F46
Clingy vs Passionate
June 15 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well, sweetgem, I don't think you'll be able to be anything, but who you are. Will these few negative solicitations be able to change you into a non-caring, cold, flippant woman?.I think not..You may have to put up with this irregular judgement from time to time. Mostly from those who require a larger than usual personal space.
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RHP User
12 years ago
To me the two words have entirely different meanings, a person can show passion in many forms towards a project/cause, another individual, their work/career, a hobby,a sport, by showing immense interest and care, going above and beyond, showing knowledge and respect. Being clingy suggests instability, and in a sense sometimes a fear-fear of progress, fear of rejection, fear of showing true feelings. A lack of confidence, and to do with a relationship a fear of losing that person, or being so enamoured by them you want to spend every waking hour with them.I think there is a difference between clingy and attached too-clingy suggests an extreme form of attachment to me, in a negative way
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
Sweet gem - I bend over backwards to help ppl, I give lots of my time energy n even when I myself maybe feeling not so good about me, I still give! But that's not me being clingy, that's me being me..... But it's time I stopped being so generous as ppl take you for granted, they expect n they use! You are not clingy - but way way way too good for these ppl! Find ppl who appreciate you! That's what im starting to do.... Mrs Cheeky xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
You sound so much like me Sweetgem! My current FWB has voiced his concern about me becoming too attached on numerous occasions and also worries I am investing too much into him instead of finding someone more available . Sure I have family and friends that I spoil rotten but that's a little different to the attention I like to give to a man! But the truth is that's just who I am . I'm affectionate , passionate and always go out of my way for the people I care about. I can't and won't change the way I am.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Like all other response, I'd like to think I'm a caring and passionate person. Some people may see it as clingy but that's they're opinion. It's who I am and I wouldn't change anything. I like to spoil people with love and attention as I have a lot to give. But I do know when to back off when I notice some changes in their behaviour then that's my queu. Sweetgem, you're a sweetheart, don't ever change for anyone.... :) xx- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Personally I think the way you are is how more people should be.... Why should you consider being less of a good, caring women to suit the needs of men who are emotionally immature or have personal issues on some level. There are guys that can and do appreciate a loving caring woman in the situation of FWB. And your qualities are what all look for in regards to a long term relationship. I'd rather share time with a woman that has your qualities any day over a cold heartless narcissist that is a good shag! Don't change Sweetgem....change who you let into your life : )- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Investing heavily in someone else's well being can definitely be clingy, even if your motivation is for them not for you (though it's always a little bit for you, that's how we're built). There are some important tips to offering advice/time/help/support to others, that help keep you out of the clingy zone. For example, try to wait until you're asked, directly or indirectly, before stepping in with an offer. Or if you want to offer because it's clear someone could do with help etc, don't be attached to whether or not they accept your gesture. This is the biggest of all tips, I think - don't be attached to what they do in response. Remember that a lot of the time people just want to be heard, they don't want the weight of someone else's expectations about what they should do. There are ways to show love and support and kindness without getting way over in someone's business. It can be the hardest thing with people we really care about but sometimes we just have to remind ourselves to back the f**k off. Remember also that your intention, your action and their perception might all look very different. If you're getting that kind of feedback from people, from men, I would absolutely use it to reflect and do something differently. Maybe it's as simple as just listening and acknowledging, an nothing more. Or stopping yourself every second time you go to help in a way they haven't asked for. These are the things that make people feel suffocated and smothered, so maybe there is an opportunity for you to adjust your approach a little. I had to do a similar thing, about a decade ago. It made a huge difference to the quality and honesty of my relationships. Good luck, whichever way you decide to proceed x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Two words I mention in profile, but for me have nothing to do with each other. When I say I am looking passionate people, I mean the kind of persons that give themselves fully and without abandon. I mean this sexually in my profile, but goes for anything really. Clingy for me means being overly committed to the point where someone loses part of their own independence. Having a FWB I'm seeing casually text me (or worse, call me) every day "just to say hi, and ask what I'm doing" freaks me out. That's not being caring or giving, that's them invading my personal space to get their "fix" of my attention. For me: Passion is to want to do things for someone just because you know it will make their day better. And you know this is the case, because of the response you get. Clinginess is not reading someone's responses, nor respecting their boundaries, and pushing your way past them, just so you feel better yourself. Big difference.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Beautifully put.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes it is unfortunate but true that passion often gets mistaken for clinginess but often a carefully worded question is all that is required to clear the air
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Direct' Two words I mention in profile, but for me have nothing to do with each other. When I say I am looking passionate people, I mean the kind of persons that give themselves fully and without abandon. I mean this sexually in my profile, but goes for anything really. Clingy for me means being overly committed to the point where someone loses part of their own independence. Having a FWB I'm seeing casually text me (or worse, call me) every day "just to say hi, and ask what I'm doing" freaks me out. That's not being caring or giving, that's them invading my personal space to get their "fix" of my attention. For me: Passion is to want to do things for someone just because you know it will make their day better. And you know this is the case, because of the response you get. Clinginess is not reading someone's responses, nor respecting their boundaries, and pushing your way past them, just so you feel better yourself. Big difference. very well put indeed!although i think sometimes it is hard , for the person who is giving the unwanted attention, to tell the difference...i have only recently, after a lot of soul searching, did realize...that sometimes i do exactly what you mentioned..."That's not being caring or giving, that's them invading my personal space to get their "fix" of my attention."i think i am much better now, at telling the difference, between the two...i hope...but all i am saying is...that the person who does that to you..still does it, because he cares about you...just going the wrong way, about showing it...and sometimes all you need to do...is politely point out, that although you appreciate their attention...at the end less is more....lolif they don't get the message...well, that's a different story...
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RHP User
12 years ago
A total juxtaposition.Clingy?Suffocating someone with your own neediness and disguising it as being a 'loving' gesture is not 'caring'! And passion? Passion does not spark in a vacuum!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Are you seeing other people? Or at least still trying to meet up with new men? If he is worried you are getting to attached... Well are you?
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RHP User
12 years ago
How are you being passionate to these men? What are you doing exactly? In a casual arrangement some things are not appropriate ... Such as calling every day, giving them lots of gifts , etc. as people have mentioned above the two things are completely different. Being clingy is stifling someone, not giving them their space, and wanting to be with that person all the time. I could never be with anyone clingy myself as I need a sense of freedom and to have two separate identities. Never get those couples who can not doing anything without the other and are constantly on the phone to each other all day.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Clingy and passionate are two totally different things. Being passionate is genuine and beautiful. Being clingy is obsessive and controlling. One is a selfless expression of appreciation and the other is a manipulative, selfish fear of loss.you are the only person who can honestly decide which one you are being.Good luck.xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
that there is a vast difference between clingy and passionate....I am assuming that you mean you are perhaps overly caring outside of the bedroom.....that can be seen as suffocating if the relationship is purely sexual,if you are friends and spend time together outside of the bedroom,then that maybe a little different....tricky to work out the boundaries sometimes I know,but perhaps it is best to remember that sometimes less is more.
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sweetgem
12 years ago
Thank you everyone for your time taken to provide your valuable comments/advices/tips to this topic. I apologise for unable to write back sooner as I had a busy working weekend, plus I'm still a bit power-down from last week's flu virus. I have read all of your comments and found some useful tips, which will certainly help me reflect on my own action (not that I had done anything wrong, but you have a point there) and change my approach in future. However, before I start responding to your comments, I would like to say it now that whatever I write below is NOT a disagreement or anything negative to against anyone. Indeed I am only clarifying my points :-) Therefore, please do not misinterpret my message, and please pardon me if my response is not well composed. After all, English is my third language and I do find it difficult to express myself at times and in certain circumstances 😛 First up, my purpose for making this thread is to learn from people's (you that is) understanding and interpretation of the terms "clingy" and "passionate". I am not complaining nor looking to change myself or stop being who I am, neither am I unable to decide how I want to be in future, etc. etc. by laying out the scenario of my past experience in encountering the misunderstanding from some men. It is actually like giving a bit of a background information to backup my point when writing an essay, does that make sense??? :-) (To be continued in part 2) lol- Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
12 years ago
Like you, I do know when to back off if I notice the changes in people's reaction to my action. I do respect that everyone is different and that people have boundaries which are not to be crossed, because I also want the same treatment in return. Three_Wise_Words, I get what you mean and thank you for the tips. I will definitely think twice before I act again and change my approach in future, just to avoid repeating the history, that's all. But I would like to clarify that I've never invested any time into anyone else's wellbeing when I am not asked to do so, because I respect boundaries. Most importantly, I do not want a full on relationship right now because I don't have much free time on hands to use post my divorce! Hence, I do not want misunderstanding :-) Like Ms_D said, doing things for someone without knowing if it would make their day or not is in fact invading one's personal space. Hence, I will only show my care to someone at the right time that I know they would be benefiting from it. E.g. I would send a friend a text just to send my regards if I knew the person was unwell, but never suggested to pay them a physical visit, that would be unnecessary. - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
12 years ago
To Meeka, since I lived passed my "young and dumb" age lol I don't call or text someone unless I haven't heard from them for ages (like weeks or months), and when I do (I usually text instead of calling) it will only be a "hi, how are you?" or "hey, haven't touched base for a while, how have you been?" type of message; or send them a picture text with something they like, e.g. a pic of chocolate, and nothing more. Occasionally, I do punch in a pic text of something they like along our text conversation, but that's because I know the person is not having a good day, so the pic text is intending at lifting their spirit a little bit, nothing more (could be unnecessary, but that's who I am). As for the "buying lots of gifts for someone" aspect, well I am afraid I do not have the finance to do so lol neither do I want to spend money on someone who is just a friend :-) And from memory, I had only spoiled my ex husband in terms of supplying materialistic items 😛 Therefore, buying lots of gifts was definitely not how I been passionate to those men in the past :-)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
If the other party finds you clingy, then that's an observation about their perception of the interaction. Obviously that person desires a little less involvement. That's their right. It's sounds like a simple case of mismatched needs to me. Keep looking until you find someone who wants what you are offering.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Gifts do not have to cost money. It's also the small things sometimes people do that they think is a nice gesture that someone else can misinterpret. Giving flowers, or offering to do something for them, sending them a picture, etc. these are gestures that tell someone you are thinking about them. And if you think about them too much it can be a problem to some. :)
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sweetgem
12 years ago
Thanks Meeka, I see your point :-) It's funny that men say they don't understand women and that we are complicated creature, but look at what they do and think when women don't even do much lol seriously talking about name calling lol I have given more (material and non-material) to my real life friends (both male and female friends whom I met off Internet) as long as I can remember, they all appreciate and love my gesture, never doubt my motive or anything. So I don't understand why men I met from online can't be the same??? Maybe because of how we met??? Mind you, I am passionate, but I know when to stop and don't constantly give either. So each to their own I must say lol- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I do have another playmate and have thrown myself back into the singles dating world :) The hard part is due to work we see each other most days even if only for 5 minutes and are very close friends so in all honesty if there is attachment there it is more on the friendship side of things :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Will Shakespeare wrote this for a reason Peoples perceptions and interpretations of you is exactly that, their perceptions What one sees in you, you may not see or it could be that they are totally wrong or they could be right, but I ask you what does it matter ? I say keep on being who you are , passionate and caring, good for you, do what you believe is right, for you and never apologise for who and what you are If those around you cannot see your kind actions for what you intend them to be, then that is their issue and seriously do you really want those people in your life anyway ? If one mentions your behaviour which upon reflection you may agree with and think may need modicating, then do so, for you, not for them but only if you believe if your behaviour warrants this. Never give up being who you are just for someone else's reality
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sweetgem
12 years ago
I agree with what Shaespeare wrote too :-) Like I said, English is not my first language, it's my fourth language actually and so sometimes what I write doesn't reflect exactly what mean lol Hence, when I say I will change my approach in future, I mean I will see who I'm interacting with, where and how I meet the person whom I'm communicating with, etc. i.e. if I'm interacting with someone I meet from Internet, like RHP, I will not show the same level of passion and friendliness that I will show towards my friends in reality! This is not an angry act, but to prevent misunderstanding from happening again and again :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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wingman2014
12 years ago
Perhaps it is about misunderstanding his intentions .maybe he wants you to be trully happy with someone more worthy than him ?- Posted from rhpmobile
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