M32
BDSM
February 27 2018
Comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
The only choker I where is a pretty necklace. This comment will sound judgemental but I don’t mean this personally, I find it hard to grasp that such a young person would have a decent grasp of the lifestyle or understanding of the complexities of the BDSM lifestyle. Is that me being totally unfair???
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RHP User
7 years ago
Where should be wear.
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RHP User
7 years ago
age definitely doesn’t correspond with experience and maturity nor the ability to understand the complexity of the BDSM lifestyle. I know plenty of guys and girls who are well in their 30 or 40’s who have only been sexually with 1 person and experienced one particular style of sex if you will. I’m not saying I have the experience in the bdsm lifestyle of someone who has been in it 30 years but to say I may not have an understanding because I am young would certainly be incorrect and an unfair assumption. Ladies in here say it all the time, older doesn’t mean better or more experienced for that matter. Being in and out of many plays within the BDSM world I would say with confidence I have a solid grasp of the lifestyle of BDSM and am not one of the overnight 50 shades of grey watchers who assert their selfish dominance over a partner. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
That’s a fair statement. I just believed that it can take many years to truly grasp the complexities. People in the BDSM scene say that they are continullay learning. There are so many elements to it after all. I’m no expert, but I’ve had vanilla friends who know I am in the swinging scene ask me about BDSM. I think there is an assumption that, as you say, it’s very abusive and that people into it have been abused at some point which has distorted what they find sexually exciting. I think swinging, open relationships and the BDSM lifestyle is really hard for lots of people to understand and get their head around it. Might be that they haven’t had the exposure to it and haven’t spoken to people about it so there are lots of false assumptions out there.
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RHP User
7 years ago
BD or SM?
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RHP User
7 years ago
Why alot get scared off is there is so many so called masters/mistresses that have never been properly trained for this. There are heaps that love to control and abuse and loving the woman subbing to them when in reality its about what the woman wants and what she agrees to. Some will go overboard which is actually abuse, I know as I have many friends being hurt by would be masters. I personally would never be collared by anyone cause noone will ever tell me who I can and cant see. Once collared the sub can only meet others if they are allowed to whereas the master/mistress can see who they want.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I think that is one type of BD relationship. But I think there are many others? Your comments remind of being at a private sex party once. My FWB at the time, was also seeing a sub woman (her master gave her permission to date him) but at the sex party she spent half the time texting her Master for instructions/permission to do things. “master, can I suck so and so’s cock” “Master, can I kiss guy no 1” Etc Etc I don’t think anyone ever met the Master in person. He obviously got off on directing her from behind the scenes. Annoying AF for the rest of us at the party.
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Lovinit28andKC72
7 years ago
I love the kink scene, so much that I started monthly play parties at my place for our local kinksters. I love most forms of kink with BDSM being our main outlet. I believe a lot of people who aren't part of the kink scene have a false understanding of mainstream BDSM and therefor have their reservations. Like in anything you have your predators and victims, in our scene people for the most part are loving, honest and open and these predatory type people are normally outed, but often not before some damage has been done. I was introduced to the kink lifestyle through a lady I met on one of these adult dating sites. Looking back on my life I'd unknowingly been living in a Ds relationship in my previous marriage, things just came natural and felt normal for us, we knew no different. I was very unfulfilled with the swinging scene and the casual sex life I had but couldn't understand why. It's everyone's dream isn't it to have lots of casual sex with multiple partners, but for the most part it was empty sex with no connection. It ended up just being cock in box, boring and unfulfilling. I met this lady who introduced me to the social media site Fetlife.com and explain and introduced a little BDSM into our relationship and from there I found my place and social network of like minded people. My girl and I have a regular loving, as well as Ds relationship that works for us, which is forever evolving. We have some rules in our relationship of does and don'ts, which are from time to time talked about and re accessed. Our wants in our kink and relationship are natural extensions of who we are, the things we do feel normal, natural and real. It's not make believe or fantasy. it's not forced or acting/role play it's who we are as people and who we are as a loving couple. KC72
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RHP User
7 years ago
Sounds ghastly. I can't stand to even be tied up. Lol. Too restrictive. I know there is so much more to it than that but..... Leave it to the professionals me thinks. LC.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'CandyD' Your comments remind of being at a private sex party once. My FWB at the time, was also seeing a sub woman (her master gave her permission to date him) but at the sex party she spent half the time texting her Master for instructions/permission to do things. “master, can I suck so and so’s cock” “Master, can I kiss guy no 1” Etc Etc I don’t think anyone ever met the Master in person. He obviously got off on directing her from behind the scenes. .................lol yeh fark that. If he can see others so can she. However I do know shitloads that have been hurt by their so called masters. Physically and mentally. One woman i know her hubby as her master she was his sub (he actually was a true master but went overboard). He got his mates to rape her while he watched and she wasnt allowed to complain. I know so many bad stories because I hung around alot that were into bdsm and with all I have heard I could never ever do it.
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
50 shades is a very good example of what turns people off... As naughty Nancy said, so many are quick to advertise themselves as a Dom/Master, when in actual fact they’re just a cunt. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I’ve been interested in the lifestyle a long time and would live it if I could. I used to when I was young no knowing what it was. Unfortunately there are many wannabes and predators. I’ve chatted to or met a few. I even had to adjust my profile after being bombarded with unwanted or disrespectful attention at times. Mostly though I’ve grown and enjoying my own journey. I can usually spot the fakes or they make it easy for me in their first message. I’ve met some wonderful Doms through this site that have helped me to grow and learn and offered support. I was unsure whether to comment on this thread, my inbox will be flooded with derogatory offers to pound my ass and treat me like shit in the morning 🙄🔫 but there’s very few on this site that will openly answer and discuss without understanding. So in answer to your questions: - Yes I enjoy the lifestyle when I can. - No, still not scared off - I became interested in it naturally I guess. Then reading, watching ( yes 50 shades lol) but I see it for what it is, forums, websites, people, experiences, relationships etc. stories. - I find it fascinating - I love the people. Warm, honest, true. Raw. Self assured and respectful. - I love it and seek the ultimate one day. Until then........? 🔐🖤⛓ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
"..age definitely doesn’t correspond with experience and maturity..." Couldn't agree more and doubly so with your reference to older people having been with the same partner for years, then emerge very inexperienced. Add old fashioned, stuck in their ways/not willing to learn, the assumption that young guys can't be mature, sexually or otherwise is ridiculous. My recent sexual education has come from them. Like to think I've taught them a little too but it's the willingness to learn, curiosity, that hones them as lovers. I've just found older guys don't adapt, don't listen and hence will never be/know any better
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RHP User
7 years ago
advice I could give you is not to be a robot, always be in the moment with the person/people you're playing with, and be fussy who you connect with, care about them and nurture them. Might I suggest the choking reference might put some off? You know, maybe tone that down a bit. Very few women would allow a total stranger to do that, or put themselves in a vulnerable position where they might get hurt. Choking is pretty full on, certainly without long term trust being established. You are being honest about what you like, I support that, but saying if they don't want to be choked, don't bother? Do you get many replies lol 😁
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Lovinit28andKC72
7 years ago
I should have added that I’d already been in the kink scene a few years before meeting my girl “Lovinit28”. She was introduced to kink through the swinging scene and met me at a private fundraiser. I was a dessert platter raising money, a gold coin donation for a bite :)
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The_Phoenix
7 years ago
I was introduced to this scene only 9 or so months ago. Taking the step outside vanilla was quite the leap, the realization that its actually ok to explore your kinks without judgement has been the best thing for me. I'm in no way experienced or a practicing Dom. I have much to learn and so I've started this journey very slowly. Fetlife has many avenues for learning and research. Having talked to the lady who introduced me extensively during this time I realized very early on about consent, respect and trust within a D/s relationship or play scene. My family life hasn't afforded me the time to invest wholly as I want to, but that is changing and for the better. I most likely wont live the lifestyle ( not ruling it out) however I most certainly want to grow as an individual, challenge myself and challenge my partners of course. Personally I love the control aspects of BDSM, rope, restraints, impact etc. Humiliation is bubbling away but only at low levels. The people I've met are so very open and honest, I think for me that's what I love the most. Tis a very exciting time in my life. PS, Lovinit, Id like to chat privately if that's ok? BB
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
A dom/sub relationship is like any other. Rules can be made and modified to suit both parties needs. I'm collared but both my Mistress and l are allowed to play and enter into other relationships. Much like an open marriage or Poly relationship. You can take as little or much out of the Bdsm lifestyle that you want. I'm just a newbie, much to learn
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RHP User
7 years ago
I_touch_myself2 Thanks for your input regarding the age discussion, I agree that it is the willingness to listen and learn that makes a great lover, I’ve been in plays with older gents who look like they are digging their way to China in between the ladies legs like it’s their first time. With the choking reference my time on this site is mainly focused on the forums. I have a regular sub and a semi regular sub that I enjoy time with often. I don’t usually approach people on here so I can’t say if it really hinders my experience or not by having that as my name and in my bio, however, I definitely wouldn’t change it... to me this sex is about a mutual satisfaction of needs and desires for both the Dom and the Sub, one of those desires for me is choking. My Bio is fairly blunt as I wouldn’t want to have a D/s relationship where we don’t completely fulfil each other’s kinks and fetishes if that makes sense. I wouldn’t want to be with someone sexually who leaves me desiring for more. It would be like a Sub who wants a strict Don and gets a relaxed one instead, they would walk away with the desire to still have their needs met. I completely agree with what your saying very few ladies would want to be choked and that’s ok they are just not the sexual partner for me. Hope that makes sense. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
That’s a good point, a lot of people seem to think BDSM just means being tied up and whipped black and blue. I think there is a big misunderstanding of BDSM within the vanilla community. - Posted from rhpmobile
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aussian43
7 years ago
I have been on fetlife for a few years, mostly because of the exhibitionist ladies posting boob pics. Was invited to a party recently, and (nervously) accepted. Watching impact play in real life for the first time was a shock to the system, but talking to them about it, I plan to try one day. No idea how it will turn out, but never know unless you try. Other things such as tying the lady up I am happy to do if she is into that sort of thing. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MissRedFox
7 years ago
I got involved in the kink scene before the swing scene and although tend toward swing am active in both as are a lot of my friends. The young people I've met in the kink scene are amazingly mature and knowledgeable. I was introduced to the kink scene by a playmate, joined Fetlife attended munches and events and it just grew from there. XX - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
7 years ago
Us included (once a time) see BDSM as more just a roleplay, dressed up with whips and racks and a smack on the arse kind of play, more show than real stuff. In our better understanding of two friends, one a guy who had recently lived with a woman for a couple years, he built the dungeon and had some great pics, lot of work, plenty purpose. He openly talked with us about his time, putting a collar on his sub he lived full time committed as her dominant partner, take her by the lead on all fours, to the beach and walk her each night (as would with walking a dog) not a dog though, one part of living a lifestyle, very real for those living the life BDSM entails. Another FB (much more) we play with in a three-way relationship also within the lifestyle, he has had years of experience in dungeons, he speaks to us as the BDSM being a tight community, very respectful of each other, not the sort of thing some can just walk into and be. After learning from our friends, we have a much better understanding of the realities, commitments and care the folk of the BDSM lifestyle maintain, tainted by closed minded folk who fear the idea anything outside their own comfort zone causing stigma and it's a shame. Mado Mado Tara xx
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madotara69
7 years ago
Maybe Michael Hutchence and the 'dark sex life, rumoured him and his death by Asphyxiation was of sex gone wrong with his lover. Suicide by Asphyxiation the coroner put it. Always had a vision of Michael hanging from the door knob attempting to get off by himself, passing out and would be really pissed off he killed himself fucking around. 'live baby live', Sorry just a dreamer I am. Choke, is not a painful thing and not a scary can't breath anxiety problem either, it's a hold on the neck restricting blood flow and the oxygen it carries to the brain, by restricting the veins, not crushing the wind pipe, the lack of blood quickly gives a euphoric sense and can lead to passing out, death long shot for call, but understanding what is happening is certainly something before experimenting especially if choking the living shit out of the girlfriend by crushing her windpipe, she ain't going to think your so swell and romantic. It's slowing the blood circulation down, all while conscious, then releasing the hold allowing the blood to flow with pressure back to the brain, giving an awesome sensation, pins and needles but no pain, head rush of the mind blowing and if done correct and timely, (guys would need to know, be in sync with the woman) to release as she begins her orgasm, if timed well for her and no pain or fear, she trusts you. Choke play is awesome too the effects feelings during orgasm, men and women, possibly of an addictive nature hitting the pleasure, or reward sensations. Caution is to know the answer of the question, in your better interests of well being, you'd be silly if someone claiming potentially! did not know and said something of the likes "trust me, I will just squeeze your throat, you'll love me, now lie down" First time I choked Tara, she squirted for her first time, all over my mates face, him yelping "faaark faaark did you see that" same the second time. So beautiful. (thinking of him we laughed just now reminiscing)
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