F45
Can you judge "Chemistry" through text chat?
September 06 2015
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
I always like to meet someone in person. There is one guy I wouldnt meet, because I didnt think (going on our chats) that we would hit it off, but eventually I did, just for a drink, and we are now friends. I firmly believe you cant see the best of anyone just by communicating online. Meeting someone is part of the fun of online dating and Ive met some fabulous men and women so far If you meet and theres nothing happening, what have you lost? Half an hour of your time? And I would hate to think I missed out on having some of my lovely friends because I was wary of going to meet them.
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Insomnian
9 years ago
Koko summed it up perfctly. I've been on here for years, have met some amazing people, made some great friends, while getting to know people via text, phone, Internet, there's usually more sides / depth to a person that you may never know if you never meet them face to face. I go to any meet that I have in the past with no expectations on myself or the other person. Worse case scenario you may have made another friend. This isn't just a sex site, although I'm sure there's plenty that may argue that point. As far as judging someone via chatting, I do believe you can ascertain if you have anything in common with someone, but I think, (just what I think) that's about it. Meeting is what lets you know the rest.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Between chatting online and meeting face to face, whether it be for just friendship or something more, several conversations on the phone take place. I believe the chemistry happens from getting to know someone's personality. We're all different but, for me, if that click or chemistry isn't there from online chat it doesn't go further than that.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You have obviously utilised online sites for a long time. This is my second round. Been 2 years this stint. Ive found that my approach has changed and gone through different stages. Every faze from straight off the bat hookups to dragging out the chat for a few weeks and meeting for coffee first. Just depends where Im at with it all, and what Im looking for( this has changed a lot as well) so I dont think there is a right or wrong way to see if there is chemistry. No way is the right way.But I personally dont have high expectations of finding mr right. Mainly because Im not ready to share my life with someone. So I dont go to a meet with high expectations of fireworks and thumping hearts.And as Koko said, meeting ppl can turn into a nice friendship, which is a bonus. I also focus a lot on the physical attraction, and our sexual compatability.I have changed a lot, have tried a lot, have learnt a lot. And will continue to do so. If you change your style of vetting new potentials, thats ok. Its because you are changing and growing. The journey not the destination? Enjoy and appriciate each path you go down
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madotara69
9 years ago
Chemistry surely needs pheromones and receptors up in the back of our noses to guide our instincts, perhaps? Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm driven intellectually, not by the visual, people put me in the "sapiosexual" box which is about being attracted to and turned on by intelligence. This is why my approach is what it is. You can be smoking hot and I will lose my juice for you if you open your mouth and say something dumb, so the best way to tell what's in someone's head is to talk to them first. Koko I totally get what you're saying, and this is the reason I still go to clubs and will be showing my face at the big Perth MnG, can never have too many like-minded friends and the more variety the better. However, when it comes to dating, I've honestly been put in some very bad situations because I've met with the wrong kind of man. I'm very soft gentle and passive, which means I need to take care of myself because I know others won't and I know I let myself get taken advantage of too easily. In the past I have done things I regret because I'd rather say yes to something I don't like than say no and hurt someone else (so we're getting into major character flaws here...). Self-sacrifice is my bag baby. So I need to treat myself carefully and generally avoid others unless I know they're not vampires (I use the term "vampire" to describe those who suck your energy). Willow, love your response, thanks, you're completely right about this being where I am right now, and my preferences and methods are indeed fluid and change depending on what I'm looking for at the time. Right now I'm looking to make everything difficult. GO BRAIN!
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inspirit
9 years ago
They can not judge you nor you them. Get your arse out in the real world and start to meet people face too face. If you are really serious about finding the love of your life - forget dating websites - they're just a bit of fun along the journey and people bullshit all the time. Well, make themselves look pretty.... These days I can't be arsed meeting men from web sites. Getting out there is much more fun with no expectations. Oh and one other thing - I do think that when you have been online for too long, you do set yourself up for failure. FUSSY springs to mind.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Is merely a tool to weed out the obvious tools.
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RHP User
9 years ago
The only thing I'm really serious about is being the love of my own life. I'm a hell of a lot happier being single than I am being in the wrong relationship (I use the term relationship loosely to cover any kind, even fwb arrangements). I am fussy, but I don't actually see a problem with that.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch'I am fussy, but I don't actually see a problem with that. She says, sitting in the corner alone with her twelve cats.
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inspirit
9 years ago
Then why the post if you do not wish too understand. Seems you are questioning this online "dating" thing and why you can't get the chemistry fix you crave? Maybe I am on the wrong path?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Then why the post if you do not wish too understand. Seems you are questioning this online "dating" thing and why you can't get the chemistry fix you crave? Maybe I am on the wrong path? I know my OP was long but I was hoping it was at least coherent. I'm not asking where is the chemistry I want, I'm asking, do you think you can discern that kind of chemistry before you meet face to face? And if we want to encourage new posters it's probably not a good idea to say "why post something", I might not next time.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Because of the mental connection I really like I have fallen before meeting a few times in the past. They were hard lessons to learn but I will probably end up continuing that lesson every now and then as that is just how I am. For me the finding of mental connection and stimuli to begin with kind of saves me finding the ugliness during a meet. It is easy to make a body attractive but damn hard to make the personality that way.
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RHP User
9 years ago
messaging is fine to start with but you need the face to face chatting to actually get any chemistry happening. Also messaging on here you can't get any flow so it makes it very difficult. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
CT you will have no doubt seem various postings over time on here about being able to 'judge' peoples feelings and sentiments in what has been written down, and at times the subsequent misunderstandings that have taken place as people have completely misinterpreted the intentions of others. What you are asking is in no way any different. It really does require a great amount of skill and understanding to try and view the real intentions of what has been put down, because as has been discussed previously, there are no visual clues to look at to try and interpret what someone may type down. If you have studied someone's methods of responding, to say, for example, the postings a person has made to the various topics made here, you may eventually understand if they are showing genuine concern, or are at times hypocritical, or whatever else they may wish to display through their writing. But that is not a quick or easy task to understand, yet alone master. And the same goes for the question you are asking. Unless you do have a genuine deep knowledge of being able to interpret the ramblings on an online site, you really don't have the knowledge to respond either positively or negatively to what someone will tell you. As has been noted by others, getting out face to face will eventually tell you much more, and in more detail. Visual clues will potentially tell you much, as will the manner of speech and gestures. Plus, you are still only relatively young - you are still in a learning phase of being an adult, and there is much to learn. Amongst that learning should be that some people are also not very comfortable with technology and may not communicate well via the internet, for example. What you might mistake for arrogance, for instance, may simply be a case of someone not really knowing the "rules of engagement" of using a computer. I believe it is a wise rule of thumb to give others the benefit of the doubt, until there are very clear signs to otherwise be wary. Hope that helps a little. Tall
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
You can be smoking hot and I will lose my juice for you if you open your mouth and say something dumb, so the best way to tell what's in someone's head is to talk to them first. Most men will occasionally say something dumb (put it this way, I have not met one that hasn't yet). I believe it is in there nature, especially if they are a bit rattled face to face (unlike chatting on the internet when they/we can think about the answer before announcing it, even then we can still say dumb things, or I can anyway). So chatting on the internet does not necessarily weed those ones out. Keeps the ones that can google and string a good line though. Also I believe a lot of people look for too much of an impossible perfect match on the internet (understandable due to the number of people you can view). However, as Koko says, meeting someone face to face is the only real way (IMHO) to get a vibe or feeling about how someone is like, and if there may be an attraction. Not sure what the answer is though, perhaps a general idea of someone's character and values from their profile / chatting, then a meet for coffee in public ? I myself would meet someone that did not necessarily seem ideal, as 1/2 hr and a coffee is not a big issue, and you never know !!.
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
I don't believe you can judge "Chemistry" through text chat. (Perhaps in another 1-2 years in the future when we can breath into the computers and smell, and prick our fingers on a needle attached to the computer for blood samples / DNA)
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RHP User
9 years ago
It really depends on the person who I'm chatting to. Online and via text I'm full of confidence, yet when I meet people for the first time I tend to go back in my shell a little until I feel comfortable with them in person. it seems to me that some people give not enough of a chance to some and too much to others. Chemistry is an unpredictable and powerful thing and i find that it can take a little time to develop (for me at least)
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inspirit
9 years ago
Mods please remove my posts. Thank you. Ciao. Oh I did read your post quite clearly - however differences of perceptions - well, we do have them.
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RHP User
9 years ago
And nope - Posted from rhpmobile
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ruby_blossum
9 years ago
No way Jose !I think you may be able to gain some idea of compatability through text chat...in my experience I have only been able to discover any chemistry by meeting in person.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I need to meet someone face to face to determine if I'm physically attracted to them or not. However, before I'm willing to meet anyone, I have to feel a connection first. Like Wiccan said, I need to click with someone's personality before meeting them, and I personally find it not hard to get a feel for someone's mind while only exchanging messages. I've been here three years now and though I've been on dates where there turned out to be no chemistry, I've never been on one where the banter didn't flow. Am I fussy and setting myself up for failure as Inspirit suggests? A definite yes to the first part and I make no excuses for it, as so far I don't think I've failed yet.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Mods please remove my posts. Thank you. Ciao. Oh I did read your post quite clearly - however differences of perceptions - well, we do have them. My off hand comment earlier was defensive but there's no beef here. I appreciate all perspectives and know they will be varied. It's so nice to see your face :)
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RHP User
9 years ago
So I do agree with what most are saying that you can't tell if chemistry IS there just from text alone. But I guess I'm really asking, can you tell if it's definitely NOT there from text alone? Based on some of your replies I think yes.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Chemistry is only ever, ever, ever going to happen when you meet in the flesh. Hence the reason I have never, ever dismissed a potential date from text and mail chat alone. When you actually meet in real life, that invisible equation rares it's head! Chemistry - Then it's either game on! Or it's game over!
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
Websites like this are great to capture a wider audience that possible to meet otherwise. The selections we make on our profiles are a good general filter. Combined that gives you more people and broadly filters them. Add a I tire and we have the foundations to begin the search. Throw in some online conversation and we're starting to get a picture of the other person. For me this is certainly not even close to enough to work out if there's chemistry. That can only come for meeting face to face and more times than once.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I remember the www when it was still the text-based Lynx before Netscape existed, remember meeting up with like minded geeky people back then too. I think you can make great friends and determine mental compatibility with someone online, but chemistry can only be truly judged face to face. Taking that step to meet in person can be confronting, but if you do it sooner rather than later I think you run less risk of "wasting each other's time" to phrase it harshly. That was you both have less invested emotionally and it's an easier decision to both make and accept. Having said that you do need banter to get to that point of meeting in my opinion. If you can't banter online, I think there's less chance of that happening in the flesh as well.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think the "Chemistry" is tactile, needs to be "seen and felt" Via the written word, its only " Interesting"
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
The only thing, that one has at ones disposal, when texting, is the written word. And depending what one writes / how one writes it, the recipient may have a completely different interpretation. For example they may think one is angry when in fact one was joking ... therein lies the danger. When it comes to the written word, one can certainly be "judged" by what one has written can one not? Bad grammar & spelling are a fine example. Typing "youse" when one should type "you" etc etc. Something well written, that makes one think, and conjures up images, speaks "volumes" we feel. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Single_Guy4U' You can be smoking hot and I will lose my juice for you if you open your mouth and say something dumb, so the best way to tell what's in someone's head is to talk to them first. Most men will occasionally say something dumb (put it this way, I have not met one that hasn't yet). Yeah but, by "something dumb" I mean "Faggots are disgusting, but I'd love to see you go lezzo". Not just something innocuous that may indicate "boner-brain", I actually really enjoy turning an intelligent man into a blubbering mess. Besides, I say dumb shit all the time.
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RHP User
9 years ago
For me its both. If the guy I'm talking to online can hold a decent conversation, has a sense of humor & has some photo's so I can see him (not just cock pic's :P) I can tell if there might be a potential spark but yes a meet must take place to see if the chemistry is there. I don't think you can really know unless you meet face to face. No one likes rejection but if the chemistry/connection is not there, its not there.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' CT you will have no doubt seem various postings over time on here about being able to 'judge' peoples feelings and sentiments in what has been written down, and at times the subsequent misunderstandings that have taken place as people have completely misinterpreted the intentions of others. What you are asking is in no way any different. It really does require a great amount of skill and understanding to try and view the real intentions of what has been put down, because as has been discussed previously, there are no visual clues to look at to try and interpret what someone may type down. If you have studied someone's methods of responding, to say, for example, the postings a person has made to the various topics made here, you may eventually understand if they are showing genuine concern, or are at times hypocritical, or whatever else they may wish to display through their writing. But that is not a quick or easy task to understand, yet alone master. And the same goes for the question you are asking. Unless you do have a genuine deep knowledge of being able to interpret the ramblings on an online site, you really don't have the knowledge to respond either positively or negatively to what someone will tell you. As has been noted by others, getting out face to face will eventually tell you much more, and in more detail. Visual clues will potentially tell you much, as will the manner of speech and gestures. Plus, you are still only relatively young - you are still in a learning phase of being an adult, and there is much to learn. Amongst that learning should be that some people are also not very comfortable with technology and may not communicate well via the internet, for example. What you might mistake for arrogance, for instance, may simply be a case of someone not really knowing the "rules of engagement" of using a computer. I believe it is a wise rule of thumb to give others the benefit of the doubt, until there are very clear signs to otherwise be wary. Hope that helps a little. Tall Yes thanks for that. I appreciate that I am learning every day, I think we all should be. I know there are people who aren't good with technology but I'm not looking for them as anything other than friends, so I'll meet them out and about in the real world, happy to have friends of all different shapes and flavours. When I'm looking for a fwb/open relationship, I have to consider my brain's sexual needs, I need an equal, which means someone who's independent, capable, well educated, travelled, experienced, and yes, able to put thoughts into words and able to use a computer to communicate. Everyone uses this place for different things which is why the responses to threads like this are so varied. I'm not looking for quick sex here. If I wanted that I would walk out my front door. I'm here/online to find another brain like mine to play with. It's all about your agenda I suppose.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'TisonlyI' Because of the mental connection I really like I have fallen before meeting a few times in the past. They were hard lessons to learn but I will probably end up continuing that lesson every now and then as that is just how I am. For me the finding of mental connection and stimuli to begin with kind of saves me finding the ugliness during a meet. It is easy to make a body attractive but damn hard to make the personality that way. Yep, we think very much alike. In the past I have also found a mental connection and "settled" for their physicality. But recently I met a man who had both brains and brawn so I know now that they exist! Needle in a haystack I think, but worth the effort to find another.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ian_D' messaging is fine to start with but you need the face to face chatting to actually get any chemistry happening. Also messaging on here you can't get any flow so it makes it very difficult. - Posted from rhpmobile I get plenty of flow with some people, and completely none with others. Sometimes the conversation just rolls and you end up messaging each other all day. Other times it's like pulling teeth.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Personally I have had a couple of experiences where the texting/chatting was right on the money but the meeting fell flat, as for the reverse I have no experience but some on here have recollected where the messaging was a fail but meeting at a m&g proved the opposite. But personally if the chatting texting is a fail why go on ?It's couples that piss me, why is one always amazing and the other just No no never ?
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' Yes thanks for that. I appreciate that I am learning every day, I think we all should be. I know there are people who aren't good with technology but I'm not looking for them as anything other than friends, so I'll meet them out and about in the real world, happy to have friends of all different shapes and flavours. When I'm looking for a fwb/open relationship, I have to consider my brain's sexual needs, I need an equal, which means someone who's independent, capable, well educated, travelled, experienced, and yes, able to put thoughts into words and able to use a computer to communicate. Everyone uses this place for different things which is why the responses to threads like this are so varied. I'm not looking for quick sex here. If I wanted that I would walk out my front door. I'm here/online to find another brain like mine to play with. It's all about your agenda I suppose. Hi CT and thanks for your reply. I too try to learn every day, and hope to do so until the lights are permanently switched off. Regarding your commentary about considering your brains sexual needs with someone who is well versed in all you have listed, you may still be possibly missing some opportunities, particularly if you are seeking your initial requirements solely through the use of a computer. I have a good female friend, who is a well known "public personality" who uses both her phone and computer for online communications, who at times stumbles in finding appropriate language to get her thoughts and messages across. I know from her background that she had limited formal education and has learned a lot of life's lessons the "hard way", and has troubles with using 'technology'. She is in her mid 40's, is on TV and does stage shows around the country, and in person is one of the nicest people you could ever wish to meet. But if you caught her at one of her "off" moments on the 'net' you might sometimes think twice about it if you did not know her. So what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't automatically write someone off if you can't quite get a full and proper sense of someone simply by their lack of computer skills - they could very easily make up in many other ways. 'Brains' can work very well in some environments, and struggle in others. Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
Hi CravingTouch. Your post is raw and beautiful, and it takes raw courage to be so honest and open. I commend you for that. I can also relate to a lot of what you have said, especially about shying from confrontational situations, and likewise not being assertive, but defaulting to pleasantness and politeness. Saying yes to in situations I would normally say no to avoid the discomfort and awkwardness of possibly hurting the other persons feelings by rejecting them, I'm guilty as charged. Continuing seeing someone when the appeal of the situation has been lost, I am also guilty of. Assertiveness is not a strong point of mine. I find it hard to even identify what my needs and wants are, which makes it doubly hard to assert them. I tend to default to going with the flow, and lose my sense of self in the process. In a relationship, that tends to play out as the relationship becoming all about them, I become a secondary role as a support person and about how I can meet their needs. I am programmed, thanks to my upbringing, to be selfless, and a people pleaser. Being selfless tends to lead to me losing my sense of self and identity. Never a good thing. I don't think being passive, submissive, or not assertive are intrinsically negative traits, but it does shift the responsibility for meeting my needs onto the other person. In turn, the other person needs to be a) trustworthy with my feelings and needs b) more assertive and dominant than I c) shows and demonstrates to me that my needs are his concern. i.e something like a sexually mature and adventurous true gentleman. Can all this be interpreted via text and chat? I don't tend to take anything online as being serious, just prelude and banter. Meeting in person can give you an indication if there is mutual attraction or chemistry, sure. I might be misquoting the Buddha here, but I remember reading something that resonated with me. It said something like "a person is like an ocean, you mostly see reflection on the surface, but it takes a wave to be able to see deeper into the water". I don't believe you can truly gauge another person until you have observed them over a long period of time and seen there character traits come to the fore. Perhaps to illustrate this, think of someone close, a close friend or family member. What is the first impression they give to someone they are interested in and compare that with what you know of them behind the scenes. This is even more applicable in online dating. Most people are showing their best side only. They might press all the right buttons for the sake of making a connection, but they are still human with flaws, some with other sides to their personality and character that they would prefer remain hidden. You have admitted to finding yourself in unsafe situations and I feel am feeling protective over this, and I apologise for making this all about me CT, but it saves me projecting my impressions onto you and putting you in a basket you don't belong, but it also it provides you with something you may be able to relate to. I just want to say how much do you need to fathom of another person in order to have them meet you where you are at? Chat to see if there is interest and a flow easily established, talk about interests, deal breakers, things in common. Meet and see how it goes? A casual hookup? Chat, meet for drinks, text a friend the hotel you will be at, the guy's name and username, and a text to say it all went well afterwards. An ongoing FWB? Chat, meet, don't play, meet again (then repeat as long as it takes) to see if there is a deeper connection before pursuing something together? And so on. There is another thing I would like to cover here. Intimacy. I will admit, that while I am seeking physical intimacy here at times, it is a bit of an alternative to true intimacy, which I can't do right now. Sex, FWB, all allow me to feel human, and receive human touch, but without the depth of connection that would make me face what lies deeper within. I do well with light external joyful sensuous interactions, but go deeper and I have to face my own issues and demons. I don't feel comfortable going there myself, and i don't feel it's anyone else's burden to be exposed to. My point is, does being online seeking connection with people allow you to avoid deeper intimacy or creating things that are lacking in your offline life? i.e. A supportive network of close friends who know all about you, you hopes, dreams aspirations and struggles? As I had said before, I find it hard to know what my needs are, and my upbringing has worked against me there. I am making a practice of what I perceive as selfishness to train myself into better meeting my needs. What I perceive as selfish, and even rude, is hardly an imposition on people, from the perceptions of the people close to me. You don't have to respond here, these are mostly rhetorical questions. I just wanted to say I wish you all the best, and that your post has touched my heart in its bravery, honesty, & openness. From the depths of my heart xox - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
There are some people you will have an immediate connection with...chatting to people online ,phoning ,texting ,skyping will only take you so far because like it or not we are animals,we need to smell,touch,taste feel...be in someone's presence it's only then that we know if this connection will deepen..I have made this mistake a few times CT ,sometimes after months of contact ...when we meet someone in RL we have more chance of knowing immediately if this person is someone we want to have in our lives xx hugs Freya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Wow. Thank you for that. You get me. Don't worry about me too much, I may lack assertiveness, but I'm also careful and very practical. When I'm in control all is safe, which is the online experience, but life isn't always controllable, sometimes people, situations and circumstances just happen, especially when you value living in the moment, spontaneity and unpredictability. I'm also actively trying to be more selfish in general, in order to break my people-pleasing habits and feed my sense of self. That's really what it's about for people like us, actively giving energy to ourselves. Intentionally making time to look after and love ourselves the way we do others. What we do for other people so effortlessly, turns out to be really hard work to do for our self. Funny that, especially puzzling when I meet others who operate in the opposite way, where serving themselves is natural, but doing even the slightest thing for someone else becomes a massive chore. So, does my search for connection online allow me to avoid gaining real intimacy in my life? It's true I have kept my friends in the dark lately, seeing myself as unfit for human consumption and have effectively isolated myself, quarantined myself, "In the dungeon with you until you sort yourself out!", I shout. Sticking my fingers in my ears, clamping my eyelids shut and singing out loud to avoid the truth which is that I need other people in order to get better, that isolation equates to feeding the beast, that my friends want to help me and don't care how ugly it gets... Nah, can't see what you're talking about there at all *tongue firmly in cheek*.
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RHP User
9 years ago
What a thought provoking post you have written. Thank you. Hope to see you post more often.
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RHP User
9 years ago
My thoughts are that chat is basically there to have a real quick, "yep, can write and construct sentences, sounds like they've got half a brain" kind of conversation, then you organise a meet, and that's based on a physical attraction to the photos also. I say this because I'm fairly terrible with chatting online, but meet me in person and I'm a whole different kettle of fish...I'm always relaxed and happy to just be myself in person, but I don't feel I convey that online/via chat very well at all. In saying all this, I wouldn't have nearly the amount of messages to trawl through as the gorgeous women on this site get daily!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Xox - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Chat, building rapport and some flirtatious fun...unfortunately no guarantee that you'll have that spark when you meet. That's not to say it's all bad. I've made some lovely platonic frends via online and RL meet-ups. I understand the 'disappointment' though of the tremendous build-up and obvious attraction but for me, I need more.
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sweet_cherry69
9 years ago
Recently I've been chatting to a similar aged man and similar situation to me. We've actually been chatting via what's app for months now. Finally we met last week for coffee, the chemistry and attraction Wow it was electric and amazing that we both felt comfortable to take to the next level! So texting to each other you can probably guess there will be something of attraction and chemistry. Having said that there are other times, you meet and there's just nothing but maybe awkward friends. We are all individuals and you just have to follow your gut instinct but also always play safe 🍒
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RHP User
9 years ago
yes and no. text messages can get so misconstrued and warped at times. its always good to have a face to face. but how do I know this person isn't an axe murderer. well, the text messages lead up to the face to face. personally, simple text, followed by a phone chat and then maybe a catch up? otherwise its just jumping the gun and quite disappointing. everyone seems to think a sexy pic of boobs or bum will make it happen. but I guess I think a little more than the average joe or jane. meet my mind and you've just got me turned on. just my view though. not saying a nasty text down the road wont make it happen. hahah
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Madambutterfly78
9 years ago
Hmmmmm the chat sparks my interest,but meeting in the flesh may seal thww deal if the chemistry is right.I need to see the person and smell them ...mmm yum lok - Posted from rhpmobile
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Dimeshreds
9 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' You can be smoking hot and I will lose my juice for you if you open your mouth and say something dumb.I have a knack of saying stupid stuff all the time, I would be beset with lonesomeness if the ladies didn't forgive some of my verbal indiscretions at times. The smartest people I know have said the dumbest things I have heard. Social ineptitude bothers me more.I loved the comment though "losing your juice" could verge on the edge of two wrongs making a right. How much weight does a woman put into the physical v the mental aspect of sexual activity. I believe it would all be dependent on the mood at the time and this would waiver significantly.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have a feeling you'd smell delish Ms Cakes :)
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' Quoting 'Single_Guy4U' You can be smoking hot and I will lose my juice for you if you open your mouth and say something dumb, so the best way to tell what's in someone's head is to talk to them first. Most men will occasionally say something dumb (put it this way, I have not met one that hasn't yet). Yeah but, by "something dumb" I mean "Faggots are disgusting, but I'd love to see you go lezzo". Not just something innocuous that may indicate "boner-brain", I actually really enjoy turning an intelligent man into a blubbering mess. Besides, I say dumb shit all the time.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I still think this thread kinda missed my point, but that was probably because of how I framed the question. Basically, this thread came about because I turned down a nice man who I'd been attempting to chat with for weeks. Just slowly pulling teeth. After a few too many chances to show me that he was engaged and interested in me, I said "actually I'm not feeling this, thanks but no thanks and all the best". His argument was that you can't judge chemistry by chat so why waste time doing it, just meet already and lets see. But from past history when I've taken that tact and met someone who I didn't have online banter with, I've found them equally as disappointing IRL (in real life). So my real question is: Is bad online chat a definite sign that we won't click in person?
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
"Is bad online chat a definite sign that we won't click in person ?" I refer you to my response to yourself on the 7th. As mentioned, the brain can work well in some environments, and not in others. Some people are just not comfortable using technology, and if you used online chat as your sole basis for evaluation you could indeed miss out. That is not to say that there aren't the obvious clues as to a persons demeanour in their writings - an a***hole will pretty much instantly shine through, no matter what. But having 'nerves' in chat may well disguise a very decent person. It will depend on how the two of you communicate - what questions you ask, and what responses you get. If there are blatantly contrary views exchanged, then you can reasonably guarantee things won't gel. Otherwise, as I said too, try to give the benefit of the doubt unless / until proved otherwise. Tall
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neapolitan_guy
9 years ago
Could this explain why after reading a profile a few times (reading betwen the lines to to get what they are looking for) and writing as though talking to them in person, I usually get the reply or rsponse of silence. Occasionaly the generic "sorry not what I'm looking" for often without looking at my profile so I'm left to guess there was no chemistry in my attempt to online chat. In fairness though I understand the ladies are overwhelmed here, so I look in my sent box and see not all messages have been read so I'm narrowing it down to seeing the message read followed with nothing. I have been fortuniate to have some look at my proile and actully write a thank you and all the best, those genuine messages are very nice, even more effective is the one word only reply "no". Maybe bad online chat is not a definite sign if the other person is understaning that not everyone is a effective communicator, including online, I greatly enjoy how people can say a lot in a few words, wish I could. Effective communication is a two way thing so if the chat is bad, whats bad about it, can there be a conversation to improve and correct what was considered bad about it, if so maybe there could become a click online that could flow in person having a better idea of each other before meeting rather then meeting and looking for a click have the click with you in the meeting. Anyway interesting quetion and comments, made for a good read. Cheers
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RHP User
9 years ago
Exchanged messages,it was all good and then came the CLUNK..Just one step too far,like a bucket of cold water xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm all for endless text and and chat when we know each other in fact I quite like it, however if it's clear to me there are good grounds to meet and you just drag out the chat, sorry, but I'm gone. Agree with the guy, just time wasting.
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rupamohan
9 years ago
Mostly but there are exceptions. Exception generally only comes when we over read a chat. We tend to over read when we have baggage. Chat with open mind and take it as literal as you can. It also depends on what you mean with bad chat..if it already burnt the bridge...it is not worth building...best is to learn and move on. Chat is just a first line filter and no filter is perfect. The filter will work best it it is tailored to your situation and needs. It varies a lot between members. We don't believe in anything online. Some know and then meet. Some meet and then know. We are the later.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Chat is what it is. Take from it what you want. A bad chat. It's a sign to say pass. If you are going to stress about missing a good one by misconstrued chat text, then perhaps you need to get a psych degree so you can have an in depth analysis of what is written. If the person at the other end of the chat knew about how much weight you were putting on their written word then most likely they would just rather you move on. Is your time so valuable you cant afford a few wasted coffee dates? Are you so into the chemistry of the text that you are booking the church before your meet because their text is perfect. Eliminate the bad text chats. Move on. Short list the good ones that can string some sentences together. Because as we know, there isn't too many guys out there that can write a few sentences in a message. 2 paragraphs......... book the fucking church. Simples. It's not rocket science
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RHP User
9 years ago
I totally disagree..Meeting new people one on one can be exhausting and disappointing...if chat has not gone well including phone calls why put yourself through something that is highly likely to not go well.xxFreya
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
I think we are both on the same page. I wrote -: "Eliminate the bad text chats. Move on. Short list the good ones"
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RHP User
9 years ago
Awesome comments everyone, thanks. I'm probably just overthinking it, bottom line is follow my instincts I think.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting '1Adam44' Could this explain why after reading a profile a few times (reading betwen the lines to to get what they are looking for) and writing as though talking to them in person, I usually get the reply or rsponse of silence. Occasionaly the generic "sorry not what I'm looking" for often without looking at my profile so I'm left to guess there was no chemistry in my attempt to online chat. In fairness though I understand the ladies are overwhelmed here, so I look in my sent box and see not all messages have been read so I'm narrowing it down to seeing the message read followed with nothing. I have been fortuniate to have some look at my proile and actully write a thank you and all the best, those genuine messages are very nice, even more effective is the one word only reply "no". Maybe bad online chat is not a definite sign if the other person is understaning that not everyone is a effective communicator, including online, I greatly enjoy how people can say a lot in a few words, wish I could. Effective communication is a two way thing so if the chat is bad, whats bad about it, can there be a conversation to improve and correct what was considered bad about it, if so maybe there could become a click online that could flow in person having a better idea of each other before meeting rather then meeting and looking for a click have the click with you in the meeting. Anyway interesting quetion and comments, made for a good read. Cheers Best not to read into it that much Adam, everyone uses this site differently, and not all of us think the same way. Motivations and communication styles all mixed up = a big mess where you can't really know what is happening on the other end. Also, you don't know that they haven't looked at your profile because some may have that setting turned off so you don't get notified of them viewing you. Sometimes I read messages because I can't resist, but I'm not in the appropriate place (physically or mentally) to reply at that point. So I may still reply later. I used to reply to every message with at least a thank you but no thank you personal response. But I learned that quite a few people take any reply as an engagement in conversation and rather than accepting the words I write, they reply and try to convince me, or need more detailed reasons why not, or get angry at me and call me unpleasant things. So sadly for nice guys, you have to sit in silence over-thinking what it means about you or your message, when it's more likely to be about me and where I'm at in that moment.
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' I totally disagree..Meeting new people one on one can be exhausting and disappointing...if chat has not gone well including phone calls why put yourself through something that is highly likely to not go well.xxFreya See... that is EXACTLY why I simply do not understand those people who send messages proposing (DEMANDING!) to meet (and often shag)... when they haven't even taken that basic first step to determine if you even have the capacity to spend 5 minutes in each others company without looking for the EJECT button. Bluntly..... thats just a really fucking weird attitude to have.
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neapolitan_guy
9 years ago
Craving Touch, thank you for your insightful comments, you put it in a good perspective for me. I've only had one relationship that lasted 25yrs so stepping out of that bubble into this new age is as daunting as it is a very steep learning curve. Our middle son competes in Taekwondo and when he gets winded his coach gets him to focus on adjusting his breathing to work through it until the end of the bout. I'll take your message and use it to help me adjust my breathing. I'm sure the happiness your looking for will find you soon enough. Cheers
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RHP User
9 years ago
Eject, ejaculate... I can see how that would be confusing for some. ;-)
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