F54
BDSM for dummies
January 03 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have been wondering this exact thing so have been looking at different sites (as one does) and I think the scenarios that stike the greatest interest in you are the ones to try pursuing.
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RHP User
14 years ago
It was suggested that I take a dominant sexual role role and I tried it and liked it. Now it is my profession. I am thinking of having a "Girls Night" in my dungeon. Any ladies that want to try or like to dominate would be able to play with some willing submissive boys. You will only know what works for you by trying it out. A word of warning to anyone that visits some of the BDSM sites. It isn't like that in real sessions. As Sweetie says books are good too. An essential bit of reading has to be SM 101 by Jay Wiseman (updated edition).
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE'Find a Dom or sub, depending on your needs. THIS is the hard part. Someone experienced who knows their stuff and has your journey and your best interests at heart. Not a wannabe, not a pretender, not a jumped up egomaniac who gets off on belting the crap out of women and degrading them..............a real, authentic, amazing Dom who will guide and protect and teach and nurture you. It's VERY addictive i warn you now, i'm completely hooked. Going to hellfire in sydney not this next trip but the trip after. Happy Hunting xx Sweetie One of the biggest challenges I'm finding is that person who is experience and not a wanna be. I find that those who are experienced don't want a vanilla. I also find myself questioning the psychology behind why I might even be interested in bdsm. Yet still don't know the answer.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' There i went thinking with my sub brain again. I actually think i'm a switch but favouring sub but a long stretch. If you're Domme, find a mentor AND read AND get a profile on Fetlife. :) I'm pretty sure I'd be a sub. I would be a wossie dom but it could be fun.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi! Due to cicumstances that gave me an opportunity to consider becoming a Pleasure Domme, to help a Sub/D Friend until he found a new Miistress ..Since then I've had Interest from Subs ad Doms alike ..I can't invisage Myself as a Sub however; as yet I haven't had the pleasure of sharing practical sessions due to timing issues just theory at present...I do however have the support of 2 Doms who do practise this Lifestyle. I appreciate all their knowledge they graciously share with me when I need to know something..Thankyou Lol Lu :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
I knew BDSM wasn't for me because of the tell tail trophy welts. Otherwise I'm in hobnail boots and all. :pHugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MRSSWEETIEPIE' Not a wannabe, not a pretender, not a jumped up egomaniac who gets off on belting the crap out of women and degrading them..............geeeeeez Sweetiepie... i'm right here, you know! :D heehee!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I would need to be a dom. I imagine it is going to be very hard to find a sub to play with but no way in this world would I ever be a sub. Nope. The idea is enough to raise my hackles. lol. BUT being in control? That is the easy part for me. I have thought about this and I realise that in part it is due to life experiences shaping who I am today. I have been the one in control all my life. Mine is the opposite Sweetie. I also am attracted to apha males. I like big strong men with a soft side as well. They make me feel protected and feminine but in the bedroom? The best I can do is equal, no less! With a dominant male sometimes the silent battle for sexual supremacy is awesome fun!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I honestly cant remember how or when I became interested in this aspect of my sexuality...but now (like MrsS) I am addicted...that being said its not everyone that gets to dominate me...I currently have a Master that I am happy with and only have one at a time....for me (again like MrsS) its a release however unlike MrsS for me its both the pyschological and physical...and for some reason with me I just cant with a woman.... When exploring this definately find someone you trust thats the biggest thing and always always enjoy what you are doing. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
As an interesting aspect I believe that the Submissive has a lots of power in a relationship, they just choose to relinquish the power to someone else. The most important thing in this sort of relationship is having a very long and open discussion. You have to explore the Wants, Desires and the Needs of each of the individuals. Finding a match for all of these is not that easy but if each party is will to push their own boundaries a little it is good. More than any thing a good BDSM relationship is based upon both parties know the physical and emotional needs of the other party. MRSSWEETIEPIE said: Tell a random vanilla date that you're sub and before you know it he'll be attempting to be Dom with you. A classic sign of someone who has no idea about anything. Even a Dom with a little experiance would not do this the power transfer is a gift not something you assume you can take. kitten lots of ladies on here who have ample experiance you should have a chat to them I am sure you will get many answers : LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
Busted again...lol...must be confession time for me.... Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
e.g. I had to spank myself yesterday. Such naughty thoughts should not go unpunished!HugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
to think things through and make sure we are iftting into a 'normal' mould that we have constructed in our heads??? oh I dont know Stalky...we just do so . as for spanking I hope you took a decent flogger to the cute arse of yours....... Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
god i do love the flogger, would have to be my favourite toy hehe im a little in between the wonderful Focus and the great Sweetie im a little pycho and a little physical the pain is great if you find someone that does it right and doesnt think just smacking you with a cane is whats meant to happen the pychological is great if you dont get a moron just trying to controll you in all the wrong ways so you need to find your right balance im a sub but like Focus i wont let just anybody dominate me but then im also a bit like Fionabee...if you try and hit me with a cane i will beat you with it ....a warm of warning though...Domms dont like it when you threaten them with their own cane...WHOOPS have fun and enjoy that side of you...its great fun roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' ....a warm of warning though...Domms dont like it when you threaten them with their own cane...WHOOPS have fun and enjoy that side of you...its great fun roxxy Let me check my rules for subbie behaviour... Rule 36 (c) A subbie will only touch the flogger when bringing it to master for punishment... Tassie your a very naughty subbie lol... LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'LoveCurvie' As an interesting aspect I believe that the Submissive has a lots of power in a relationship, they just choose to relinquish the power to someone else. The most important thing in this sort of relationship is having a very long and open discussion. You have to explore the Wants, Desires and the Needs of each of the individuals. Finding a match for all of these is not that easy but if each party is will to push their own boundaries a little it is good. More than any thing a good BDSM relationship is based upon both parties know the physical and emotional needs of the other party. MRSSWEETIEPIE said: Tell a random vanilla date that you're sub and before you know it he'll be attempting to be Dom with you. A classic sign of someone who has no idea about anything. Even a Dom with a little experiance would not do this the power transfer is a gift not something you assume you can take. kitten lots of ladies on here who have ample experiance you should have a chat to them I am sure you will get many answers : LC I was having that discussion with someone I know at my local and it kind of slipped out that I am a sub (cause we all know I am shy retiring type who would never discusss these things normally), I do think he raised it first anyway...part of the discussion turned around to the assumptions some people have about the respect of the relationship and how just because you let it be known you are a sub to someone they think that gives them the right to do what ever they want (not well worded but anyway I think you get the idea) it was nice to talk about this with him...yes he did ask if I had a current master and was disappointed when i said I did but respected my wishes in this manner...whereas my flatmate the other day saw this giant bruise on my backside and wanted to know who had hit me and why etc etc, once I explained that it was nothing serious (I do bruise very easily) and who had done it to me he was a little calmer but I know that he doesnt understand and doesnt like it but at least he too is respectful of my choices. When I started this current relationship with my Master we had many long discussions about my boundaries (stop laughing I can hear you) and also his - what he was comfortable doing to me...this conversation was essential on both sides and helps build that trust we have with each other. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
We had no idea when we first started exploring BDSM as to what whether it would be for us or not, but given that we started by responding to an advertisement for models for a BDSM shoot one could say that it was likely an adventure waiting to happen. Basically, we saw and advert for models, responded and ended up in a dungeon getting some pics taken and our interest grew from that point, albeit slowly and with immense fun along the way.But, that all said we are not into what many call 'true' or 'serious' BDSM such as activities that some may find humiliating or degrading (or as some call it 'mind fucking'), but instead we are into the soft and sensual side of BDSM, a side often missed completely when BDSM is discussed. For us, we enjoy a good flogging, touch and tease, some tantalising erotic use of implements, maybe even some ropes, but nothing that will leave bruising or bring blood, that is not for us. We have grown into our own world within the BDSM scene and whilst we do not 'get off' on the 'harder' side, it can be a magnificent area to wonder at (some needle play is art in itself).For us, we do not know if we have found our boundary as yet, and we like it that way. ShebaGaz
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sexslaves
14 years ago
I here you people say you don't think bdsm is for you but reading your profiles you all do a form of bdsmwhether you think it is or not. Here is a list that I just put together of different types of bdsm play.We do shows of certain types of bdsm eg. needle play wax play and some suspension bondage then more you get into it the more you want to try but got to have full trust in the person you playing with and always have a safe word Age Play, Anal Sex, Asphyxiaphilia (Breath Play), Ass Play, Biting, Blindfolds, Blood, Body Hair, Bondage, Branding, Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc., Bukkake, Candle Wax, Chains, Chastity Devices, Chinese, Balls/Ben Wa Balls/Anal Beads, Cling Film, Clown, Cock and Ball Torture, Clamps, etc., Collar and Lead/Leash, Confinement/Caging, Coprophilia (Shit Play)/Scat, Cross Dressing, Cuckold, Cupping (Suction of the Skin), Dacryphilia (Arousal from Tears), Defilement, Seeing a Partner Dirty or Wet, Denim, Depilation/Shaving, Dildos (Handheld & Strap-ons), Doctor/Nurse Fetish, Domination, Ears, Electrotorture (EMS TENS units), Exhibitionism/Sex In Public, Feathers, Fire Play, Fisting, Food Play, Gangbangs, Hair Pulling, Handcuffs/Shackles, High Heels, Humiliation, Infantilism/Diapers, Klismaphilia (Douching/Enema), Knife/Needle Play, Lace/Lingerie, Lactation, Latex, Leather, Making Home Movies, Masks, Masochism, Massage, Master/Slave, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Nipples, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Pain, Pantyhose/Stockings, Participating in Erotic, Photography, Piercings, Pinching, Play Piercing, Podophilia (Foot Fetish), Pony Play, Power Exchange, Religious,(Nunplay, Priestplay), Retifism (Shoes or Boots), Rimming, Role Playing, Rubber, Sadism/Masochism, Scent, Sensory Deprivation, Sex During Menstruation, Spanking/Paddling, Talking Dirty, The Rack/Medieval Devices, Tickling, Tongue Fetish, Toys, Transvestism, Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine), Voyeurism, Whips,
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RHP User
14 years ago
Is it just me or does any one else recognise where that fetish list comes from I know 100% for sure where the list is frim :) LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
sexslaves... but as I was about to start ticking them off I didn't notice armpit licking. Really... your list leaves me tied to a kitchen stool :pHugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'd highly recommend readin a book "The Kinky Girls Guide to Dating" by Luna Grey, I found it a great starting point for knowledge about BDSM and it also gave me soem really good ideas for how to approach hooking up with strangers in general. Find yourself some people in the scene and talk to them, they are mostly friendly and often not wankers/nasty/out to get you- then again remember some of them are. I'll be harsh and say that mostly guys prey on girls; so my red hot tip is don't take any shit or let them piss in your ear until you really are sure they are the one you want to surrender to or let do things to you. Nothing annoys me more than seeing some guy treat a girl (usually young) like a piece of trash because the girl didnt know beter and is now brainwashed by the guy to accept it as the norm. Take it slowly and enjoy ya selves!
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MissSarahCurious
14 years ago
I've been thinking about this recently and i'm still not sure what i think about it... i was never interested in BDSM before because i don't like pain at all and although i am "giver" who gets a lot of pleasure out of pleasing people, i know for a fact i'm no sub and thought i'd probably laugh if someone called me Mistress. However, a recent conversation with a playmate included some joking about him being spanked (he accidentally gave me a love bite/hickey, i mean really that deserves some punishment surely!) and while i never considered actually spanking him (he doesn't like pain either) we carried on joking about me restraining him for the spanking and it led to him getting aroused and i think it kind of triggered something in the 'giving' part of my nature because now i can't stop thinking about giving a true sub (not my playmate because he's unsure) what they really WANT. I can't help but think it'd be deliciously rewarding to learn how to 'give' that way.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'curiousnewgirl78' I've been thinking about this recently and i'm still not sure what i think about it... i was never interested in BDSM before because i don't like pain at all and although i am "giver" who gets a lot of pleasure out of pleasing people, i know for a fact i'm no sub and thought i'd probably laugh if someone called me Mistress. However, a recent conversation with a playmate included some joking about him being spanked (he accidentally gave me a love bite/hickey, i mean really that deserves some punishment surely!) and while i never considered actually spanking him (he doesn't like pain either) we carried on joking about me restraining him for the spanking and it led to him getting aroused and i think it kind of triggered something in the 'giving' part of my nature because now i can't stop thinking about giving a true sub (not my playmate because he's unsure) what they really WANT. I can't help but think it'd be deliciously rewarding to learn how to 'give' that way. Hi Curious, | Nice and interesting post. I say that for a number of reasons I have bolded and changed the colour of some of your text. Now understand that this is just my personal opinion and other will differ on my conclusions. | To me the text that i bolded is very typical of the disposition of a submissive. They get great happiness and pleasure out of pleasing others. So I am curious as to the red text why it that you know for sure you are not sub. | I think on occasions in public life we are one person and in private life we are other. A subbie can be a very powerful person in public life, they can be a feminist, leaders of countries...Subbies are not weak, they are infact quite strong. A subbie has opinions and will make them known. | The blue text also reads as more submissive than it does dominant to me...I would say give a true sub what they really deserve...Again I stress this is just my reading of your post. This is a wonderful life style you really should have a chat with MistressT and Focusliason they are both at differing ends of the spectrum and i am sure you would find what they have to say interesting. Without wanting to sound sexist i think initially it is better for you to speek to women for insight. | Nice post and I hope you have a wonderful journey :) | LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
A lot of people will assume that Dominance and submission goes hand in hand with Bondage and discipline and sadism and masochism. This in not always true and is often false. | At its very simplest level D/s is a bit like Leave it To Beaver…It is a TV show from the 50s’ where the father was the head of the home and the wife was a home maker. She will always concede to the father’s position. Like it or not there is a partial power exchange. D/s is about power exchanges. | The reality is that most forms of D/s relationships will involve a degree of discipline the key though is that it is above everything consensual, safe and sane. The degree of discipline and the harshness of it is something that is agreed beforehand. | Most cases of D/s involve a partial power exchange and it is developed over a long period of time. In the beginning a little of the power is exchanged and over time greater amounts of control are passed to the dominant. It is a growing relationship, the Dominant proving they can be trusted and the submissive becoming more and more willing to yield. | Now when you yield control the word no really has no meaning, (there is and always will be a safe word that means no/stop) so a submissive cannot really say no to the dominant once control is passed it is no longer their right to deny the Dominant. | This is way these relationship foster a great deal of discussion, even more so in my opinion than a vanilla partnership. You should always draw up a “contract” (especially important in cases of total power exchange) so both parties know the rules for the relationship. Understand that each rule will have to be agreed. Rules can be domestic, sexual, and public behavior rules. | I am prattling on a bit now but, I just wanted to say that pain is not always involved… | LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
bdsm is at least three dynamics to me. bondage and discipline dominance and submission sadism and masochism its possible to be a sadist submissive, or a masochistic dominant. its far more a discussion for other sites which specialise inn the topic however.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'cheekyboy_sa' bdsm is at least three dynamics to me. bondage and discipline dominance and submission sadism and masochism its possible to be a sadist submissive, or a masochistic dominant. its far more a discussion for other sites which specialise inn the topic however. See my post above yours :) Snap I know you posted at the same time and you are right. LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'cheekyboy_sa' bdsm is at least three dynamics to me. bondage and discipline dominance and submission sadism and masochism its possible to be a sadist submissive, or a masochistic dominant. its far more a discussion for other sites which specialise inn the topic however. You would be surprised at the number of people who have very good knowledge in regards to this topic on this site...and if they can help others understand better whther it be here publicly or privately through messaging why not??? Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'LoveCurvie' Quoting 'cheekyboy_sa' bdsm is at least three dynamics to me. bondage and discipline dominance and submission sadism and masochism its possible to be a sadist submissive, or a masochistic dominant. its far more a discussion for other sites which specialise inn the topic however. See my post above yours :) Snap I know you posted at the same time and you are right. LC I should qualify this to say he was right in the text of it being three things...I agree with focus there are a lot of people on this site who make good and knowing responses. LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'LoveCurvie' Quoting 'TassieRose' ....a warm of warning though...Domms dont like it when you threaten them with their own cane...WHOOPS have fun and enjoy that side of you...its great fun roxxy Let me check my rules for subbie behaviour... Rule 36 (c) A subbie will only touch the flogger when bringing it to master for punishment... Tassie your a very naughty subbie lol... LC please LC iv been very bad....il get the flogger and assume the position. Shall I?? roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' Quoting 'LoveCurvie' Quoting 'TassieRose' ....a warm of warning though...Domms dont like it when you threaten them with their own cane...WHOOPS have fun and enjoy that side of you...its great fun roxxy Let me check my rules for subbie behaviour... Rule 36 (c) A subbie will only touch the flogger when bringing it to master for punishment... Tassie your a very naughty subbie lol... LC please LC iv been very bad....il get the flogger and assume the position. Shall I?? roxxy Well Roxxy, you know the rules and we can not ignore them...drop your panties...Took you a while to spot that post :) LC
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MissSarahCurious
14 years ago
Quoting 'LoveCurvie' Quoting 'curiousnewgirl78' I've been thinking about this recently and i'm still not sure what i think about it... i was never interested in BDSM before because i don't like pain at all and although i am "giver" who gets a lot of pleasure out of pleasing people, i know for a fact i'm no sub and thought i'd probably laugh if someone called me Mistress. However, a recent conversation with a playmate included some joking about him being spanked (he accidentally gave me a love bite/hickey, i mean really that deserves some punishment surely!) and while i never considered actually spanking him (he doesn't like pain either) we carried on joking about me restraining him for the spanking and it led to him getting aroused and i think it kind of triggered something in the 'giving' part of my nature because now i can't stop thinking about giving a true sub (not my playmate because he's unsure) what they really WANT. I can't help but think it'd be deliciously rewarding to learn how to 'give' that way. Hi Curious, | Nice and interesting post. I say that for a number of reasons I have bolded and changed the colour of some of your text. Now understand that this is just my personal opinion and other will differ on my conclusions. | To me the text that i bolded is very typical of the disposition of a submissive. They get great happiness and pleasure out of pleasing others. So I am curious as to the red text why it that you know for sure you are not sub. | I think on occasions in public life we are one person and in private life we are other. A subbie can be a very powerful person in public life, they can be a feminist, leaders of countries...Subbies are not weak, they are infact quite strong. A subbie has opinions and will make them known. | The blue text also reads as more submissive than it does dominant to me...I would say give a true sub what they really deserve...Again I stress this is just my reading of your post. This is a wonderful life style you really should have a chat with MistressT and Focusliason they are both at differing ends of the spectrum and i am sure you would find what they have to say interesting. Without wanting to sound sexist i think initially it is better for you to speek to women for insight. | Nice post and I hope you have a wonderful journey :) | LC thanks for that, i know what you're saying and i realise it sounds a little conflicting, maybe i'm off track here but if i were a sub i'd be a very defiant one and there's no way i'd let anyone punish or withhold what i want either psychologically or physically for that defiance. I'm very much the one in control when i'm aiming to please someone. I'm the one who decides that today I'm going to your house, you're going to lay back and let me lick and suck you til i'm ready for you to cum for me and then i'm leaving. You might beg for me to do something or do it a particular way and if i think it sounds like you want it badly enough that it's going to make you crazy and i'm ready to make you cum good and hard I might do it, but if i don't want to I'll ignore you, and if you try to 'order' me i'll either laugh at you or stop and tell you to lose my number and i'm out of there.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'LoveCurvie' Quoting 'TassieRose' Quoting 'LoveCurvie' Quoting 'TassieRose' ....a warm of warning though...Domms dont like it when you threaten them with their own cane...WHOOPS have fun and enjoy that side of you...its great fun roxxy Let me check my rules for subbie behaviour... Rule 36 (c) A subbie will only touch the flogger when bringing it to master for punishment... Tassie your a very naughty subbie lol... LC please LC iv been very bad....il get the flogger and assume the position. Shall I?? roxxy Well Roxxy, you know the rules and we can not ignore them...drop your panties...Took you a while to spot that post :) LC whoops i forgot to put my panties on today sir ;-) roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
Im so glad this subject came up. I have been toying with the idea for some time, and trying to find a cum slut to boss around. But there is something about that which does not sit wel with me.. I dont see how i can get satisfaction from treating a girl like shit, but i do know i want to be in control. Reading the proceding posts has given me some insight into what being a dom really is about and now im more eager than ever to get started. I was going to go to some of the "clubs" and "events' advertised on this site to get an idea. But now im going to find all the books listed in this thread and get busy reading. I have been a little confused as i love the gentleness of touching and kissing etc, but notning turns me on more than a restrained woman crying in pain and having multiple orgasms at my control. The two appeared to be a contradiction but this thread has shown me otherwise. I now see that this cant happen untill a strong relationship has been forged first. Thank you all for this....... Now all i need is a Sub... Any volunteers,,,, Lol
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swifttall
14 years ago
A friend and I were playing around with all sorts of stuff and we started to explore in this direction. Turns out she was submissive, and I did okay as a dominant. Crazy, lust driven, powerful six months. Highly recommended!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Great forum post kitten... Prior to playing with a Dom I suggest (a good Dom should suggest this anyway) that you find and fill out a BDSM Checklist. you need to understand and be aware of your limits, as should your play partner. Filling our a checklist, which you can get by simply googling is a fun and sexy thing to do and will open your eyes to the diversity of BDSM. There may be many things on the list that you aren;t even sure of but remember, knowledge is power and at least you can familiarise yourself with some of the terminology and you may also find delights you weren't even aware of. This topic has come up many times and I will say the same to you as I have said on other posts, a good Dominant should provide you with a safe word or action that you can use if you feel uncomfortable, in pain or simply need a breather. Now as you get more experienced, your thresholds may relax and it can even become a sexy game to test your limits sexually...but initially, play safe and sane... As always, Trust is paramount - from both perspectives - and you shouldn't leap into anything with someone you don't know. In all walks of life there are odd people and in BDSM circles there are some very extreme people. So, plan, prepare, ask for references and do your homework to avoid uncomfortable situations. Read and learn as much about the lifestyle as you can. Fetlife is a very good place to start (kind of facebook for kinksters). There are many, many experienced Doms looking for inexperienced subs to Teach. Baby steps... Good luck and enjoy the noew doors that are opening to you. BadDog.
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RHP User
14 years ago
well said "heresfrosumfun" i am in the same boat Unfortunaley i don't have time to read all of these post at this time but i will definatly cum back to it. I recently have become interested in the bdsm aspect of life. Im not that sure i could really physically hurt a lady but there again i don't think that is the aim, i would like someone to educate me in the skills of being a dom. i have looked at some sites and have found some of them a bit extreme but i have found a site which seems to have videos across the spectrum some of which are very hot www.bdsmplaypen.com if anyone has suggestions how i could get educated i woud really apprecieate the help. Send me an email if you like. Gary
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RHP User
14 years ago
mmm and the gorgeous BadBadDog is back ...yummy...stop drooling you naughty subbie you he might spank you..oh yes please..ok talking to myself again but he does have some very good points....for anyone looking at trying this side of their personality it is all about communication and knowing each others boundaries... Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' whoops i forgot to put my panties on today sir ;-) roxxy Roxxy, Thinking of you running around knicker less with the flogger is a fun sight...I have to say Rule2 Is no knickers not ever LOL so at least you are complying with that rule...won't get you out of the spanking tho :) LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
It occours to me that we need some mentors on this thread. Lots of people with a toe in the water wanting to dive in...My advice is start in the shallow end first and then wade out so you don't get over your head. | | There are lots here who you can all ask I suggest how ever that you try to speak to those whom you wish to copy...Male Dom to Male Dom, Female Dom to Female Dom, male sub to male sub female sub to female sub. You will get a great deal of insight that way. | | None can tell you what to do, they can simply guide you on what you want to do. | | LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'LoveCurvie' Quoting 'TassieRose' whoops i forgot to put my panties on today sir ;-) roxxy Roxxy, Thinking of you running around knicker less with the flogger is a fun sight...I have to say Rule2 Is no knickers not ever LOL so at least you are complying with that rule...won't get you out of the spanking tho :) LC yaay i still get my spanking.....skirt up, arse ready roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
I had been recommended Screw the roses give me thorns too...Havnt got it yet though! Another one that I did get is Different Loving. The world of sexual dominance & submission.by G Brame, W Brame & J Jacobs Try ebay.( For the books i mean...lol not shopping for a master!) Its an interesting read. I would be interested to know how relevent to a/ living in Aus ( most of the people talked to are from US) and b/ living here & now ( as the interviews were done in1992) Has anyone in the scene read it? One problem Im having is one living in the country( grrr, you have heard this whinge before!) But also alot of the profiles Ive seen/ read on the forums seem to be older guys and must admit Im having trouble getting my head around the father figure problem. Does anyone else worry about making an absolute fool of themselves? lol Its alright for those of you with mentors...The rest of us have to weave our way through the myriad of pathways, trying to attract the right person, say the right thing, not insult anyone or break rules, Worried all the while that when you finally do let go they are all gonna turn around and say 'SUPRISE! your on candid camera! Or something similar. ;-) Mrs H xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hereforsumfun' Im so glad this subject came up. I have been toying with the idea for some time, and trying to find a cum slut to boss around. But there is something about that which does not sit wel with me.. I dont see how i can get satisfaction from treating a girl like shit, but i do know i want to be in control. Reading the proceding posts has given me some insight into what being a dom really is about and now im more eager than ever to get started. I was going to go to some of the "clubs" and "events' advertised on this site to get an idea. But now im going to find all the books listed in this thread and get busy reading. I have been a little confused as i love the gentleness of touching and kissing etc, but notning turns me on more than a restrained woman crying in pain and having multiple orgasms at my control. The two appeared to be a contradiction but this thread has shown me otherwise. I now see that this cant happen untill a strong relationship has been forged first. Thank you all for this....... Now all i need is a Sub... Any volunteers,,,, Lol A huge big thank you to everyone who has posted . I wasn't to sure what responses I would get or how helpful they would be. I feel a little conflicted about the dom / sub relationship. To me and this is how I understand it so far. A Dom wiould not want his sub as herforsumfun has stated crying in pain. How I understand it the dom would like tears from the sting of pain but feeling pleasure at the same time but not to the point where the sub is actually crying. I did think that being as single girl it would be easier to experience the dom/sub world but it does seem that to take baby steps into the lifestyle it would be better to be in a relationship with someone whom I trust and know has my feelings, saftey and comfort at heart. I went into the book store in town to buy some of the books but lost my nerve when it came to pulling them off the shelf. Iwas worried someone I knew may see me with them or when I was getting served someone may recognise me. lol. Probably should order online. To the subs out there what are some of the stand out things that a new dom may say to you that makes you think they don't have the experience they say they do , and are genuine doms and not uses and abusers.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'cheekyboy_sa' I'd highly recommend readin a book "The Kinky Girls Guide to Dating" by Luna Grey, I found it a great starting point for knowledge about BDSM and it also gave me soem really good ideas for how to approach hooking up with strangers in general. Find yourself some people in the scene and talk to them, they are mostly friendly and often not wankers/nasty/out to get you- then again remember some of them are. I'll be harsh and say that mostly guys prey on girls; so my red hot tip is don't take any shit or let them piss in your ear until you really are sure they are the one you want to surrender to or let do things to you. Nothing annoys me more than seeing some guy treat a girl (usually young) like a piece of trash because the girl didnt know beter and is now brainwashed by the guy to accept it as the norm. Take it slowly and enjoy ya selves!No ear pissing for me. lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
Ok bad bad dog said it all and you should look for you paticular intrest .Look lots of things can be said about BDSM.Most people are ok with sensual bdsm and you will discover many things about yourself with a good master that knows how to make you feel excited and and warm with a comfortable trust.As a sub in return you would be gractious and want to worship him or her and you would be valued and respected for who you are.Roll play is a big part and to be able to let go and reveal your deepest desires and surender.This is a beautiful thing and a woman wants to be able to do this and be wanted.This is play and a good master takes good care of a sub ,only too the line NOT OVER IT!Sometimes its just naughty,and other times its to the limits. A Master or Misstres is nothing without subs! A diamond is a sub, we cut and polish as we see fit with care. That will be all ..........Detonator.
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RHP User
14 years ago
It has taken a subject dear to my heart to bring me out of retirement. I agree totally with what BadDog and LoveCurvie have said, and the only thing I would add to all this is read and learn as much as you can, and when you're ready, go looking for a mentor who can guide you in the beginning of your journey. On Alt.com, there is a Dom who writes some of the most valuable information I have come across. His name is LeatherTBird, and honestly, the information he shares should be required reading for anyone considering anything to do with the Lifestyle. Safe Sane Consentual Viking
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RHP User
14 years ago
...but i feel it's time to jump in here. hereforsumfun, i'm very glad you're not looking to "treat a girl like shit" - that's the first sign that you might make a good Dom :) when a sub gives her Dom her submission, it's a huge gift - a handing over of trust that you will look after her physical and mental safety while she's submitting to you. the best female subs are often the women with the strongest personalities in the 'real world' - then the handing over of power to their Dom is an even greater gift - and even more prized and looked after by him. although i now identify as a switch (sometimes Domme, sometimes sub), it's always much more controversial for a female to be a sub these days. i'm six foot tall, the boss in my work and, so they tell me, a little bit intimidating :) which was all the more exciting both for me and my Dom when i first submitted to him. a cowering mouse is no fun to dominate at all. though arguing back is a garbage way to act as a sub, on the other hand, and really disrespectful to your Dom and the scene you're both trying to create. if you're not ready to give your personal power away freely, for the length of the session, then don't enter it in the first place. BDSM is very much not about inflicting pain, or abuse of any kind. you could easily practise one form or another for years without ever laying eyes on a whip or a flogger - some people never will. it's also not something, in my humble opinion, to be entered into lightly. although i've been in the fetish/BDSM world in some form or another since i was 18, i rarely play in this fashion with casual lovers - and certainly not often with people i've only just met (although specialised BDSM play parties are an exception, as are same sex encounters). it's the Dom's responsibility to be across his sub's sexuality - turn-ons, turn-offs, red flags, squeamishness, secret wishes... because here's the thing that often gets overlooked by beginners: it is the sub who controls the scene. it is not about using the sub any way you feel like... unless that's her kink, or her turn-on. there may be an uneven power balance here, seen from the outside, but in fact it's skewed in the opposite way to how it seems. and there are still two people here having consensual fun - which means both have the power to call a halt to proceedings at any time if they feel uncomfortable. good scenes are preceded by a lot of chat - in person, online, whatever - you can even make it a hot kind of interrogation if it suits both your kinks - but you need good, clear communication between you ages before you first get out the handcuffs and such. about the crying... i have seen people crying from pain, and ask for more. they're called pain sluts - that's their kink. they are often held as the poster children of BDSM, but they're only one of the countless kinks that make up human sexuality. i am not a pain slut, but i am happy to say that a Dom has made me cry, on more than one occasion - being trained for over two years by such a skilled Dom meant that he was able to strip back everything that i was until i was raw emotionally from the sheer intensity. i loved it - it was... indescribable. and such a private thing that it's odd to talk about here. but hot. very, very hot. but i've also seen plenty of people hurt by improper usage of BDSM - just like anything else. not just physically, but emotionally and even mentally. it takes a huge amount of trust to put your personal safety into the hands of someone else, and if a potential sub has emotional skeletons in their closet particularly, they can be easy to manipulate and, yes, "brainwashed" by wannabe Doms. at the end of the day, every practitioner is a person. and there are good people and bad people. if you're careful about who you play with for normal everyday casual sex, i'd suggest that you multiply that tenfold when considering partners for this kind of play. keep your wits about you and remember that, even in the deepest humiliation play, there should be respect for your safety. and the final thing is, if you don't know how to give good aftercare, don't even think about Domming. if you don't know what it is, this should be the first thing you look up. it's a fairly intense thing subbing to someone - and subs need to be brought back to reality slowly, not with a thump. cuddles, kisses, gentle bathing, praise and lots of fun talk about what you've just done are nice ways to kick back together and make her feel human again - to bring her back to herself. even the most seasoned sub can't be left covered in piss and called a slut as the last word. this is the time when it's important to reiterate the respect you have for each other, and for what you've achieved together over the last hour/6 hours/7 days/whatever!! i hate sounding like the mean voice of reason here... because sex is about having fun, and getting off. and so is BDSM. there's no need to look all mean and strict and serious when you're Domming - for god's sake, you can both have a giggle while you're power-playing! and by the way, i've referred to a male Dom and female sub in this scenario - no particular reason, except it's late and i'm lazy. of course, it can all be applied to any gender combination. also, this post is not an invitation to flood my inbox - i am not playing with anyone new right now, thanks! ok, i feel better now. have fun!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'm on my knees already!! U two just command respect and dont even know u r doing it! mmmmmm
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'kittten' Quoting 'hereforsumfun' I feel a little conflicted about the dom / sub relationship. To me and this is how I understand it so far. A Dom wiould not want his sub as herforsumfun has stated crying in pain. How I understand it the dom would like tears from the sting of pain but feeling pleasure at the same time but not to the point where the sub is actually crying. Ok. so you expressed it a little better than me. How can you actually hurt someone you care about, And if you dont care your an arshole not a Dom I did think that being as single girl it would be easier to experience the dom/sub world but it does seem that to take baby steps into the lifestyle it would be better to be in a relationship with someone whom I trust and know has my feelings, saftey and comfort at heart. So how do you find the person to take that journey with. I would suggest they would litterally be one in a million. I went into the book store in town to buy some of the books but lost my nerve when it came to pulling them off the shelf. Iwas worried someone I knew may see me with them or when I was getting served someone may recognise me. lol. Probably should order online. Although i want to start reading NOW. I too am scared of being seen with book in hand by some one I know. So im ordering online and have to wait patiently. Twiddle thumbs. Twiddle thumbs.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thank you for your wise comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
Jump that plane sweetie ! Lol. Xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
What would some of the most common newbie mistakes that you see ?
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RHP User
14 years ago
I guess this will have a lot of responses by the time the forums update. . . To my thinking one of the most common mistakes is rushing things. Assuming you are brand new to this and just starting out you have to crawl first. It has been said time and time again that communication is the key to all of this. Each of you has to know what the other wants or needs. . . I like ritual, it is important to me. Something as simple as a greeting is ritualistic. My submissive must greet me with exact words and exact actions. In the past I had a set of what was 100 rules for my submissive. These rules include the punishments for breaching the rules. Some of the punishments were humiliation type punishment. . . It would be overwhelming for some one new to this to even try to understand the rules much less comply with them. So you come up with say five things you wish to introduce to your behaviour...just five that is plenty do those until they are normal, easy and enjotable. Then add 5 more and repeat the behaviour...so and steady. . . Another common thing new people forget is that no DOES NOT mean no. It is the nature of the play to say no, and have your dominant push you back to accepting what he wants. In my case Scrabble mean no...that is the safe word I like the second that is said every thing stop...it is time to discuss something on equal terms, or a certain activity has gone beyod limits. . . Make a list check it twice it way say what is naughty and what is nice...Talk, talk talk and equally as important Listen listen listen. . . I do not consider myself in any way to be close to being expert in this subject. I have some experiance, but there are many more at RHP who will be able to give you a great response. . . LC
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Tart_Du_Jour
14 years ago
When thing I have to wonder is why does it seem like there are way more submissive women than there are dominant men? Is it because in general there are more submissive people?
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Tart_Du_Jour
14 years ago
That's not unusual, most women who are sexually submissive tend to be dominant/outspoken in the rest of their life.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Baise_Moi'When thing I have to wonder is why does it seem like there are way more submissive women than there are dominant men? Is it because in general there are more submissive people? Perhaps women are more in tune with their emotional needs. I say emotional and include sexual in the definition. Men generally are happy just to have sex so are less inclined to develop the role of being a dominant. It is not easy being either, by that I mean it takes effort. . Social aspect have to come into play as well political correct ness my be in part the blame as well...It is ok for women to be submissive, but it is not ok for men to dominate women. . Probably lots of reasons. .. . PS love your nick LOL FuckMe . . LC
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Tart_Du_Jour
14 years ago
You are probably right on some aspects. But it's hard to say where your sexual natures come from. I think it is a bit sad if what you say is true, that a lot men aren't willing to put in the effort to develop these roles as the rewards for both parties can be great.And thank you! Many people have asked me what it means in the past
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RHP User
14 years ago
Submissive – are you sure you’re not?? I have read previous comments and notice a few of the ladies mentioning how they are confident, independent strong minded business women. In my opinion that makes you beautifully submissive. Why?, i am a submissive woman. I run my own business, am extremely successful and independent and am proud of my achievements. I used to work for a “boss”, he told me when to start, when to stop, when to have lunch and when to go home. I had to deal with clients I didn’t like, some were good, some were demanding and some downright rude, but working for him meant I had no choice. Where was the freedom I craved, the respect i had earnt and the rewards I was owed. They were not going to come from this business relationship. I started my own business (I’m coming to my point so don’t fall asleep, ok lol). My business…gave me freedom, my rules, I decided to start at 9am and finish at 3pm, and this allowed my customers to understand that all business was to be conducted between these hours. I chose my clients, if they were rude and disrespectful then I had the choice to reject them, when I worked hard for a client the benefits came directly to me, tenfold. My chosen clients where treated with the utmost of care and tenderness, it was my pleasure to service them which gave me great pride at the end of my day, I had the freedom I craved, the boundaries I was comfortable with and the rewards received worthy of my effort. Of course, at times I would be called to start earlier or deliver products that seemed impossible at the time, but as I had chosen my clients, hand picked shall we say, this meant that I would at times be challenged to meet their needs to ensure my business to be both successful and productive, if I could not deliver at least my client would always know that I had tried my best. If I had not given 100% then I had only myself to blame. That is all my clients asked from me, to give them 100% effort. Let’s talk about Master and me... We chose each other; I adore Him so much it fills my lungs with pride. The freedom I feel is liberating. To know I am loved, respected and adored. The relationship between a Master/me or Dom/sub should be consensual, loving and both parties fully aware of what the other expects from the relationship. When you decided whether you are submissive or Dominant the rules of the relationship are stickily between the two of you. There are no rights and wrongs, only those talked about between Dom/sub and agreed on fully before entering into the relationship. So, just like in any relationship, business or love, when it came to finding the perfect Master (for me) and I the perfect sub (for Him), the expectations were set from the start. Which were both agreed upon and consented to. The freedom I feel knowing I have chosen the right Master, one that respects and loves me, and knows I will give him 100% effort. The respect He shows me in return for my loyalty and devotion is fulfilling and rewarding. The feeling of happiness when I can deliver to Him, His needs. This gives me both a feeling of satisfaction and pride. The feeling of achievement when He challenges me is uplifting. Being a proud submissive allows me the freedom to become the person I have always known I can be. Give it a try, it’s your choice. autumn wind
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RHP User
14 years ago
thank you, a joy to read. interestingly, we have very similar stories... though i no longer actively see my Dom.
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RHP User
14 years ago
It is just such a shame that the scene is so full of pretentious wanker types. In the last couple of years I have met a few doms/subs and quite honestly, the so called life stylers USUALLY leave me cold. Shame we cant just play without getting all hung up on titles and our own importance. GL
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MistressT'It was suggested that I take a dominant sexual role role and I tried it and liked it. Now it is my profession. I am thinking of having a "Girls Night" in my dungeon. Any ladies that want to try or like to dominate would be able to play with some willing submissive boys. You will only know what works for you by trying it out. A word of warning to anyone that visits some of the BDSM sites. It isn't like that in real sessions. As Sweetie says books are good too. An essential bit of reading has to be SM 101 by Jay Wiseman (updated edition). So MistressT - did you end up having you "girls night" love that idea - am new to it and could use it as a teaching experiment as well if you do deside to do it would love to join in - could we bring our own sub if we wanted to??
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'shebagazz'But, that all said we are not into what many call 'true' or 'serious' BDSM such as activities that some may find humiliating or degrading (or as some call it 'mind fucking'), but instead we are into the soft and sensual side of BDSM, a side often missed completely when BDSM is discussed. For us, we enjoy a good flogging, touch and tease, some tantalising erotic use of implements, maybe even some ropes, but nothing that will leave bruising or bring blood, that is not for us. We have grown into our own world within the BDSM scene and whilst we do not 'get off' on the 'harder' side, it can be a magnificent area to wonder at (some needle play is art in itself).For us, we do not know if we have found our boundary as yet, and we like it that way. ShebaGazWith "Shebagaz" on this one not into full on, but do enjoy restraining and teasing finding the edges pushing to the point of stop no more. Of course some times it can go harder and further when the mood is right and other times it just doesn't happen at all and I may be wrong but even in a truely dedication Dom Sub relationship there must be times where they just enjoy plain ol sex? Having said that I have been wrong before and am willing to be proved wrong again.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I didn't know I was a true Dominant until I got to Sydney when I was 20. Went into a dungeon setting and was like.....aaaah I understand now ;)I have always been Dominant. I become aroused at having little pets to play with and bossing them around, telling them what to do and having them erotically pleasure me in all the ways I both enjoy and want.I love having the control and power and completely knowing this!.....this is the turn on for me!
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