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Bad Sex in Fiction award

November 13 2014

Yes it's that time again....the 22nd annual Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction award. Billed as "Britain's Most Dreaded Literary Prize", its purpose is to "...draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction, and to discourage them. The prize is not intended to cover pornographic or expressly erotic literature." This year's nominated passages come from the followingbooks: The Snow Queen by Michael Cunningham The Narrow Road to the Deep North by Richard Flanagan The Hormone Factory by Saskia Goldschmidt Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami The Age of Magic by Ben Okri The Affairs of Others by Amy Grace Loyd Desert God by Wilbur Smith Things to Make and Break by May-Lan Tan The Lemon Grove by Helen Walsh The Legacy of Elizabeth Pringle by Kirsty Wark These are my picks: Desert God by Wilbur Smith "Her hair was piled high, but when she shook her head it came cascading down in a glowing wave over her shoulders, and fell as far as her knees. This rippling curtain did not cover her breasts which thrust their way through it like living creatures. They were perfect rounds, white as mare's milk and tipped with ruby nipples that puckered as my gaze passed over them. Her body was hairless. Her pudenda were also entirely devoid of hair. The tips of her inner lips protruded shyly from the vertical cleft. The sweet dew of feminine arousal glistened upon them." The Narrow Road to the Deep North by Richard Flanagan"Whatever had held them apart, whatever had restrained their bodies before, was now gone. If the earth spun it faltered, if the wind blew it waited. Hands found flesh; flesh, flesh. He felt the improbable weight of her eyelash with his own; he kissed the slight, rose-coloured trench that remained from her knicker elastic, running around her belly like the equator line circling the world. As they lost themselves in the circumnavigation of each other, there came from nearby shrill shrieks that ended in a deeper howl. Dorrigo looked up. A large dog stood at the top of the dune. Above blood-jagged drool, its slobbery mouth clutched a twitching fairy penguin." Things to Make and Break by May-Lan Tan "She wriggles down under the blankets and pulls off my jeans and skivvies. I lie back and her hair tickles my stomach, her mouth wrapping over me. I'd forgotten this about her: she has the smallest, hottest mouth, as if she's storing lava in her cheeks. I shut my eyes, holding her hair by the roots. My bones start to liquefy. When I'm about to come, I flip her onto her back and take off her underwear. I roll her nipple on my tongue and rub her clit with my thumb until her lips get slippery. I glide my middle finger in and out, then fold her legs up and push in. God. It's like sticking your cock into the sun." You can read the others on the Guardian site, if you dare

Comments

Twisted_Mister

10 years ago

Cannot be unseen. Dear God LD, I don't know whether or not to thank you for posting that!!! Fairy penguin? WTF? Some people need to get off the meth!!! :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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Mischeviouslad

10 years ago

Reads like a lot of the messages some guys feel compelled to send as their first email. May Lan Tan seems to have trouble figuring out the difference between his finger and his cock.Maybe they're both the same size hahaha

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RHP User

10 years ago

That the RSPCA will be checking out Mr.Flanagan..:-) xxFreya

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RHP User

10 years ago

I think the real crime here, is the use of the word 'pudenda'

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RHP User

10 years ago

I had to Google "Pudenda"! And the poor fairy penguins never get a break, the dogs keep getting at them in Manly. Not hot.

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RHP User

10 years ago

Running her tongue over her lips she nodded; she was as hot as boiling water in a distillation flask, and it wasn't long before I was able to really get going. Steamin'!

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RHP User

10 years ago

Having just finished "The Narrow Road to the Deep North" which won the booker prize for this year that paragraph must be read in conjunction with the book. It is honestly one of most amazing books I have ever read and wriiten by an Aussie! Pusscat xxx

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RHP User

10 years ago

Bahahaha he got that close without burning to a crisp in order to make that comparison?? Besides I don't wanna stick my dick into anything that is going to cause it pain.... A rose coloured trench??? Jock itch I assume :p This rippling curtain did not cover her breasts which thrust their way through it like living creatures ??? Sounds more like she's equipped with SRS Airbags in the event she toppled over ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

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him_and_me

10 years ago

Geez MicheviousLad, you must get some really interesting emails from the guys. Lol. I think I'm missing out...or...maybe not. Him - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Reads like a lot of the messages some guys feel compelled to send as their first email. Yep, those first message A4 page long literary masterpieces do my head in. I have received the same template from one guy 3 times. You think he could change a paragraph or 2 occasionally ....lol LG

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RHP User

10 years ago

Sounds like my dreams.......... I really need to get more.

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RHP User

10 years ago

Quoting 'Freya79' That the RSPCA will be checking out Mr.Flanagan..:-) xxFreya ... it's fiction

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RHP User

10 years ago

Less lively personalities, great writers or not, probably wouldn't make that good a sex time in person, so you can't expect them to write too well about it maybe. Most of the passages seem closer to masturbation fantasies than real sex - passive women and their hairless small mouthed pudendic equators for circumnavigation. I do like the "twitching fairy penguin" as a euphemism for self pleasure though. Now if you'll excuse me, it's Saturday morning, time to get the papers and stick my dick in the Sun.

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RHP User

10 years ago

I thought it won a prize for an autobiography... A Man Book :-) xxFreya

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Mischeviouslad

10 years ago

Quoting 'Leo_girl' Yep, those first message A4 page long literary masterpieces do my head in. I have received the same template from one guy 3 times. You think he could change a paragraph or 2 occasionally ....lolLG And how many of his friend requests? LOL

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RHP User

10 years ago

My girlfriend at uni gave me "Lady Chatterley's Lover" as "sex" present (don't judge us - we were both doing an Arts degree at the time) and I remember how infatuated we became with the book, calling each others' genitals John Thomas & Lady Jane. I took the book out to read again about a month ago and became quickly disillusioned. The plot is fascinating from an historical perspective but the sex scenes were disappointing. Hard to believe what the censors were so hot under the collar about. Also hard to believe it inspired so much fucking amongst English Lit majors.

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RHP User

10 years ago

BEN OKRI!!!!! “When his hand brushed her nipple it tripped a switch and she came alight. He touched her belly and his hand seemed to burn through her. He lavished on her body indirect touches and bitter-sweet sensations flooded her brain. She became aware of places in her that could only have been concealed there by a god with a sense of humour. “Adrift on warm currents, no longer of this world, she became aware of him gliding into her. He loved her with gentleness and strength, stroking her neck, praising her face with his hands, till she was broken up and began a low rhythmic wail … The universe was in her and with each movement it unfolded to her. Somewhere in the night a stray rocket went off.” Nipple switches!! A woman's clitoris, a prank by a god!! Gliding, with a parachute I hope!! This is awful mastery.

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