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Blow Job Ettiquette (by a female)

May 14 2014

I found this little gem on another site and had a bit of a chuckle. I wonder how the men's version reads? Do any ladies have anything to add? Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.5. My ears are NOT handles.6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

Comments

  • Missb4u

    Missb4u

    11 years ago

    I would pretty much reverse all the answers. I like it on my face I will gag and deep throat you You get the idea... - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    11 years ago

    Yes that is a little bit funny, I had a chuckle too. The funny thing is I have heard some of my friends saying some of those exact things. And I would imagine there are quite a few other women who would stand by those rules too, Oh and just for the record I wouldn't be one of them........💋

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Thats the spirit!!! Would love for u to gag on mine so I could cover your face. Vixen is a laugh I found that funny as too lol - Posted from rhpmobile

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    11 years ago

    What's wrong with giving a BJ while they watch TV, sport or a porno?? You can have one hand free to pass a beer and nuts over as well...LOL! My favorite is NO 2... Can I add... NO 17 - No I will not do it when I have just returned from the hairdressers and do not touch my hair when I give you a BJ. NO 18 - No I will not do it, while you chit chat to your mother, especially when she asks how I am and you tell her I have a mouthful of food and can't talk. Foxy

  • Twisted_Mister

    Twisted_Mister

    11 years ago

    Post a reverse perspective here from a guy's POV, but I don't think I've got enough private health cover!!!! - Posted from rhpmobile

  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    The reason we are here started with a blow job, and that was only because it felt so fucking good, I said to Tara " some lucky bastard would really enjoy this what you are doing my love" For a minute I thought Tara was chocking but soon worked out she was not, when she came up for a breath, she just smiled with watery eyes. She did not need to say anything. And from that moment it lead to many romantic notions The moral to the story is you may never know unless, one says fuck that is awesome. My love.or something to that affection.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Totally agree with you, except the farting tho lol. Mrs Dirty x - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    met a dick I didn't lick:-) :-) xxQ

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Amazing how many guys tell you how great you are at it...like they are going to criticise when you have your teeth around it!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    That's hilarious... I love it. For the record, I was with a younger lady (44... I'm not sure if the age is relevant) for about 15 months until last year and for the first time in my life and a reasonable number of partners (including 2 wives), I had finally found a Lady with a 'full blown', '24 carat' case of "Penis Envy"... She WANTED one of her own... No doubts and no mistake. She wanted her own so she could play with all day and all night long. She just wouldn't leave mine alone... On more than one occasion, I had to actually say to her, mid head job, "do you think we could fuck now, please?". She has actually spoilt me to the point where these days, I really don't fancy 'head' nearly as much as I used to... For a short while is fine and really nice, but anything more than 5 minutes and I get impatient to get on with other things... Never thought I'd ever be able to say that... But true. I really don't know if that's a good thing or not so good, as far a your average Lady is concerned... Suppose it depends if they like it, or can take or leave it... Thoughts???

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    11 years ago

    Is it good etiquette is a man is not enjoying a BJ, to wait till they have blown or to stop 1/2 way through??? I wonder how many men out there will wait till they have cum or let a woman keep going if they are not enjoying it, but yet keep going just to please her. I think it's good etiquette, to stop a woman 1/2 way though...if you are not going to cum or cum, or not enjoying it at that time, we need to know - it's dam hard work sometimes and it's not offensive. If women are doing a great job or not so great job, we need to know.... that's good etiquette. And when you cum, I believe, it's good etiquette to let her know that as well. The amount of GF's that have said to me, "He does not say anything when he cums and he lets me keep going till I am satisfied....it makes me sad" Foxy

  • Smilingwithfun

    Smilingwithfun

    11 years ago

    I remember a post from a male forum member a while ago. If we the male are giving oral sex how are we? Do we not want the lady to be showing enjoyment. Would we not like encourage, perhaps moans of to the left or right. When to slide a finger in, how many, fast or slow? So to those who don't, try showing pleasure when getting a HJ. Moan, move, offer words, & remember to say when you are about to come. All will make for a better experience, for both.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    So judging by the comments, the majority of ladies want on the job feedback. Fair enough. The question I ask is do you really want to be told if you are doing a bad job? My thoughts are no. Haha maybe that porno that is on in the back ground could give you some pointers haha.

  • captainkaos

    captainkaos

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Missb72'I would pretty much reverse all the answers. I like it on my face I will gag and deep throat you You get the idea... - Posted from rhpmobile I totally agree with Vixen unless like Missb72 she prefers it the other way. lol. It's true, many woman don't let us know what is going on either. As to whether they are enjoying it or not.......it's not until they have orgasmed that you realize that you have done a good thing. lol. Even then, they will often orgasm quietly........and the only way you find out is when they start to squeeze their legs together to push you out. lol

  • QldHotblonde7653

    QldHotblonde7653

    11 years ago

    1. Suck long and often.2. Don't forget to lick and suck his balls.3. A finger up his ass guarantees results.4. Always swallow , never spit (it's rude) And finally 5. Keep going until you SuckSeed. Hottie

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I don't think all women would agree with that Vixen75The last woman that I was with, always grabbed my hands and made me force her head hard against me, and most of the time she made me cum when she was up to the hilt or she would want it all over her face. Good I didn't know what a good blow job was before I met her best sex ever. I would pretty much reverse all the answers. I like it on my face I will gag and deep throat you You get the idea... Missb72 I'm in love

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    11 years ago

    * for christs sake.... don't just sit/lay there.... give me some feedback that you're enjoying my efforts to give YOU pleasure - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Was on the receiving end of a beautiful BJ a few year back, when my mobile rang . Was the head of a large commonwealth department letting me know I won the tender I'd quoted on.. Even though she slowed down some, she didnt stop so concentrating a real challenge.. However' I managed and they became my largest customer.. I think I deserve some sort of award...

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    11 years ago

    Oh, you win a prize alright lol - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Oh I never said i agreed with it lol but it made me laugh and wondered what others thoughts were.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Blowjob Etiquette (my version)1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it - pressure me for one and you'll get sweet f all. But when I do I don't hold back.2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. - Yup :)3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. - don't mind but avoid the eyes- it stings !!4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. - from want of trying but taste makes me gag and throw up so pull out just before you explode and cum somewhere else. Throwing up is not s sorry can't swallow, not sexy. 5. My ears are NOT handles. - correct but gentle hands are acceptable6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. - Silly rule, love a firm hand guiding me sometimes or holding hair out of face.7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart. - yup agree, gross and big turn off. 8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now. - your likely to lose it if you ask now. 9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - well aware men will say whatever they feel will get them success :D10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you. - Oh I'll wreck it for you 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future. - not before you return the favour you don't , though I might join you afterward. Get me turned on giving a headjob, I don't intend to waste it .12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude. - don't care, bit old to worry about that crap lol13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content. - agreed 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. - don't care, if I'm doing it right the tv will become background noise very quickly.15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag. - Who cares?? doesn't worry me in the least.16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning". - Agreed but if your lucky you might, but it's my idea, not yours.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    ^like I couldn't face fuck someone, if they didn't feel like it, or weren't into it. I like head like the next guy, and there is nothing hotter than someone that knows how to, uhh, suck dick. And before you have a dig, I love eating pussy, I love eating pussy so much. It's great! ! - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Qefenta2' met a dick I didn't lick:-) :-) xxQ you have. I'd call it a draw.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'HCMhunter85' Haha maybe that porno that is on in the back ground could give you some pointers haha. I see a lot of porn and there is some terrible looking bj's. One in particular I kept watching like a morbid curiousity, I just had to watch it. It was just ghastly! I seriously hope it felt better than it looked!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Watch auntie angel & the grapefruit bj on dangerousminds.net The sound effects are hilarious & I had sore tummy from laughing so hard Ps- it's really not porn

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    maybe its that good, we are rendered speechless!!!!

  • lickmyarch

    lickmyarch

    11 years ago

    yeah its good for a giggle but the one who first wrote it sounds like someone who only dose it as she knows the man wants it an ---maybeeeee she only dose it when she wants something,,,,,???? ....and the difference for if they react give feedback would be if its good they wont be able to not do or say something. as you do it --because YOU want to an YOU like it,, but no farting is a number 1 rule--blue balls to be had for that an teethmarks left on full circumference- and a long time before id go back there ...dirty bastards and yep everything else is about opposite to -- 13- get him to change his diet --its not always bad an its good when there is enuf to share ;) ..ps--its a zinc intake not protien an best sorce if it ahhaa..also a great moisterizer and fantastic mousse hahaha

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    That is priceless Lolly. Thanks for the "heads up" on that. When Auntie Angel starts sucking that dildo, the sound almost made me fall off the couch. Too funny. DT x BTW, I am always appreciative of a BJ and will cum as directed. It's all good. :)

  • gazpacho

    gazpacho

    11 years ago

    Personally, I prefer gagging... I am most thrilled with watery eyes, having my ears pulled... choking... being sprayed with jizz... spat on... swore at... having my head pulled as far as possible down the length of a big stiff dick... face fucking... Frankly, I think the list maker was a bit prissy... but each to their own. HugsGazpacho