M50
Coming-out myths and why we fear fluid sexuality
December 09 2013
Comments
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him_and_me
11 years ago
Good on him for "coming out" and simply letting the world know that he fancies both females and males....and like the last part of the article states..."in an ideal world... it shouldn't matter". I'm surprised that it took a study like Kinseys to find "that sexuality was gradiented, on a scale, rather than slotted neatly". That seems more like commonsense to me. Much like any other aspect of life that that describes people's taste, it is more likely to be a spectrum rather than a pigeon hole. You can try and attribute tags or labels to those tastes but they'll always end up being a gross generalisation. Human preference is an individual thing....each to their own, horses for courses...and women for me :)...if I'm lucky. Him.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
And so true. I think it's something we discuss here on the forums a lot. The fluidity of sexuality. It's just so not about polarities. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I read that article yesterday too, nothing to disagree with... hp xo 💌 In Melbourne for Xmas... wingman and playmate required... Limited dates...😎
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inspirit
11 years ago
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've had a few gay friends get a bit bitchy with me when I corrected them that Daley never said he was gay, that he never actually labelled himself at all. It has always been a sad thing to me that it's more acceptable for females to be bisexual than males in our society. Men seem to get more pigeonholed than women.
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RHP User
11 years ago
It's because a lot of straight people just can't understand it or get their head around it. But the more it's spoken about the better it will be. My doctor who sees lots of teenagers/young people says that bisexuality and girls experimenting with other girls is not a big deal with younger people anymore. There is lots of kissing, hand holding, etc. Women that say they are bisexual is accepted quite freely. Not sure about the men?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Now give me an article on pansexuality ... No scale needed.
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RHP User
11 years ago
excellent article. My cousin "came out" earlier this year and although no one was surprised, it still took a lot of balls from him. Traditional, old school Italian families aren't exactly known for their open mindedness. I can't wait til there is total sexual equality in the world. A persons sexual likes or dislikes are inconsequential to me, it's just none of my business.
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RHP User
11 years ago
.... men get pigeon-holed? Men sure do. I message a lady on this site last week – she was looking to hook up with a male for sex (not a ‘relationship’) but she add in her profile “No Bi or Bi-curious men!”. I decided to ask her why “No Bi or Bi-curious men!”? Haven’t heard back from her as yet. I’m not expecting a response. I’m sure there a plenty of other examples of this on RHP. As the article mentions, I think woman (and man for that matter) believe ‘bi-sexual’ or ‘bi-curious’ men or actually ‘gay’. From my own experience - and knowing many gay men – the two are actually very different. Apparently to ‘straight’ people – if you suck dick you must be ‘gay’.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Big thumbs up...My new colleague Sue (almost her real name) has been with a woman for seven years. Before meeting her current partner she was in two long-term relationships with men..Now, it annoys us both that some colleagues have decided she is a lesbian. One woman, let's call her Rhonda, has been particularly black and white, so Sue has "accidentally" mentioned to her I have sex with women too. Let's see what Rhonda does with that. So far she just seems confused....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'superfunkysexy' I message a lady on this site last week – she was looking to hook up with a male for sex (not a ‘relationship’) but she add in her profile “No Bi or Bi-curious men!”. I love, love, looooove bi men. But for some women the idea of two men together is a turn-off, and unfortunately there is still the"Men who fuck other men carry more diseases" myth floating around..Their loss. Did I mention I love bi guys?
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RHP User
11 years ago
so everyone is fessing up they are left wingers???
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' .My new colleague Sue (almost her real name) has been with a woman for seven years. Before meeting her current partner she was in two long-term relationships with men..Now, it annoys us both that some colleagues have decided she is a lesbian. One woman, let's call her Rhonda, has been particularly black and white, so Sue has "accidentally" mentioned to her I have sex with women too. Let's see what Rhonda does with that. So far she just seems confused.... Rhonda's only got eyes for Ketut.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' I love, love, looooove bi men. But for some women the idea of two men together is a turn-off, and unfortunately there is still the"Men who fuck other men carry more diseases" myth floating around..Their loss. Did I mention I love bi guys? Yes you did. About 4 times. Was that a hint? I've noticed bi-woman love bi-guys ... that's speaking from direct experience. I LOVE bi-woman. Lots of fun. Open-minded. Non-judgemental. My ideal partner would be a bi-woman. Did mention I love bi-woman/
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him_and_me
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' unfortunately there is still the"Men who fuck other men carry more diseases" myth floating around.Hey Mes, I must say that I am aware of this myth, and would be keen to see if you can clear it up for me. Mrs him_and_me tells me that you work in the health industry, so I'd be interested to hear your thoughts. For the most part, I'd have no problems playing with a couple if the male was bi/bi-curious as long as there was a complete understanding that I have no desire to explore that side of my sexuality. For me, the thought of another guy trying to touch or kiss me turns my stomach a bit and makes me cringe. I don't think its because I'm close minded...I think it is just my personal preference. And before you say...you won't know until you try...I just KNOW I wouldn't like it even having not tried it. Anyhow...back to my question. I recently went to donate blood and had to fill out the questionaire first. I could honestly answer all the questions, so I thought I was safe to donate...this time. However, one of the questions that stood out and made me think of this whole aspect of this lifestyle was regarding sex with another man (if you are a man). A quick glimpse at the redcross blood donation website FAQ (Who can give - General section - Question 04) states; "You will not be able to give blood if, in the past 12 months, you have/or had:Sex with a man who has had oral or anal sex with another man (if you are a woman)"Oral or anal sex with another man, even ‘safer sex’ using a condom (if you are a man) I understand that they need to be ultra careful about whose blood they take, but why would they single this out? It did leave me feeling that it wasn't necessarily a myth, and made me wonder if I want to have sex with someone who may have had sex with a bi man. Is it more risky? My relationship with my wife and my kids are paramount and while I understand there are lots of risks involved with this lifestyle choice, if it seems to be considered more risky to be involved with someone who has had MM sex...then I can just choose to exclude that from potential partners. The bigger issue with this as a lifestyle choice is the second point. I raised this with a beautiful woman I was chatting to a recent meet. Basically, I was reciting those points in the FAQ, and when I phrased the second one...she laughed and said..."How would you know"??? That is so true. In a network of playmates like this, you've got no knowledge of what your prospective partners previous playmates have been up to. Is it therefore futile to say I won't play with a couple if the guy is bi/bi-curious?? My guess...probably. Again, I don't mean to judge anyone. I have no qualms with people being gay/bi/transgender or whatever. I mean that and I mean no offence in anything posted above, I'm just curious as to whether it really is a myth or not that "...Men who fuck other men carry more diseases..."
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him_and_me
11 years ago
The formatting of my cut and paste from the red cross FAQ didn't work. It was supposed to read; You will not be able to give blood if, in the past 12 months, you have/or had:(1) Oral or anal sex with another man, even ‘safer sex’ using a condom (if you are a man)(2) Sex with a man who has had oral or anal sex with another man (if you are a woman)So in my above post, where I was referring to (2) being the bigger issue, it was the two in that post...not the reversed-order-jumble-of-text-with-no-formatting that I pasted into my first post.
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madotara69
11 years ago
There is an Aboriginal community that has the elders somewhat upset, enough for it to become a public and political matter. The best I can make for not hearing the whole report, is that some gay rites people? Have campaigned there opinions to some aboriginal children, (pushing the subject) as gay must be welcomed and accepted perfectly normal, sexual education being the chosen avenue for it's purpose, and ensuring that all hear the visions that was prepared in a manner to convince the kids as being taught to what is argued, an idea not a fact. So, some of the kids were upset. ( It is important that tradition and tribal culture be respected 10,000 years of teaching, being passed down within large gatherings that live together as tribal communities and to tribal laws) The kids returned to their community troubled, because they had been told to "do" something, not choose. And that being gay must be accepted as normal in society, even theirs. This society the Australian and under the King, or in this moment Queen of England has it's own teachings and laws, being taught gay is an individual rite and must be respected and is subject to this society alone. The outrage prompting the tribal Elders, was that white man has no rite to claim any influence or privilege to make law, that is still recognised and respected, by the English Elders, tribal law. White man is and I truly believe, only at invitation to the Aboriginal way and can only seek to take the interpretations learnt from, not disrespect by broadcasting authority to a very old and until recently, well balanced and harmonious way with living over thousands of years, opposed to a couple of hundred. (First meet) In the Indigenous society.....gay, homosexuality, bi, lesbian etc, is not recognised it does not exist in the language and there is, because to the laws, no place for any of it as being accepted, therefore it is unacceptable and would be forbidden. So the kids go home feeling that they are going to be in trouble, because some foolish idiots were more focused and blind to the idea driven by projecting liberation as something wanted, manipulating to be thought as is, rather than the intelligence to recognise they are only permitted to learn and if enough time amongst the tribal lifestyle, the Elders may endorse the interpretations to that person as a chosen author, to a book of teachings and given to the white man people. What I take from all that, is my belief to what is what, is not something of a rite to tell if not invited, and only express what my interpretation has taught me, for better understanding how to make choices, whatever they may be. I know one thing learnt, is that gay does not have rite to be something told, as respect to the aboriginal and it's Indigenous rite to it's laws. Think smart to rites, careful not to be for it's purpose as a truth, all that could well have it the confusing barrier to questions for false, that in this new age society, frustrates the fuck out of so many that feel stalled, by just a few that think they own and somehow claim liberated, is something felt before it has been summed up to the intellect demonstrating educated answers, the deciding and agreed foundation to the rite, is a rite and forever protected as law within it's boundaries only. I do not know where the matter has progressed to, since that report only a couple of weeks ago. Though the few that were responsible lost the rite to any further contact and quickly learned what invitation, is as a rite that the Elders are liberated with. I do believe this is a pretty good example with some good reasons for thoughts to right and wrongs, and one more example where manipulation rears its ugly head. Kids afraid to go home because told to learn at school was used against or as the delivery for a message to be sown. Another smaller comment within the report, was that indigenous tradition can only be guessed in any case for recorded evidence paper or carved in stone. That war and destruction can only be assumed as a possibility. For all the cave paintings and tool sharpening, seen to today and for 10 000 years, science shows for dates and scars in bedrock. Nothing other than living peacefully and for each other, something pretty important was protected to those laws. I have some of that blood in me, so best to honour it when times call. Dreamtime it's a good place to go. It helps to see things a little clearer, as to what is important and want is not so clear, so not so important. The importance for Dreamtime is that you find your own answers within your own self. It has no place for others to decide why you are, only a place where you know who you are. I am not gay or homosexual, because if I was I would know I was. But I do not know if tomorrow I might be gay, again if I was I would know it. The need to want for everyone else to know it, is unclear, so not so important. I do hope this has been written Ok to make any sense of it. It seems OK in my head, but that does not necessarily mean that it is OK in anyone else's head. Clear it is, to me important. Mado
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RHP User
11 years ago
and yes to some other countries we are. Still sex and sexually is still a subject not anybody is comfortable with. Why do we hide, and hide we do with many many things about sex. We still accept violence as a daily intake and close our kids eyes in shame when it is about sex. I believe as long as we do this as a society sexuality will always have this unwritten nasty connotation somewhere. Just look at our language......we have so many words which are plain nasty in any way towards sexuality and sex. When we would accept that sexuality is a natural behavior in a human existence, what ever this human chooses to be, we would never never be fearful or ashamed or speak in a bad way about sex and our preferences. We label and as long as we do this everything around sex is out of balance. The images we portray everyday to the young show exactly how much we as adults lie about so many things around sex. We show our young once the way.......and when we are honest its still a shameful way to be sexually open, no wonder so many are still in the closet or dont know what is the right way to be. We are an example for our children and our children learn the way from us. All this is close to my heart, I look listen and keep it in my mind. I hope I made sense....with all this. Love is all we have in this human existence and without sex we wouldn't make a next generation, and as we are luckier than the animals we can have sex with all genders. We are truly a very special species.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry but your writing style is confusing so I'm not sure that I get what your post meant but to summarise what I think you said: A group of individuals presented traditional aboriginal kids with some education around LGBT issues and the elders were not happy about it because it is unacceptable to them? I agree that we need to accept that if the indigenous wish to live in their communities in the traditional manner, it is their right to do so. However, I do wonder what it would be like for a gay/lesbian/bi/trans indigenous child/adult living in their community. Does the indigenous LGBT person have to then give up living their tribal life in order to embrace their sexuality? I think presenting diverse ideas is important regardless of the culture. All societies grow and change with influence from other societies. Why should anyone stand by and allow discrimination to occur because it's "part of the culture"?
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RHP User
11 years ago
While i don't want to get the topic of track i was interested to read your point of view about aboriginal perspective as i have been collaborating with a local aboriginal group to create a nature relaxation series (getting permission to photograph and feature significant sites etc) it has been interesting listening to them on many levels and i respect you and your culture greatly as a white fella i can't help but shake my head sometimes at how misguided we meaning other white fellas are when trying to control a culture that as you point out evolved to live in harmony with nature for 1000's of years. i don't pretend to know anything specifically about aboriginals and homosexuality but I do know it has in sone way shape or form been in other cultures and laugh how some seem to think it is a modern thing. So i can't offer much more in relation top homosexuality one way or another But i did want to highlight something i learnt about misguided attempts to exert control and a white mans way of doing things over elders. I mean it is a step in the right direction that they a least recognise that it is important that the elders tradition is maintained but this case is an example of political correctness and interfering causing more problems because while heap of bureaucrats were patting themselves on the back for how they were helping "save" the aboriginals and recognising there tribal traditions .They (not the the aboriginal leaders ) elevated a man as being an important community leader who was a known pedophile that had other aboriginal families and elders up in arms and set up a heap of conflicts which just meant they put it in the too hard basket setting back genuine reconciliation even further i applaud you for keeping that link to your culture thanks for sharing
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him_and_me
11 years ago
I think I understand what you are saying to a large degree. I know it's not anyones place to force (or even strongly coerce) someone to accept another's beliefs. It's fine to define and describe your point of view on something, but don't shove it down anothers throat (no pun intended) One thin I have to say though is that it'd be REALLY hard being a homosexual aboriginal person in a community where no-one believed or understood that concept in your community....who would you talk to about it? This is something that was brought up in the discussion sparked by Anthony Mundine's response to a recent Redfern now episode which depicted a homesexual aboriginal person. He had a go at the producers of the show basically saying that being gay wasn't a valid concept for aboroginies and it is wrong for the ABC to have aired that. The producers respond ed by stating it was a mindset that should change and it is this mindset that contributes to the high youth suicide rate in Aboriginal communities. I didn't see the episode so can't comment on its content, but it is certainly a difficult subject. It kind of reminds me of sexuality in very religious communities. By that I mean, I suspect someone brought up in a religious family would face similar difficulties in "coming out" or discussing homosexuality in their communities. Thanks again for sharing at any rate. Him. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
OMG I love this article, and I have believed for many years that it has nothing to do with labels, but all to do with love.. If your lucky enough to find someone to love and to be loved back than regardless on your sexuality it's beautiful.. I have many gay friends (both man & female) and some family too, I have bought my children up with the same beliefs as me. I've had them ask questions, from a very early age as to why grand dad lives with uncle David, and their Aunty kisses her friend and I have answered them honestly, because they LOVE each other..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'him_and_me' I recently went to donate blood and had to fill out the questionaire first. I could honestly answer all the questions, so I thought I was safe to donate...this time. However, one of the questions that stood out and made me think of this whole aspect of this lifestyle was regarding sex with another man (if you are a man). ... Again, I don't mean to judge anyone. I have no qualms with people being gay/bi/transgender or whatever. I mean that and I mean no offence in anything posted above, I'm just curious as to whether it really is a myth or not that "...Men who fuck other men carry more diseases..." I think it's sad and utterly ludicrous. This subject came up a few months back, and Luckdragon and Neptune said everything I thought then and think now. Have a read:.http://redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/Plasma-40852
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madotara69
11 years ago
I know some of my stuff is hard to read, but that was the shortest way to condense a lot more said and trying to put together the most highlighted parts, I guess one sentence may have a string of combining a few points. There is a difference with say aboriginal populations in towns and cities, That is aboriginal people living in Australian government, if they break laws they go to jail But there is still some aboriginal tribes living in the bush and on the land they have been given back, they live under the indigenous tribal laws and only the elders decide what, very few if any white folk would be witness too. Some of the children are allowed to attend some school study, though it is pretty strict to the subjects taught, Basic maths, English maybe some sport, but mainly it is for the interests to aboriginals chosen by the elders to interpreting the communications and not white people doing the interpretations. No need for religion, sexual education, metal work, cooking, geography, health and physical education, attendance, punishments. These things have been seen as what white man law and understanding to living in an balance with nature, has all but destroyed what the aboriginal people were the carers for thousands of years, white man pretty much fucked in one ,two maybe three generations. Aboriginals did not smoke, drink alcohol, take drugs, have prisons, marriage and divorce, religion, poisons, guns, police cats, RHP accountants, tax, condoms, coffee and rent or mortgage and tofu. Even Beppy sponges. So if the elders even only the small few, say that there were no spirits in story times for gay, homosexual, bi, etc. And indigenous law does not recognise these white mans spirits. Then with many other things introduced to a much older and superior sense of law being guided by spirits with nature and living in big families and with peace and order. They got gay since the boats sailed in. Ingenuous law is only to what is known, If the law does not recognise something, we might say exists and should be accepted as equal human rights , political correctness and sexual understanding or sexual development, sexual health and responsibilities to reduce sexual disease, etiquette manners for social and sexual labels. Fat, skinny, short, tall, truthful about how big ones cock is, the need to... imagine what one claims to always know how to play with a pussy, in the case that one day they might need to remember what they imagined and hope that the clitoris can be found somewhere below the belly button. etc etc So when the chosen aboriginal kids were taken into a class of sexual education, then told that homosexuality and the rest is a part of life and it has to be accepted and a welcome expression, with sexuality that needs to be embraced and flourish in the indigenous lifestyle because it is beautiful to express and experiment to all it's pleasures. The elders had no laws for these things told to the kids, and that means there was no stories, as stories were told with spirits representing the meanings. Dreamtime had no interpretations for these things said. Painting stories was only allowed by chosen ones. They did not paint it into any stories either. Maybe it just has to be accepted, that in times before white man. Gay and bi and lesbian expression, even knowledge for concept, did not exist as many other things did not. And that is what the elders have become defensive to, and how sensitive to being betrayed. As from that single act of someone thinking they can determine a good enough reason to change things that the elders should do. They have introduced to that tribe now that gay and lesbian is known, and therefore Tribal law recognises it . And how proud they must be for seeing that gay rites can be an active movement for all mankind. It was a fuck up, because of the sensitive promises the education department guaranteed. And the elders worries that they would be treated just the same and taken for, by someone thinking their crusade was worth breaching a lesser and primitive culture for a modern marvel that will change the world. There is only a few tribes left, Hopefully they don't get picked off one at a time by these crusaders pioneering the world And to be honest, all this will blow over quickly, and only few will know the meanings to this, and there won't be to many that even care for the black fellers nursery rhymes and sitting around dreaming about some animal in the bloody bush. Living hard and fast, that's the life and one day soon science and medicinal drugs, everyone will live forever. A meat pie will always continue to be a camel pie, steak pie will be some part of the cows bum hole, most won't eat snake, Goanna, Witchetty grubs, Kangawalafox, or Triumphyomewoms And turning the black feller gay, may be just the relief that the Gins might get a rest from being rooted when they are trying to sleep. In Australian society, being bi or gay, lesbian or homosexually curious. It is known, there is many many people that just want to live with being accepted and recognised without the labels and prejudice. And the Churches somewhat empty from once full to the brims to pass the hat, still has a bit of puff, that holds everyone back. Not much longer at the rate of ministers going to prison. But that's another thing. I have got to be getting better with this, I am giving all this heaps of practice. Mado
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
Thanks mesmerised, great read and yes Neptune & luckydragon summed it up beautifully..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
This topic interested me and I suspected that your views were a bit oversimplified so I went and did some research on the topic. Because there is no one indigenous Australian culture, there's hundreds, there are many different approaches indigenous people have taken with regard to their tribal law/customs and LGBT people within those laws/customs. These range from completely forbidding homosexuality, to allowing unmarried men to have homosexual relationships with younger males, to conceiving of people as being "two-one", having both male and female spirits within them, allowing them more diversity with regard to sexual relationships. It's not "indigenous culture" it's "indigenous cultures" emphasis must be on the plural. There were over 600 language groups that made up indigenous Australia, in other words, hundreds of different indigenous peoples, each with different customary laws. To lump them all in together would be like saying all of Europe or all of the Middle East share the one culture. There may be similarities, but there is much more diversity.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The human rights commission states that equality and freedom from discrimination, regardless of sexual orientation or gender status are fundamental human rights. Human rights should be recognised before cultural rights. That goes for all cultures, not just Indigenous Australian ones. But Mado, I think we owe Superfunk an apology for kinda hijacking his thread. Sorry Superfunk!
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him_and_me
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' I think it's sad and utterly ludicrous. This subject came up a few months back, and Luckdragon and Neptune said everything I thought then and think now. Have a read:.http://redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/Plasma-40852 It is a good read, and it certainly does seem to suggest that it is a hang up from when AIDS/HIV was first seen (largely in gay communities). So to a degree, that alleviates my concern about my wife having sex with a bi man. However, given I am likely to continue with this lifestyle for a while yet, do you think it is still OK for me to donate? I can honestly answer that I haven't had sex with another man. However, I have no idea if anyone mrs him_and_me sleeps with has or hasn't. The FAQ doesn't ask that specifically, but the questionaire does. I'd like to speak to someone from red cross about it, but I'm not sure if your bog standard telephone operator is going to know too much about it.
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him_and_me
11 years ago
Quoting 'him_and_me' However, given I am likely to continue with this lifestyle for a while yet, do you think it is still OK for me to donate? I can honestly answer that I haven't had sex with another man. However, I have no idea if anyone mrs him_and_me sleeps with has or hasn't. The FAQ doesn't ask that specifically, but the questionaire does. I'd like to speak to someone from red cross about it, but I'm not sure if your bog standard telephone operator is going to know too much about it. I meant to add that it doesn't really matter if it is a bi man or not...it's simply that your network of prospective partners is much larger in this community (Certainly more than in our previous monogomous marriage :) ) and I have no idea of the sexual health of any partner we may end up with. We'll always practice safe sex for penatrative sex and will likely get tested regurlarly, but I'm still not sure if it is wise to continue with blood donation.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I knew I found PEOPLE attractive and that either set of sexy bits were good with me, but then I was stuck. I knew there was this term "Bisexual" so I figured that label fit me pretty well, however, the problem I was having was at that time in my life I was desperate to "fit in", as per usual for a teenager, and before I even kissed somebody, regardless of gender, I knew that in many people's eyes, being bisexual made me "slutty". So I focused my lustful attentions on men like a good girl should. Even now I hesitate to label my sexuality, the labels always come with so much baggage! Having said that, I know in my heart/soul/tinglybits that I am just as attracted to women as I am to men, but my numbers certainly don't add up. I've been in plenty of relationships with men, but still not one with a woman. Ultimately I'm afraid of the social consequences and of being labelled in a way that disagrees with my sense of identity, or having to "explain" things that otherwise wouldn't need explaining, or being treated like a minority. When I have a choice, I will choose the least complicated option every time, and sadly for me and many beautiful ladies out there, in today's world, that choice is men.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Gr8whiteUnicorn' The human rights commission states that equality and freedom from discrimination, regardless of sexual orientation or gender status are fundamental human rights. Human rights should be recognised before cultural rights. That goes for all cultures, not just Indigenous Australian ones. But Mado, I think we owe Superfunk an apology for kinda hijacking his thread. Sorry Superfunk! No need to apologise. It's an interesting discussion. All good. x
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RHP User
11 years ago
...a few years ago (around 2004-05-06) the biggest cluster group of HIV positive people were 'straight females living in North Sydney'.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' I knew I found PEOPLE attractive and that either set of sexy bits were good with me, but then I was stuck. I knew there was this term "Bisexual" so I figured that label fit me pretty well, however, the problem I was having was at that time in my life I was desperate to "fit in", as per usual for a teenager, and before I even kissed somebody, regardless of gender, I knew that in many people's eyes, being bisexual made me "slutty". So I focused my lustful attentions on men like a good girl should. Even now I hesitate to label my sexuality, the labels always come with so much baggage! Having said that, I know in my heart/soul/tinglybits that I am just as attracted to women as I am to men, but my numbers certainly don't add up. I've been in plenty of relationships with men, but still not one with a woman. Ultimately I'm afraid of the social consequences and of being labelled in a way that disagrees with my sense of identity, or having to "explain" things that otherwise wouldn't need explaining, or being treated like a minority. When I have a choice, I will choose the least complicated option every time, and sadly for me and many beautiful ladies out there, in today's world, that choice is men. I understand how you feel, been there myself, still am. My opinion is that bisexually is more marginalised than then gay/lesbian. They can say 'Hey, I was born this way. I didn't have a choice. Its my biology' or something like that. In this respect they don't carry the full burden of defending their 'morality' because they don't have a 'choice'. However, bisexuals have a choice. Without seeking to minimse the difficulties experienced by gays and lesbians, in some respects defending the morality of bisexually is more challenging for bisexuals than for gay or lesbian people.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' I knew I found PEOPLE attractive and that either set of sexy bits were good with me, but then I was stuck. I knew there was this term "Bisexual" so I figured that label fit me pretty well, however, the problem I was having was at that time in my life I was desperate to "fit in", as per usual for a teenager, and before I even kissed somebody, regardless of gender, I knew that in many people's eyes, being bisexual made me "slutty". So I focused my lustful attentions on men like a good girl should. Even now I hesitate to label my sexuality, the labels always come with so much baggage! Having said that, I know in my heart/soul/tinglybits that I am just as attracted to women as I am to men, but my numbers certainly don't add up. I've been in plenty of relationships with men, but still not one with a woman. Ultimately I'm afraid of the social consequences and of being labelled in a way that disagrees with my sense of identity, or having to "explain" things that otherwise wouldn't need explaining, or being treated like a minority. When I have a choice, I will choose the least complicated option every time, and sadly for me and many beautiful ladies out there, in today's world, that choice is men. I agree with everything you said, that is pretty much my experience so far as well. I think it is harder for bisexual people to get along because we appear to have the choice to pick the "right" opposite sex. Which then stops us from being able to fully express ourselves. The thing that piss me off and disappoints me in our world is that we don't seem to fit in with the straights or with the gay/lesbians. People in the LGBTIQ movement seem to focus so much on the L and the G that they seem to forget about the BTIQ that comes after. So many gay and straight people seem to feel that we bisexual people need to "pick a side", they can't seem to conceptualise or accept that there is far more diversity out on the sexuality spectrum. I generally don't label myself either because a lot of people don't accept that label and I don't see why I should have to label myself, I'd rather just be myself.
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madotara69
11 years ago
I just thought of the radio program when I read superfunks post, don't know why now, though at the time because it bought up the memory, I felt it was worth adding to the discussion. Yes you are right that there is many different tribes. But my post was pretty much based on this one particular tribe and that was what they were saying about why and what their arrangements with the kids and school, It is also what the elders of that tribe had said about their laws, they said that there is not many tribes left living completely traditional, their only ties to "white man" other than land matters, was the kids they sent to school. Sorry superfunk if this is out of place. What I did not know, which is probably why I wrote my post, was that program talked about the way their law works . If they don't know what something is, in this case homosexuality and such. Then it does not exist, therefore the law forbids it. It made sense as to how simple life was for thousands of years, to think of the differences to social advancement, to your topic, homosexuality and it needing to be accepted, or why it is in the headlines that someone has come out with whatever sexuality claim they have of themselves. etc etc It has been a growing topic with the media, I have been listening to the ABC over a few years and gay, same sex marriage, public figures coming out and declaring their sexual nature, gay, lesbian and such. Where kids fit in, all debated for all sides of interest. Basically it is at this point of time for history, that by the attention media gives to this, the turning point of how sexuality, yesterday... man, woman, marry have children, go to church and do what the MAN said, pay both something. To if not tomorrow, it is pretty much at the peak from what I believe, all sexual behaviours will be accepted socially and the laws created to change in a way that history will look back at now being a pretty major turning point, to how society and all the differences that will happen, when men marry men and women, marry women They can legally parent children and to the community support they all can be safe from hardships and seek help if needed. (accepted) I think society will have some pretty major changes, from what we see as normal today, later we will be seen as primitive for our structures with laws and discriminations of the religious era. It is a completely different way of looking at how diverse modern laws, not sure about third world countries. Compared to for how long life and it's advancement over times, there is a Tribe of aboriginals that did not even come up with a wheel, because they did not know what it was so it was forbidden. A ten thousand year era that only permitted what the environment showed them and it's spirits for the stories. And that tribe "does not , did not know" what these sexuality differences being talked about exist, because it is not known to the history of their ancestors, passed down as the laws the elders decide matters to. (not much to matter about) It is just another way of looking at this topic, my view any way. Plus Superfunk you went to the trouble for writing a fair read, figure, it's worth adding a reasonable effort, be it understood well, I hope some of it is. Plus My thoughts and having some of that old blood in me, I don't and never really cared about who are why they are, just what I know, they are someone with a spirit and that spirit in someone is it's own. I take to the spirit in people, not to the conscious developed for society so busy, to speak as everyone else thinks. That is just the brain trying to work out all these things we are told to be, trying to fit in. That is why so many people are pushing away from each other, why there is so much that is expected of people, why people think love is just an agreement, so they call it love, conscience tells them end of deal get new love someone better. So much going on that our spirits can become deep to find because of all these barriers for acceptance. I am all for this topic, as I don't have a bisexual, or homosexual feel to this, but same same if it were for anything that I see as to where people are only wanting to be who they are. If you know who you are, then you exist, that would be hard for anyone that is told they can't be, when it is known that you can be, it is written everywhere, in song, in art, it is in the laws, though laws of control, not law of compassion. I don't feel this as hijacking, It is and why I like these forums as support with sharing some thoughts, hopefully to broaden the field for someone else to feel they have something worth a mention, otherwise something more interesting will the thoughts go to. Gr8whiteUnicorn If I did not post my unusual it appears, way of putting something out there, you would not have googled, which means to me, that is worth being misunderstood. Still when like yourself tell me that, with some thoughts to why, it opens conversation. Lately the forums have been quieter with the one liner quick quote. It gets a bit boring and not much for reading, more like the chat rooms. And I am a free spirited lunatic, learning how to write from thoughts that need to be condensed to as little for what everything written to this topic, may seem a lot. But I could say it in about a minute, read maybe a couple minutes, write about four hours.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I imagined a period hopefully within my lifetime. Wikipedia has a topic " Minority" and the piece goes on to describe a time when humans were forced to be defined by sexual preference and be labelled, and how this term has since become extinct. I am gay by definition and label because at 20 I decided that it wasn't fair to be involved with girls if i was to continue to find men - i.e. non feminine and predominantly heterosexual men attractive and be involved with men sexually, well I'm a mid 40s guy extremely comfortable to say I am extremely turned on by men and especially men who prefer women but are comfortable to allow themselves to be watched with woman or multiples having sex but at same time bing admired for their beauty by a "gay or bi" guy. I now wish i had never stopped my m/f interests as i placed limitations on my exploration and enjoyment because of archaic social constructs . men and woman are incredibly hot when they perform the act of sexual gratifaition to each other and i stand strong that being able to watch join admire and share this is a amazingly hot scenario i have been very much allowed more recency to pursue as people as allowed me to join - i now dont have a defined security other than that i find attractive secuak and confident people most attractive and when men like being watched and women like the men showing another man how much he enjoys the woman its fuking great MB - the gay who is bi who now does woman if attracted and admires and gives the guys the admiration they deserve whistles respecting the man
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