M44
Can girls really do 'friends with benefits'
December 13 2013
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think men often overstep the boundaries, they want the sleep overs and the cuddles and they get all intimate, telling women their deep dark secrets, etc which then confuses women. Because you guys acting like boyfriends. I suggest you stop it! And if this is your experience I will suggest that its your actions Tommy which are leading women on. For shame! LOL.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sounds like you're almost advocating the ol 'treat em mean keep me keen' haha.... jokes
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Missb4u
11 years ago
I would think there are lots of women that can as it gives you the best of both worlds.It is my experience that guys can not do the FWB thing as they are not so good at the "friends" and just want the benefits. Will be following this with interest.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't think things like this should be gender targeted so to speakIn my recent experience men are just as susceptible to not being able to handle the whole FWB thing alsoTo me its all about individual personality, male or femaleI hate how some of these topics divide the genders!!Some men like women develop an emotional attachment,some can remain behind that line and never cross it,its just human natureI may cop a flogging from some people....but its just my opinion
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RHP User
11 years ago
Woman can do fwb, but it is up to both parties not to step over that line. So act like a friend (with benefits) and not like a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well sometimes when you have such a good connection and the chemistry is electric, etc sometimes it is hard not to want more. And lets face it, having something like that is rare so seems to make sense that you want to see if things could could develop into something more. Most FWB situation's wouldn't be like that. But alot depends on the person's sophistication I think. People new to the dating scene or the concept of FWB, whether they are young or coming out of a long term relationship, do probably get burned a few times before they get it. I think that's normal. After all women are taught that our whole purpose is to find the one and nice girls should only have sex with people they care about so the FWB concept can be difficult. I remember when I first joined RHP I argued that the FWB thing was just a guy who wanted a girlfriend without the commitment. I have come along way and I do understand it now but no matter the best of our intentions, sometimes feelings get in the way. There is no shame in that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'tommy80' Sounds like you're almost advocating the ol 'treat em mean keep me keen' haha.... jokes I really believe a lot of women and men view intimacy differently. Sorry JJ I know I am generalising again. But men see the intimacy as just another part of sex which in an FWB is just casual, but women see it as developing feelings, that the guy is really starting to care about them. Just something to keep in mind Tommy.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Even with the best intentions a persons feelings can change because of chemistry or other influencing factors. This is not a situation purely limited to the realm or woman or man... both genders can suffer from emotional confusion or a change of needs and have the same propensity towards "falling in love". What is important is communicating your intentions and drawing your partners intentions out and if there is disparity in the two views then take action to balance the situation to mutual agreement. This is where the divide really exists between the genders more often than not... see the many threads about the differences between men and women and you will probbably come to a similar conclusion. So what I am saying, if anything, is that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus but ultimately we are all Humans living on Earth. Everybody wants and/or something and what that can change at any time. There are plenty of men out there who want either a FWB or a relationship and the same can be said for women... you either need to communicate your intentions better or look elsewhere for what you want to find. IMHO. SG
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On_Safari
11 years ago
No women can't do FWB OP, just like men can't do commitment, feelings, love and relationships deeper than 6 inches. 😎 Stereotypes suk. Lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Nailed it for me :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Anyone given the right routine, can and will develop feelings for that other person... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have a husband a I adore and a fwb. I make love to my husband and I "fuck" my fwb. Everyone is on the same page - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Well sometimes when you have such a good connection and the chemistry is electric, etc sometimes it is hard not to want more. And lets face it, having something like that is rare so seems to make sense that you want to see if things could could develop into something more. Most FWB situation's wouldn't be like that. But alot depends on the person's sophistication I think. People new to the dating scene or the concept of FWB, whether they are young or coming out of a long term relationship, do probably get burned a few times before they get it. I think that's normal. After all women are taught that our whole purpose is to find the one and nice girls should only have sex with people they care about so the FWB concept can be difficult. I remember when I first joined RHP I argued that the FWB thing was just a guy who wanted a girlfriend without the commitment. I have come along way and I do understand it now but no matter the best of our intentions, sometimes feelings get in the way. There is no shame in that. how you find the words to say what I am thinking
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have a lovely FWB and I treat him as such. A friend with benefits, I do sleepovers and cuddles and a few intimate moments but I don't see why it needs to be complicated and difficult to achieve without commitment. I guess I'd say there's commitment to being a reliable friend and lover but no need to be more. Then again I'm a solo poly, not a single. I think Single suggests you need someone else in your life, solo means you get on just fine with your own companionship. - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
11 years ago
I do... with a few. It is called staying detached. Treat it for what it is and never have them sleep over.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I love nothing better then have a connection with my lover :)) and I always let her know I'm not in need of a relationship but more laughs and soem good old fashion lust
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RHP User
11 years ago
There's only so much of your other FWB's sticky stuff a woman can suck off you, before she say's, enough is enough.
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RHP User
11 years ago
What is the benefit please??? Personally my friends past present or future are friends i do not require anything from ,simple a friend will be there for you not to provide something !! or for you to benefit from?! That would simply be a purveyor ??( thanku miss steel) be an aquaintance not high maintenance ? A contact ? A partner in crime ? mutual enjoyable partner?great fuck ? Fuck buddy ! Ahh yes .fuck buddy ! Hot trot ? My friends i do not use for a benefit my friends are just that friends enjoyable caring good company . Nothing more nothing less and definately not to be taken for granted as a good friend can last a lifetime;-)) - Posted from rhpmobile
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precious142
11 years ago
Inspirit............I so agree with you
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RHP User
11 years ago
Spot on miss JayJay 66 Individual personality, Human nature, Human emotion Human we are united, Individuals we are divided. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree with Meeka though, in that men do things in those FWB's relationships in the name of intimacy that women misinterpret as attachment/deeper feelings. If a woman is looking for signs to increase committment then they will happily read more into those actions than is really there, and yes I generalize, but the truth is that men and woman do tend to communicate differently and good communication is at the root of every successful relationship. FWB's or otherwise. Men tend to be pretty direct. Women are very capable of FWB's or FB's but knowing what you are looking for in your life right now, being honest and open about expectations and communication throughout the relationship is essential to keeping the equilibrium. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
Personally I want that someone that I can be with, sleep with, cuddle with, wake up in the morning with, talk with, laugh with, play with and fuck with. Is this a relationship, partnership, or FWB, I don't know. I'm not after NSA, don't get me wrong I can do NSA, and it is quite fun to do so, but at the end of the day I want that one person that I can share all that with. (And would travel to the ends of the earth to be find that one person) For me the word Friends is the key word here, once you bring friends into most things feelings develop, well they do for me anyway. I have feelings for all my friends, this is why they're my friends weather they're with benefits or not....just my opinion 💋
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RHP User
11 years ago
FWB relationships are based on where you are at due to the circumstances in your life and are not easy to sustain. I had a fwb for ten years. We were a very important part of each others life, but we didn't cross boundaries of involving ourselves in each others life. I never met his friends or family and he met very few of mine. The day he told me he had met another woman and had asked her to marry him hurt like a bitch! But I got what I asked for from him. He was very special and I miss him. It was like any relationship in that it had it's problems and it's joys, but you know it's never more than temporary and that can be somewhat empty in some ways. As long as both parties are honest about what the relationship is and if/when it changes they talk about it, it can be a lovely moment in time. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
and a commitment to make sure both parties stick to them. Don't think one sex is more likely to be a good FWB than the other. All depends on the person and the control they have over their emotions. Set the friendship on clear parameters from the beginning and I've never had a problem
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have several very warm and affectionate FWBs. We do have sleepovers, enjoy each others company socially and we help each other out in other ways too as any other friends would do. The boundary is that we generally don't meet each others family or friends but there are exceptions to that rule too. It's like the Claytons relationship.... its the relationship you are having without really having a relationship....lol Works for me and my FWBs. We all have very busy lives but share some very fulfilling private time when we can. SF
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RHP User
11 years ago
A fwb without sleep overs ? A fwb without affection ? A fwb without some type of non sexual interaction ? A fwb without some knowledge and interest of each other's lives outside of the bedroom ? Pass for me... If I share my body with you once, I'm horny... If I share my body with you after that then we will be mentally engaged, after all I'm not going to have sex with you if I don't like you, and if I like you then I will want to have sleepovers, I will want us to be affectionate, we may go out to dinner, I will be interested in you, your life, family etc... My fwb is my lover... To me the only difference between my fwb and a gf is the level of commitment... Fwb is not exclusive, my gf is exclusive (or we only play together) Hp xo 💌 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes but that's where the lines get blurry and if you are starting to have feelings for the other person all those signs of intimacy are seen as developing feelings on your side as well. I still think it has a lot of to do with the sophistication of the people involved. But there is having dinner and going out and then there is seeing each other every other day or every Friday or Saturday night the traditional date night, the expectation that you will see each other on the weekend, daily contact, ringing each whenever something bad happens, etc. But that is a good point... WHEN THE WOMAN HAS STOPPED SEEING OTHER MEN THAT IS A BAD SIGN! And all the excuses about she can't be bothered looking, or wants to concentrate solely on you. That isn't good..... in my opinion anyway. That means she has an invested interest in you and may hope that things will develop into something more. Not always but I would be very weary about that myself.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You should just have a big FWB get together so everyone knows each other..... I reckon that is really cool.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I want to present a package (😈) that's so compelling that my fwb will say go herself... "Hey, this is good, I want more" Because that is what I seek... On the flip side, why would I want to be with someone who thinks "well that was good, I can't wait until I see hp next week/month..." ? Blurry lines go back to communication, but you are correct in that an imbalance in "feelings" is a problem... Hp xo 💌 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes, and shave your chest.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Now that's not a bad idea! I guess it sounds like what a lot are suggesting or saying in round about ways is there isn't any right or wrong way to go about it, but the rules or guidelines (whatever they may be) need to be pretty clear right at the start... no mixed messages or confusion
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RHP User
11 years ago
And there's no chance of shaving this chest!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was with a bloke this week and he asked me to be his fb compared to a fwb .. I asked what he meant he said fb = a text asking if I wanted a root (arrive sex done and gone) Fwb = sit and chat have dinner a movie then root etc I agree with Missb? At times it's more about the men's benefits than the women's .. I have now meet a few on here I have to say I have enjoyed my time so far and it's been a very even in pleasure :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Lovinit28' Personally I want that someone that I can be with, sleep with, cuddle with, wake up in the morning with, talk with, laugh with, play with and fuck with. Is this a relationship, partnership, or FWB, I don't know. I'm not after NSA, don't get me wrong I can do NSA, and it is quite fun to do so, but at the end of the day I want that one person that I can share all that with. (And would travel to the ends of the earth to be find that one person) For me the word Friends is the key word here, once you bring friends into most things feelings develop, well they do for me anyway. I have feelings for all my friends, this is why they're my friends weather they're with benefits or not....just my opinion 💋 Totally agree, in my mind, they're a friend first and for my friends, I'd do almost anything to help them. All my friends are very special to me and I guess I love my friends. My FWB, for me the friendship is far more important than the sex.
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RHP User
11 years ago
And so out of interest, what was your response or thoughts to his suggestions? What did you go into the initial situation expecting or wanting?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Missb72 I just read your profile wow I could of stole it for my own :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I can say that I have had a great guy that I see from time to time over the past year and the sex is always great. We can hang out occasionally and do the chat and catch up. don't have any other feelings except for friendship and great sex. However I had a more in a relationship that wasn't full on commitment and supposed open. I tried to make that work and continued to see my other friend a couple of times. I had more feelings and wanted a commitment, he said didn't want commitment but the open relationship. As it turned out in the end he wanted the commitment and was upset that I continued my other casual relationship. So when you think your being honest, there is always more behind the scenes. So its different and depends on the people male or female.
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Missb4u
11 years ago
Shucks, thanks 😄 take whatever you want from it, I'm always happy to share.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Oh so sweet missb72 :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I wouldn't say one gender has it easier than the other. It's more about both people being clear about what's going on from the start (especially face to face) and not slipping into some sort of lazy relationship.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' You should just have a big FWB get together so everyone knows each other..... I reckon that is really cool. I've done that...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Implies a friendship aspect In my opinion, ditch the idea of a friendship, and keep it sexual, don't indulge in the non-sexual time that blurs the lines such as cuddles or sleep overs, and it can work without either party developing feelings. The term "ongoing fuck buddy" I believe is more appropriate for an ongoing NSA situation.
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HereToPlease77
11 years ago
I would say it depends on the person, regardless of gender. Experience has led me to believe that for me personally, they're either a friend or a fuck buddy. Not both. If I want both, I'll get a boyfriend!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'insatiableone79' In my opinion, ditch the idea of a friendship, and keep it sexual, don't indulge in the non-sexual time that blurs the lines such as cuddles or sleep overs, and it can work without either party developing feelings. The term "ongoing fuck buddy" I believe is more appropriate for an ongoing NSA situation. My thoughts exactly!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
that many men say in their profile they want a woman that they can "have a good conversation with," or " hang out with," or have other non-sexual time. To me they are either using such ideals to merely keep a woman on the hook as the non-sexual time does promote feelings. Or do they actually want a girlfriend? To me that is a man playing games to keep a woman where he wants them. Keep it simple, its a sex site, if a man and a woman want to hook-up for sex thats exactly all it should be. Want the non-sexual time, have a relationship, because essentially thats what it is with both anyway. Otherwise, as HereToPlease77 said, " they're either a friend or a fuck buddy. Not both. If I want both, I'll get a boyfriend!" Exactly.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well put meeka, totally agree with you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'd have to say I agree with insatiableone79. Friends has a connotation that you are there to support them in the bad times and you have a 'relationship'. I've been around the block a few times but really only had one true fuck buddy where the lines never got blurred over a fiat amount of time. I have to admit that sometimes the lines do get blurred because sometimes you find yourself talking after sex and getting into conversations you probably shouldn't. Feels right at the time but probably doesn't help. I guess it all comes down to drawing up the rules of play at the beginning and sticking to them.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think it's the whole 'friends with benefits' title that causes half the problems. In my opinion, you are either entering a serious relationship that's not just sexual, or you both agree to enter a fuck buddy relationship which basically only involves the sexual side of things. It's when you try to combine the best of both worlds that the problems arise. We do not, and never have, lived in a perfect world. So those looking for the perfect scenario of someone that they can have sexual fun with, but then be able to sit and talk like a couple, but not class yourself as a couple, are actually the ones that usually want, and expect a perfect world.From personal experience, I have found the best approach is that you either just agree to fuck each other [fuck buddies] when you both agree to, or you just go all in and try make something of it as a relationship [a couple]. When people try to start picking and choosing the best bits of both sides [friends with benefits], they usually end up lost in the middle ! But it takes us back to the solution to all sexual dilemma's.....................COMMUNICATION. And if 2 people communicate and both agree to a set condition, then it can only go wrong when at least one of the two goes against the conditions that was communicated.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Some really good comments about the whole topic. I think its different with each person you meet on here. fbuddy fwb its how you explain what you want out of all of this. Yes you do get attracted to different people in different ways. If you have mind blowing sex with someone, if both parties are agreeable why cant you continue to have this. Have found a few guys seem to get scared if you do have a special connection but as everyone else has said this is a sex sight. its not that hard be open with the people you meet on here and be clear what you want.
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RHP User
11 years ago
At the end of the day I do want to go back to my own life I enjoy my alone time my work my family and friends. I don't want to move in with anyone, but if you do meet that special someone that's different to the rest of the people you meet on here, you have mindblowing sex fun with each other why cant you meet up when you both have free time. Its not a relationship so why are some men scared of this. You both are still leading your separate lives, do your own things
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'insatiableone79' Implies a friendship aspect In my opinion, ditch the idea of a friendship, and keep it sexual, don't indulge in the non-sexual time that blurs the lines such as cuddles or sleep overs, and it can work without either party developing feelings. I agree with this for some aspects, such as sleepovers and cuddling. I've learned the hard way that for me, sleeping in the same bed as someone else and the additional touching and cuddling that often goes with that, is more intimate for me than having sex with them. So if I do it, there's more chance of me developing additional feelings. It's just something I mainly relegate to relationships, unless it really can't be avoided. There's also the practical aspect, having been single for so long I don't sleep well with someone else in the bed and I *need* my sleep otherwise I'm a very cranky goat . I'm not saying though, that I'm happy to just walk in the door, shag, then leave straight away. That's just a bit too impersonal and cold for me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
But I love all my friends with benefits. I like them, I care for them and even love them... Sometimes. Hehe. What the puck is wrong with that people? Having a friendship is a relationship and there are strings involved. It's when one person decides they want the strings to be permanent or binding or that it has to develop into something serious which is when the problem arises. This is what women seem to do more often... It's like some instinctual urge that it has to lead somewhere. Why? Why does it always have to get serious? Why does it have to lead some preordained path, lover, boyfriend, husband?? Why ladies, why????
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have had lots of fuck buddies. Some guys lasted one night before I dumped them and moved on. (the availability of men makes that possible!). My last one, however, I have fallen in love with. That makes it so hard!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes.....women can do fwb. Most prefer this in the circles I am in. They often comment that it's men who want more. I guess it really depends on the individual, I have fwb. I have no view's on changing this arrangement, it works for all parties. Communication is the key though. - Posted from rhpmobile
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