F52
Beautiful people, and how to make love last ...
August 25 2012
Comments
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I was married for 18 years, and my husband who I now share a house with is a very nice guy. We have been divorced ten years now, yet we share a house and we get on better than when we were married. That sense of joined at the hip is gone, of you owe me something. I remember once he said I married you, as it means I can get sex on tap. And woman think now I have someone to take care of me and me them. There is no answer to you question as its only a riddle that two can solve. When I look back, I realise that I was a different woman and he was a different man and we were both pulling away with our own wants and desires. Now we row in the same direction, but we also have our own separate lives. Love and relationships of all kinds are like rivers, they go in different directions at times, they petter out or they join up again. Anything can happen , that’s the surprise package of living. At 60 , I often think will I find that in the movie passionate thing again, I did once with a married man. He could talk the talk, he was amazing lover and he loved me to bits. But in the end I walked away, I look at my x and think. You may not be that Hug Jackman hunky lover but your more a man than any man I have ever met. Because he always looked after me and my girls, never backed off from his responsibility as a father nor as a friend to me. Even when we divorced it never got ugly. Respect is a good key to love , no matter what shape it comes in. What do we do wrong? we want to much , from other people.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Yeah it happened to me too and its devastating when your partner doesn't believe you love them as much as they think you should. I feel for your ex as this happened to me too. Mike Ps I have no idea what to do about this. I'm not even sure I'm even looking for "love" anymore...
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I too seek what your looking for and trust me I have 10 years on you, and not your stunning looks or body either :), So to be honest, Ive pretty much given up hope...sad really because personally I still think I have much to give, but Im finding guys around my age ( a generalisation I know) have mostly just come out of long term relationships - and in their opinions they have just been screwed over financially - loss of house, super, paying child support yada yada yada and they are bitter....so they seem to want to sleep with all and sundry to make themselves feel better...(fair enough) but forget about a possible relationship with them . Ive met more angry and bitter men than Ive met the kind of guy your describing in your post......so yes Ive pretty resigned myself to the fact that I will spend the rest of my life alone....however I will say this..I have loved and known great love, so in that I am grateful......and as the saying goes ..better to have loved bla bla bla...so I do understand great love and how fantastic love poems and plays and songs have come to be written. My only words for you post - "What does it take to make love last ?" - would be words I heard not so long ago..and I think are so true. We forgive people because we still want them in our lives...... Men I have loved, have done me wrong ...perhaps if I had forgiven and not been so demanding and exacting I wouldnt be alone today....but I do wrestle with this concept because if I forgave them for what they did to me, turned a blind eye and cheek, then I would have felt that I sold my self short - that I wasnt being true to myself... I wear on my wrist a bangle - with Shakespeares quote from Hamlet - "This above all, to thine own self be true" ....so in order to follow thru on what my head and heart believe, I guess in a way I sacrificed happiness...did I do the rite thing by kicking their butts to the kerb. ?..well at the time I believed yes, but now after endless Saturday nites at home alone, I just dont know.... So did I just answer your question ? I dont know....would I do things differently with a future partner - yes....but then there will always be something else wont there ? Does anyone REALLY ever get IT rite ? "What is it that so many of us do so wrong ? The answer to that question in my eyes is quite simple... We expect too much and we are unrealistic in the reality of relationships of nowadays.... We live in a disposable - I want it all now society - this sadly includes our relationships...... who do we blame for this ?..unrealsitic happy ever after Hollywood movies ?, the media ? ..who knows.....perhaps we are striving for the unachievable..perhaps we are only meant to have fleeting moments of happiness..and if you find more than moments and with a partner, then thats great...but does it last ??? The only relationship we have any "control" over is the one that we have with ourselves...and perhaps that is the one that we are suppose to concentrate on...perhaps being the best person we can be....and then just maybe, if we build it (as the words go) and we love ourselves first ..then he/ she will come !!!!!! Still waiting...
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I was your age before I met Jennylee, Halcyon. I tell my kids to approach each new relationship as a learning experience with no long term expectations (then when you find a relationship that lasts, that's a bonus). Take what lessons you can from each experience and try not to duplicate your mistakes. Eventually, you'll get it right
-
RHP User
12 years ago
yes you all said the right things...we can only find happiness within ourselves......we can share it a bit with the males who are not afraid of this feelings.....and yes most are shit and I say shit scared....however there is no instruction’s on nothing, what life is dishing out. We are all chasing a dream, but is it wrong, to dream? I think not.....dreams are beautiful, I keep mine going. I am a person I think when it is right it will be right....one night one day one month one year one lifetime....who knows.....we just have to give and love and don’t expect anything in return......male and female. And maybe, maybe only women think of this ever after love.....because I haven’t seen any men comment on here yet. We are just the ever “ romantic” in human being’s. Love can not be defined by looks, whether we have the right size, or breast, to small to big, or what ever, we are running today after something which has nothing to do with love. I believe in love….love can mean many, many things and when you love someone you feel something. We are all preconditioned to look for the bad, that’s what we should change……our minds are bombarded with negatives and it is getting harder and harder to combat this negative thoughts. Yes and then we get told you ” DESERVE IT” I am asking WHAT DO I DESERVE? What is it, what we always want form the other? Why cant we give and not thinking “what is in for me”? That’s a big question you put out there and I am happy you did it. Thank you Litonya
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I have a golden standard for a relationship - my parents. Although I truly believe they were lucky to have actually found each other and things haven't always been smooth, they have been married 60 happy years now. My observations of what they are doing that I missed in my past marriage follow.They respect each other's opinions in their own areas of expertise and defer to each other's specialties. And do so with pleasure and interest. It's almost like two complementary pieces of a puzzle clicking perfectly together.They absolutely love being together, but have an active social life and are both very young in mind and body for their ages (83 and 85). They share many activities, both mental and physical. Both happily cook together and share tasks.They still sleep together - beyond that I just don't want to know LOL.They both attract strangers wherever they go - possibly due to open, smiling faces and quick, easy and respectful banter with anybody, that can be escalated in terms of familiarity and crudity according to the banter response. I've watched them both with pleasure - it's almost like a tag team relationship. Both are excellent active listeners too and are quite passionate, but respectful of alternative views, as long as they aren't ridiculous.My own life has been a pale shadow of this luminescence, but it has certainly been brightened by these guidelines. In particular, respect for people is critical. It's surprising what a small word or two of kind banter can bring out in a person. Very surprising actually.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I once believed in this as I wanted to make mine to last til my dying breath. Looking back at my 10 year marriage, I can definitely see where I went wrong. My ex blames me for breaking the relationship and the family by pulling the plug too early before he could get his shit together. In my lowest moments, I think of this, especially for my kids - should I have stayed and supported him as a good wife/partner should. Then I think, same as MsVelvetBlue - I would not have been true to myself and to who I am.What is it that makes relationships last? From what I have gathered: open communication, respect, understanding and compromise. What is it that so many of us do so wrong? Expecting too much and wanting it now; the lack of ability to accept the love being given - either because it is not enough or it is too much it can't possibly be true; and the unwillingness to compromise ones self.Great post Halcyon!
-
RHP User
12 years ago
a willingness to compromise and accept ...
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I think so....as I said previously... but only each one of us can say at what point are you not prepared to compromise nor accept anymore.........that self value is more important...... and I think the answer would be different for us all.... I hope you are well Halcyon xx
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I'm on a journey of understanding myself :) I guess we all want that, don't we! I hope you're well too, lovely lady xxx!
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I am watching the news tonight, and then right in the middle he changes the channel to the footy. No asking no nuttin Now if he had done that a few years ago, I would have had a hissy fit Now I just laugh as he is yelling at the TV and its just nice to see him happy as a clam. I used to bemoan picking up after my kids , now they are grown up and gone, I miss the mess. Love can be like that sometimes, when we are preoccupied with life. Love can sometimes slip out the door. Savour every minute the good and the bad with people you want in your life. Try not to throw out the baby with the bathwater. I no longer sweat the small stuff. Except the toothpaste...like really squeeeeze from the end!
-
RHP User
12 years ago
there are many different permutations of love,romantic love is just one.Often in our search for this holy grail we loose sight of all the love that surrounds us. Some of us will never find perfect romantic love,or if we had it once, we may not find it again and we spend far to much time grieving the lack of it. I have a close friend in her 50s who constantly mourns a man she was engaged to in her 20s.He left her and is now happily married to another,and yet for 30 years she has fixated on this loss.She is surrounde by family and close friends who love her but she is still stuck in a kind of emotional time warp. Love is all around us,we just have to see it.x Hugs H
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I don't have the inclination to write a spiel on this, i'll keep it simple."Familiarity breeds contempt"
-
Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
Great post Halcyon, Am hearing you Mike,Up until the start of the year I would have said that it is possible to find that someone and I was lucky enough to have met the ideal partner straight off the bat. Its weird, but on the morning of the day we met I knew I would meet someone significant. What I always thought at the time, was the exact same as diwata in that respect, communication and some occasional compromise were the main things that kept things together. Fast forward 17 years and 3 beautiful kids later.... until things fell into a great big pile from which there was no recovery.I think dreams are important as I have re-connected with myself and some dreams that I wanted to fulfil but lost along the way. Would I change things in the past, maybe a little. As for finding love again am still open in myself for it occurring when I least expect it.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
alot of u say is true i work in aged care and ive seen epople married 60 plus yrs some 80 yrs i think its a lifetime more than a life time often its the ony one they have been with intimately and they didnt have the freedom to exptress sexually like we do as much diff era diff time they didnt have so much choice and confussion life was simple and u appreciated laot more people died in wars and disease etc u had simple living not the choice of things we have now but they still dealt with cheating partners and all the same things marriages brings to the table good and bad they stayed more in those days maybe they women didnt have much choice maybe the men felt they had to i ask often how did u last so long they said they give diff reasons but mostly cause they married them and they made vows and they took them serious through good and bad not just the good sickness and health not just the healthy so they forgave there cheating partners they struggle through the finacial losses some brought on selfishly and some not there own fault they cared for the other when they were ill or disabled mentally or physically they got to points sometimes questioning if they really loved the person some said the love changed to friendship and some say it changed to a deep love an exceptance of that persons faults and good traits they didnt sweat it over little things they just got on with it they didnt expect everything and want it all there wasnt the internet to make it so easy to cheat and the grass isnt greener on the other side all the time one said life is like a steam train alot of bumps and pushes stops and waiting but when its going smooth and full steam its a wonderful ride i was abused by a guy telling me to get of this site a total stranger i had no contact with said if i want a relationship join the mills and boon site i said most people ultimtely are seeking love and companionship im not to diff to most in the search for contentment happiness and peace arent we all deep down seeking tha.t human nature drives us to seek it out most of us anyway when i was young i beleived once u commit thats it its forever but sadly its not that simple u may feel that and if i chose to forgive my ex for all the horrid things he did i would still b with him but i dont want to b with someone who doesnt show me the same respect as i show them we grow we evolve we change life gives us new views new understandings of life so we constantly are learning and therefor who i was when i was 20 isnt who i am now to a degree i beleive in love ive loved many times in diff ways in deff strengths and diff types of love i beieve ill find that someone oneday who at the same time will b seeking exactly what i am also and hopefully we meet i use to think my true love is a pigmy in the amazon with no interent so ill never meet him lol but i have hope i do find love u justy need to stop looking over your shoulder just in case theres something better or u will miss the opportunity of finding it in front of u i have been incredibly hurt this week by a guy i was having intimate relationship with completely lied to me about everything and he even has another profile diff age etc i thought god why do peop;le do it to good people though i wont give up hes out there somewere and i hope i can b like the oldies i look at them in aww they have been through more than we have yet we are more single than ever the world is changing i hope u find love peace and happiness dont try to make it happen it will b the wrong one send love out and love will come back dont give in or give up hold onto hope hold onto love without hope what have we got without love we are all lost
-
RHP User
12 years ago
After been in a relationship for 15 years and deciding I couldn't take anymore as I was just a shell and I knew deep down that this just couldn't be saved I started a new life as a single parent. Today I know it was the best thing I ever did because I found me again and I was happy. Do I want to find love, of course I do I think everyone does. Looking at my parents who have been together since they were 15 and 16 and now in their 70's I sometimes wondered how they did it. So I looked and thought they have so much respect for each other, always communicate, always stand by each other no matter what but allow each other to be the person they are. One day maybe I will find that, but one thing my mother said when you find someone to share your life with be yourself and always be best friends. So to me the next time I decide to go into a relationship I will ask myself is this person my best friend and can I be me and if the answer is yes then maybe I will share my life with someone.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I really wish I knew OP. at this stage of my life I have found myself defining a few things I don't want and I am sure that isn't the best approach. Time for some serious reflection! In my marriage (now very much over) I forgot what Velvet has on her bracelet! I sacrificed too much of myself, of what really makes me....well me, all on the altar of keeping someone I loved deeply happy. Seems obvious now but when I gave up such large portions of myself, the relationship was on the rocks. I don't mean little sacrifices like doing something she was into that I wasn't, I mean allowing great big chunks of me that used to in some ways define me. Live and learn
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I think you need to define what love is for you, then you will know where to seek it. What is love? Is it more or less likely to happen for the beautiful people, or the average, or the wholesome looking? Does it come from what you do, or what you feel, or what you receive? These are big questions, and they are different for each one of us. We have been married for 17 years, and have a fantastic relationship. What is love for us? What is happiness in a relationship? We would define love as giving of ourselves to someone who is not only worthy, but a better perosn that us. We see the strengths and beauty in each other, and make a decision that this is a person who is worthy of my service. This service in itself is a path to happiness. Much the same as service for our children, our comminity, or to strangers can lead to greater self worth and deep happiness. This is independent of looks, wealth, intelligence. I think we as a society have the whole relationship thing stuffed up. We look for someone who fits our tick-boxes, and who makes us feel good because they do stuff for us. This fades with time, and so we consume and dispose of the relationship. Then we wonder why we are so empty and unsatisfied. I look at the OP profile and think what a wonderfully feminine and sensual form, but I really want to know what the person is like behind the profile. That is where true connections are made. Be yourself, be honest, and when you find someone worth giving of yourself, then you can make that choice and reap the rewards from then on
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Why you are so nice John, you must be like your parents.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
People who have met me....skip this post please - you may have heard this before. I always talk about this, as people need to know how low I got at one stage in my life and if they don't like it, don't let the door bang them on the arse on the way out. It's surprising how many people have a very similar story to tell.Married for 28 years - the first 2/3 wonderful, but the last 1/3 or so increasingly appalling until it got to the point where I caught myself hiding under the doona on the couch I had been sleeping on for 2 years, praying to die. The 3 kids had been begging me to take them away from that hell house for 2 years, so the plan to die lasted for all of a couple of minutes and I quickly skipped to Plan B - move out with the kids. Plan B was executed, but with the repeated assurance that I was fat, ugly, stupid and incompetent both in my professional and personal life, I was certain of Plan B's imminent failure. At that point, I had Hobson's Choice. Die if I stay, or fail miserably without a chance of attracting a partner (because who could possibly be interested in me) if I went with the kids. Lucky I had kids, because they made Plan A impossible. I still verbally thank them to this day (7 years down the track) for saving me.The actuality was a vastly improved life - happy kids, happy me and a very successful entry into dating world. My partner had been lying to me. Not only was I competent, I was also popular and a successful single (not shared custody) dad of 3 kids. And I had 1 less "kid" to look after now.What went wrong between the day sooooo long ago where those sacred vows were spoken and those desperate times?My intention was to be there forever, but if I had stayed, I would have died. No choice really but to split. Alcoholism played an almost exclusive role in this split (I have never drunk), although the large amount of time my business took up may have increased that alcoholic spiral too. The increasing resentment that I had been forced into taking up all parental roles in the house (full time work and full time cook, cleaner and bottle washer) along with the sheer exhaustion associated with that, would not have helped either.Why did I stay too long? Because that marriage vow implies that, at least, one should exhaust all possibilities of repair of the damage to the relationship - even if you feel that all could be lost.But can I make one important comment here? Who do we have the ultimate responsibility to? If we neglect that person's needs, wants and being, we are unable to be of service to anybody around us. Take care of #1 my friends. Then all will follow.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Love the way you talk about service x
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'dacougarbitch' Why you are so nice John, you must be like your parents. Thanks for the vote of confidence young (name not mentioned LOL). You too are a gentle person!. Love those RHP meets!
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'angeleyes101' After been in a relationship for 15 years and deciding I couldn't take anymore as I was just a shell and I knew deep down that this just couldn't be saved I started a new life as a single parent. Today I know it was the best thing I ever did because I found me again and I was happy. Do I want to find love, of course I do I think everyone does. Looking at my parents who have been together since they were 15 and 16 and now in their 70's I sometimes wondered how they did it. So I looked and thought they have so much respect for each other, always communicate, always stand by each other no matter what but allow each other to be the person they are. One day maybe I will find that, but one thing my mother said when you find someone to share your life with be yourself and always be best friends. So to me the next time I decide to go into a relationship I will ask myself is this person my best friend and can I be me and if the answer is yes then maybe I will share my life with someone. Very very true!
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Is whether men or women are more likely to fight ... to do what it takes ... to save love?
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I was only just the other day talking to my number 2 wife (well that’s if we were allowed to be married to women at once) about this. The first mistake people make is thinking that love will last forever well at least the same type of love. Love is a combination of many feelings and emotions that inevitably change as we do once you realise this you can find the things which go missing and together look for them where ever they maybe . The other mistake people make is that by changing partners it will be different in time it will only happen again you see there is a very destructive emotion in play lust this is a part of love it clouds the mind and judgement and attracts you physically to your lover but this is not love and it will fade giving you the impression of lost love. I think what you need to do in order to make a relationship last forever as love will not is to communicate find exciting things to do together, share your dreams, support each other and find some great friends with similar interests too share lustful times with. Mr2n2
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Ive pondered this since you first posted it ... I love how you inspire deep enquiry halcyon_days :) ... What does it take to make love last? ... All I can say is always put yourself first: Your values - these are what we are grateful for in our lives... and tend to them with that passion of gratitude and love inside of us. Discover and be strong about what you want and value in a relationship and always always be who you truly are - never sacrifice your values for another. 2 of mine are my children and my peace and happiness, and more to mention is my education and my beautiful home - how lucky am I to have any of this!! So many do not! If someone reflects these and loves me for it, I'll accept it - and I will no longer compromise :). The best thing I can give is me - so be it. There's nothing to do or look for, I save that energy for the things I have and cherish them.... What do we do wrong? - as a woman OVER FUCKING THINK & read between the lines, and then try to explain (talk, talk, talk) - drop it - and get on with what makes you happy - if a man loves you, it's for who you are and he'll show it! Just receive it without all of our fears from the past. Trust yourself, then you can trust your partner; naturally - because you stand true to who you are and only accept the best... I've done what doesn't work (and still do @ times) it's fucking exhausting - loves not hard and doesn't appear when you fight for it ... As my 9 year old son would say - "just get on with the happiness" - whatever rows your boat! ... Love Cassandra xx
-
RHP User
12 years ago
... i spoke to an old friend the other day and he said the key to any relationship, whether it be a lover, a friend or business partner.... is to remember these 3 words.please, sorry and thank you... they're easy to say but harder to mean, the key is authenticity!halcyon... i walked away from a beautiful relationship, and one of the reason why was because there was certain spiritual and emotional aspects i wanted/expected from her.... I was an open book, and she was a closed one ( she had her demons ). Trying to pry that emotional aspect out of her was hard work and although my intentions were good... it was very controlling on my part, just as she was controlling by keeping it all in. In the process she felt smothered, and i was left unfulfilled... or so i thought. moral of the story.... worry about your own shit, don't fix someone else's shit and don't expect them to fix yours. Memorize the 3 magic words, learn to communicate and it's happy fuckin' days people!
-
RHP User
12 years ago
These really resonated with me and might just change the way I love in future ... Please, Thank You and Sorry - thanks Coodi! Just get on with the happiness - thanks Cassandra!
-
RHP User
12 years ago
But often when a woman needs to talk they don't seem to be able to. I grew up being told women were talkers and men were uncommunicative grumps. So now I've learned to share my feelings. Now I find it's a waste of time as women often seem to shut down or talk "around" what they are actually feeling. Cowards with their truths.Trust your self, share with others, get on with being happy.. amen!!@Cassandra_Jayne.. you are too GUS dear :-)@halcyon_days.. fighting and love seem juxtaposed. Why put them in the same sentence? I'm guessing if you need to fight, It's probably not love. Would "work" be a better word? Quoting 'Cassandra_Jayne' .....as a woman OVER FUCKING THINK & read between the lines, and then try to explain (talk, talk, talk) - drop it - and get on with what makes you happy - if a man loves you, it's for who you are and he'll show it! Just receive it without all of our fears from the past. Trust yourself, then you can trust your partner.......
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Oh and I like those sentiments too man..I must write down "Don't try to fix someone else's shit unless invited" 100 times. :-p
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Firstly let me clarify something no I have not been married twice only once to my lovely wife of 15 years, my life partner. The comment about 2nd wife was merely an in house joke about some we have recently met who if I had met before my wife i would happily be Married to, If she was available proving that there is more than one love for us out there completely of topic sorry. My comments on love not lasting forever is related to the question of love for a partner which continually changes over time to what I believe in the end is companionship, not for the love we have for our kids or family members or friends that’s a completely different sort of love. The word love is thrown about like is has a universal meaning it’s different for everybody how can we expect that someone should love us in a particular way when that might not be what love is to them?. To Halcyon’s question about men or women fighting for love how can we fight for something which is so undefinable we could however fight for a meaningful caring relationship without barriers or boundaries I do this daily through communication that’s the only secret I know pretty obvious one though I would have thought. Halcyon I love your profile you sound like a genuinely nice person but wow your ideal man good luck in your search might have to compromise on one or two points there is about 3.5 billon men in the world am sure he is out there but we only live around 80 years or so not enough time . But seriously I’m sure you will find someone who floats your boat be it man or women keep your chin up and stay on your feet you will win on point’s J mr2n2.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Pleasure beautiful halcyon ... I think I love you! :) ... @coodi_yowie - these words even remind me how to communicate with my boys :) ... @littleredengine - I'm feeling deeply confused right now by your use of the word GUS. What does this term mean? Please let me know when you feel is a good time to talk. I sometimes feel a little insecure, which can lead me to feeling angry when I do not understand something... ;) ... But if you'll excuse me now dear while I just get on with the happiness .. xx
-
RHP User
12 years ago
GUS.An Acronym..Be flattered dear..~smiles~
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share