F64
Bad Esteem
August 02 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have issues of my own and yes, they have led to thoughts of self harm. In March, I started a thread entitled "How do you measure your self worth?" Some of the statements posted were very thoughtul and maybe reading them could help. I know this is not a comfort but you are not alone in feeling the way you do.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have been that woman, i used to refer to myself as the invisible woman. There is a fine line between self esteem issues and those of self loathing. Rhp is not the place for serious issues but its the place to meet people who are perhaps the fruit and nuts of a good bowel of cereal. The forums help, to read and to post your thoughts and feelings. No body knows what we are , we even hide from ourselves. Were never whole, were not supposed to be finding the answers all the time. What we do is live one day at a time, in all kinds of emotional weather. As a woman I love this place, but its also an illusion thing. You will get to ride on the roller coaster and get your hair blown back by hot horny men or women or groups. They can make you feel fantastic, and also give you that swing in your hips and twinkle in your eye. But the wrong kind of guys can make things worse for you. Having a guy fuck your brains out and then not return calls etc. can affect women. Do not use them to say mirror mirror on the wall, am I ok? Just use the mirror mirror in the eyes of people that you know off-line that give a shit about you. Counselling from a professional is always a good thing We all feel like you do at times, some more than others. It has nothing to do with your looks, even the most beautiful people who have it all get those feelings. There is a good networking system here for people but were not experts on anything but our own opinions.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Many many years ago, in my late 20's to early 30's I suffered from terrible self esteem issues. I thought I was a weirdo basically because I was very shy and quiet. One night stands only made it worse. The real healing does come from within yourself. I saw a counsellor for many years after 2 suicide attempts and long bouts of clinical depression. I used to keep a diary and write down all my thoughts and a lst of all the good things in my life. If you keep at it and believe in yourself you will get through this. I dont think a person will ever feel "whole" but we can and must give it a damm good try. Be strong and learn to love yourself - warts and all. Pusscat xxxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think all of us at one time or another have suffered with low self esteem and the like.. So instead of thinking.. the glass is half empty.. change it around and think of the positives in your life and inside yourself... the glass is also half full... The only one that can change your bad feelings of self worth are yourself and with the help of good friends and family you will get there... DO NOT listen to the negative people.. they just want to bring you down to their level... Life will get better and always love yourself first .. Because YOU are the most important person in your life... cheers sally xxxxxxxxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Everyone is an original, beauty is not only skin deep... beauty is inside us all.. You are unique so embrace it all... Lie is too short for negatives... Trips xxxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
You are definately not alone. I don't feel any more positive about myself than I did in my teens either. My professional side shows no sign of how I feel but I know personally it holds me back. How do we fix it? I don't know, sorry.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's sad so many folk struggle with this sort of stuff.I wonder if what people miss is, it's got naught to do with how Joe average feels about you. It's about how you measure up to your own expectation. So Crackup, are your expectations of self reasonable?No one can tick all their own boxes. That's actually a good thing, as it gives us shit to aim for. But for the most part, your boxes should be doable. If they're are not, stop being so unreasonable with your self.Have hug xxx.
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RHP User
12 years ago
a few years ago I went through a huge crisis and completely lost the sense of who I was.My identity had become enmeshed with my job,my status in the community and when I lost all that I struggled. If I was no longer defined by these roles then who was I ?.I no longer had a purpose and for the first time I had to just be me. It took me six months to even begin to realize that I was not my work,I didn'tneed labels or status to justify my existence and with this realisation came an amazing liberation and a freedom to just be. Do I like who I am,yes.....do others like me..some do,some don't...does this matter...sometimes ,it depends on the person . Can anyone else make me happy? No....only I can make me happy.... spending time with people I love,people I like ,enhances my happiness. It is sometimes difficult to value ourselves ,to just accept who we are with all our flaws.I loathe books on self improvement,we are perfect just as we are.Sometimes we might need to change our behaviour or old habits but that all stems from self loathing anyway. We need to be kinder to ourselves.Not uttering that endless self talk of listing the ''IF ONLYS'' If only I was ....thinner,prettier,kinder,richer,younger,older,had fair skin,had brown skin,shorter,taller,bigger,stronger,and so it goes.....the endless self talk. So, just celebrate you...fall back inlove with you,who you are now....older,wiser,sexier,funnier, wittier wonderful you. x Hugs H
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SacralChakra
12 years ago
To tell yourself that you love yourself many times a day until you believe it. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L Hay.
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RHP User
12 years ago
stop trying to live up to other people expectations..be yourself. i spent years being ridiculed because i wasnt good looking ,didnt blend in with the crowd,was bit of a loner..now years later im glad i lived my life how i wanted and not what other people wanted..ive seen to many people wear a mask out in public to impress and be accepted only to see them fall apart and break down when alone...
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RHP User
12 years ago
... out of me. I allow myself a little "time out" and then I get busy; exercise the mind and body. At first it serves as a mere distraction but soon becomes all empowering. Above all treat yourself like your very best friend. Wishing you every luck. Go well ... KK xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Jeebers, Crackup. If you ever want a coffee and chat (yes, believe it or not, I mean exactly that), feel free to ask. Sometimes all one needs is just anybody to really and actively listen at times like these. John
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's certainly not something that can happen overnight. And as TR says - a string of one nighters and/or being charmed by players with loose belt buckles on here would not help in the slightest. I found this out the hard way myself, as I never fail to be seduced by the charismatic playboys with their practised crooked smiles.You need to do things for yourself, rather than others, and don't feel that you have to live up to the (perceived) expectations of others. Spend your time immersed in the things you love doing, surround yourself with people who love you for who you are and are capable of making you feel like you're a sexy, confident, capable woman. Although when you start it may seem a little like you're putting it on, but when it begins to happen more frequently and filtrate more into your life every day, that confidence and sexiness does essentially become a part of you and the aura you project to others. People naturally admire and are drawn to confident people, and having that feedback response will essentially fuel your self-assurance in a legitimate way.
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RHP User
12 years ago
fake it till you make it. If you carry yourself with an air of confidence and self love then people will believe that's who you are and treat you accordingly, it will eventually be self fulfilling. If you look good it can make you feel good too, throw on some makeup and make an effort whenever you get these feelings, it is amazing the difference it can make in your day to day life. I think we all go through this at times, it doesn't help in this day and age with the amount of media images we are saturated with day in and day out. It almost seems like if you aren't a woman under 35 with big boobs, colgate smile and glossy hair then you are invisible. We can only be the best versions of ourselves, I am still trying to learn this lesson, always wishing I was more this... or less that... Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't like what I see, but there is not much I can do about it, so I choose to focus on the things I do like about myself. A girlfriend of mine has taken a couple of image makeover courses, they help you to work out what colours work with your skin tone, and what clothing is suited to your body shape etc, she said it was really good, they give you your colour swatches to take home too. You can google 'personal image consultants'. You could go to a Myer cosmetic counter and get your makeup done, book into a good salon and get a new hairdo. you'll be amazed at how good you feel. Best of luck
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RHP User
12 years ago
You are not alone in feeling this. I have found that by being honest with myself, knowing and accepting who I am - crazy hair, clumsy, awkward, lumps and bumps in the right and wrong places, flaws and all- has freed me to be me. There are some things about me that I don't like and I do something about it to change. Others, I know I can't change, so I accept that this is me and embrace it. Being and feeling whole is not something that anyone or anything can give you. Acknowledge who you are - the great, not so great, good and bad - and recognise that this is you. As some have suggested, dress-up nice and put make-up on - will help in feeling great, but also, learn to appreciate yourself without any of these - you are unique and beautiful (awkward can be beautiful ) in every way.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I had a domineering mother who completely dominated my father, me and my brother when I was young. She did it to cover up her own lack of self-esteem. If the people around her felt worse than her, then she thought she would feel better. They way she would do it is basically knock down my self-esteem, criticise, judge and basically constantly highlight the things that were wrong with me. By the time I reached my 20's, I'd had 20 years of that drilled into my head and I felt worthless, that I didn't deserve a good life. I was just surviving really, not enjoying life, and desperately trying to figure out why. Only when I hit my 30's did I start to get over it (with a lot of self-therapy, reading and figuring out what was going on) and unfortunately I've had to push the offending person, my mother, mostly out of my life. I didn't realise it was her causing the problems, or maybe didn't want to admit it, because really, who wants to think of their mother that brought them up as being nasty and vindictive? I was at the point where I was dreading any kind of interaction with her or my father. Just seeing an email from them used to cause me to relapse into the state of not feeling good. Now we rarely talk at all.It might not be one person though. I think society as a whole has quite bad behaviour in this regard. One thing I have done is throw the TV out. It is full of pretty, shallow people trying to make others feel bad about themselves in order to make themselves feel better in my opinion. There are so many nice, genuine people out there in the world that I don't feel any need to watch people who I wouldn't give the time of day to in real life.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
I agree with Sacral...go and get the Louse Hay book You Can Heal Your Life. Also if you are on FaceBook I would like her page as at times you will get an uplifting message from Louise. . I am currently seeing a Louise Hay "Therapist" and while things are moving along slowly (my fault as I don't do my "homework" every day)...It is working! Today I went to see her and she gave me a daily "mantra" to do and when she handed it to me I thought of you...So I shall share this with you! Do this in the morning when you wake up...look in the mirror at your eyes and lightly touch your throat as you are saying this! . Loving Treatment . Deep at the Centre of my being there is an infinte well of Love. I now allow this love to flow to the surface. It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me multiplied. . The more love I use and give, the more I have to give, the supply is endless. The use of love makes me feel good. It is an expression of my inner joy. . I love myself, therefore I take loving care of my body. I lovingly feed it nourishing food and beverages. I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly responds to me with vibrant health and energy. . I love myself, therefore I provide for myself a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in. I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, me included, will feel this love and be nourished by it. . I love myself, therefore, I work at a job that I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people that I love and love me, and earning a good income. . I love myself, therefore, I behave and think in a loving way to all people, for I know that that which I give out returns to me multiplied. I only attract loving people in my world for they are a mirror of what I am. I love myself, therefore, I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences and I am free. . I love myself, therefore I love totally in the NOW, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright, and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the Universe and the Universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more. . And so it is. . Also you can say to yourself a few hundred times a day "Love is everywhere and I am loving and loveable"...You might be thinking "shit a few hundred times a day? That seems extreme"...but really it's not...You do start feeling better about yourself and although you might hit some obstacles and not do this every day...THAT IS OK! Do not find something else to put yourself down for...Just start again and never give up on yourself! Unfortunately it is easier to love someone else than to love ourselves! But YOU CAN DO IT! Love and Light xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Congrats all, some fantastic words in response! I have nothing to add that hasn't been said above other than we are all behind you Crack Up. Michael
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RHP User
12 years ago
I guess we all suffer from low self esteem at times...men and women alike. I spent 15 years in an emotionally abusive relationship and three years of soul searching, anti depresants and therapy to try and understand what and where I was at, what had happened and why. I still occassionally get a bout of insecurity but alot of this has now gone due to the beautiful people I have met on this and one other similar sites. I know deep down I am a worthwhile person, sometimes there are the occassional stage where one too many random men have dissappeared never to be heard from again after meeting once or twice, these feelings of inadequacy appear momentarily. Then I need to take a step back from on line dating and re-assess ME and what I want. Meeting my wonderful partner on a site like this helped alot as well.
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
Many years ago now, I had about 4 years of pretty full on bullying during high school which left my level of self worth quite battered. My life turned around in a big way once I discovered rock climbing. For me it gave me a huge sense of purpose and achievement in being able to climb to the top of a huge cliff and I started to use that in my everyday life.Not suggesting you take up an extreme sport but guess what I am trying to say is surround yourself with the things/people that make you the most happy and give you the confidence that you are an amazing person. I am a believer that a big factor in attractiveness/sexiness comes from being confident in yourself for who you are. Hugs
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CrackUp
12 years ago
Quoting 'MomentsNotice'I had a domineering mother who completely dominated my father, me and my brother when I was young. She did it to cover up her own lack of self-esteem. If the people around her felt worse than her, then she thought she would feel better. They way she would do it is basically knock down my self-esteem, criticise, judge and basically constantly highlight the things that were wrong with me. By the time I reached my 20's, I'd had 20 years of that drilled into my head and I felt worthless, that I didn't deserve a good life. I was just surviving really, not enjoying life, and desperately trying to figure out why. Only when I hit my 30's did I start to get over it (with a lot of self-therapy, reading and figuring out what was going on) and unfortunately I've had to push the offending person, my mother, mostly out of my life. I didn't realise it was her causing the problems, or maybe didn't want to admit it, because really, who wants to think of their mother that brought them up as being nasty and vindictive? I was at the point where I was dreading any kind of interaction with her or my father. Just seeing an email from them used to cause me to relapse into the state of not feeling good. Now we rarely talk at all. It might not be one person though. I think society as a whole has quite bad behaviour in this regard. One thing I have done is throw the TV out. It is full of pretty, shallow people trying to make others feel bad about themselves in order to make themselves feel better in my opinion. There are so many nice, genuine people out there in the world that I don't feel any need to watch people who I wouldn't give the time of day to in real life. I had a father who told me I was useless and would never amount to anything. I remember him telling my husband to be I was a useless slut and he shouldn't waste his time. That I was lazy and good for nothing. He compared me unfavourably on a daily basis to my sister and to my other peers from a very young age. This is what I was taught a) I was not good enough; b) my worth was calculated based on comparison to others with the constant outcome = she doesn't measure up. He valued his friendship with a paedophile who molested both his children over his children's wellbeing which in turn told me...'not good enough'. Yeah, reasonable to say .. I know where these feelings stem from.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi crackup :) What a lovely, open-hearted woman you are! So much great advice so far, I hope you find some things there that guide you. For my part I'd like to reiterate the power of affirmations and mantras. The terms can sound like new age mumbo jumbo, but they're deeply rooted in neurolinguistic programming theory. Basically, what we think and the way we think it shapes out life. Maybe you've experienced that when you have a physical pain - a mild burn perhaps. If you focus on it and think about it the pain intensifies. If you ignore or or distract yourself the pain reduces. Affirmations and mantras work the same way. They reframe your thoughts so that you're focused on the right thing in the right way to bring about the change you're seeking. Louise Hay is a great starting point for this. If you want to explore these techniques it helps to also take a little leap of faith. The affirmations don't always work on the first try (though I've had one that did - flicked a switch and I let go of 15 years of baggage!). Usually, like any healthy change you want to make, it takes persistence and consistency. You can absolutely change how you feel about yourself and life in general by changing your thinking patterns. The sheer volume of negative thoughts most of us have about ourselves every day is, literally, mind-blowing :( If you'd like to chat further, don't hesitate to inbox me. Otherwise big hugs to you and all the best xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm not the only one on here who has low self esteem? I find there is NOTHING about my looks or body I am happy about or even remotely like or feel comfortable with. I ended a FWB relationship a couple of months ago with a guy who stalked the crap out of me and it got too creepy to continue. One of the things he said as we parted was that I was too fat and ugly for anyone to want to be seen in public with me. Not only he has said this but also a man i had been in a 9 year relationship with and one last year whom I was with for 12 months. With kicks in the guts like this why isn't ones self esteem at rock bottom?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hey Crackup We all go through live like thinking low of ourselfs in one stage or another, I think its normal...this scheiss teenage years are the worst. Or as some one said mothers can be harmful...mine compared me to my sister all the time. she was pretty and i am not. It took me a long time to see I am pretty....ok not to everybody...do I need everybody. No I don’t. It’s so liberating to find your self and sometimes it takes a big hard knock to see this in yourself. I found loving my self did the shift, working on myself on my mind did the trick. And realizing no one and I say no one can make you happy…only you can make you happy…also stop looking for the other, look to yourself. I write to myself I will attach a piece of it here. Please love yourself….its so fun to do. Cheers Litonya So now, I am 55, not scared of getting older, gorgeous as you see, sexy as hell as you see, I am giggling now, and ME. There is nothing I can not do when I want to do it…its all up to, Me. I will not waste my energy on people I don’t think are on my wave lengths, why should I…….time is precious, I KNOW IT CAN BE FINISHED IN AN INSTANCE Don’t ask me why I am so strong with my opinion , I have no fucking idea, I just follow my instinct and this is what my mind came up with, also I do it and write, For some, this sounds to much and they retreat, for others we become friends. Do I have anything to lose, NO. And that’s how I think. I love ME
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RHP User
12 years ago
I told you that you weren't alone.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have recently changed my whole lifestyle and have never been happier than I am at this point in my life. I use to mope around, feel bad about my life and my body (had accepted that I was never going to change) and tried to kid myself that Just working and studying was enough. Fear was a big factor holding me back from a lot of things (and excuses). And it’s something that stops everyone in some way throughout their life. I still haven’t completely pushed myself to overcome this but I am getting there! In March I met a guy who has helped me to understand a lot of things about life and how fear can hold you back. He is a great friend and he’s helped me to get started on my path to discovery and improvement. Since March I have completely changed my eating habits, I no longer eat junk food or unhealthy foods, I never use to eat veggies or salad or care about the food I was poisoning my body with. I now eat fruit, salad, and veggies each day as well as lean meats (grilled fish, chicken breast, grilled steak). Sugar is the evil I have been avoiding. I do still have one day a week where I can eat naughty foods if I choose as long as I don’t go overboard) I also started to do light exercises at home (squats, lunges, lifts) and in 3 months I managed to loose 10kg. Life became more interesting, I felt healthier, I have more energy, I felt great about my body and I now like to show it off. I have joined a gym (2 weeks ago) to begin my final fitness stage of toning up) and I have a more positive outlook on life. I went from living in crappy shared accommodation to living in a wonderful hotel apartment with my cousin. I’m doing well at university and feeling motivated to actually study and get good grades (never use to care and use to take the easy way out). Everyone has commented on what a shock transformation I have made. And it’s all about overcoming what’s holding you back. Don’t care about what other people think or say about you as most the time they are saying it because they don’t like the changes you are making in your life when they can’t seem to make any and they will try anything to stop you progressing. My advice to anyone who isn’t happy with their life is to have a good hard look at what’s holding you back and work at overcoming it. Never say never! Anything you want is possible if you can overcome whatever fear is holding you back. I will never go back to the person I use to be. That girl was weak, unhappy and unfit. I’m going places and I’m excited to see what life brings me now!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'foreveryours2' I'm not the only one on here who has low self esteem? I find there is NOTHING about my looks or body I am happy about or even remotely like or feel comfortable with. I ended a FWB relationship a couple of months ago with a guy who stalked the crap out of me and it got too creepy to continue. One of the things he said as we parted was that I was too fat and ugly for anyone to want to be seen in public with me. Not only he has said this but also a man i had been in a 9 year relationship with and one last year whom I was with for 12 months. With kicks in the guts like this why isn't ones self esteem at rock bottom? Honey your are a hot sexy woman.Those idiots say that as a parting shot, because they know dam well that you have the choice of so many guys that would be there in a flash if you let em. Its like they are pissing on you, to mark there territory, Teflon coats are a fantastic garment and one size fits all :) Get your sexy swagger on and saunter past em, and sing " you cant touch this " lick your finger put it to your hip and go ssssssssssssssssssss, like a damp finger on a hot iron
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RHP User
12 years ago
i have a picture on a wall ,every morning i get up look at it and smile...cant help not to..it an old guy smoking a cigar..he sprouting the words..BEFORE YOU DIAGNOSE YOURSELF WITH DEPRESSION OR LOW SELFESTEEM, FIRST MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT, IN FACT,JUST SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES....so now when you go out and someone puts you down ,just smile and think of these words..it curtainly works for me...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree wih Tuscanred where counselling can work wonders, especially if you start having thoughts of self harm because, even if you think no one or not many will miss you, it turns out there's a lot more out there who will miss you more than you thought. I've been there and still there to the point where, when paid a compliment, I wonder if there's an alterior motive because I don't think there's anything that good about me, and I know myself better than anyone (or I think I do) so why would anyone else think theres anything good there. Quite often an unhappy childhood, parents who aren't as attentive or supportive as they should have been, living in the shadow of that sibling who is just so perfect that it's impossible to make get any other reaction other than "why couldn't you be more like your brother/sister", abuse of some kind (whether it be physical, sexual or emotional) and bullying at school or work. Maybe look back at your life and reflect on the negative experiences and look into dealing with those first while strengthening yourself with some positive looks on yourself and your life. Whether this be through counselling, looking for some support from friends, family or both or even putting yourself out there one tiny step at a time. It's scarey doing that, but when you get a positive response from others about it, it's not only suprising but very upliftng. I've battled some demons in my past myself and know where to blame my low self esteem. I would have to say three people play a big part of that where I am one of them (for believing what they said and thinking I wasn't worth the trouble of putting others out to make my life a little better). Start with letting yourself get angry at others who have made life hell for you, but even more importantly, follow through with acceptance that you can't change the past and then forgiveness. Then look to what you can do to change your future and the way you look at yourself. Good luck with that. And Countrymeat, nothing wrong with you from what I can see
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CrackUp
12 years ago
Quoting 'foreveryours2' I'm not the only one on here who has low self esteem? I find there is NOTHING about my looks or body I am happy about or even remotely like or feel comfortable with. I ended a FWB relationship a couple of months ago with a guy who stalked the crap out of me and it got too creepy to continue. One of the things he said as we parted was that I was too fat and ugly for anyone to want to be seen in public with me. Not only he has said this but also a man i had been in a 9 year relationship with and one last year whom I was with for 12 months. With kicks in the guts like this why isn't ones self esteem at rock bottom? I'm so sorry to hear that has been your experience ForeverYours. No woman deserves to be treated with such disdain..no man either for that matter. Why do assholes like that exist? I don't know...it is hard enough to feel 'good' about oneself without that kind of treatment from a fellow human being. A big hug from me to you because really, I don't know what else to say or how to take the sting out of such a horrible sentiment. I hope you find a man who treats you like the beautiful woman that you are...x
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CrackUp
12 years ago
Quoting 'foreveryours2' I'm not the only one on here who has low self esteem? I find there is NOTHING about my looks or body I am happy about or even remotely like or feel comfortable with. I ended a FWB relationship a couple of months ago with a guy who stalked the crap out of me and it got too creepy to continue. One of the things he said as we parted was that I was too fat and ugly for anyone to want to be seen in public with me. Not only he has said this but also a man i had been in a 9 year relationship with and one last year whom I was with for 12 months. With kicks in the guts like this why isn't ones self esteem at rock bottom? I'm so sorry to hear that has been your experience ForeverYours. No woman deserves to be treated with such disdain..no man either for that matter. Why do assholes like that exist? I don't know...it is hard enough to feel 'good' about oneself without that kind of treatment from a fellow human being. A big hug from me to you because really, I don't know what else to say or how to take the sting out of such a horrible sentiment. I hope you find a man who treats you like the beautiful woman that you are...x
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CrackUp
12 years ago
Quoting 'senorita_taby' I have recently changed my whole lifestyle and have never been happier than I am at this point in my life. I use to mope around, feel bad about my life and my body (had accepted that I was never going to change) and tried to kid myself that Just working and studying was enough. Fear was a big factor holding me back from a lot of things (and excuses). And it’s something that stops everyone in some way throughout their life. I still haven’t completely pushed myself to overcome this but I am getting there! In March I met a guy who has helped me to understand a lot of things about life and how fear can hold you back. He is a great friend and he’s helped me to get started on my path to discovery and improvement. Since March I have completely changed my eating habits, I no longer eat junk food or unhealthy foods, I never use to eat veggies or salad or care about the food I was poisoning my body with. I now eat fruit, salad, and veggies each day as well as lean meats (grilled fish, chicken breast, grilled steak). Sugar is the evil I have been avoiding. I do still have one day a week where I can eat naughty foods if I choose as long as I don’t go overboard) I also started to do light exercises at home (squats, lunges, lifts) and in 3 months I managed to loose 10kg. Life became more interesting, I felt healthier, I have more energy, I felt great about my body and I now like to show it off. I have joined a gym (2 weeks ago) to begin my final fitness stage of toning up) and I have a more positive outlook on life. I went from living in crappy shared accommodation to living in a wonderful hotel apartment with my cousin. I’m doing well at university and feeling motivated to actually study and get good grades (never use to care and use to take the easy way out). Everyone has commented on what a shock transformation I have made. And it’s all about overcoming what’s holding you back. Don’t care about what other people think or say about you as most the time they are saying it because they don’t like the changes you are making in your life when they can’t seem to make any and they will try anything to stop you progressing. My advice to anyone who isn’t happy with their life is to have a good hard look at what’s holding you back and work at overcoming it. Never say never! Anything you want is possible if you can overcome whatever fear is holding you back. I will never go back to the person I use to be. That girl was weak, unhappy and unfit. I’m going places and I’m excited to see what life brings me now! I'm happy for you Taby. You are a beautiful looking and obviously smart (from your post) young woman. It is good when you can discover your worth at an early age and make good of this wonderful thing called life free from inhibition or lack of self love.. x
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CrackUp
12 years ago
Quoting 'Litonya' Hey Crackup We all go through live like thinking low of ourselfs in one stage or another, I think its normal...this scheiss teenage years are the worst. Or as some one said mothers can be harmful...mine compared me to my sister all the time. she was pretty and i am not. It took me a long time to see I am pretty....ok not to everybody...do I need everybody. No I don’t. It’s so liberating to find your self and sometimes it takes a big hard knock to see this in yourself. I found loving my self did the shift, working on myself on my mind did the trick. And realizing no one and I say no one can make you happy…only you can make you happy…also stop looking for the other, look to yourself. I write to myself I will attach a piece of it here. Please love yourself….its so fun to do. Cheers Litonya So now, I am 55, not scared of getting older, gorgeous as you see, sexy as hell as you see, I am giggling now, and ME. There is nothing I can not do when I want to do it…its all up to, Me. I will not waste my energy on people I don’t think are on my wave lengths, why should I…….time is precious, I KNOW IT CAN BE FINISHED IN AN INSTANCE Don’t ask me why I am so strong with my opinion , I have no fucking idea, I just follow my instinct and this is what my mind came up with, also I do it and write, For some, this sounds to much and they retreat, for others we become friends. Do I have anything to lose, NO. And that’s how I think. I love ME Hi Litonya.. I love what you wrote...and all the other posters, with regard to self talk and re-programming of those negative 'self talks' we fall victim to. I hope that I can re-wire my head too..by employing some of the things suggested herein. My damage is deep but..the only way is up, so..that's a positive - right.
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CrackUp
12 years ago
Quoting 'halcyon_days'Hi crackup :) What a lovely, open-hearted woman you are! So much great advice so far, I hope you find some things there that guide you. For my part I'd like to reiterate the power of affirmations and mantras. The terms can sound like new age mumbo jumbo, but they're deeply rooted in neurolinguistic programming theory. Basically, what we think and the way we think it shapes out life. Maybe you've experienced that when you have a physical pain - a mild burn perhaps. If you focus on it and think about it the pain intensifies. If you ignore or or distract yourself the pain reduces. Affirmations and mantras work the same way. They reframe your thoughts so that you're focused on the right thing in the right way to bring about the change you're seeking. Louise Hay is a great starting point for this. If you want to explore these techniques it helps to also take a little leap of faith. The affirmations don't always work on the first try (though I've had one that did - flicked a switch and I let go of 15 years of baggage!). Usually, like any healthy change you want to make, it takes persistence and consistency. You can absolutely change how you feel about yourself and life in general by changing your thinking patterns. The sheer volume of negative thoughts most of us have about ourselves every day is, literally, mind-blowing :( If you'd like to chat further, don't hesitate to inbox me. Otherwise big hugs to you and all the best xxx Thank you Halycon...I think the lovely lady here is you (an the others too who contributed so generously). I really think what you are saying is very true.. changing that pattern of negative self talk. I hear my fathers voice in my head and all the things that he said which made me feel worthless and insigificant - If i can re-write that script, it will be a huge step in the right direction... x
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RHP User
12 years ago
I woman I dated for 3 months had enough self help books to empty an Ikea store. I really think all they did was help her self obsess about her problem. So I'm pretty skeptical of self help books.*****************************************So here's my thoughts.Self help books or not, it's you that does the work. Read all you like, but if you're not going to practice what they preach... well?Don't hang around with people who have bigger problems than you just so you don't feel so bad about it. Get out and mix with happy healthy folk and let their energy wash over you.Misery is every ones friend. Don't try to bring others down to your level so you feel you don't feel so lonley. People are usually happy to listen to the problems of their mates, but going on about the same problem for months is going to get boring. Be strong, be happy and project that. Then see that light bounce back to you. Everyone has somthing to be really happy about, so don't feel left out.Don't blame others for the way you feel. Remind people who say "You made me feel blah blah blah" that they are trying to manipulate your feelings.. Opinions are like arseholes. Every one has them. They are all worth a moments though, but don't for get to do your weeding. *************************************Then hope your just going though a bad patch and you're not suffering a personality disorder..~hugs~
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RHP User
12 years ago
And thankyou also to the posters who have offered a myriad of advice and support.....your words and the fact that you committed them to a public forum to support the OP, shows your kindness Crack up, I cant add much more except this The last 4 years of my life have been beyond hell...especially the last 12 months. And because God and I have a thing happening, (must be cause Im Jewish) he decided that what I had been thru wasnt enough ..he needed to test my strength just that little bit more and in February of this year, I was diagnosed with a insidious disease... As a result of the disease and subsequent treatment I can so relate to how you feel OP...I am presently at war with my own body and I hate it...physically and sexually I too have hit rock bottom and I wonder at times, will I ever feel well again, let alone if a man will ever find me desirable again....and even though I do many things to keep my mind busy and my body going ( I go to gym and do dancing when I can to feel good about myself and treatment doesnt interfere..) I feel at times why bother ? ...why bother with all that Im putting myself thru physically, emotionally, mentally and financially...only to spend every Saturday nite home alone because Ive lost my mojo......and I say no to many potential meets because of my present condition So whats keep me going at the mo ?..well its not family, I do not have any family, nor children, nor a lover..although I do have some wonderful close friends who have gone beyond the definition of true friendship with me thru all of this and to them I will be eternally grateful...what keeps me going is this one thing...that stops me being completely self absorbed. A very close friend of mine died in May of this year - she just went to bed and died...she passed away from Adult SIDS - a rare condition but it does happen...she was 49 years old..... Ive had particualry tough week this week ...and Ive been completely full of woe is me...compounded by the fact that Ive also had the awful flu going around..so Ive really felt sorry for myself....Ive been slam dunked this week on several levels and while Ive been off work sick this week ..well Ive had plenty of time to reflect on my current situation...and all I can come up with is this My friend who passed, Im sure would swap places with me in a moment, cause even though if she was in my place rite now, she would be ill and also not where she would want to be in life, and putting up wiht all the crap Im experiencing at present, well she would at least be alive - she would at least be able to continue watching her teenage children grow and become adults, she would have access to the life that she has been robbed of, on all counts ....instead, now all she is, is a memory to those who knew and loved her.. Its her death, that has kept me going...I know long term my problems will be solved, and somehow my health issues will be sorted one way or another... I guess OP what Im trying to say is, that even though you are feeling the way that you do at present ...and your feelings are not to be underestimated or ridiculed in any shape or form....at least we are both alive to experience them....and there is help out there in many forms should we chose to avail ourselves to it... and for this small fact that we are at least both still here, we should indeed be grateful for what we do have.....and that is life... I wish you all the best OP xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Would you even listen to the opinion of a stalker?Stalkers have an emotional problem in the first place, so what part of their opinion is worth your consideration? There is no kick in the guts here. Really dear, get over it..And to the stalker? "Pity the fool" ~Mr T~ Quoting 'foreveryours2'.... One of the things he said as we parted was that I was too fat and ugly for anyone to want to be seen in public with me. Not only he has said this but also a man i had been in a 9 year relationship with and one last year whom I was with for 12 months. With kicks in the guts like this why isn't ones self esteem at rock bottom?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'LittleRedEngine' It's sad so many folk struggle with this sort of stuff.I wonder if what people miss is, it's got naught to do with how Joe average feels about you. It's about how you measure up to your own expectation. So Crackup, are your expectations of self reasonable?No one can tick all their own boxes. That's actually a good thing, as it gives us shit to aim for. But for the most part, your boxes should be doable. If they're are not, stop being so unreasonable with your self.Have hug xxx. Great advice LRE and nicely said.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp' Quoting 'MomentsNotice'I had a domineering mother who completely dominated my father, me and my brother when I was young. She did it to cover up her own lack of self-esteem. If the people around her felt worse than her, then she thought she would feel better. They way she would do it is basically knock down my self-esteem, criticise, judge and basically constantly highlight the things that were wrong with me. By the time I reached my 20's, I'd had 20 years of that drilled into my head and I felt worthless, that I didn't deserve a good life. I was just surviving really, not enjoying life, and desperately trying to figure out why. Only when I hit my 30's did I start to get over it (with a lot of self-therapy, reading and figuring out what was going on) and unfortunately I've had to push the offending person, my mother, mostly out of my life. I didn't realise it was her causing the problems, or maybe didn't want to admit it, because really, who wants to think of their mother that brought them up as being nasty and vindictive? I was at the point where I was dreading any kind of interaction with her or my father. Just seeing an email from them used to cause me to relapse into the state of not feeling good. Now we rarely talk at all. It might not be one person though. I think society as a whole has quite bad behaviour in this regard. One thing I have done is throw the TV out. It is full of pretty, shallow people trying to make others feel bad about themselves in order to make themselves feel better in my opinion. There are so many nice, genuine people out there in the world that I don't feel any need to watch people who I wouldn't give the time of day to in real life. I had a father who told me I was useless and would never amount to anything. I remember him telling my husband to be I was a useless slut and he shouldn't waste his time. That I was lazy and good for nothing. He compared me unfavourably on a daily basis to my sister and to my other peers from a very young age. This is what I was taught a) I was not good enough; b) my worth was calculated based on comparison to others with the constant outcome = she doesn't measure up. He valued his friendship with a paedophile who molested both his children over his children's wellbeing which in turn told me...'not good enough'. Yeah, reasonable to say .. I know where these feelings stem from. CrackUp, I am shaking my head and wish I didn't understand where you are coming from, unfortunately I do. Know this... when your father was making those comments - it was a reflection on his self-esteem (loathing?) and NOT about you.When you fully comprehend that, it will be your turn to shine as you should have been allowed to from the moment you took your first breath xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I made a decision to only spend time with positive ,enthusiastic people.Negativity is contagious as is positivity.I was recently contacted by a man who is extemely interesting ,intelligent ,ticked most of my boxes BUT,he seemed to be attached to his angst and negativity .I decided after many emails and phone conversations that he was not someone I wanted to spend time with. Think positive thoughts,use those negative words of your father and others as a motivators, don't allow them to continue to control your life.x Hugs H
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RHP User
12 years ago
And btw your awesome and very beautiful, inside and out....:) xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
If there was one thing I could change about sites such as these as well as peoples general perception of what constitutes a great encounter it would be to have them widen their parameters/demands on what they believ to be great physical meets. My best encounters (only a few) both on this site and throughout my life have been based on the foundation of the person overall. Even the shortest period between contact and physicality I have always tried to create an intellectual repoire and found that always has led to a greta physical encounter - so when you construct/edit your profile just think about things like not posting details such as - no fat people, no hairy people, no men under 8 inches, no colour limitations, under this age over tha age, hell even go as far as if you're fixed hetero try a meet with a same sex individual based on a meet and talk and laugh etc.. although we all are here with the pre-conceived idea of a sexual encounter, I have had a few where the sex has not occurred but a great stimulating conversation has been had and friendships forged and a general feeling of uplifting. I know this sounds idealic but you just might be missing out on the whole package by placing limits and labels on indiviuals. The instance of 'blow and go" meets weighed up against building a relationship based on some type of conversation, chat etc has in my book far out weighed the pure carnal encounters - even the briefest of meets can be enhanced by a short moment of a few words, gentle touch, a laugh together. I am know expert but just a few small changes by all could make a difference to so many - me included. So off the soap box now and would anyone care to have a convo that may just lead to a magical encounter
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ofmyowncreation
12 years ago
We all have an element of self doubt within ourselves. That's what makes us strive to be better. I constantly think other people see my weaknesses as boldly as I see them. My self confidence is low. But I also have a number of strengths. Which I don't think people see as plainly. In the wash up my strengths are stronger than my weakness. My self esteem is high. It's when that self doubt devolves to a lack of self confidence and ultimately you can no longer, rationally see a balance of strengths and weaknesses that a dangerous emotional state develops. That's why talking to someone, an external party, devoid of the confusion of emotion, will assist in getting clarity of a persons strengths and weaknesses. Ultimately we are all still here and so our strengths outway our weaknesses, may just take someone else to show it. Conversely, if someone decides to exploit a persons self doubt or low self esteem, then they are the NASTY F##KING PIECES OF SH&T. Completely from left field; I should not be surprised but find myself pleasantly surprised at the number of articulate hotties on this site. Extremely stimulating.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes many of us have those things from our past which cause us to doubt our worthiness. By forgiving my jerk ex husband I finally banished his destructive negative words from my head for the most part.Facing the possibility of dying shook me enough to choose to live my life my way, rather than allow others to determine how I felt about myself and how I lived my life. The change did not happen overnight and it took me quite a while to alter how I saw myself and begin to not care what others thought so much. These days I understand that only I can make myself happy and make myself feel good about myself. I am still a work in progress.I do know what it feels like to think yourself ugly and unloveable. However when those jerks we spend time with and later choose to remove from our lives let rip with words they hope will wound us, take heart knowing that the more they want you to keep them in your life the more insulting they will be. They don't want you to be with anyone else so they try to make you feel so bad you won't go looking for someone else. I'll just reiterate be kind to yourself, love yourself, pamper yourself, make yourself look good with makeup, hair and clothes, focus on positives and surround yourself with supportive loving people. Finish each day finding something you are thankful for. It is amazing how making yourself find a positive each day makes the whole day seem a little better. Being kind to others always helps you feel better too. Seek counselling if you know you need help to overcome your self esteem problems. Take care of you, because if you don't no-one elese will. xx S
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RHP User
12 years ago
And when you manage to start feeling different about yourself you attract different experiences into your life ...My 'depressed' teenage son recently asked me 'Mum, when will the girls start looking at me as more than just a friend?'I told him 'when you start to feel better about yourself' ...After half a dozen sessions with a psychologist ... he has a girlfriend, a radical new hairstyle (temporarily), his attitude to school has changed, he is caring about his appearance and he can manage his 'challenging' moods well himself ...Louise Hay is great and there are many more ... group work is fantastic as we learn that we all have our own insecurities ... and therefore we are less critical of ourselves ...Always look for the positive in all situations ... even the most horrendous situations can have unfathomable heroics, compassion and community develop from them ...Kryon website has great free MP3 downloads which are like meditations ... Just be wary of anything that asks you to pay a lot of money, that you have to join or compromise your integrity ... trust your gut ...These words of wisdom are on my fridge ...'To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.' R W Emerson'Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.' Dr Seuss'What you must dare is to be yourself.' D HammarskjoldL x x x
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Cassy_74
12 years ago
I have been there with very low self esteem, didnt like myself or who I was, been through depression, suicidal, put myself in situations that I knew would not help. I got professional help, had a massive wake up call and began to assess a few things and people that were in my life at the time. Once I started to take control of myself and put myself first some people that were my so called friends didnt like it, so I stopped being their friend and I suddenly felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe. I had come to conclusion a couple of years ago that I am not the relationship kind of girl, not that I dont think I will ever find love blah blah blah. But the whole thing stresses me out all that pressure just to keep one person happy, I just cant do that. I even shudder at the R word, its like an instant emotional ball & chain for me. I have also made poor choices in people I have developed relationships with, I will admit that. All I can say is thank bloody christ for the whole FWB scenario, I can be a someones friend, have fun and we can go our seperate ways until next time. And there is no limit to how many FWB you can have lol!!! BONUS!!!! Physically at the moment, I must admit I dont like what I see but there is only one person that can fix the problem and that is me. Like someone else said, I am still a working progress but I am doing it only for one person and that is me. We all have our flaws and will never be "perfect". At the times when I do feel low, I take a step back, take a moment to breathe and look at the whole picture and think about what is going wrong and what do i think I could do to make my situation better, at the end of the day there is only one person that knows you and that is you!!!
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inspirit
12 years ago
I decided to like the person l am. I accepted my flaws and realised everyone has them. I don't have to please everyone nor do they have to please me. It's ok to be just you!
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RHP User
12 years ago
agress with countrymeat .......and wow who eva said your not good looking.........was afoolllllllll :D
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have not long been on this site but find myself humbled by the love and support that I have seen. We are all products of our childhood. What happens to us as children will influence us when we become adults. I have read so many lovely and kind words of support but the truth is you can not do this alone as much as you think you can. Therapy is the only way you will learn to manage your feelings. It will also give you the tools and the understanding that you need to help you to let go of the past. The hardest part is to make that call and ask for help. Believe me, I've been there and it will make you a better person for it. Love yourself and the rest will take care of it's self. xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
After many many years of low self esteem, bullying at school, never fitting in, and being a loner, I put myself in a face to face role in a huge hotel, where I was forced to be cheerful and helpful and chatty to strangers.I cannot tell you how intensely painful this experience was, feeling like a fool, stumbling and stuttering to start with. But with practice, I found myself being able to talk confidently with a perfect stranger, as well as managers and colleagues. It helped me develop my social life and I found myself enjoying life, and being genuinely and surprisingly happy.I realise this may be unimpressive in the bigger scheme of things, but it's what worked for me.All I can tell you, is the only person who can make you feel good about yourself, is you.Its never going to come from a man, or a child, or a parent. Your potential is within you. I dont know how to find the key, as its different for every person, but dont give up, its out there.big love xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
... hugs x 100 KK xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'MsVelvetblue' As a result of the disease and subsequent treatment I can so relate to how you feel OP...I am presently at war with my own body and I hate it...physically and sexually I too have hit rock bottom and I wonder at times, will I ever feel well again, let alone if a man will ever find me desirable again....and even though I do many things to keep my mind busy and my body going ( I go to gym and do dancing when I can to feel good about myself and treatment doesnt interfere..) I feel at times why bother ? ...why bother with all that Im putting myself thru physically, emotionally, mentally and financially...only to spend every Saturday nite home alone because Ive lost my mojo......and I say no to many potential meets because of my present condition I can totally relate to what you are going through - this week I cried on the GP, the chemist and while walking the dog all because of non stop extreme chronic pain in my lower back and ankles. All this resulted in yes more pills so I have been a zombie with no brain and extremely depressed. I sometimes wonder if I am like this at 46 what will I be like in 5, 10 or 20 years time. I do try to keep positive and busy with my antiques business and the support of my wonderful man and family. But what I really crave is female friends that understand that while I can't dance the night away anymore I can still have a cup of coffee and a chat! Any takers? So hang in my MsVelvet! Pusscat xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Pusscat....Im sending lots of love and hugs up Mandurah Road and Ennis Avenue to you rite now... I hope you can feel it... Yep I will take you up on that offer..especially in lite of the fact that we have a mutual friend in Sweet I and J... I will message you when Im flu free - I wouldnt want my worst enemy to catch this..and be as sick as Ive been with this wretched flu...and Pusscat.. hang in there xxx I also just wanted to say that there has been some absolutely beautiful posts by peeps since I checked in last nite with some excellent advice and some wise observations..thank you for sharing with us..
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am miles away but am sending you lots and lots of hugsoooooooooooooooooooooooooooHugs H
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RHP User
12 years ago
real healing comes from within, no doubt. Only you can change your outlook on life and when you do things around you will can, but 1st you must change because that is the only thing you have control of to change. You can't change others but once you change the funny thing is the people around you change. All the best
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm seeing a lot of love here - and I think it's ggggggggggreat! Let's keep it rolling and hold off all the negative energy and the haters!! It's a good thing you started crackup
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RHP User
12 years ago
This is a very complex issue. But I'll just lightly touch on this by asking "if your house is on fire, do you battle it yourself?" if you answer no, then maybe you should consider calling the professionals to help you deal with this? I, like many others here as well, am seeing a life coach. These people are so very good at helping you understand how our brains, memories, responses are all wired to be enacted at the push of a button. But can also help to re-wire it if need be.
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RHP User
12 years ago
y life felt very empty after my divorce. My self esteem was terrible. I volunteered. I managed a Centre for prople who live and work on the ocean from poorer countries. Helping others, even with the simplest of tasks has a profound effect sometimes. I didn't ironically volunteer to feel better, I volunteered to fill sometime. It's nice to know you have a made a difference in someone's life. If everyone went home everyday knowing they had done some real good, I can assure you all self esteem would rise dramatically. If you really think about it you have much to be proud of yourself for. The glass is half full!! remember life is what you make it. Smile, it's contagious !!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Dating world has been a big healer for me, oddly enough.At the tail end of a very long and latterly, appalingly abusive marriage to a raging alcoholic, i pulled the pin on my marriage and had to walk away with my 3 kids in tow. Briefly contemplated dying, but had to go straight to Plan B, as it was an untenable concept to leave the kids where they had been.So, in light of honesty and after sleeping on the couch for 2 freakin' years, I told my ex just before we left that I was going to look for another relationship. She cracked up laughing and said,"You're too fat, too ugly and too stupid. Who could possibly want you?" and walked away cackling and shaking her head.I believed her.Put up a vanilla profile and thought nobody would contact me at all - I'd be sitting watching a blank "Contacts" screen with a little tear rolling slowly down one cheek.Holy shit - had I ever been lied to. I was actually quite popular, despite a complete lack of ego at that point. It took a VERY long time to actually believe that what women were saying to me may actually be true (that I was smart, attractive and a whole lot of fun).Positive reinforcement from others seriously helps, BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THEM. YOU HAVE TO CONTSRUCT A REAL VIEW OF "YOU" AND "NOT YOU".Remember, control freaks run you down because they want you to feel so terrible about yourself, that you can't possibly leave. Unfortunately, usually this does long term damage to your self esteem. Eject negative people, surround yourself with happy positive people. Use the "would I retain this person as a friend" criterion on your own family, if they are chewing away at your self esteem constantly. Some family members are best avoided (fortunately not my family, but my ex's family included an absolutely toxic sister who really should have been pushed down the stairs at an early age).Previous comments regarding doing coffee and yarning still apply, but please feel free to bring an Explorer sock to muffle me.John
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RHP User
12 years ago
i know all about low self esteem im at my lowest now since february my husband hasnt shown me any attention at all so i thought it was a weight issue ive since lost 15kgs to try to sway him back but it didnt work before that he couldnt keeps his hands off me then i found out the reason was a younger chic at his work was paying him all the attention he wanted and then some so i joined rhp to see if it was just me or was it because alot of guys just think with their dick with no emotional attachment and im starting to think its the last one i have met a few guys they seem nice at first then they think their gods gift and that its you thats privledged that they even met you i now know that this is a site for people to find roots and it seems that thats all it seems to be about i dont know if there is reallly any nice guys out there im not into one off fucks please excuse my language dont normally swear all i would like is one regular friend with benefits if more happens great not wanting to be kicked in the teeth repeatedly so tell me is there any genuine respectful guys out there i did think there was one but now im not so sure you know who you are a message now and then would be nice and yes we are all busy just some people will try to make time just to make sure im still alive and yes at this present point of time im seriously thinking if i should be as atm i think lifes pretty fucked anyway if your out there message me if not you can all go to hell sorry if i offend anyone its not my intention i actually normally treat people with respect just hasnt happened to me lately
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RHP User
12 years ago
Holy freakin' shit!Maybe there should be more meet and greets to sort the find a fuck wankers (both male and female, my friends) from people who actually really want more than that. Respect and enjoyment of people's company without an agenda apart from the moment really restore the balance that should be there. They are out there.
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RHP User
12 years ago
lbettyboop, not all men in here are like that. There are some who take time with chatting and looking for much more than just the no strings fun. And yes, they're in this very site. I've met some great chatters and made a couple of true friends. One in particular has helped me to increase some self confidence and maybe even a little self love too. I can relate to being in a point of your marriage where you think it's because of those extra pounds you've gained. I'm there now. It sounds like you've been really hurt but the only advice I can give is, don't give up, they're not all like that.
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CrackUp
12 years ago
It's wonderful to see so many caring people in the RHP community...reaching out and helping, not just myself, but others who have also posted regarding their own pain. Thank you so much for commenting to everybody.. xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
And while I'm at it, please let me offer you a few paragraph breaks for your next post. It will make reading your vents much more enjoyable.. I'll even though in a few full stops.~smiles~
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks I appreciate you rubbing salt into the wounds that's pretty good but next time spell check is a great option cheers and have a great day
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RHP User
12 years ago
The greatest word we should all learn from an early age is respect. If we learn respect for ourselves and for others then we are better for it, as are the people around us. Unfortunately though we live in a society dominated by people in it for ourselves. Having said that there are many great people who are kind and caring. I find there are a lot of people on here who too are kind and caring. Finding them can hard at times and I get knocked back so often because I am too kind and too caring. It can be upsetting at times but In my view if they knock me back for that then I am better off not knowing them. My view is that it takes two people to make the relationship/friendship work and it goes both ways. Respect and Honesty is important and even if you are in a friends with benefits relationship then the same applies. Regardless of my experience I always make sure I leave with a positive remark. The same can be said when I wake up next to the lady after a good night of fun. The first thing I tell her is how beautiful she is. I don't care if her make up has run or she has a few wrinkles here or there or that she has a little bit of weight too her. For me that is what life brings and we should all be excepting of that. This is particularly important for me as I like my women a little older :D Too many critics out there (yes I too can be critical and have to be mindful at times) who need to look at themselves in the mirror before they look at others. Well that's my 2 cents worth and I welcome the fact that I've opened the flood gates for people to have a go at me :D Bring it on but you won't change my views on respecting someone. Ibettyboop chin up love. I'd take you over a young bird any day :D
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RHP User
12 years ago
Above the line says Unfortunately though we live in a society dominated by people in it for ourselves.It should beUnfortunately though we live in a society dominated by people in it for themselves.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Wow Ibettyboop with that attitude, good luck with meeting anyone Its a ptiy that in order for you to receive validation as a person, you feel the need to have sex with just anyone As for spell check, you may want to apply that to your own profile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Could I please mention a very common characteristic of people - the refusal to acknowledge an error by saying sorry. I'm sure this boils down to the old concept of saving face i.e. by admitting an error to someone else, they step one rung further up the imaginary ladder of existence and you step one rung down.In my opinion, this is a sad indictment of society because it's so prevalent. I've based my life and personality on the concept of "to err is human and to apologize divine", and feel quite comfortable saying "I fucked up and am sorry" to the kids (or a lover) once we are all calm again. Strangely enough, my kids have commented very positively on this aspect in the past, rather than implying I'm just a walkover.What does one gain from saying sorry? 1. An acknowledgement by yourself and an agreement by any recipients that we are human and, most importantly, will try to learn from our error. 2. A warm response from others that we are prepared to admit we have caused pain and this was not something we could either live with or easily forget.3. A warmth from others that we were even prepared to stop lunging for the one extra rung up the "ladder"In my view, it's almost a public confession (indeed, why confess an error to God only - why not to the person affected by that error). I'm not religious.My parents, both alive, extremely wise and very, very beautiful people once said to me the following,"Make sure you say something pleasant about someone if and as you see it. Not later, but NOW!. There's no point saying it over someone's coffin". And, ya know what, I wish there was more of that.We are all fragile - we all have a duty of care.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am being there all my life, most all m y life .I was told I was ugly by my mum , and the stigma never left me, I went through abusive partners, controlling man and all sorts of issues due my low self steem.finally everything went from bad to worse I tried to commit suicide and end up in the ABC center in Bendigo ( NOT CHILDCARE ) MENTAL UNIT.what I saw it was good enough or bad enough to give me a kick in my own ass and get on with life, medicine and therapy helped aswell.As a cancer survivor I am not what I used to be but you know what, BEAUTY COMES FROM WHITIN. I feel now confident beautiful and sexy aswell, I am in control of my own life, time and mind.And I tell myself everyday that I am worth it, and I can have the world in my hand if I try hard enough,.there are noone who is gonna make you happy, only yourself , discover yourself and you will find the person you always beung looking for.the rest follows.... good luck .
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RHP User
12 years ago
lbettyboop girl , I think there are many decent man out there, if you have an asshole as husband , get rid of him. end of story, he was to play with other chics , ask him to get you involve at least. why man try to have all the fun for themselves ??? not good.and believe me is never your fault if he is playing around, trying to loose weight or changing your hair color is not going to change anything, if somebody loves you is unconditional, I got an small tit due cancer, and guess what if someone ios with me must love me the way I am , I dont make any concessions now, if they dont TOO BAD !!!! And even in this sites there are decent people and caring , I just got a boyfriend and he is ticking all the right boxes,A a gentleman, smart , caring helpfull, good manners, smelll good, good in bed. perfect for now.... if not just... NEXT !!!! .The men in my life must suit me , my lifestyle , my girls, etcand to CrackUp , gilrs surround yourself with good people , do something for you, I am doing swimmming lesons for the first time in my life!! conquer your fears, and if it helps... BIG BIG HUG FOR YOU !!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
BIG HUG !!!!! when I was depressed and almost suicidal it was this friend who came everyday, he sat down with me , holded me, hugged me, thats was vital in my recovery... love him ,there are decent people and lovely man out there.. and man and woman can be friends...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks for your comment but nobody is perfect even you ( pity ) hey anyway everyone is entitled to their own oppinion and i thought the whole point of a forum is to get your point across not to pick up on spelling mistakes anyway I don't just jump into bed with anyone for your infomation I've been with 4 men in my life and I was married to 2 of them and yes I have a lot of friends on my profile but it doesn't mean I'd sleep with them all or if any for that matter but I try to treat people equally and yes I have a bad attitude NOW but never had one before yes I regret saying that comment but don't need everyone to take it personally as it was my oppinion in the heat of the moment so don't need to be crucified or repeatedly kicked in the guts while im down so if I offend anyone in the process please accept my apologies upfront as that's not my intention And thank you to all the positive comments and messages I have received I'm now finding out that there are a lot of nice caring people out there on rhp especially the guy I was talking to last night and this morning til 4:30am for driving miles to find and stop me from doing anything stupid in my time of darkness and to answer your question jonstar before you ask no I didn't jump into bed with him aswell
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RHP User
12 years ago
There are good people there. Noone really took offence to what you were saying. It seems you have been in a dark time. Look for the light - it's there
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WHY_NOT_LOOK
12 years ago
Quoting 'lbettyboop'Thanks for your comment but nobody is perfect even you ( pity ) hey anyway everyone is entitled to their own oppinion and i thought the whole point of a forum is to get your point across not to pick up on spelling mistakes anyway I don't just jump into bed with anyone for your infomation I've been with 4 men in my life and I was married to 2 of them and yes I have a lot of friends on my profile but it doesn't mean I'd sleep with them all or if any for that matter but I try to treat people equally and yes I have a bad attitude NOW but never had one before yes I regret saying that comment but don't need everyone to take it personally as it was my oppinion in the heat of the moment so don't need to be crucified or repeatedly kicked in the guts while im down so if I offend anyone in the process please accept my apologies upfront as that's not my intention And thank you to all the positive comments and messages I have received I'm now finding out that there are a lot of nice caring people out there on rhp especially the guy I was talking to last night and this morning til 4:30am for driving miles to find and stop me from doing anything stupid in my time of darkness and to answer your question jonstar before you ask no I didn't jump into bed with him aswell Hey i feel your pain ive just gone thru all that and when your in pain your angry as well so no one should judge you atm... everyone needs time to heal... are you still with your husband can i ask? If so this needs to change and before you take up with anyone else you have to learn to love yourself again... ive been alot bigger when in bad relationships the minute im out im back to my normal self this can take many months thou.. Im iin Brisbane southside and know alot of the girls on here that would be there to support you im not sure if you have a good friend network... i didnt but now i do best thing ever... look ill leave it with you but your not alone were mostly good on here and thanks to the 4.30 call we all need people like you sometimes... take care its not your issues its your exs issues we just have to be the fools to take all the crap sometimes... well not anymore ok xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have been emotionally abused my entire life beginning with my mother, its too hard to try to deal with these feelings on your own. I would recommend contacting your gp for a referral to a psychologist, they are fantastic for helping deal with and get past these bad feelings about yourself. You are able to control and change this, dont let anything or anyone make this you are something you are not. After 6mths of counselling i became the person was years ago, hppy and confident about myself, have been that way for the last 3 years now. Please see a professional about this.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have also suffered from low self esteem after having 3 children I put on extreme amounts of weight because I didnt think I was worth anything. One day I woke up as a co-worker actually told me "do you know you are a really sexy, wonderful woman". The next day the junk food went into the bin and I started to believe in me. Sure I am not a size 10 woman but know that my personality and loving ways is what makes me beautiful and sexy. My sense of humour gets me through rough days. Sometimes people will knock you in life but get back up and be who you are. Find friends that love you for you. If you ever want to talk just let me know xo
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RHP User
12 years ago
Negative generalizations are offensive really. As a few of the comments above have shown. If I spoke like that about Women, I'd expect to be pulled up for it by a few people too.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi! Crack Up:) Thanks for the Topic....Hun I'm not a Lady with Low Self Esteem infact I know who I am what I want what I expect from others ..However I can share a Mantra with you that will get rid of your NEGATIVE VOICE once and for A.... That is the main reason People suffer needlessly making themselves their own worst Enemy instead of their Greatest Ally...Hum you're a Wonderful Unique Individual as are all of us BTW There's been none like us before nor will there be again in any Lifetime..Appreciate You Value You ..Just think You're here for a reason without you in their Lives your Children would not exist they may go on to save a Persons Life who is here to save Mankind every think of that..If you weren't here they wouldn't have a great Mum loving caring in their Lives just like you..Infact everyone who crosses your Parth you share a little of yourself they're the better for it as you are because they do... To all thiose who need this Help due to Low self esteem.... This Is What You Need To Do ..To Take Control Of You .Of Your Emotions Your LIfe..Raise Your Self Esteem.. .When that Neg. voice Pops up to put you down say this,,, Be Persistent Consistent. Focused forceful you want this Out of your Life!! Mantra..I HEAR YOU ...I DISAGREE NOW F...K OFF!!....You need that aweful word because it has Power..Don't say it in Public think it .Someone nearby may get Nasty if you do he!he! Place it on your phone, around your House, in your car ...so your Mind can see it regularly and often.. 2. Add to this a Quote from ERoosevelt... "NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION" I can tell you at the end of 1 Month you won't be the same wimpy self Loathing Person you seem to be now... This resets your Mind ..as you overcome that Negative voice step by step..NB it will come up more often to start just say that Mantra each time.. That puts it in it's place where it belongs ....instead of controlling your Emotions and decisions ..you Make in your LIfe.. You will be the Positive Woman wuith high self worth ..Others will see it and be drawn to you and add a very Positve influence in your Life all areas of it will be much more Balanced... 3.1 More Tip....Those People who get under your skin, make you annoyed, Angry, Frustrated, insignificant so on....from Now on .. Imagine then wearing a flaired white dress with Black Polka Dots ..over sized Bow to Match in their hair.. red Shoes...... Just stand there when they try to Intimidate you ..pull your strings see them in this outfit .. Just smile say nothing...That annoys the hell out of them because their tactics aren't working.. They don't know why you're smiling ..You have just taken control of the situatuion ..Anyway why would you think a Jerk dressed like that could affect you .. .Well!..they won't after you do that the 1st time ..ha!ha! I Luv it!!! I've used these tactics in My Spiritual work when Councilling, Guiding ,Tutoring with People who have lost their way, self worth is non existent ..Please feel free to go into it Full On.... It's My Gift To You with My Blessings to All who need this advice... Cheers Enjoy Lu :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hey all,Just reading through this topic and wondered why is there always some sort of negativity in the topics in rhp... Self esteem is a world wide problem be it men or women and yes.. children.... Lets just work on building yourself and others up instead of bringing them down or making matters worse.. Sure we have allgone through self esteem issues and the like.. But weto try and remain focussed and positive to feel better about ourselves.. So come on.. lets make the change and try and help others and make this a feelgood topic... And to all the women and men who have given positive feedback.. GOOD FOR YOU. xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sorry all,I will hop off my soap box now lol xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
... KK xx
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CrackUp
12 years ago
I agree Trips...bouquets are much better than brickbats.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I liked it, so I thought I bring it out by it's self.. :-)2. Add to this a Quote from ERoosevelt... "NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION"
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
I dont think there are many women and some men out there that have low self esteems. They either do not like their body, appearance, age - whatever it may be.I agree with Araps, surround yourself with things/people that make you happy and these people will bring the positive out in you.We are all only given one chance at this thing we call life..... and we all have a different story to tell. Society seems to tell us that we need to be perfect in many ways, why not be perfect with what we have....Im sure if I were to ever meet you, you would be an amazing amazing brilliant person xxxxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Have suffered too...coming good,its taken two yrs to like and know me, and to not feel scared being single..yep was my biggest fear having always been in a relastionship...good or bad...till i didnt know whether who i was.....yerp very low times indeed... yes u have to love yourself from the insides out, ive learnt to speak my mind too instead of being a mouse or yes person....and the lovely man who said coffee and chat....thats what we all need, more gorgeous gentelmen around xxx keep smiling and loving gorgeous girl.....with good doses of wicked sex xxxx
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'xxTRIPSxx'Hey all, Just reading through this topic and wondered why is there always some sort of negativity in the topics in rhp... Self esteem is a world wide problem be it men or women and yes.. children.... Lets just work on building yourself and others up instead of bringing them down or making matters worse.. Sure we have allgone through self esteem issues and the like.. But weto try and remain focussed and positive to feel better about ourselves.. So come on.. lets make the change and try and help others and make this a feelgood topic... And to all the women and men who have given positive feedback.. GOOD FOR YOU. xxx . I agree with you 100% Trips hun...It is so sad to see people who are negative in EVERY post on here. I think it is because they really really don't like themselves, so in order to build themselves up...they need to tear others down! Well said xox Hugs...xFunlovingx
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' Quoting 'xxTRIPSxx'Hey all, Just reading through this topic and wondered why is there always some sort of negativity in the topics in rhp... Self esteem is a world wide problem be it men or women and yes.. children.... Lets just work on building yourself and others up instead of bringing them down or making matters worse.. Sure we have allgone through self esteem issues and the like.. But weto try and remain focussed and positive to feel better about ourselves.. So come on.. lets make the change and try and help others and make this a feelgood topic... And to all the women and men who have given positive feedback.. GOOD FOR YOU. xxx . I agree with you 100% Trips hun...It is so sad to see people who are negative in EVERY post on here. I think it is because they really really don't like themselves, so in order to build themselves up...they need to tear others down! Well said xox Hugs...xFunlovingxWhat has made me enjoy this post so much is that so many people have put their honesty out on the line and shared their story to help other people through some $%^& times in their life.The negative is not worth your energy feeding.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanx so much xfun, CrackUp, KK,and Araps. As always I write what I think. And this really is an issue that concerns everyone. But the changes will only happen if we learn to be more positive. The change starts with you! I wasnt sure I had worded this post properly, but now I knowit was worded perfectly, it was worth it. Stay safe and be good to each other as It could quite easily be us that needs some positivity in our life when everything else looks bleak! Everyone is beautiful inside. xxTripsxx(no soap box this time, as im standing tall) lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was just wondering how life is for you today.x Hugs H
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CrackUp
12 years ago
Hello lovely HesioneI have been so greatly encouraged by the words and responses of everyone. You know, it's not an easy fix...healing old wounds but, when you realise others have walked very similar paths, when you see them standing tall and proud, or even still cowed by those negative feelings, for me, I feel incredibly humbled .. that a) people are generous enough to share their own experiences..and b) I am party to such a supportive community. The things of which I spoke initially about Hesione, are still there.. a part of me, but.. I have taken note of the advice and am positively trying to affirm myself. When the negative voice says, 'you can't' or 'not good enough', 'not attractive enough', 'not smart enough' and so on and so forth, I pause a little and do a little self talk.. 'yes you can', 'you look nice today' .. over an achievement 'clever you' .. daft expressions, but.. a tender little voice of self approval. Baby steps... but.. steps towards improvement I am hoping. Thank you for asking and for keeping me in mind.. xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
that is such excellent newsx Hugs H
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RHP User
12 years ago
...and for most of my life i've had a complex with my self esteem.. For me it was a very early age..the difficult teen years that made me consider myself not very attractive in the world of girls. I grew up with a complex, shyed away from cameras and very much withdrew into a shell.... At the very late age of 20 a very attractive woman, in my eyes she was, told me that I was handsome..funny..and very attractive...my self esteem was boosted but there was still doubt. I did enjoy a relationship with the fore mentioned lady and fond of her still. I'm now a 36yo male who has had success in my chosen career...hat two children...unfortunately seperated..for their sakes..but back to the topic!!! All it takes is for someone to rebuild that image of oneself...and use what was given to you..In my case i'm definately no model but i look after myself physically...i'm a bit cheeky...and the rest follows... We have all been shot down at one time in our lives but the thing about that is to make sure that u come back stronger and smiling.... then again that is just me speaking my mind
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' I have been that woman, i used to refer to myself as the invisible woman. There is a fine line between self esteem issues and those of self loathing. Rhp is not the place for serious issues but its the place to meet people who are perhaps the fruit and nuts of a good bowel of cereal. The forums help, to read and to post your thoughts and feelings. No body knows what we are , we even hide from ourselves. Were never whole, were not supposed to be finding the answers all the time. What we do is live one day at a time, in all kinds of emotional weather. As a woman I love this place, but its also an illusion thing. You will get to ride on the roller coaster and get your hair blown back by hot horny men or women or groups. They can make you feel fantastic, and also give you that swing in your hips and twinkle in your eye. But the wrong kind of guys can make things worse for you. Having a guy fuck your brains out and then not return calls etc. can affect women. Do not use them to say mirror mirror on the wall, am I ok? Just use the mirror mirror in the eyes of people that you know off-line that give a shit about you. Counselling from a professional is always a good thing We all feel like you do at times, some more than others. It has nothing to do with your looks, even the most beautiful people who have it all get those feelings. There is a good networking system here for people but were not experts on anything but our own opinions. Spot on! I agree with everything you said hun, you are so insightful and have a wealth of knowledge - I'd love to pick your brains one day :o)
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RHP User
12 years ago
hi ,you have to train the voice inside to relay positive thoughts as soon as you feel the negativity .go to the mirror look your self in the eye and say out load I love me I love me I love me I love me I love the way I look first thing in the morning .i love waking up .i love a cup of tea /coffee,I love the new track suit I bought I love my new joggers I love my one hr power walk I love exercising I love filling my lungs with deep fresh air I love that in only six weeks I've dropped a dress size I love the fact that I wasn't trying to drop a dress size I love what I do I love being helpful I love to smile I love to giggle I love to laugh I love my family my family loves me I love my friends my friends love me I love who I am I'm surround by love, I love that hurtful words can't hurt me I love me and I love the fact that I'll love and always love----love love love love is all we need,love is all we need (sing the words we all know it the Beatles ) I feel positive just writing this put love into every thing you do ......ok bye
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes Handmaiden, it happens to men too more than men like to admit. We get depressed, lonely, go from one fuck to another because you feel wanted but in reality it just makes it worse cause until you are comfortable within yourself you can not move forward and be truly happy in a relationship. I am still working at it and at times I just want to run away but I love my kids so would never self harm myself cause I want to be around for them. I have issues too with self doubt but starting to realise that people come into your life for a reason. Sometimes these people are really a reflection of what your like, you attract what you put out and for some reason I have in the past attracted females that where in the same head space so we just mucked each other around. I now am far more comfortable in my own space but its taken a long time. Don't let other people fuck you around that's the way I look at it now. Good you found our man and thanks for being one of the few on here to chat to me Handmaiden Quoting 'Handmaiden' I guess we all suffer from low self esteem at times...men and women alike. I spent 15 years in an emotionally abusive relationship and three years of soul searching, anti depresants and therapy to try and understand what and where I was at, what had happened and why. I still occassionally get a bout of insecurity but alot of this has now gone due to the beautiful people I have met on this and one other similar sites. I know deep down I am a worthwhile person, sometimes there are the occassional stage where one too many random men have dissappeared never to be heard from again after meeting once or twice, these feelings of inadequacy appear momentarily. Then I need to take a step back from on line dating and re-assess ME and what I want. Meeting my wonderful partner on a site like this helped alot as well.
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