Black and white or is there a Mr. Grey area?

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  It makes us ask the same questions and have the same concerns as you OP. Abusive relationships are no less abusive just because both parties are comfortable in their role. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  If all the people involved have openly discussed and agreed to the boundaries within which the play takes place and the play stays within those bounds, it's not abuse. It's a consensual act between consenting adults. Even in cases of "consensual non-consent". Consent can be withdrawn at any time by use of an agreed safe word in BDSM, the same as saying "no" or "stop" in the vanilla world. If activity continues after this point of withdrawn consent it becomes abuse, assault or rape. If I thought someone I cared about was in an abusive relationship I'd talk to them about it and offer whatever support I could.

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  Lovinit28andKC72

  10 years ago

  There is no blurred line, the most important differences are consent. trust and mutual respect. I was in physically and mentally abusive relationships for over 10 years, which can destroy someone's mind, body and soul and nearly did mine... But Dom/sub dramatics are quite different, its intoxicating role play. It is all about the mind.. Yes, sometime that fine line between pleasure and pain with the sensory overload of the sting of the crop as it hits your bare skin, mixed with the gentle touch that soothes it and exploring together, with safe words used, loving aftercare given for the sub drop.....What might not work for someone, might work for someone else, we are all different and like different things, that's just how it is....💋 Don't get me wrong there are a lot of people out there who use it as a way to abuse someone. The line becomes blurred when people are ill informed and from people who say they are dominate aren't....

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  when you said 'I would like to think I wouldn't hesitate to get involved if I thought someone I cared for was in a dangerous/toxic relationship, but as someone invited into a couples "bedroom. I'm not sure where I stand' You don't really know these people, nor care for them so I wouldn't bother. I am sure there are enough people in their lives that do know them and care for them that if they were concerned could raise it. You need to take care of yourself and your own family first and foremost and if this is going to attract trouble into your own life is it going to be worth it? If you really feel the need to get involved then maybe you could have a word with the one you consider is the victim and make sure they are alright and get yourself more informed rather than go in head first and inflame a situation that may or may not be present.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Hey Gav, I know exactly what you mean. I have seen couples play and even though I know it was role play I found it disturbing to watch. Rough sex particularly when abusive names are used and even slaps across the face is very confronting to watch. Although seeing a woman's demeanor and how they interact with each other afterwards can show that a woman is just role playing and is not being physical abused against her will. It is a really tough balance to see from the outside though. Again, the most strangest things can turn somebody on so although other may see it as abusive the actual person is loving it. I have also seen women, who are basically in love with their "master", who allow him to treat them with no respect. Things like going out with the mates then texting a woman at 1am saying "be at my place in 30 minutes" or not showing them much respect in group situations. Just does my head in why women go along with being treated so poorly. Dom my fucking arse.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Firstly, congrats to the op on a well explained proposition. It is difficult in the bdsm because so much turns on the minds of the players. I had a sub friend. Her Dom wanted to exert control over her life to an extent I thought was abusive. I understand that role play involves some degradation in the exchange but I felt he had crossed the line in that he was all take and no give, and that he was making crazy demands which she was acquiescing to simply because she wasn't familiar with the usual D/s dynamic. I told her frankly that he was acting like a Domly Dom and questioned whether it was a genuine D/s relationship or whether he was just taking advantage of her for his own personal gratification without giving any back. She found this confronting to say the least. In the end she found it easier to break contact with me than challenge and scrutinise the nature of her relationship. And at the end of the day, that is the problem. I may think it is abusive. It may in fact be abusive. But if the sub wants the relationship more than they are prepared to let it go, there is nothing the outsider can do to change the behaviour until/unless the relationship falls apart from its own dysfunction. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  SimpleNeeds2 In my case it was a similar story with the same outcome. The only difference is the fact they were a lesbian couple.(obviously one was bi). The only reason that's relevant is that it was the gay girl who I thought was being abused both sexually and mentally. So I had no alterer motives other than her best interests at heart. She confided in me I gave her my opinion, she told her partner what I had said. The proverbial shit hit the fan. She was told cut contact with me because by confiding with me was akin to emotional cheating and that I had no idea what I was talking about. Meeka100 . I get the role playing. For me other then the odd slap on the ass, nipple pinches and a hard pounding. I get no sexual pleasure from dominance and bdsm apart from it pleasing my partner. I am an actor playing a part. It just goes against my thoughts on what being a man is and should be. My partner thinks it's kind of funny and cute that her aftercare consists of 5 minutes alone where as mine is me following her around for 2 days like apologetic puppy that has eaten your favourite slippers.

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  Mr_MrsAraps

  10 years ago

  emotional cheating my ass ...... Sound like typical abuser behaviour to me of cutting off the person off from any of their emotional supports to isolate the victim. - Posted from rhpmobile

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