M51
Bad funny jokes
September 14 2015
Comments
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Twisted_Mister
9 years ago
Treeeemendous! - Posted from rhpmobile
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225Special
9 years ago
What's Black and Red and sits in a tree? A Crow with a fat!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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horneycouplewa
9 years ago
What's white and falls from the sky ? Second coming of Christmas 😲 - Posted from rhpmobile
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horneycouplewa
9 years ago
Christ not Christmas "How to ruin a bad joke" lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Two blondes walk into a building..... You would think one of them would of seen it
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RHP User
9 years ago
what did one mouse say to the other mouse? Come over to the corner and I'll show you my hole. - Posted from rhpmobile
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
is about to propose to his beautiful girlfriend. Before he does so, Trev decides he needs a really nice diamond to seal the deal. So he goes to the jewellers, upon arriving he is met by a long long line of people waiting for the jeweler too - Trev waits & finally gets the diamond. Next he decides he needs a bunch of lovely roses , so off to the Florist he goes where he is met by a line longer than the jewelers, again Trev patiently waits and takes home a lovely bunch of roses for his beautiful new wife to be. Next he thinks gotta get a limo, so he visits a limo hire car service and is greeted by a longer line than both the Jellwers and the florist combined….Patiently he waits again and eventually gets the limo sorted out. The big night arrives, family and friends are gathered watching the lovely pair performing their bridal waltz, Trevs beautiful new wife whispers in his ear and says “darling would you mind getting me a glass of punch”?.. Trev promptly walks over to the punch bowl, swiftly returning with a glass of punch, his new wife very impressed says gess darling that was quick – Trevor replies yes honey there is no “punch line”
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Paradisepair
9 years ago
A surname... Boom boom...
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Aristippusx2
9 years ago
Pinocchio has downloaded the Tinder app. He is after a no string attachment
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RHP User
9 years ago
Dockers does it take to change a light bulb?
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RHP User
9 years ago
They've only just got to the top of the ladder.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Two cows in a paddock. One turns to the other and says, "how about that mad cows disease". The other replies "who gives a fuck I'm a helicopter"
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
Peanuts
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RHP User
9 years ago
Great food, but no atmosphere 🍕🍔
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225Special
9 years ago
Did you hear about the wooden horse.......wooden shit Did you hear about the steel horse.........Steel, wooden shit
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BrightBubbly
9 years ago
Why did the Koala fall out of the tree ?It was dead... Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree ?It was also dead... Why did the third Koala fall out of the tree ?It was stapled to the second Koala... Why did the fourth Koala fall out of the tree ?Peer group pressure... Why did the fifth Koala fall out of the tree ?No mates... A kangaroo was hopping through the bush and fell over dead,Was killed by a falling Koala...
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RHP User
9 years ago
I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting and announced "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be great." I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her: "Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but I asked you to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane." She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting angry and asked her again to put up the tray. She then calmly turned to him and said: "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one." The flight attendant replied, "Oh yeah? Well in MY country, I'm called a queen and I outrank you, bitch, so put the tray up!" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Where do you buy a koala?.......,,on Gumtree 😀xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was headi...ng straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Irish Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.” “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy".
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RHP User
9 years ago
Have you seen the new movie Constipation?No? Me either, it hasn't come out yet. What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?Wipes his butt A man buys a fake xmas tree. Guy behind the counter asks "are you going to put that up yourself?'Man said "don't be disgusting! I'm putting it in the living room." A man walks into a doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his bum. Doctor takes one look and remarks "we have a hell of a problem here" to which the man replied "you have no idea - this is just the tip of the iceberg"
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RHP User
9 years ago
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only cums once a year! - Posted from rhpmobile
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225Special
9 years ago
A female pygmy goes to the doctor complaining that every time it rained her vagina ached. Doctor told her to come back next time it rained. 2 weeks later it rained so in she came. The doctor watched her walk around and told her to hop up on the bed. He the got out his scissors and snipped away. He the told her to walk around again and tell him if there was any difference. When she finished she asked, "Doctor did you trim my labia?"The doctor replied "No....I just cut 2 inches off your gum boots"
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
Aren't bad jokes just great sometimes
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RHP User
9 years ago
One says to the other I'll drive, you man the guns
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
Quoting 'TisonlyI' One says to the other I'll drive, you man the guns 3rd one says he will be on the side, for when the chips are down
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RHP User
9 years ago
Y'up. Yup.
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RHP User
9 years ago
What do you call a man with a piece of wood on his head?Ed WoodWhat do you call a man with 2 pieces of wood on his head?Edward WoodWhat do you call a man with 3 pieces of wood on his head?Edward WoodwardWhat do you call a man with 4 pieces of wood on his head?I don't know...butEdward Woodward would
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RHP User
9 years ago
The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
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RHP User
9 years ago
The masochist said HIT ME The sadist said NO
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'TisonlyI' Two cows in a paddock. One turns to the other and says, "how about that mad cows disease". The other replies "who gives a fuck I'm a helicopter" Two cows in a paddock. One turns to the other and says, "nice grass in here". The other replies "HOLY FUCK A TALKING COW!!!!!!!!!!"
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'xKiwiBredx' A man walks into a doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his bum. Doctor takes one look and remarks "we have a hell of a problem here" to which the man replied "you have no idea - this is just the tip of the iceberg" A prostitute walks into the doctor's office with a lettuce growing out of her ear. The Doctor asks "What's the go with that?" The lettuce replies: "I don't know, it started as just a small mole". A man walks into the doctor's office really awkwardly and says: "Doctor, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside". The doctor says: "How's that?". The man replies: "Don't you start!". A prostitute has a meeting with her psychologist. Personal conversation leads to other things, and they end up having sex on the couch. At the end, they both turn to each other and say "that'll be $500 thanks".
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OzRednecks
9 years ago
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
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RHP User
9 years ago
What do a fridge, a washing machine and a woman have in common?? . . . . . . . . . . . . . They all leak when they're fucked.
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Forus1234
9 years ago
What happened to Joyce Mayne? Kelvinator!
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yankmychain56
9 years ago
a while back, my birthday was coming up, and everyone at work knew it.There was this INSANELY HOT woman at work who always dressed like a slut, big tits that would hang out when she bent over. Short skirts and she NEVER wore underwear.On the day of my birthday, she asked me if I wanted a special birthday surprise. YES YES YES! she said we could go to my place during lunch. HELL YES. my wife was at work, kids at school, perfect for a quickie.We got in to my house, sat on the couch, then she got up and leaned over, so I could SEE those big knockers ready to pop out of her top. she had brought a bag with her, and said 'let me go in to the other room, you just sit here and get comfortable, this is your day!' She is going to put on some slutty clothes on! GREAT!This is it! I thought. this insanely hoy woman is going to ride it hard. thousands of quickie fantasies running through my head. She then comes out, and yells surprise! Happy birthday! with my wife, kids, parents, grand parents, and half of the staff at work.and there i sat. with a raging hard-on and completely naked.
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RHP User
5 years ago
My wife told me to stop singing "I'm a believer " by The Monkees coz it annoyed her. At first I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face..........
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Guido99
5 years ago
two parrots were sitting on a perch. one turned to the other and said "can you smell fish"
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Guido99
5 years ago
two parrots were sitting on a perch. one turned to the other and said "can you smell fish"
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RHP User
5 years ago
A woman goes to the Doctor. "Doc" she says "My pussy whistles when I walk". The Doctor sits open mounted as the woman proceeds to walk up and down the office, all the while her pussy lets out a shrill whistle. He examines her and can find nothing to indicate why this is happening. "I can't help you but I'm off to a medical seminar next week. I'll record your pussy and play the tape there. Some of the worlds top specialists will be there. One of them will know what the problem is." The following week at the seminar 100's of top Docs are in conference. It's Our Docs turn to speak. "Gentlemen he says. Listen to this tape and tell me what you think it is." He plays the tape. There is complete silence, no-one speaks. Suddenly a hand goes up at the back of the room. "Ah Doctor Murphy from Dublin" says Our Doc. "Do you have an answer for us?" "To be sure" says Dr Murphy "That sounds like some cunt whistling to me"!
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Tall74nHard9
5 years ago
How can you tell if a politician is lying ? His lips are moving. Tall
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RHP User
5 years ago
How do you find Will Smith in a blizzard? You look for the fresh prints.
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