RHP

RHP User

M45

Autosex

November 22 2013

Hello again, guys and dolls! I'm writing to you today about something strange that happened to me in the wee hours. As you might have read in previous thread, I notched the bedpost so many times the bedknob fell off. Thank God it was the bedknob and not my redknob, even though I still felt a little ill. So into the murky misty jungle of self imposed celibacy I trotted, wilfully shunning all female contact and hibernating in here, with you lot. This morning for me is still last night, and, as can happen, I cannot sleep. Tried counting sheep. Found some crusty fossilised Horlicks in the pantry and made myself a crunchy cup. I downloaded a documentary about Venetian art from the history channel. Nothing seemed to work. Absentmindedly scratched myself and felt a TWANG. Hello! Masturbation! Of course! Its been about a week since anything but a soapy flannel and my pants have gone near it. So I decide to do it healthy-like, yeah, without the aid of a 2D rendition of several penises penetrating a young woman who required school fees and some crack on the day, and I decide to use my mind. Well! So on goes the showreel, I'm flicking through the conquests, the loves, the hotties, the hurties. I feel it growing, building up, and I can't decide who deserves the magic moment, I'm furiously flitting faces, and just before I go POP! ...Nothing. There's no one here but me. Not one carnal image from my past or fantastical future deserves this moment, says my gooey brains. Just me. I'm thinking about myself and what I am doing and this sudden self sexual surge wells up inside me and I grin in disbelief and mouth "What the fuck!?" at the ceiling as I sticky my tummy. What, thefuck. So I look it up. The sexual attraction to oneself is called "Autosexuality". I have never felt this sensation/feeling/urge/thought before. I am curious! Have any of you ever been, or are currently, attracted to yourself sexually? What do I do now? Do I pamper myself, tell myself how wonderful I was in bed? Do I give myself fifty bucks to go buy something nice? I have this funny idea that I'm now supposed to put in a little aftercare, you know, stroke my own hair, cover the reachable parts with kisses, talk to myself about sweet nothings as I drift off to sleep, wash my tummy... I really want to know about other people's experiences with this. Is this just a once off? My subconscious telling myself I need to love myself? What!? WHAT IS IT!!!? RA

Comments

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    11 years ago

    Yaaaaaawn. So thats what masturbation looks like in writing. Do you need validation and attention this badly?? Really?? There. I said it DG - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Relationship Where sex actually means something other than the raw explosion of bent up energy.You sound as if you see women as a conquest and they should only be there for your sexual needs? But then again i may be reading it wrong...not having a go mate.I am sure the RHP God's will be along soon to explain it all.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    and this is why women love you,and men want to be you. I am actually frantically besotted by me ,myself and I...you must try a threesome with you,you,and you. Here's a toast to all our fellow onanists. ..Jim

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I am merely a minor Norse Goddess kizza,but I think it's called self deprecating humour.x R

  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    11 years ago

    "But don't let your own door hit you on the way out..... and there there buddy, you weren't THAT bad." 😝 - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    to go fuck yourself, you could always reply "No problem!"

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    with oneself can stagnate. Hard to keep it exciting and adventurous when it's incredibly awkward to tie myself to the bed and have my wicked way with myself. Also get tired of the same moves and routine. Sigh. Which is why I stray from myself with other people. Shhhhh, I don't know I'm on rhp. Please don't judge.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    What you should've done was simply go back to the kitchen and let yourself sleep as you cook bacon and eggs like a good bitch :p - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    All you RHP Goddess !

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Nothing at all wrong with a bit of healthy self loving. Go for it I say. Wash that sticky tummy, curl up in a self satisfied ball, drift off to the land of nod and tomorrow when you wake up.... you can feel all warm and fuzzy remembering the pleasure you gave yourself! After all.....no one will ever know quite what you like better than you do yourself. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I'm proud of you, without being condescending? I have been reading your posts of self discovery, your loves, your disgusts, your self realisations. I am quite taken back, I didn't really think that you would stop after your 100th conquest. So to hear you describing your 'self love' I think YES, pat, stroke and love yourself, cause you deserve it!!!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    And I Get exactly what you mean....What The F@#K?.. Indeed. The first time...and i wonder if this happens to other people?Do i tell someone about it? or ask them about it?...or have i already answered those questions with the more than likely judgmental responses one often gets when one is curious and asks a question with an open mind/heart. Auto-sexuality is not about being selfish or jaded...its actually a good place to be..( according to a therapist) For me the Auto-sexuality side of me is just another "uality"*´¨)¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ to go with all my other "ualities"

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Nice one RA. Funny as usual!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I don't even buy me flowers anymore. But have to say, 19 hours after first reading the OP, I'm still laughing at "sticky my tummy".

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I've never read something so descriptive but funny about a person describing their own desire in themselves. I did find it funny but really don't have much to input besides "you have to love yourself before anyone else" Maybe that's what you're doing. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Gawd that was funny :) An awesome piece of writing. I'm never quite sure if your stories are true or just grand fiction designed to amuse and entertain. Either way, I love reading them. I see a book in your future - "Stories from a sex site" or some such thing. I'd never heard of autosex, though discovered Urban Dictionary has a pretty funny definition. I'm not sure that one isolated experience equals autosex though OP. Let's wait and see if you fall in love with yourself and shun all others ... ;)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Time to change your name to SystematicDaffodil?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'mischievouslad'And then......Yaaaaaawn. So thats what masturbation looks like in writing. Do you need validation and attention this badly?? Really?? There. I said it DG Yes. Yes I do. I love it. Why are you on the forums?Quoting 'Sun_Kissed' Gawd that was funny :) An awesome piece of writing. I'm never quite sure if your stories are true or just grand fiction designed to amuse and entertain. Either way, I love reading them. I see a book in your future - "Stories from a sex site" or some such thing. I'd never heard of autosex, though discovered Urban Dictionary has a pretty funny definition. I'm not sure that one isolated experience equals autosex though OP. Let's wait and see if you fall in love with yourself and shun all others ... ;) Um if I have a one night stand with someone doesn't that count as sex anymore?I took some licence with the art doco. I would never let that pinko trash muddy my HDD. I'm just trying to salve my loneliness with the literary seduction of some horny sapiosexuals. Please like me RA

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'StSinner' with oneself can stagnate. Hard to keep it exciting and adventurous when it's incredibly awkward to tie myself to the bed and have my wicked way with myself. Also get tired of the same moves and routine. Sigh. Which is why I stray from myself with other people. Shhhhh, I don't know I'm on rhp. Please don't judge. Maybe instead of cheating on yourself, you could spice things up a bit? Have a threeway with someone you both pick up in a bar together, or buy a sybian. Or, if you're really lucky, trawl around in here, see if you can spot yourself doing the same thing to you, behind your back, and message yourself. Do you like Pina Coladas? RA RA

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Handmaiden' Nothing at all wrong with a bit of healthy self loving. Go for it I say. Wash that sticky tummy, curl up in a self satisfied ball, drift off to the land of nod and tomorrow when you wake up.... you can feel all warm and fuzzy remembering the pleasure you gave yourself! After all.....no one will ever know quite what you like better than you do yourself. - Posted from rhpmobile I cannot autofellate without an amputation. Then again that's when Puppet is a great game to play. RA

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Confront myself. I gotcha. Pro-active confrontation. Neither of me wants to split. Never know, might run into another self lover in a bar drinking Pina Coladas, or Tequila and lemonade, and get a big group thing going. Pina coladas? I'd block me sending that message. I know I don't drink pina coladas.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I like what you write.....such fresh air of a male not frightened of expressing what ever goes through his mind. Love it. Its nice to love your self, we all experience loneliness on our journey through life, and not feeling depressed, yaa self love Loving yourself, is a great way to be. I smile and want more of your writing, please dont stop, I dont care is it real or fantasy.....give me more of it.

  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    Now it's alright for you to have such sanctuary, though rubbing in the salt has hit a nerve. You see I have continually approached this theory you have come up with and it is not so easy. Every time I try this approach to some self experimentation, Tara catches me, she insists that I have no idea to what I am doing and steals my thunder by taking over and showing me how it aught to be done. Bloody abusive marriage can be, I mean how dare she be better than me at playing with myself. Oh well some of you have it easier than others. Show off. Mado Mado Tara xx

  • inspirit

    inspirit

    11 years ago

    I think if one is into pulling one off or rubbing one out then you would have to love thyself as the sexual god/goddess you are. I don't know about you though I NEVER masturbate some I don't like.Love gliding my hands over my body... You got your prize RA.... a little creamy tummy and clearly you are good root.

  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    RA, are you still loving yourself, you are very Quiet

  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'madotara69' RA, are you still loving yourself, you are very Quiet just testing the colour thing

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Are you testing the invisible ink? I think you are doing it wrong. But can you see what I wrote? I think I stepped on a pair of balls. Oopsy.

  • inspirit

    inspirit

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'madotara69' RA, are you still loving yourself, you are very Quiet I would say

  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    Now I am going to have to buy that black light toy. you are all costing me a fortune.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I went out. for three days straight. um.... Hunting wabbits. RA