M46
Are shy men mysteriously attractive or just unsexy?
July 08 2015
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
is try asking upfront for a while, see where it leads. You might find it isn't as bad as you anticipated and even start enjoying the rush it brings and the self respect you get from having tried. Or you might find that it doesn't feel right and it isn't for you. Either way you will probably answer the question you just asked.
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RHP User
9 years ago
My advice is go with your gut, if you feel you should try then do. Sometimes we have to take a chance, you've got nothing to lose.
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blkcapricornday
9 years ago
Read a great article by a well known American psychologist who said that our current level of perfectionism is really taking a toll, in that we’re becoming too scared to try, in case we fail. I wont go into it in depth, but basically this ‘failing’ is really good for us, and he urges us to be more risky in our social behaviour in an effort to ‘train’ ourselves to be less dependant on validation from others. He argued that non-succeeding is a normal part of life, and shouldn’t restrict us socially. He also made a great point that this kind of ‘training’ has the potential of strengthening us psychologically, very much like weight training strengthens us physically. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but think of it as a challenge! And if it’s too much of a challenge, maybe employ mindfulness tactics, where you can train yourself to become less emotionally attached to the events around you. And at the end of the day, cheekiness can be a very endearing quality ;)
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inspirit
9 years ago
Personally I like to know exactly where one stands. I can't be arsed with skipping around grey areas. In answer to your question - I find them time wasters. As for "star sign" analogies - meh! I am a Sagittarius and I can be shy at times too. Although if you read about this sign, you would think - Nahhhhhh. Are you cautious because you don't particularly like rejection?
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RHP User
9 years ago
You can wait for everything to be just perfect or you can seize the day. You do not know if today is your last or not so dont waste it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You have to polarise women.......if you don't, it's the quickest way to the 'friend zone'. Confidence has nothing to do with the experience of what we achieve......it's about being comfortable with rejection and failure. If you are sensitive and afraid of being hurt, it suggests that you will manipulate your environment to 'hide', so there is nothing endearing about someone who is afraid to show who they are.
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Hottie1
9 years ago
I would suggest many women like confident men, not arrogant but a socially confident man. I'm one of these women. You seem worldly, intelligent and look awesome, you have lots going for you. Ask people out, it won't be rejection every time but what you will do every time you ask someone out is continue to build your confidence and your social resilience. Good luck Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Your social intelligence,learn to read the signs..if a woman is interested in you sexually she will let you know...shy men can be sexy but don't expect women to be mind readers..you need to let them know of your interest ..It doesn't have to be overt,but don't be too subtle either...there is nothing sexier than a man who shows genuine interest.Sometimes very confident men only show genuine interest in themselves 😝xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
LOL 5 thousand rejections and slaps in the face has made me an expert at avoiding such people. Now I just have to glance someone to know if it will happen or not and i do not have to waste time on the losers.
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RHP User
9 years ago
There are confident men who are too arrogant, and shy men who are socially inept. What and where that line is will vary greatly. I've seen a few of your posts, and I didn't realise you were shy - it's a lil endearing. But reading body language and those subtle cues are pretty easy to do when you know what to look for. The worse someone can say is No.. right? Don't let a no define you, and use the experiences to add to your repertoire.
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
The meek will not inherit the earth. (and in spite of what Monty Python said... neither will the Greeks!) The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog........the slow shark misses the fish..... the shy tiger loses the deer.... See where Im going with this...?! See it.Catch it.Eat it.Nobody will seize your moment for you.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Maybe being up front is good. I must admit I'm possibly not clear with my interests in what I want, which is only going to make it confusing to anyone else. Though must admit that I meet a lot of ladies in my dancing, but my gut too often tells me the drama is not worth it... friends is where I'm comfortable with. But it does kinda get frustrating watching others hook up, and you continue to wait for someone that sparks that chemistry. Though I must ask, would ladies think less of a guy for saying yes I like you and I'm attracted to you... though I don't think I could see it becoming long term... would that honesty put you off... possibly even being friends?
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Quoting 'VerticalDancer' Maybe being up front is good. I must admit I'm possibly not clear with my interests in what I want, which is only going to make it confusing to anyone else. Though must admit that I meet a lot of ladies in my dancing, but my gut too often tells me the drama is not worth it... friends is where I'm comfortable with. But it does kinda get frustrating watching others hook up, and you continue to wait for someone that sparks that chemistry. Though I must ask, would ladies think less of a guy for saying yes I like you and I'm attracted to you... though I don't think I could see it becoming long term... would that honesty put you off... possibly even being friends? Don't wait.Don't say it. Be masculine..... and show it (in a non creepy way). Youc ant have long term without a short term beginning. And yes, you're overthinking it.... and missing out. DG
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm a dancer. I know how to show it. I get those long looks and well... I'm guessing I'm answering my own question. I'm working through issues... and I'm tired of being hurt... so now overly cautious
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RHP User
9 years ago
Well I guess it depends on how well you feel you know the person. You know them better than we do and you would know how that person responds to you. Do you feel confident in the way they respond to you? Caution is always a good thing but too much of anything is a bad thing.
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RHP User
9 years ago
"I'm attracted to you... though I don't think I could see it becoming long term" ... Um, I would say no. How about "I'm attracted to you ... But I'm in a complicated space right now, working through my own stuff, can't give myself completely to anyone long term. But... if you're also interested in some short term fun - I'm can totally your guy"
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
I can shorten all that significantly. "You look...... beautiful/sexy/like trouble" Then shut up and look directly through her eyes into her mind. When you drop short emotion-bombs.. they have a much more powerful effect than the long sentence fizzle. And the reality is that all long term relationships start out with immediate (short term) intent. 7c
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RHP User
9 years ago
HennaJay, thanks. That does sound more on the mark :) Honest, still expressing interest and allowing her to decide on the next step without shutting things down immediately, and giving her the choice that if she wants more it may or may not happen (but that's relationships) and if more is to happen then it will take time.... but in not do many words :)
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RHP User
9 years ago
Why was my pick-up artist comment to Fit deleted?
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RHP User
9 years ago
I agree with both of Henna's comments, OP. :-)
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' "You look...... beautiful/sexy/like trouble" Then shut up and look directly through her eyes into her mind. DG....I do find some of your advice to be quite amusing, but this one nearly made me snort my drink out my nose
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RHP User
9 years ago
Look too far into a mind, I'd be worried you're thinking about chianti and fava beans.
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RHP User
9 years ago
To mind reader...gosh that's scary 😱😱😱xxFreya
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tylannister
9 years ago
Quoting 'HennaJay' Look too far into a mind, I'd be worried you're thinking about chianti and fava beans. This reminded me of the perfect example of how not to chat up a woman... Go to youtube and look up 'How to chat up a girl - Coupling' Two words: "ear bucket"
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lifetoshort86
9 years ago
I myself am a cancerian and I struggle with the exact same issue as they all say it's something you need to work on but that's way harder then it sounds I'm still working on it, its a constant battle - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
You're welcome.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Now everybody.... ML knew you were all going to write that. Because he can see into your mind. Well in this instance we all could.
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RHP User
9 years ago
it just shows it's a personal choice...Some will be attracted too and want to explore furtherwith the guy who leaves his moves to the dance floorOthers.. will be attracted to confident freddo with the big mouth
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Did you know he was a Wide Mouthed Frog?!
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RHP User
9 years ago
You don't see many of them around here 😳xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
For the guys here, do you find a difference in asking out between meeting someone randomly at a party to say someone you know at work (ie someone you see regularly)? I tend to 've a lot more cautious to the point of only being friends the closer the person is to my regular places.... work, gym, dance halls. And one for the ladies, does it create awkwardness to the point of ruining friendships and working relationships if a guy asks you out?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Would you rather know or die wondering? Ask, just ask and move forward accordingly.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think you have nice qualities. Nothing wrong with a shy man or a quiet man well for me anyway , I've dealt with far to many so called alpha males. I find it endearing and appealing. I agree with some of the posts , we are becoming a society that fears failure and rejection and I am no different. Our past doesn't help our future either. But we have to sometimes take that leap over and over again, the worst you will hear is the word no and at the end of the day it's only a word. It is easier said than done , and very easy for all of us to say it but it is you who has to be ready to do it. Baby steps , using your gut instinct and you will find your way , your comfortable with that works xoxo
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RHP User
9 years ago
I find men are given a bad rep for the lower class "boys" chasing meaningless rubbing of their appendages for some semblance of feeling good. Ok, hope that did not come across too bitter :p What I find is that love can grow from respect. But love without respect is not love. So choose respect each time. And well, I find asking out can lose the respect of friendship. I flirt heavily to see if there is interest, and well my gut tells me on many occasions the flirtation is liked but going further comes with expectations I am in a too complicated space at the time to be able to honour. So friendships I am happy to make. But then again it leaves me in a cold bed at night way too often.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Wow Hun , I'd stick to dancing !!!! Spin them in the floor then send them home. You csnt have your cake and eat it all..... Don't ask is my advice , till your in the right space and until your happy in yourself. Your lucky you can trust your gut. I'm no expert , I'm still regaining my trust and relearning signals, however you shouldn't have to flirt heavily sweet , U.S. Ladies are pretty good at giving indications if we are interested , some subtle signs at first and then we can get pretty full on if you guys don't get the point lol. You sound like you do , you don't , you do , you don't . So do have fun and don't commit , enjoy life , when it's time it will be right
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RHP User
9 years ago
Love is a very broad term. Love can exist without respect, just look at the number of people that stay in relationships that are bad, without respect for each other. Then when you ask "Why don't you leave?" they say that they still love. It is not easy to be alone. Knowing love is not easy. Understanding lust is not love is also difficult. Shit the whole thing called life is a rough ride. So how do you make it all better for your self. Don't be inhibited, don't try to conform to other peoples expectations, be your self and wear you feelings on your sleeve in plain sight for all to see, or as they say in business "be transparent" do not cover the truth. You may say "That will cause problems, that will drive people away." Yes it will, but that does not matter because it will also attract people, people more suited to you and who you are. I can say that being transparent is the best way to never be alone. You can never be all things to all people, you may be attracted to someone, show them that you are. If you act in a way that you think that they will like in order to befriend them and then love them you are deceiving them. It will never work out in the end. Don't conform to expectation, don't let rejection rule you actions. I am sure you have heard it many time "Be your self." this is not a throw away line, this is the only way to true happiness, because if you try to be what you think others want you will never be happy.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I might be going out on a ledge here. But... you could always ask a woman what she is looking for. Then you've not put yourself out too far, you still show respect, and then you know the answer to the question you've been wondering about
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'VerticalDancer' I flirt heavily to see if there is interest, and well my gut tells me on many occasions the flirtation is liked but going further comes with expectations I am in a too complicated space at the time to be able to honour. So friendships I am happy to make. But then again it leaves me in a cold bed at night way too often. That puts a different spin on it. By your own admission, you flirt heavily to gauge an interest, knowing full well (unless I'm mistaken) that you have no intention of seeing it through. Where I come from, that's the equivalent to cockteasing. I'm beginning to think that it's not so much about being shy, rejection or even vulnerability on your part, but more a means of excusing, if not justifying your behaviour to yourself. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with settling for FWB's while your waiting for the one (if that's what your doing), provided you're upfront about it. If not, you're setting yourself up for drama and essentially putting them in the exact same position of dealing with the very things that you yourself don't want to be dealing with.
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Quoting 'xKiwiBredx' Quoting 'VerticalDancer' I flirt heavily to see if there is interest, and well my gut tells me on many occasions the flirtation is liked but going further comes with expectations I am in a too complicated space at the time to be able to honour. So friendships I am happy to make. But then again it leaves me in a cold bed at night way too often. That puts a different spin on it. By your own admission, you flirt heavily to gauge an interest, knowing full well (unless I'm mistaken) that you have no intention of seeing it through. Where I come from, that's the equivalent to cockteasing. I'm beginning to think that it's not so much about being shy, rejection or even vulnerability on your part, but more a means of excusing, if not justifying your behaviour to yourself. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with settling for FWB's while your waiting for the one (if that's what your doing), provided you're upfront about it. If not, you're setting yourself up for drama and essentially putting them in the exact same position of dealing with the very things that you yourself don't want to be dealing with. Agree. People (women in your case, as the target of your attention) are likely sensing the incongruity of your approach.... Follow through...
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'VerticalDancer' I flirt heavily to see if there is interest, and well my gut tells me on many occasions the flirtation is liked but going further comes with expectations I am in a too complicated space at the time to be able to honour. this doesn't sound like an issue of shyness. It sounds like an issue of self esteem. You want the validation of knowing that women are attracted to you and would like to pursue something with you, even though you don't want to / are afraid of following through with it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am not attracted to shy men at all....I enjoy confident people in general to socialise with also. If you are too shy to say hello, you won't be bossy enough for me in bed :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Simple... Put it out to the Universe....it will provide. Also don't overthink it. Enjoy the moment... You never know when your number is going to be up so stop procrastinating.... Live life and learn from your experiences... There are so many fish in the sea, eventually you will find what you're looking for. Be patient too.... When the time is right you will be pleasantly surprised... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'VerticalDancer' What I find is that love can grow from respect. But love without respect is not love. So choose respect each time. And well, I find asking out can lose the respect of friendship. I flirt heavily to see if there is interest, and well my gut tells me on many occasions the flirtation is liked but going further comes with expectations I am in a too complicated space at the time to be able to honour. So friendships I am happy to make. But then again it leaves me in a cold bed at night way too often.This has nothing to do with shyness. You don't think you are enough, so you need the validation from women and flirt with them to get them attracted to you. That fills your self esteem reserves for a day or two, but then you go back to feeling lonely/unfulfilled again as the validation wears off. You want a loving relationship but you are terrified of it at the same time, so you try to get your validation from the crumbs that you get from flirting. It's a lonely game and a destructive game.
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RHP User
9 years ago
If you refer this topic to all aspects in life I think most of us will come to the same conclusion.. A positive confident person is not just more fun in the bed room but also as a friend..I know I'm drawn to these people, easier to see the brightest light shining.. In saying that don't always judge a book by its cover..sometimes the juicy parts are better when not expected!!
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