M50

Bloke Jokes

March 12 2008

BRAVE MAN JOKES..... How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. How do you piss off a female archaeologist?? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from. How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of boobs in there. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch. Why did God create woman ? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet. Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men... until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Comments

RHP User

17 years ago

Man-O-man, that was funny Thanx for that, maitttteeee Should ruffle a few feathers, methinx ~~F~~

reply

like
RHP User

17 years ago

PPffffttttt.. I swear I'm not laughing.... ....honestly..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ooooo... can someone change my nappy..... Viking... *still giggling*

reply

like
RHP User

17 years ago

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?? The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, Then slaps his wife on the backside and says: 'You're next, fatty.' ------------------------------------------------------------------- Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: 'This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache.' Wife replies: 'I think you'll find that is a sheep.' Man replies: 'I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep' --------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.' The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selection that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?' The drunk replied, 'Cos you're ugly.' SnS

reply

like
RHP User

17 years ago

That was some funny shit. Your a fuckin genius, and very brave. ......Been here long? Not married I take it? Any more I mean! More, more, more, fuckin hell mate ya got a standing ovation over here.

reply

like
RHP User

17 years ago

Ha, good stuff. Gave me a fine start to the day. Thanx Hunn ~~F~~

reply

like

Bloke Jokes

Comments

Tags

Boards

Forum help