go off for me when their status is "Ask Me".
-
RHP User
10 years ago
YAY, he's actually available Seriously though, I think it would be very hard to find people in my age group who haven't been married or have some kind of baggage. I don't see having children as having baggage but as having a life.
-
Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
Becomes absolutely official this time next week - the ex and I have been amicably separated for about 18 months though. I don't see it as anything negative at all - if anything, I'm selling it as though I'm not one of those wishy washy blokes who keeps thinking about a reconciliation. So no lies, no second thoughts, no bullshit. I have my almost 10 year old boy week on, week off, and I certainly don't regard him as baggage - and anyone who does isn't worth 5 seconds of my time. Don't worry about what others think - work on what's important to you, and the cards will fall where they may! Enjoy! - Posted from rhpmobile
-
UandMexx
10 years ago
-
Missb4u
10 years ago
ooohhhhh an eligible one
-
Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
No problem with a divorced man, as long as it was only the one, would probably think twice about it if there was more than that......💋
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Does seperated come into the equasion, with no chance of reconciliation !! Just a thought.. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
including myself To answer your three questions 1) No - why would it be. Relationships do not work out for many reasons, so be it 2) We all have baggage, just some of us treat it as carry on and put it in the overhead locker where it belongs and some of us have excess 3) I do not equated divorce with one partner cheating - it may be one reason for a divorce to have taken place, but people seperate for many reasons. There are more alarms to me that a person - not gender specific - is a cheater and it has nothing to do with their status recorded on a piece of paper - a locked phone that is checked constantly and excessive time spent in a bathroom is one very good indicator to me of the behavior of a cheater- just saying.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I'd be more suspicious if they were single or separated - Posted from rhpmobile
-
sweetgem
10 years ago
And joined RHP, I didn't care whether or not a man was single, attached/married, separated/divorced, because I didn't want anything more than just sharing a bed with him. Therefore, to answer your question OP, my first thought, back then, was "who cares!". Nowadays, my first thought will be "ok he's got some life experience, that's good, but let's get to know him first and slowly find out why he had a divorce", because I am now seeking an exclusive and committed relationship, preferably offline. Whether the man has kids or not, it is not a deal breaker for me. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
No not a turn off before getting to know.... No matter how much they feel liberated, it would depend on a few things. Depends how long separated and divorced? Depends if children or not? Depends if they put down their ex/ex wives down in front of me or not? Depends if they want free counseling services? Depends if he's traumatized from the divorce or not? Depends if he's heart is open or closed? Depends if he has learnt from his mistakes? Depends on who left who? Depends if he is Mr.Emotionally Unavailable or not? LOLZ So many depends....guess it depends too, if I like em or not or if they can put up with me or not. If he can cook, grocery shop, and be my bag biatch for me- that's a plus! Foxy
-
MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Men, I could ask the same question...Are Divorced women a turn off? Foxy
-
MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
I just re read your questions.. Why would it be an alarm that he's a cheater??? Why do you ask that question for??? Foxy
-
UandMexx
10 years ago
Being cheated on after 10 years and 2 kids isn't easy on anyone but taking the time to get rid of the emotional bourdon and being able to trust again is probably the most productive way to not drag that emotion into another relationship weather it be FWB or even another emotional connected relationship.
-
UandMexx
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' I just re read your questions.. Why would it be an alarm that he's a cheater??? Why do you ask that question for??? Foxy As a lot of women's saying goes "All men are the same"........and the first question I got asked a lot when it first came out about the divorce was "Did you cheat on her"
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I have been married twice - 1st one I screwed up the 2nd one I had no idea what was going on.. I find it odd that a female can have kids to 2 or even 3 men but if a male has been married twice alarm bells ring... Y is it ok for one sex n not the other... Just saying never judging
-
RHP User
10 years ago
If they are over it and don't talk about it then it's not a problem.Nothing worse than a date talking about an ex or comparing either.
-
OPNmarriagecpl
10 years ago
Divorced men do not phase us much, don't think of baggage etc because we would don't be perusing a path that involved any baggage. Having said that, if he had been 2 or 3 times divorced we would have alarm bells ringing because that could be more than just bad luck. Now, if a man says he is separated we will be more suspicious or cautious of that. Only because it's in such state of limbo and could reconcile down the track...... They are in essence still married and that would be uncomfortable for us as a couple. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Missb4u
10 years ago
Andyinoz for me seperated would only be ok for a short time. If you said I've been seperated for 5 years I would think, this guy has no follow through, doesn't finalise things. That to me is a turn off. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Seachange
10 years ago
So many Depends! Lol. Making my bladder leak... lol But seriously I do get you darlink. I may not be as guarded as you with men up front but maybe i dont get to meet a lot of men personally due to me being time poor and will meet a man that truly interest me physically and mentally. Also he has to have that 'shaggable' factors including not married/attached and being mentally n emotionally stable. I have passed up a lot of op to meet with truly hot married/atttached men because of my moral stance on the sanctity of marriage or with respect to the the innocent girlfriend. So no issues with divorced men as long as no crazy ex hanging around. Lol. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
What I said was I'd think twice about it, that doesn't mean I wouldn't, geez.....I've been married once, divorced once and don't see the need to do it again. Yes I've had other relationships, but didn't get married again, I think at my age it's a given that I would have had more than one relationship. Not even really sure why the child comment came from, It's about personal preference, why is it that you have taken it personally?
-
MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' So many Depends! Lol. Making my bladder leak... lol But seriously I do get you darlink. I may not be as guarded as you with men up front but maybe i dont get to meet a lot of men personally due to me being time poor and will meet a man that truly interest me physically and mentally. Also he has to have that 'shaggable' factors including not married/attached and being mentally n emotionally stable. I have passed up a lot of op to meet with truly hot married/atttached men because of my moral stance on the sanctity of marriage or with respect to the the innocent girlfriend. So no issues with divorced men as long as no crazy ex hanging around. Lol. - Posted from rhpmobile Great minds think alike. Foxy
-
RHP User
10 years ago
You can't win really. I am sure that women are suspicious about men in their 30's or 40's who have never been married or had a long term relationship as well.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'MeandUxx' As a lot of women's saying goes "All men are the same"........and the first question I got asked a lot when it first came out about the divorce was "Did you cheat on her" You are meeting the wrong women! Divorced is fine with me. It actually tells me you have committed in the past. Having said that, I've never been married but have been in committed long-term relationships so it doesn't say everything. Personally I have no problem with separated either, as long as it means "We aren't living together and both agree we've split up", not "We share a house but I feel separated from my partner, even if she isn't quite aware of that". People will always assume things, no matter what your status is. I want to meet those that ask me if their assumptions are right.
-
Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' No not a turn off before getting to know.... No matter how much they feel liberated, it would depend on a few things. Depends how long separated and divorced? Depends if children or not? Depends if they put down their ex/ex wives down in front of me or not? Depends if they want free counseling services? Depends if he's traumatized from the divorce or not? Depends if he's heart is open or closed? Depends if he has learnt from his mistakes? Depends on who left who? Depends if he is Mr.Emotionally Unavailable or not? LOLZ So many depends....guess it depends too, if I like em or not or if they can put up with me or not. If he can cook, grocery shop, and be my bag biatch for me- that's a plus! Foxy Yes, I can cook, have been grocery shopping for years (and even know where / how to find bargains) - but being a bag biatch - you're really asking a bit much now ....Tall
-
MissSarahCurious
10 years ago
Divorce is the process to end of a state of legal binding, not a state in itself. I think it's an outdated label, originally created in objection by people whose religion prohibited that kind of thing, as a badge of shame. These days it can unfortunately still have negative connotations left over from its origins. Not necessarily religious in nature but people still unfairly assume negatively; failure, bitterness, baggage, etc. Not that I'm ashamed to have gotten a divorce, but the marriage is legally ended and now I'm happily "SINGLE" Never look back, never surrender ;) xx Sarah
-
MissSarahCurious
10 years ago
Quoting 'Curiousplay1980' Having said that, if he had been 2 or 3 times divorced we would have alarm bells ringing because that could be more than just bad luck. I do have to have a little admiration for the people who can remain optimistic enough to go back again after round 2 lol xx Sarah
-
RHP User
10 years ago
The inks still wet on my divorce papers, but it truthfully never bothered me. Just a bit of administrative tidying up she wanted as she is living with someone else now. On a site like this though, I think it pointless to get hung up on that label Mind you, I read "Recently Separated" as meaning desperate to get back into it!But have no proof of that haha
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Divorce is as common as mud. It doesn't mean anything other than your relationship ended. The reasons are yours as to why. If you really want to tell me I'll listen. What does baggage mean? If it means you belittle women and especially your ex, then I would suggest you need some more time before you consider entering a new relationship. If it means you have some residual hurt from past relationships yet still maintain optimism and openness, you are real! I agree with others who say kids are not baggage. Kids are gifts to be treasured and if you treasure your kids and put them before everyone else, I'm going to really respect you for that. Why am I sceptical about separated? I live in Darwin where there's lots of FIFO's and some people do say separated when what they REALLY mean is living away from home and feeling horny.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'MissSarahCurious' Not that I'm ashamed to have gotten a divorce, but the marriage is legally ended and now I'm happily "SINGLE" Do others agree though? Is it ok to call yourself single instead of divorced? And what if you were widowed?
-
Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
Yes exactly Meeka.....
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Anyone over 30 who says they don't have any baggage is either an outright liar, or has lived an incredibly sheltered life
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Well if you are not married, or no longer married, and not in a committed relationship.......... you are single. Is it really anybodies business about whether you have been married before? I don't think it is.
-
Missb4u
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'MissSarahCurious' Not that I'm ashamed to have gotten a divorce, but the marriage is legally ended and now I'm happily "SINGLE" Do others agree though? Is it ok to call yourself single instead of divorced? And what if you were widowed? I asked this question the other day, "when do I stopped being considered divorced and can be single again?"....The answer I got was never you are a divorced woman for the rest of your life..what prompted it was filling out a form and it asks "Status = married, divorced, defacto, single"why does divorce even matter?well ... I don't agree and will be single from now on.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
The only divorced man I know is definitely a turn off...cause I'm the one divorcing him! Lol But seriously, the fact a male is divorced, separated, or single makes no difference in my books - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Lovinit28' Yes exactly Meeka..... Okay, well I have never been married, I don't have children, I have never lived with anyone, I have never had my heart broken, I have never been in a monogamous full time long term relationship with anyone. I take it part time open relationships don't count? I must be considered to be...... really damaged goods, sheltered, and have no idea. Someone to be avoided because I can't make a commitment.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
It is the same thing. Why is that people have to know a woman's marital status? What does it have to do with anything? Mr is always just a Mister.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'Lovinit28' Yes exactly Meeka..... Okay, well I have never been married, I don't have children, I have never lived with anyone, I have never had my heart broken, I have never been in a monogamous full time long term relationship with anyone. I take it part time open relationships don't count? I must be considered to be...... really damaged goods, sheltered, and have no idea. Someone to be avoided because I can't make a commitment. you were referring to my comment? If so I wasn't talking only about baggage from relationship breakups, divorce etc. I meant any aspect of your emotional makeup, as influenced by your life experiences, that another person might perceive as a 'negative'. So for some, yes, it may appear that you are a commitment-phobe and they may see that as a negative depending on their own perspective. It is very relative and subjective. But when you see older people who say they want someone who doesn't have any baggage, I roll my eyes because basically life gives you baggage, as others have said it's how you deal with it that matters.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Okay, well I have never been married, I don't have children RHP, can we add "Spinster" to the list of relationship statuses?
-
RHP User
10 years ago
There are many reasons for married couples to be divorced. the only thing that IS sure and TRUE, is that for every divorced man, there is a divorced woman... Always.. LOL In my experience of many years on 'Vanilla Dating' sites, the majority have been at least triggered by infidelity by the man, in a vast majority of cases. But there are men who've been divorced who have been cheated on themselves. I am one of them. My 1st wife cheated, with many men, including friend (who aren't anymore). I was silly and tried to keep it together for the sake of the kids... But you can't, they just get exposed to fights and arguments and bitterness. I did have a second wife whom I loved dearly, but was widowed after 10 years... So I hope that doesn't count as a 'second 'broken marriage'... I shouldn't think it would!!! Personally, I would be wary of forming a relationship (exclusive, with a view towards a future) with a lady who had a history of cheating... I know there are reasons, but I just think it's honourable and saves a lot of hurt and making your partner feel 'worthless' by simply cutting them free BEFORE you betray them. I've been on the other end of a cheating wife that many people knew about but I didn't. It made me feel like a fool and it was cruel and unnecessary to make me the only person who wasn't "in on the sniggering and jokes". But the fact that someone is divorced, doesn't bother me at all... If they are separated (and we are talking about a relationship with the hope of a future together), I think it's best if they sort their divorce and settlements etc out first and get it all behind them before thinking about another life with someone... man or woman.
-
Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
I take people at face value, I have friends from all walks of life, it's got nothing do with being damaged or baggage, whether you've been married or not, I don't really give a fuck. God know I've got enough baggage to fill a semi trailer, so it's not about any of that for me. But yes if it's a man that I'm considering bringing into my life, if he has had a couple of divorces or never been in a relationship at the age of 40, I would think long and hard about certain things. I've made some pretty shitty decisions throughout my life, so now I micro analyze things...... It's not a deal breaker, but I would defiantly think about it a bit more. It's also completely different if it's someone that I'm only sleeping with and nothing else, I don't need to know the ins and outs of everything in their life and they don't need to know mine.....💋
-
Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Quoting 'Lovinit28' . God know I've got enough baggage to fill a semi trailer, so it's not about any of that for me. Lovinit... have a word with Sir Stir - he has a semi trailer - might work for you. Tall
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' Men, I could ask the same question...Are Divorced women a turn off? Foxy No
-
Mr_MrsAraps
10 years ago
Quoting 'MeAgain7' There are many reasons for married couples to be divorced. the only thing that IS sure and TRUE, is that for every divorced man, there is a divorced woman... Always.. LOL Not when they legalise same sex marriage ....
-
RHP User
10 years ago
leave the married men alone.... I agree, middle aged and single can be concerning.
-
Splicey
10 years ago
I'm not after a relationship so it's not a turn off. If there was cheating involved I make sure to remember trust is an issue, but otherwise - Hello
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Araps' Quoting 'MeAgain7' the only thing that IS sure and TRUE, is that for every divorced man, there is a divorced woman... Always.. LOL Not when they legalise same sex marriage .... Or if they are polygamous.
-
MissSarahCurious
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Do others agree though? Is it ok to call yourself single instead of divorced? And what if you were widowed? What if I'd been defacto but not married for like, 15 years? Why is the legal process the difference in whether it's 'OK' with anyone else since we're applying it in terms of how much baggage I'm supposedly dragging? I'm a worse pedantic semantic asshole than probably anyone I know, sorry. The word just doesn't convey the meaning it was designed for anymore. It's an irrelevant label. xx Sarah
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'MissSarahCurious' Quoting 'Meander' Why is the legal process the difference in whether it's 'OK' with anyone else xx Sarah exactlysex is human nature, laws are pretty much made to keep the glue of society working, even if it contradicts our basic desires
-
RHP User
10 years ago
My last partner of 3 years had been married 5 times.We were engaged but she ran off with a much younger guy who is married himself.I'm glad not to be another statistic.A track record of that kind says much
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Well doesn't it? Why can't divorced people say they are single, it's true. Why so much judgement? A divorced person relating to themselves as single could be saying they are free from their past and are ready to start fresh. So many people living in their heads!
-
MissSarahCurious
10 years ago
Quoting 'Tonyerotic' My last partner of 3 years had been married 5 times.We were engaged but she ran off with a much younger guy who is married himself.I'm glad not to be another statistic.A track record of that kind says much Takes a special kind of person to want five of them.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Indeed. Takes a special kind of person to hide a side to them you never knew for that length of time..It's enough to put you of your breakfast.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Most still haven't cut the emotional cord and have much unfinished business.
-
Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
I've made that comment often. If you have no wife/husband/partner..... you're single. Why you'd want to tag yourself as divorced seems strange to me. DG
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Most or Some?.Any stats on that statement available?
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share