M54
Cheating the Cheater
November 10 2016
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
Try find out why she's unhappy, Woman play because there bored, Not satisfied, lost weight, amp up your sex game ,put some rope and spanking in it, She might be really kinky but you just don't know about it , I'm one of those woman a player. Mine has no idea how dirty ,kinky I am lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Sorry this happening. I think you need to call her out. Life is too short to be sad. Kids are quite adaptable. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hi Phil, having been through that myself and fining out much later especially when it involved unfaithful with family members made it worse. I had gone through it before we got married and told her once more and I'm gone.I waited until my kids were out of home and then told her it was over and start divorce proceedings, even that was hard despite she was with another guy within 3 weeks of moving out.I gave myself 6 months without female companionship or intimacy then when the divorce went through I was out there enjoying ladies dozens of them.Then when that messed with my head it was time to find someone else special after 32 years with one lady the fresh approach was good.Don't get tied up in worrying about kids leave or separate ASAP so you can move on with your life.An individuals happiness should always be the more important thing in life especially after having someone perverted consume half of your life
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RHP User
8 years ago
Ask her if she wants to join a swingers party. Then go nuts on all the ladies there and see if she enjoys you rooting other women.
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sweetgem
8 years ago
You expected to feel guilty for joining RHP without your wife's knowledge, but you don't!.......that is a clear sign that your marriage is over and you need to leave, in my opinion. Obviously, I do not know your real story, but if what you've told us is true, then using your children as an excuse for not wanting to sort things out, and/or leave your marriage, is not practical nor wise for your mental health in the long run! Life is truly too random and too short! If you are not happy emotionally and mentally, then how best, and how long, can you keep holding yourself together for your children? Give them a healthy and happy father if you put your children before your own life :) All the best OP, it is not an easily sorted situation, but it is not the end of the world either. Be strong and be wise :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Smilingwithfun
8 years ago
Your sexual health. She's playing around, bit sad.
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Robo355
8 years ago
Here is my 5 cents worth, sex and love are not the same thing and just because someone has sex with someone else it doesn't mean they don't love another person. For me cheating is having a love affair with someone else. Sex can enhance a loving relationship and lack of sex can sometimes ruin it. Some women I've met on here and elsewhere have been married and were in sexless marriages, they said their husbands literally refused to fuck them. As for me I have a partner who deigns to have sex with me once a month if I'm lucky, I like her but our libidos are mismatched. I wouldn't leave her as it would ruin a loving relationship. Just because I want it 3 times a week or more. But I could have married a woman that wants it six times a day and would be all like what but we just did it. Mismatched libidos are a real problem area in relationships. What you have to work out is why your wife is cheating on you. Those other women had fallen out of love with their husbands but they weren't in love with me, they were just really horny and love sex. Other people may have a fling with someone for the thrill of it and the excitement. Others may fall in love with a co-worker or someone they spend a lot of time with. If it's the last one then I am sorry for you. If your wife is just horny then she probably still loves you. Sex and love are two different things and when you have them together it's beautiful but love without sex is just a friendship and sex without the love is not a replacement. It's not a bad band aid though. Sex with some attraction is even better, then some people are addicted to the heart pumping adrenalin ride just like kleptomaniacs and gamblers. You need to find why your wife is cheating. A thing I never thought of is maybe she just likes the attention. Why don't ask her.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'sweetgem'...using your children as an excuse for not wanting to sort things out, and/or leave your marriage, is not practical nor wise for your mental health in the long run! Life is truly too random and too short! If you are not happy emotionally and mentally, then how best, and how long, can you keep holding yourself together for your children? Give them a healthy and happy father if you put your children before your own life :) ... An important point you might consider wrt marriage breakdown, children and custody: Irrespective the fact this country adopted 'no fault' marriage laws in 1975, and irrespective which partner's actions or inactions led to marriage breakdown, the Family Court grants majority custody to the childrens' mother in the overwhelming majority of cases. Even though the childrens' father will legally have access and/or custody rights (for example every second weekend, half the school holidays etc), it is not at all uncommon for fathers to experience extreme difficulties protecting their parental rights. (Parental rights include not just access/visitation, but extend also to decisions as to the childrens' healthcare, schooling, extracurricula activities, travel interstate or overseas, etc etc etc). it can be very easy for a vindictive mother to seriously interfere with a father's involvement in his childrens' lives. The only recourse is via hearings in the Family Court. Holding an obstinate parent to any Orders issued by the Family Court can be very difficult and expensive. I know of fathers actively excluded from their childrens' lives out of sheer vindictiveness on the part of the mother, and children deliberately fed outright lies and misinformation. Some fathers may easily accept exclusion from their children, some may perceive it easier to tolerate a defective relationship until the children are self-sufficient, or at least old enough/mature enough to better understand. Irrespective the reasons a marriage breaks down, or the old BS stereotypes of fathers being distant, or disinterested in their kids, in truth most dads do care deeply for and about their children. It well and truly shits me when people advise fathers to simply give in, walk away, and trust that perhaps one day you might be able to rekindle a meaningful relationship with your children.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Your story is not uncommon. I can identify with some elements, and I know it's a tough gig. Only you know your own conscience, and it is you who needs to make peace with that. I would recommend you make contact with Family Relationships Australia and the Lone Fathers' Association for some knowledgeable, helpful and reliable advice.
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Katkat
8 years ago
Something is missing have you tried talking with her and ask why she's doing it? Communication is the key - Posted from rhpmobile
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Katkat
8 years ago
With her what ticks her & what you want in life. I have been on similar position to you try work it out & if it doesn't work then walk away. You can't say you didn't try at least. - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
8 years ago
There's no need to call me up on my comment! You are entitled to your opinions and I hold mine! Not all marriage breakdowns go nasty and not all mothers will stop the fathers from seeing their children! I have seen both the good and the ugly marriage breakdowns, and it all depends on how the couples bring to agreement with the custody of their kids. You don't know what the OP is going through and neither do I. Therefore, I could only respond based on what SadPhil has described. And from his description, I could see emotional and mental pain that he has been enduring in his current marriage. Hence, my comment! I don't know you either Ontology, but whatever it is with you, do not take your anger, or frustration, out on me! You're not the only person that have had a divorce, so don't point your finger at me like I was an inconsiderate idiot! Leave me alone and take your intelligence somewhere else! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I understand and appreciate English is your second language. If you carefully reread both your own post and mine, you might see that I responded to both your comment, and on the topic of relationship breakdown more generally when there has been infidelity and the couple have children. In my estimation (and experience), SadPhil may well find his wife becomes hostile and vindictive when she learns she has been caught out in a lie. In those circumstances, manipulation and estrangement of him from his children will be one of the very few ways she could inflict further hurt (out of either retaliation or shame on her part). I have not even suggested all women are vindictive toward their former spouses, but I did flag the distinct possibility in the circumstances described by SadPhil. The words you chose to use suggested you had not considered the possibility he may become isolated from his children, thereby causing pain and anguish for him and his children also. I was addressing/expressing more generally my irritation with the oft heard suggestion that fathers in relationship breakdowns ought just walk away and get on with their lives. I believe such suggestions are insensitive to the emotional wellbeing of both the fathers and the children concerned. Some fathers do give in. Some fight to maintain a relationship with their kids. Some have no choice. This is where I suggest only SadPhil knows his own conscience...
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hi SadPhil As you may have noticed if you've followed the RHP forum for a while, or read back through other topics, marital/relationship infidelity can be a very divisive and contentious topic. You're bound to get a wide variety of responses. Firstly, a lesson that you've sadly recently learned in a very real way, is to be careful whom you trust. I really appreciate and applaud your courageous candour in making this brave forum post. If you continue to talk about your situation on a public forum (visible in web searches, and almost anyone can make a profile), please keep in mind that your wife and/or her beau(s) could potentially see it. It could "let the cat out of the bag" earlier than you'd prefer, if you plan to be strategic about the timing of your separation. As other users have mentioned earlier about divorce quickly escalating into a legal situation, there's also a slim but real chance that whatever you happen to post online could end up in the hands of lawyers or the court when things like division of assets and custody of children are disputed. I haven't been in a situation like yours, but I have had my own words used against me in other situations. My advice is to deny any potential future adversaries any potential future ammunition. If you decide to keep posting on here and other places online, at least be incredibly vague about any personal details and be very slow to trust people messaging in private until you can be sure of their identity and motivations. I also recommend being extremely cautious with your browser history, opened minimised tabs (like how clicked-on RHP profiles open in a new window) and email notifications. If your wife found them, it could lead her straight to this forum post. It sounds like you're a very trusting fellow, and acting "strategically" mightn't come naturally to you. The sad reality is this: learn quickly!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'ontology' I understand and appreciate English is your second language. That condescending crap again? Seem to remember you doing that previously with another poster, a bit of a habit of yours it seems. IMO Sweetgem was justified in being pissed at you, you're the one who's taken her quite innocent comment out of context, attributed things to her that she never said, and run off on your own tangent. You would be the one who would do well to read comments a bit more carefully before you post.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Huntress108' Something is missing have you tried talking with her and ask why she's doing it? Communication is the key - Posted from rhpmobile It looks like SadPhil has decided that it's going to be a deal-breaker for him, and many others would make that same decision. Once trust has been betrayed so fundamentally, some couples can get through it, but it's probably true to say that most don't. While it's true that SadPhil does now have the opportunity to communicate with his wife about it, and try to sort out any problems that may have cropped up that she may claim led to her behaviour... it's also true that she had the opportunity to talk about it/try to work it out with SadPhil before she found a new partner. To what extent she did that, we don't know, but SadPhil's initial shock at finding out seems to suggest she didn't say something like, "Unless things improve I'm going to look for new men to sleep with." It sounds more like SadPhil thought things were going well until he suddenly discovered whatever it was that gave his wife's game away. Without referring to Huntress108's comment specifically, I think there can be a general danger of blaming the victim when it comes to infidelity. No matter what lack of desired attention, sexual trait, level of libido, long working hours or whatever else SadPhil's wife may say was a reason for her decision, she was never forced to go elsewhere. She chose to deceive and cheat. SadPhil didn't necessarily cause it, and he's not necessarily responsible for trying to fix it either. Actions have consequences, and in this case, it looks like SadPhil's wife has lost the trust of someone who otherwise would've been a loyal husband. If anyone has the moral responsibility to be honest and communicate more clearly, I'd suggest in this case it's SadPhil's wife's.
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sweetgem
8 years ago
For pointing out that English isn't my first language and whatever intention you hold for saying so! :) Your insult is well given to the next level, without using any rude words! Good on you! Kudos :).......by the way, English isn't my second, nor third, or fourth, or fifth language :) Yep, my English skills aren't great like the native speakers, but at least I am able to communicate with non-Asian people in English! At least I am not afraid to try my best to share my opinion with SadPhil in English! If you don't like what you read, move on with respect! SadPhil is an adult in his mid 40s, I'm sure he can handle different opinions! Just because I dare to give different opinion, it doesn't mean I deserve to be disrespected! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Apologies SadPhil for all these stupid nonsense comments, which are all irrelevant to your original post. Please pardon me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
On both this, and the last occasion you cite, the posters themselves had declared English is/was not their first language! As for condescending... WTF? I call BS!
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
You have no reason to be defensive regard your english skills. I find them very clear and concise. Easy to read and understand. You are superior to a lot of native english speakers who often put little effort in. So be proud of yourself. Xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'ontology' On both this, and the last occasion you cite, the posters themselves had declared English is/was not their first language! As for condescending... WTF? I call BS! Nobody is disputing that English is not their first language. You were suggesting that English not being their first language meant that they had somehow misunderstood what you were saying. In both cases, that was an incorrect accusation on your part and they had not misunderstood anything. So yes, in both cases it was condescending of you to try and pin the blame on a lack of English skills. As I said, you were the one who took sweetgem's comment out of context and unfairly accused her of doing something she hadn't actually done. Your call of BS has been noted, however it doesn't change anything from my perspective. Sorry OP, that's the last comment I'll make about this particular matter.
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RHP User
8 years ago
All these other opinions are all fine and dandy if ya wanna do something... I suggest an episode of Jerry Springer so you can tell her you fucked her cousin, her sister, and her mother.... If not for any purpose other than to make her peak out like an ice head in a psychotic episode for the whole world to see :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Accept it or move on be a adult be better for the kids shake all works out in the end confront your fear you'll either have a open relationship or parts like adults be strong go with the mature way of thinking u get one life be happy - Posted from rhpmobile
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lily1970
8 years ago
Perhaps a few people here could take their own advice.....Pot, Kettle.....the endless bitching at posters here who have a different opinion is staggering.....The op asked a simple question,why not give your opinion and move on....and yes, I do see the irony...
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inspirit
8 years ago
Would be my first recommendation! Stop being the narcissistic dick, would be my second recommendation. Empowered? 😂 Now that was my humble opinion of course. Grow some balls and chat to her about it. Open up the marriage, might even save it! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'lily1970' Perhaps a few people here could take their own advice.....Pot, Kettle.....the endless bitching at posters here who have a different opinion is staggering.....The op asked a simple question,why not give your opinion and move on....and yes, I do see the irony... If I feel that someone has been unfair to another poster I'm going to comment and disagree with them if I want to. Sorry, you don't get to dictate my posting on here.
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cat_n_the_hatter
8 years ago
Now, you recognise that those tiny snippets of sadness were not enough and you want revenge? Random meaningless sex should be the cure? Sex and making love should not be on opposite sides. You grief privately, and try to carry on with life in order to keep normality, but in reality you just want to curl up in a ball and tell the world to go away. Have you ever thought how it is to really lose someone you love? You still have a chance whether you realise it or not.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Are you worried that if you confront her that she will leave or end your marriage? Revenge cheating may help you feel better for a moment in time. But you are both supposed to be adults so maybe it's time to stop playing games.
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RHP User
8 years ago
She speaking here ... sex and love are different ... sometimes the rush you get from sex with others is addictive ... and that's the fun ... get out there!! Or see if she is keen to do it together ... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Further to some points I made earlier in this thread, you might be interested to read an article I ran across last night in respect of the cynical manipulation of the Legal System in WA, and the very serious broader implications of some proposed amendments to the Law... 'The Menace of Family "Violence" Orders', Dr Augusto Zimmermann, Quadrant, November 2016. Dr Zimmermann is Postgraduate Research Director and Senior Lecturer in Constitutional Law and Legal Theory at Murdoch University School of Law. He is also a member of the Law Reform Commission of Western Australia. (He declares his essay reflects his personal opinion, and not necessarily that of the Law Reform Commission).
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