RHP

RHP User

M37

Being in a relationship seeking more

May 02 2012

This topic has most likely been done before but i couldnt find a topic about it.Okay, right off the bat, ill say i am already in a relationship, but im looking for a bit of discreet fun on the side. Whether or not you agree with it is another subject.Ive been a member of this site for a few months now, and ive found it, near impossible to engage any contact.Yes, i dont have any photos displayed, but like i said, im in a relationship and i dont want to get caught.Is that the main reason im not getting any contact?I wouldve thought i would get some sort of reply from someone, but not a single woman wants to reply. I can understand that some girls dont want to talk to guys if they cant see what they look like, but even the girls without photos displayed dont reply!!Any guys on here had the same issue? If so, how did you manage to engage contact?Any advice from the ladies would help also

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    In my opinion ...I don't think any girls on here wants to be a home wrecker... And purely for the fact that if you did get caught and your misses contacts that person, nobody wants to deal with that mess. Obviously we're on here to have fun but not get tangled up in a situation like that.. Pics are great to see who we are talking to. But not always the reason why you won't get a reply...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I'd say that the number of women who are looking for someone who has no pics and is cheating on their partner is kinda low, but good luck to ya.That said, when MrTri and I first met we were both expecting the same old vanilla relationship and having to hide our more risque side. A bit of communication and honesty served us well and we realised we could have a strong relationship, be honest with each other, and true to our carnal desires. Works for us, maybe you should try it.If 'variety' is what you are after and it's really important to you perhaps you should discuss it with your partner. You never know, she might be into it. Or she might storm out and leave. But at least then you wouldn't be living a lie.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    ask yourself what attracts you to a girl's profile on here?her pics?Bang!!! what are you giving her to go on? your word that you may be attractive? Lol good luck with that.You're expecting that the girls looking to play on here are going to jump at the chance to play with a faceless anybody, who can only give them a certain amount of time, and who at 24 hasn't grown the balls to have a conversation with his partner, or better still....call the relationship off if it isn't working out Im sorry to be brutal with you, but THAT is what you are offering them, and you must admit it's not a very tasty prospect for the person on the other end. I suggest you have a good think about it before you go dragging a third person into the mix.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Gosh I cant imagine why girls aren't jumping at the chance to play with you op......heaps of 18-25 year old young women want to involve themselves with attached 24 year old men who have no photo here and want to be secretive....mmmm what an enticing proposition. Good luck with that x Hugs H

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Like i said in my opening post, i wasnt interested in discussing the topic of whether or not what i am doing is wrong or not. Ive asked myself all those questions, so i dont need others to ask me the same things.Yes i dont have any photos of myself as i explained, but when i have contacted women who also dont have pics, i get no response either. Isnt that a little hypocritical?No response at all. Id prefer to get a no than get ignored.Ive barely received any contact at all on here, but when i have, i havent ignored it just because the person doesnt have a photo.Surely im not the only bloke, or girl for that matter, on here doing what im doing???Maybe im just being too honest

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'dsm23' Like i said in my opening post, i wasnt interested in discussing the topic of whether or not what i am doing is wrong or not. Ive asked myself all those questions, so i dont need others to ask me the same things.Yes i dont have any photos of myself as i explained, but when i have contacted women who also dont have pics, i get no response either. Isnt that a little hypocritical?No response at all. Id prefer to get a no than get ignored.Ive barely received any contact at all on here, but when i have, i havent ignored it just because the person doesnt have a photo.Surely im not the only bloke, or girl for that matter, on here doing what im doing???Maybe im just being too honest Sorry mate, but there are a dozen recent threads about cheating, and a dozen more about why you may not be getting replies, and the news is all bad.To cut a long story short - There are significantly more men here than women, so it's hard for any man to get attention.There are very few women after attached men.There are very few women that will take any notice of a profile with no photos.Your profile definitely does not stand out from the crowd.Factoring in geography as well, I'd guess that narrows the pool of women looking for you down to about zero.As far as the replies go, most women get a lot of messages. Here's the wrap:Many will ignore those that dont match their specifications (and many have specified they are not looking for attached guys)Many will ignore those that haven't read and understood their profile, and addressed it in the messageMany will ignore those with no photosMany will ignore those with incomplete profilesMany will ignore boring or template messagesMany will ignore those from outside their regionAgain I'm guessing that cuts the pool down to about zero.I will leave the ethical and marital advice to others, but suggest if you want more sex you may need to look at plan B.Mr C

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    To the OP, perhaps put it in perspective. My profile states clearly what I'm looking for, which is most definitely not a casual fling. And yet, I still get up to 50 flirts a day and 20 plus new messages a day, at least. Responding to them all takes so much time. Occasionally I resort to using the delete button when someone is quite clearly not what I'm looking for. Add to that Mr C's maths around how many women are likely to be looking for a profile like yours, and maybe you're starting to see the problem. And then there's a perception issue. No judgment intended by this at all, so please bear with me. As we get older, life has a tendency to become more complicated - one or more failed relationships, children, mortgages, businesses etc. I have a hunch that whatever tolerance exists in this community around cheating, it's probably more likely to exist among people whose circumstances are complicated and where other people can make some sense of why cheating might be a reasonable option. I'm generalising, of course. Where that is the case, it's much harder to imagine how a 24 year old could find himself in such a complicated life situation that cheating seems maybe reasonable. Like I said, a consideration, not a judgment. I would never presume to know your situation.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I told everyone I LOVE options so, I will give you one..   Let me meet your girl at home.. you tell me what it is she doesnt give you, I will try to get it, then give a detailed prognosis of the issues in hand, as I see it..   See, I am prepared to do this for a fellow male.. a male who is not getting "That special something" he deserves..   cavey dealing in options..

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'chickcara' Quoting 'dsm23' Like i said in my opening post, i wasnt interested in discussing the topic of whether or not what i am doing is wrong or not. Ive asked myself all those questions, so i dont need others to ask me the same things.Yes i dont have any photos of myself as i explained, but when i have contacted women who also dont have pics, i get no response either. Isnt that a little hypocritical?No response at all. Id prefer to get a no than get ignored.Ive barely received any contact at all on here, but when i have, i havent ignored it just because the person doesnt have a photo.Surely im not the only bloke, or girl for that matter, on here doing what im doing???Maybe im just being too honest Sorry mate, but there are a dozen recent threads about cheating, and a dozen more about why you may not be getting replies, and the news is all bad.To cut a long story short - There are significantly more men here than women, so it's hard for any man to get attention.There are very few women after attached men.There are very few women that will take any notice of a profile with no photos.Your profile definitely does not stand out from the crowd.Factoring in geography as well, I'd guess that narrows the pool of women looking for you down to about zero.As far as the replies go, most women get a lot of messages. Here's the wrap:Many will ignore those that dont match their specifications (and many have specified they are not looking for attached guys)Many will ignore those that haven't read and understood their profile, and addressed it in the messageMany will ignore those with no photosMany will ignore those with incomplete profilesMany will ignore boring or template messagesMany will ignore those from outside their regionAgain I'm guessing that cuts the pool down to about zero.I will leave the ethical and marital advice to others, but suggest if you want more sex you may need to look at plan B.Mr CCan we have this Pinned at the top of the Guys Ask section..

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    In fact Mr C, your post should be compulsory reading for every male currently on RHP and it also should be included in the terms and conditions spiel for any male signing up onto this site !!!   Eloquently written and beyond true..   Thankyou     As for the OP....guess you have your reasons for cheating...bit sad at 24...imagine what you will be like at 44 ??? and trust me honey, the reason your not getting many replies.....mmmm its got very little to do with the "no photo" scenario !!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'MsVelvetblue' In fact Mr C, your post should be compulsory reading for every male currently on RHP and it also should be included in the terms and conditions spiel for any male signing up onto this site !!!   Eloquently written and beyond true..   Thankyou     As for the OP....guess you have your reasons for cheating...bit sad at 24...imagine what you will be like at 44 ??? and trust me honey, the reason your not getting many replies.....mmmm its got very little to do with the "no photo" scenario !!!He he....don't tell him we all know something else he does not know.....that unsafe sex is like playing Russian roulette with your genitalia...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Two and a half years ago I received a message from a man in his twenties on this very site. He had no picture, his message was very brief and consisted of two words..."Wanna Play?" His profile contained the barest amount of information plus he was married and in the same situation as you claim to be. Now I was feeling in a particularly cheeky mood that day and decided to mess with this young mans head just a little. I messaged him back. There in began a beautiful FWB situation. Three months ago I entered a permanent relationship and had to say goodbye to my lovely young friend. We still chat though and text occassionally. We still ignore each other if we meet down town and not by the blink of an eyelash would I ever disclose this young mans secret. . Put a picture or two in your private gallery. That way you can show only those that you wish to show. Persistence is the key my firend. Many single men have been on this site for a lot longer than a few months to no avail. . PS It really is not up to any of us here to judge what you do. Thankfully you are up front about being in a realtionship so that the sanctimonious crowd can judge for themselves and NOT get involved.... as is thier right.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Why don't you give parties a go. You may have a better chance.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Why don't you have the guts to break up with your gf and move on ... obviously your not that in2 her if you have to go off seeking sex elsewhere I mean what if you pass on an STI to her it's just wrong and plus no girl with morals would want to be a homewrecker !!

  • inspirit

    inspirit

    13 years ago

    nicely said Quoting 'cavey50' I told everyone I LOVE options so, I will give you one..   Let me meet your girl at home.. you tell me what it is she doesnt give you, I will try to get it, then give a detailed prognosis of the issues in hand, as I see it..   See, I am prepared to do this for a fellow male.. a male who is not getting "That special something" he deserves..   cavey dealing in options..

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    because clearly you are not that openminded after all! Sex is only part of a relationship....only important if you are not getting it. We can love someone to distraction and everything else may be right....but the sex. In your limited, narrow little world (huge life experience at 23) this is wrong. It is not so wrong for many, many, many others who live with this situation on a day to day basis. Not one of us has the right to judge another!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    for missopenminded. Quoting 'Handmaiden' because clearly you are not that openminded after all! Sex is only part of a relationship....only important if you are not getting it. We can love someone to distraction and everything else may be right....but the sex. In your limited, narrow little world (huge life experience at 23) this is wrong. It is not so wrong for many, many, many others who live with this situation on a day to day basis. Not one of us has the right to judge another!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    so when you grow up.....you'll understand that having a partner....and another on a string....isn't reasonable behavior.... the 'bit on the side' has the potential to ruin 3 peoples lives....do you want that on your conscience? or don't you care about others enough? put yourself in her shoes.......how would you feel if you discovered she was here asking the same questions and sharing the same intents? i guarantee you'd be mortified.....

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Damn Handmaiden,I am a lover of irony..I thought that was the point to missopenminded's name....ta da...sings 'Isn't it ironic'     xHugs H

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    when does being open-minded mean 'lacking principles' or to be 'without morals? we feel we are very open minded.....but wont play with anyone's partner on the sly....on principle alone. there are people here who tout 'monogamy' for themselves, but then say that they'll readily play with someones partner behind their backs..this isn't being open minded, this is being deceptive and dishonest... how does this 'double standard' make them any better than those who share an honest and respectful preference?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'missopenminded' Why don't you have the guts to break up with your gf and move on ... obviously your not that in2 her if you have to go off seeking sex elsewhere I mean what if you pass on an STI to her it's just wrong and plus no girl with morals would want to be a homewrecker !! tho we'd use the words 'man up'............... and you are correct.....no one with 'morals' would wish to be a homewrecker...male or female...........tho there are those here who see no issue with this deception...seems ironic that the ones happy to share another woman's partner (albeit illicitly) state elsewhere that they'd only consider 'monogamy' for themselves..............

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'mikeandshel'when does being open-minded mean 'lacking principles' or to be 'without morals? we feel we are very open minded..... Open minded has absolutely nothing to do with 'lacking priciples' or being 'without morals'. What it means is that you do not have the temerity to critisize others for thier actions...as well you know. DSM 23 has been open...on here. He has admited that he is in a relationship...on here. Why then should so many 'open minded' people feel they have the right to judge him? They have the knowledge to play with him or not...as is thier right. What they dont have the right to do is openly condemn him and then claim to be open minded.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    ....do you feel that because you'd 'play' with this guy, that it gives you the right to criticize others who wouldn't.....??being open minded has nothing to do with morals and ethics, or values....these live on their own.... being open minded doesn't mean you approve and promote others deceit and deception.....being open minded doesn't mean you close your eyes to those things you don't like....being open minded doesn't mean that you'd invite those who deal in lies and untruths into your bedroom.....being open minded doesn't mean you live your life without rules and boundaries.... i applaud people like this 'missopenminded' for having the maturity to stand by a value, ethic or moral.....especially on a site such as this where people come to satisfy their basest wants and desires........

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Handmaiden' for missopenminded. Quoting 'Handmaiden' because clearly you are not that openminded after all! Sex is only part of a relationship....only important if you are not getting it. We can love someone to distraction and everything else may be right....but the sex. In your limited, narrow little world (huge life experience at 23) this is wrong. It is not so wrong for many, many, many others who live with this situation on a day to day basis. Not one of us has the right to judge another!no you may not suggest a name change and who are you to comment on my life experience I HAVE ALOT OF IT for my age ... yes I understand that sex can go in long term relationships or the spark can go and I was saying for ME personally in my opinion, I don't think that people should resort to cheating ... in this guys case he clearly stated that "he wants a little discreet fun on the side" now if you put yourself in his gf's shoes how do you think she would feel ?Being openminded has absolutely NOTHING to do with this subject...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'mikeandshel' when does being open-minded mean 'lacking principles' or to be 'without morals? we feel we are very open minded.....but wont play with anyone's partner on the sly....on principle alone. there are people here who tout 'monogamy' for themselves, but then say that they'll readily play with someones partner behind their backs..this isn't being open minded, this is being deceptive and dishonest... how does this 'double standard' make them any better than those who share an honest and respectful preference? you took the words right out of my mouth :)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'mikeandshel'....do you feel that because you'd 'play' with this guy, that it gives you the right to criticize others who wouldn't.....??being open minded has nothing to do with morals and ethics, or values....these live on their own.... being open minded doesn't mean you approve and promote others deceit and deception.....being open minded doesn't mean you close your eyes to those things you don't like....being open minded doesn't mean that you'd invite those who deal in lies and untruths into your bedroom.....being open minded doesn't mean you live your life without rules and boundaries.... i applaud people like this 'missopenminded' for having the maturity to stand by a value, ethic or moral.....especially on a site such as this where people come to satisfy their basest wants and desires........ Whether I would or whether I would not play with this young man is not in question at all and has nothing to do with the question or anything that I have written pertaining to the OP so do not try and make it a personal issue. I am not critisizing people for NOT playing with him. I am condemning them for being so critical and judgemental based on a few written lines on a computer screen. You have no idea of what is going on in his life at all. Being in a relationship has nothing to do with whether or not he is being contacted as you so rightly pointed out that people come here to satisfy thier basest wants and desires.....many would contact him just for his youth alone. Being openminded allows you to realise that just because someone lives thier life in a different fashion to yours does not give you the right to put them down for it now does it? I am 100% positive that there are things you do in your life that I would not have in my life. Does that mean you are lacking in morals? Does that mean that maybe I am more open minded than you? Does that mean that you have no ethics nor any principles? Just because your life is different to mine?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'missopenminded' Quoting 'Handmaiden' for missopenminded. Quoting 'Handmaiden' because clearly you are not that openminded after all! Sex is only part of a relationship....only important if you are not getting it. We can love someone to distraction and everything else may be right....but the sex. In your limited, narrow little world (huge life experience at 23) this is wrong. It is not so wrong for many, many, many others who live with this situation on a day to day basis. Not one of us has the right to judge another!no you may not suggest a name change and who are you to comment on my life experience I HAVE ALOT OF IT for my age ... yes I understand that sex can go in long term relationships or the spark can go and I was saying for ME personally in my opinion, I don't think that people should resort to cheating ... in this guys case he clearly stated that "he wants a little discreet fun on the side" now if you put yourself in his gf's shoes how do you think she would feel ?Being openminded has absolutely NOTHING to do with this subject... and points out exactly what I originally said...huge...for your age!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Handmaiden' Quoting 'mikeandshel'....do you feel that because you'd 'play' with this guy, that it gives you the right to criticize others who wouldn't.....??being open minded has nothing to do with morals and ethics, or values....these live on their own.... being open minded doesn't mean you approve and promote others deceit and deception.....being open minded doesn't mean you close your eyes to those things you don't like....being open minded doesn't mean that you'd invite those who deal in lies and untruths into your bedroom.....being open minded doesn't mean you live your life without rules and boundaries.... i applaud people like this 'missopenminded' for having the maturity to stand by a value, ethic or moral.....especially on a site such as this where people come to satisfy their basest wants and desires........ Whether I would or whether I would not play with this young man is not in question at all and has nothing to do with the question or anything that I have written pertaining to the OP so do not try and make it a personal issue. I am not critisizing people for NOT playing with him. I am condemning them for being so critical and judgemental based on a few written lines on a computer screen. You have no idea of what is going on in his life at all. Being in a relationship has nothing to do with whether or not he is being contacted as you so rightly pointed out that people come here to satisfy thier basest wants and desires.....many would contact him just for his youth alone. Being openminded allows you to realise that just because someone lives thier life in a different fashion to yours does not give you the right to put them down for it now does it? I am 100% positive that there are things you do in your life that I would not have in my life. Does that mean you are lacking in morals? Does that mean that maybe I am more open minded than you? Does that mean that you have no ethics nor any principles? Just because your life is different to mine? oh grow up......hes attached...... he should be working it out with her...not coming here..... missopenminded is correct..........fix it or leave...hers is as valid an opinion as yours, with the exception being that she shows some respect for the guys partner and relationship........ i find it horrifying that you'd condemn and ridicule a young woman...for showing some worthwhile morals and ethics........but not at all surprising.saying some one is 'open minded' isnt a declaration that they'd play with anyone who was attached...or that they have no morals...you know that already and only argue for the sake of arguing.. that this guy comes here and tell us what he wants.....isnt 'open' at all....its 'open' only if hes discussing it with his partner.....sharing it with people here is just an invitation to join in his deceit and deception.........end of story.......our morals and values include.....honesty in every situation...regardless of what that is....and we don't and wont play with anyone elses partner....regardless of what situation they claim to be in, regardless of how attractive or not they are, and regardless of what contrived yarn or bullshit they spin........we deal in no deceits....and 'no' is 'no' regardless of when its said............

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'mikeandshel' oh grow up......hes attached...... he should be working it out with her...not coming here..... missopenminded is correct..........fix it or leave...hers is as valid an opinion as yours, with the exception being that she shows some respect for the guys partner and relationship........ i find it horrifying that you'd condemn and ridicule a young woman...for showing some worthwhile morals and ethics........but not at all surprising.saying some one is 'open minded' isnt a declaration that they'd play with anyone who was attached...or that they have no morals...you know that already and only argue for the sake of arguing.. that this guy comes here and tell us what he wants.....isnt 'open' at all....its 'open' only if hes discussing it with his partner.....sharing it with people here is just an invitation to join in his deceit and deception.........end of story.......our morals and values include.....honesty in every situation...regardless of what that is....and we don't and wont play with anyone elses partner....regardless of what situation they claim to be in, regardless of how attractive or not they are, and regardless of what contrived yarn or bullshit they spin........we deal in no deceits....and 'no' is 'no' regardless of when its said............ from Kettle. . (still failing to understand wht YOUR morals and YOUR ethics have to do with someone else contacting someone who is in a realtionship and on this site)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Handmaiden' from Kettle. . (still failing to understand wht YOUR morals and YOUR ethics have to do with someone else contacting someone who is in a realtionship and on this site)just wondering......would you share your man with another? would you be happy if he went elsewhere and didnt tell you, leaving you at home thinking all was well in your world? would it feel ok when you discover he's been less than honest and less than faithful ? what would you think of the woman he'd been with, if she knew he was 'attached'?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Love it when it's not me.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I'm just not going to specify who said it.