M62
At last... common sense..
February 07 2018
Comments
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sweetgem
7 years ago
Nothing will change nor stop the bullying behaviour in teenagers except for parental disciplines from when they are as little as one year old! Not sure if some parents in here would think my comment is ridiculous, but think it this way, if a one year old child sees a toy on another child that they like, goes up to that child and just grabs the toy off them. As parents, if you see your child behaves like that and just laugh and clap instead of gently disciplining them at the right time, what do you think the child is learning? And when such circumstances continue on happening, what do you think a child is imprinting in their mind? Of course the child is going to grow up thinking that it is okay to behave like that towards other people and got into a habit of bullying other people unnoticeable initially, and then the situation advances from there on! To back up my point, here is an example of what had truly happened to one of my nephews when he was in Year 1. One day after school, my nephew just cried his eyes out to his mum when she went to pick him up from school. My sister asked the little man why he cried, but he was too upsetting to even speak! Thanks to his brother, my sister found out that her six year old got mistreated by two students from a grade above him (Year 2) whom snapped his school hat off his head and ran away with it. My nephew did try to chase after the two older students, but they were a little older, had two of them at the time, and so they ran faster and just threw away his hat in one of the bins before he caught up to them! Because my nephew didn’t see where they had thrown away his hat, so he could not get it back. He reported the incident to his class teacher, but she did nothing at all, which had upset my nephew even more, as he was left feeling hurt! Anyways, my sister had to act for her child and reported the incident to the front office, which only then the school was made aware of the situation and tracked down the two grade 2 students. Apparently, those two grade 2 students thought it was fun to play a trick as such on a little boy (even though they were kids themselves) and didn’t think it was a big deal until the school found out what they did and called their parents up! Were those two grade 2 students a bully? I personally do not think so, but if their behaviour wasn’t noticed and reported, they could be doing it again and again, and one day they could possibly become a bully unnoticeably! Therefore, my point here is, some parents do not really pay attention to their children’s behaviour when they are little, so the parents do not give their kids the relevant disciplines accordingly. Hence, my comment about nothing will stop bullying behaviour in younger kids except the disciplines from their parents. - Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
There goes any chance to engage in banter.... So long way of life lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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Sawadee
7 years ago
You made some very good points here as I also believe parents do play a big role in their child's development. To a point that is ? Once a child reaches puberty lots of things change as we know.. They question anything and everything and are easily led by their peers.. This is the time good parenting shines through , guiding their kids through their teens against the odd's is hard. It's the parents who stick their head in the sand who don't want to know or care that is a huge part of the problem.. It's a hard one.. ?
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RHP User
7 years ago
Sorry but this wont change a thing. How on earth is this going to be policed? Pusscat xxx
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Simple, those who are being bullied know who the perpetrators are and so do thier friends.
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gazpacho
7 years ago
Domestic violence is the other taboo. We, as a collective, could end it if we wanted to. It involves being brave enough to stand up for each other and say, “no, that’s not acceptable.” Instead, we are content to stand by, turn a blind eye, not get involved... not my circus nor my monkeys. It is our community. There’s a way to make it better. First step is to recognise these begaviors for what they are, instead of trying to be part of the gang. Hugs Gaz - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
It's heartbreaking the way some youngsters are bullied to the point of thinking they are worth less than nothing and decide the world would be better off without them. Because of my life experiences as a Forgotten Australian, I thinks it's a community issue. More than 500,000 children ended up being taken into care after home life failed them in the 20th century. The bullying a lot of them experienced in that 'care' was horrific. And yeah, I'd like to see a consequence that, a) directly deals with the tools used to bully and, b) actually matters to the bully. Giving them days off school doesn't help. but then... How many bullies are actually being bullied at home? Bullying Is a Community issue and ignoring it doesn't make ti go away.
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Mischeviouslad
7 years ago
Sure, some people may be more sensitive to the effects of bullying.... .... but bullying does NOT stop at the computer screen of pre-teens. In many respects it continues right throughout life...... and it is our inherent ability to cope, deal with and grow from such adverse situations that makes us who we are..... and strive to become who we want to be. So where does teaching resilience and self esteem become as important, or I would say more important.... than narrowly applied anti bullying programs??! 🤔 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
With woody pusscat Sorry but how can children learn to stop, disregard or even be held responsible for their actions when trolling and bullying APPEARS to be acceptable and endorsed by adults in everyday life. Children follow by example so it starts at home and then the net is cast wider You only have to look at various social media platforms including FB, public forums, twitter etc to see that bullying,trolling is every where often under the guise of so called humour and at times encouraged. We, as a society believe that our opinions,views , ideaology matters. It doesn't , but behind the safety of our computer monitor we think our voice counts We are full of self importance Wouldn't it be good if we could self moderate, or that a 10 minute delay automatically kicked in before we could publish what we think and subsequently have written . We may think twice as once it's on the net it's out there forever Education is the key to reduce bullying but my own belief is you will never be rid of trolls or bullies , bullying which basically stems from anger, bitterness and low self esteem. And working to improve ones self is much harder than typing out some mean, damaging or provocative words that gives the writer instant gratification when followed by many "likes"
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Wow... well thought out and well written. Found myself nodding at 99% at what you had to say... Specially the " behind the safety of our computer monitor / mobile screen we think our voice counts " we are full of our own importance.. Ain't that the truth, and this is usually where bullying manifests.. Also liked your suggestion on taking a 10 minute breather before posting anything to avoid doing damage.. These are the types of things that needs to be taught in our schools.. Agree we will never rid ourself of trolls or bully's specially with today's technology...
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
The world is bloody stuck with ya!!! Lol Omg!!! OMG!!!!! I’m sorry DG, did I just bully you?? I’m sorry bro *hugs* please don’t file a complaint, or sue....I truly am sorry 🖕🏻 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
The law and police agencies don't have a good track record of being able to monitor, enforce, and prosecute laws around the use of technology and social media. I read that kids who are 'convicted' of bullying on social media will be given bans on accessing it - sorry but it's just incredibly naive to imagine that police have the resources and knowledge to be able to enforce such a ban, short of locking the kid in an empty room on a permanent basis. I'm not going to pretend to be an expert on how to stop bullying but it is a very complex area and as such simple punitive measures aren't going to cut it.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Great topic Jayme and was thinking about this myself having a teenage son who said the other day that he didn't have many friends at school which saddened me. Having ADHD and being diagnosed and medicated late he has suffered bullying and was accused of being a bully and put in the bad kid basket by a lot of his teachers and other students. Only in Grade 2 did one of his teachers really pull me up and say you need to do something. By then the damage had been done and even when he wasn't doing anything wrong the other kids would say it was him because he already had that reputation. Bullying has been around since the beginning of time and kids have always been cruel. There is always a pecking order. When I was growing up you were bullied at school or outside of it but you could not bully someone 24/7. Boys had punch ups and girls had catfights and then the issues were resolved or continued until someone gave in. I was bullied at school, suffered with anxiety and depression etc so my self esteem was damaged for a very long time and have carried it through to adulthood. In this age of technology with mobiles, computers and gaming it is so easy to say what you want to anyone without any consequences. Teachers at school have no disciplinary measures to fall back on to control bullying at school. My son was suspended for 2 weeks for bullying. The other child involved who was also bullying him had no consequences. I don't see the point of suspending kids who get into trouble. I will always stick up for my child or anyone for that matter. I have done the best I can as a parent to instil the best moral code in him but once they go out into the world it is up to them to control their behaviour. To a point yes parents are responsible for their kids behaviour when they are little because you have control over their behaviour but once they become young adults it is so much harder. I hate technology. I have great difficulty even with the way people now seem to have so much lack of respect for each other, say whatever you like, the sense of entitlement, self importance, Its all about me. Everything is in your face all the time, this generation is growing up with no social skills and I see it in my son. It is all pretty sad really.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
If you give in to these low life's they win and that's how they get their strength.. Protect your child , guide them and hopefully they come out the other side a better person. The effects of ongoing bullying hit home when my granddaughters friend took her own life . I wonder how the bully's felt then ? There's been 3 in the news lately the young girl in Darwin, one in S.A. and I think the other in Perth , whose mother through tears suggested bully's get tracked down and dealt with.. Regardless to what's being said , something can be done if people just stop shrugging their shoulders and pretending it's just another news story.. Hopefully , the law catches up with these low life's and they get what they deserve...
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RHP User
7 years ago
I think trying to make bullying illegal will simply result in kids bullying each other with accusations of bullying. I agree completely with DG in that teaching resilience and self esteem is more important.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
with due respect, ask the parents who lost their kids if they didn't try teaching their kids to be resilience ? I'm sure they all did .. Can you imagine what a bad place those kids were in when they decided to pay the ultimate ? Kids are kids, they think like kids and get caught up in their own headspace .. Besides ' I believe most kids are resilient specially the bully's , but how many of those who do survive still bear scars into adult life ?
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RHP User
7 years ago
.... but roping it in a bit and slowing down the rate is possible I believe. My mother (an exceptional teacher) worked for near 45 years at an independent school (prep to yr12) and at every morning assembly morals were taught, just ten minutes. No bullying in the school, if there was it was very minor. Not saying it was squeaky clean but 99% better than most. For me as a child that stood smaller than most until 14 with red curly hair, freckles, wet my bed and pants and had allergies. So from a very early age I always found it hard to understand how kids and adults alike could be bullied. Until I met my mates from the more unfortunate parts of town. Lack of parenting, lack of aspirations, lack of moral grounding and sadly lack of love. In my adult life it was always lack of education. So I began my understanding of bullying in early primary. Communication and self worth were the key for me and I was fortunate enough to have this instilled in me. I couldn't be bullied as anything said to me flowed straight off or as I was a highly intelligent child a humourous retort taking the piss out of myself better than they could worked. And then the violent side. Again lucky enough to have a father who was physical (sarcasm on the lucky) but disgustingly terribly in his mental bullying, so I could take a hit. As I was a pacifist again no reaction, just not worth their while. One day I'd had enough picked a kid up in his chair and turfed him still in it across the room. I was a tiny kid but a pure sinewy farm boy. Yes it was much easier for me but as I have stated I was one of the lucky ones. So It is us as a COMMUNITY as Gaz has said in an excellent post to stop this. We need the government to set some laws in motion. Things like compulsory morning assemblies, free psychologists in all schools. You know things like the old days for anyone my age or older as the nanny state was beginning after I left at 15, whoops sorry I DIGRESS those people that occasionally came into classes with stories of their lives, the reformed addicts and criminals to teach you by what they had been through. Well kids have seen or heard most things these days thanks to all forms of uncontrollable media. So a bit of reality is what I think we need to give them. Could go on and on with many things our governments could apply as I am sure others could. And my sincere apologies from all the arses that bullied those who have suffered from it through their lives.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Thanks for sharing, that was quite a story you had to tell. Thankfully ' I never had too many problems because at a very young age my father ( a career boxer ) taught me the basics on how to look after mysel That was before they ( parents ) split when I was 8 yrs old. But that aside, and on a brighter note , the victorian premier announced on tonight's News they have set aside funding to be used in the control of school bullying and trolling. At least it's a start...
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RHP User
7 years ago
In a perfect world, kids would have good parents who love and care for them, but in reality a huge percentage of kids don't have parents, and a huge amount of the rest have awful parents. They don't know any better. I'd like to believe that if that teacher who did nothing in your story about the problem had followed up, they could have made a positive difference. Instead they instilled distrust. I have had that for the child I'm going to give an example for... He called on a teacher when a kid followed him abusing him as he was leaving school. The teacher chose to ignore it. The boy jumped on my son's back at the bus stop with all the parents there waiting for heir kids, and no one did anything. He was suspended along with the other boy... My son's suspension and taint on his good record were wiped after I explained the details and asked if he was really supposed to not defend himself under the circumstances. There is a lack of education on the behalf of people who have them for the most time after the parents. Really, it needs community involvement and awareness. You don't want to hear about one of his teachers in primary school who told me he was the worst student because he wrote on his books. Who I also happened to walk by to hear her verbally abusing one of the other students. And it was so hard to have her relieved of her position. I saw a mention on Gogglebox that inspired me and wanted to add here... What Happened When a School Went Gender Neutral? I won't make my long post any longer by adding the read up I read via google but it was eye opening and I could see such a thing making a striking difference. Some of the efforts like unisex toilets were abandoned but the real thing was the steeping out of traditional roles that gave our kids so much more confidence. Ah yes, I looked up stuff about hoon drivers as the closest approximation in practice... The only recent story I found of an actual example in 2017 was the guy who'd gotten hos car back two days earlier, only to be sprung going 150+ in a 60 zone. So yeah, no lasting lesson there. AND, let's face it, the likelihood is that they'll find a way around it anyway... Cheers, Peachy
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RHP User
7 years ago
Other than some very clever app or program comes alone, you won't be able to stop bullying. It will take a generation or two where parents teach there kids how to behave. Today with both parent working to pay of there house and new cars they probably cant afford, parenting is outsourced to somewhere where the people just want to make money. I maybe old fashioned but when my kids come alone my wife stopped working and looked after the kids. That meant a house was out of question and secondhand cars, but I am proud of my wife and my kids and grand kids.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Yes ' the good old days, when the man worked to support his family and the wife stayed at home to look after the kids.. Ideal ' but unfortunately those ideals have slowly vanished. Today' both have to work if they want to maintain the lifestyle.. ? Regarding bullying' I don't think it can't be stopped either, but I believe it can be controlled.. 10 years ago the govt cracked down on speed limits around built up areas . When they posted 50 klm limits we felt like we could get out and walk , but gradually over time ( and after the govt raising so much revenue ) we all slowed down and now it's accepted.. The point I'm trying to make is , if we're serious and the govt follow through with their proposals , bullying can at least be controlled ..
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RHP User
7 years ago
It's today, 16th of March, 2018, and it matters. Ignoring it aside from making jokes is part of the problem. Both of my kids were bullied quite badly at school, multiple stories that I have posted before in the forums. I won't bore you with them again but part of what I noticed at the time was the same headmaster at two of the schools (primary & senior) running the same spiel by me when I attended over the problems my kids were having. He didn't help at all, and did actually make things worse. This was several years apart. That is where some of my attitude towards the culture comes from. When my kids were seeking support, they they were let down by the people that were supposed to do that. Long time gone now though. And then there's, I'm sure we've all cringed over the terrible hazings we see in the news, the terrible ways men and women are made to feel threatened and unsafe, besides the actual horrors they experience. At places they are supposed to feel safe, like school, college. and At places where people are fighting for our country, like the army, navy etc. This culture extends into our armed forces, and is the reason sufferers are being offered payments up to $100,000, (I think the amount is) is proof of the pudding so to speak. I know, groundhog day, please excuse my rant, it's not just a personal thing, or even what I've seen happen but a community thing I think we could improve as a community that I feel very strongly about. Look into it, if we don't know what it is, how can you understand or do anything about it? Peachy, JMO
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RHP User
7 years ago
Cyber-bullying cyber-bullying.jpgCyber-bullying or stalking occurs when someone engages in offensive, menacing or harassing behaviour through the use of technology. It can happen to people at any age, anytime, and often anonymously.Examples of cyber-bullying include:any other form of digital communication which is discriminatory, intimidating, intended to cause hurt or make someone fear for their safety.nasty online gossip and chat, andcreating fake social networking profiles or websites that are hurtfulexcluding or intimidating others onlinesending abusive texts and emailsrepeatedly sending unwanted messages onlineposting hurtful messages, images or videos online
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RHP User
7 years ago
there is the most common form of bullying which we see daily right here on the forums.. "Passive/Aggressive" comments. Some people think that sarcasm is a form of intellect, but unfortunately it falls VERY short of that, and drops right into "Bullying" Just saying...
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RHP User
7 years ago
Thanks Meander, sarcasm is pretty straight forward. Passive aggression is way more complex, thanks for the information, it helps to see an informed and detailed analysis. I reckon passive aggression is often resorted to by people who feel disempowered and hanging limited options.
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RHP User
7 years ago
When bullying occurs, people often place the blame on the shoulders of the victim. Most of the time, they falsely believe that if the victim of bullying were somehow different, then bullying wouldn’t happen. They might even ask the victim: "What did you do to cause it?" But bullying is never the target's fault. They do not need to change or be different in some way to avoid being bullied. Change is always the bully's responsibility..And while it is true that there are some things that can help deter bullying like developing social skills and building self-esteem, the truth is that anyone can become a victim of bullying. There are a number of reasons why bullies target others, but none of those reasons are the victim’s fault. The responsibility for bullying always belongs to the bully. Yet many people still engage in victim blaming and assert that the victim brought about the bullying in some way..To keep from blaming the victim for a bullying incident, familiarize yourself with the top six ways that people blame victims for bullying. Make sure you avoid believing these myths about about victims..He Deserves ItMany times, when people hear that someone has been bullied, they have trouble empathizing with what the victim experienced, especially if the victim has negative or annoying personality traits. Despite whether victims are conceited, rude, inconsiderate or selfish, no one deserves to be bullied.This mindset only condones bullying behaviors..He Should ChangeMany times people will point out what is wrong with the victim rather than recognizing that the real problem lies with the bully and his choices. People often find it easier to tell a victim how he should change in order to avoid being bullied than to place the responsibility on the bully.While there are certain life skills that are important for victims of bullying to learn like resilience, perseverance, and assertiveness, lacking these skills are not a reason to excuse the bullying. Instead, focus on teaching bullies how to take responsibility for their actions..He Caused It or Brought It On HimselfMany people believe it is good for a bully to get a “taste of his own medicine.” But this type of attitude only keeps the cycle of bullying going. For example, bully-victims are caught in this vicious cycle. They are consistently bullied and rather than dealing with the situation in a healthy way, they lash out by bullying others. Instead, they need to learn to handle bullying in a healthy way. They also need to be held responsible for any choices they make to bully others. And most importantly, they need help healing from the consequences of bullying they have experienced. But the fact that they have been bullied should never excuse their choices to bully others. Revenge is never a good option..He Should Have Known BetterThis mindset is equivalent to the thinking that “if he hadn’t gone for a walk alone none of this would have happened.” But the fact is that people should have the freedom to move about in the world without fear of being attacked or bullied.Blaming a victim for being bullied while alone in a locker room, bathroom or deserted hallway, does not address the bigger issue of bullying. True, it is important to avoid bullying hot spots, but this does not excuse the bully's choice to target someone..He Didn't Fight BackMany people will blame a victim of physical bullying for the pain and suffering he endures because he did nothing to defend himself. This type of thinking again excuses the bully’s behavior. Likewise, people will also blame the victim if he defends himself, reducing the bullying incident to a fight instead of seeing it for what it really is — a bully attacking another person and that person defending himself..He Is Too SensitiveThis statement is a classic victim-blaming statement. When people make comments like this, they are excusing the bully's taunts and teases by indicating that there is defect in the victim. What’s more, this is a common bullying phrase that implies that the victim's reaction is not normal or natural. This is probably the worst possible thing that someone could say about a victim of bullying because it minimizes what he experienced.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I apologise for past behaviour off site that I didn't recognise as being bullying at the time but in my reading over the last few days, I can see that while I thought being public was enough, singling someone out is never ok. Peachy
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