F53

Communication is Key

February 04 2018

In any relationship whether it be family, friends, work, FWB's, casual relationships etc. I have always struggled with this being very sensitive to other peoples feelings. Some people have no problem speaking their minds with total disregard to others and the pain they can cause. What really annoys me is in some situations, others expect you to be a mind reader and leave you guessing where you stand. For me who suffers at times with very severe anxiety attacks it can be really tough. My mind goes over every scenario a hundred times, challenging and questioning every thought, rational or irrational. Being an empath I do take on a lot of others peoples emotional stuff without realising it and it affects my mood. I don't understand why people can't just be honest and up front? I was one of those people who never spoke my mind and ended up with a hurricane in my head and very angry. Now I am still conscious of other peoples feeling but express my own in such a way to still not hurt anyone or journal it so at least it is out of my head. I know the huge difference between communication levels between men and women and it does depend on the level of intimacy between people as well. So my question is does anyone else find this behaviour as frustrating as I do?? Why can't people just speak their mind, be honest, so someone knows where they stand?

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RHP User

7 years ago

As they say you can't read minds when you don't have much to work with. Lacking in raw material...

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RHP User

7 years ago

That when people don't have any good news for you they just say 'nothing'. Because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Especially men. They don't like confrontation. Oh the eggshells. Which is silly because that type of behaviour brings on a tsunami from me. I don't let them get away with their shit. It causes too much of a bodily reaction in me not to confront. LC.

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RHP User

7 years ago

I don't have as much anxiety as you do, but yes, I noticed there are a lot of individuals who didn't learn how to be honest and using lies to advance their goals. What I learnt from my experience is to watch out for signs of inconsistency and move on quickly if something fishy around the person. That's my 2 cents - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

...who are prone to panic and/or anxiety attack, these will amplify all emotional and normal thought processes. This is very often accompanied by "projection" which is the anticipation of an outcome before an event even occurs and most often favours the negative thus completing the. circular pattern of the anxiety disorder. Most also suffer from some form of clinical depression and on daily medication such as venlafaxin and PRN diazepam in the event of a serious attack. Best to be sure to seek qualified and specialist medical advice then don't be afraid to check the doctor's history to be sure he/she is just not another "drug dealer" who medicate you into oblivion. Good luck and be well always. CM....how about that, no goofy jokes! 🌙✨⚡️ - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

...my previous post actually was about communication if you read it close enough. 🤔😉 - Posted from rhpmobile

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gazpacho

7 years ago

I’m really comfortable with my own company. I agree with me, and we hardly ever misunderstand each other. The trouble with having an excess of empathic ability is that you sense everyone else’s mood and that’s awful confusing, because their words often deny what you’re sensing. That’s normal. People in pain or despair protect themselves from it by sheltering behind a facade. They’re not ready, able or willing to be truthful, especially if they’re not ready to confront the situation themselves. All you can do is spend more time with yourself. It’s your own little air raid shelter. Hugs Gaz

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RHP User

7 years ago

I am one of the luckier ones I guess. Having had several shall we say problems during my life and many in my young life honesty and being open has never been a problem in fact it was essential. People really needed to know where I was coming from. Bullying has always existed and I had my fair share of attempted efforts, once I was completely honest it was pointless as they got nothing from me. I have constantly been one that has been misjudged and without that communication I could have been quite outcast. I also have a theory that being honest with my communication I find those that want to know me as a friend. Sure in my early life I rubbed many people up the wrong way as it isn't as simple as just being open it is also about tact, consideration and empathy, the way you approach any given situation and consideration for who you are speaking with. There is a huge difference between just talking and communicating as talking comes from only one direction where as communication is both talking and listening. If I had not opened my ears many wonderful people would have passed me by. I probably have one of the best mother/son relationships I know of but it would never have been that way if both of us stayed quiet and didn't talk about everything. Could go on forever with stories and thoughts but I shall leave it there. Great topic midnight.

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Xxalex

7 years ago

A friendship that rapidly grew and became FWB (for me a friendship usually grows over many months, this took only 2). The benefits sites of things only happened twice.. And then it ended in the space of a week.. She had been dealing with a heap of issues and I was always been there for her. But then she said I just need space to deal with this on my own. So I gave her space. Only to find out she was fine with everybody else but me... I tried to get answers only to be ignored.. If I had done something or if she had an issue with me she just had to say. If she wanted to end things or end our friendship entirely, I would have been ok with it.. But this just does my head in.. I'm also a massive overthinker at times too.. And this is making me crazy.. Sorry. May be drunk while posting... - Posted from rhpmobile

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MsSuperFoxy

7 years ago

Obviously they are not fine with you, after realising your situation. 😊 Ms Foxy

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RHP User

7 years ago

I am listening to the words but am more intent on reading what's not being said. The body language is the giveaway. I've learned to read between the lines. With some people that's all your going to get unfortunately. LC.

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RHP User

7 years ago

That it's not you. It's them. LC.

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AnnieWhichway

7 years ago

I've been where you are now. Communication is king but I have come to understand that even though we communicate, we can be on different frequencies. We are all subjected to our pasts and the baggage that we carry and so that can bend our lines of comms so that our own interpretation of what is happening can be a little or a lot different as to what the person we are talking to is trying to convey.Take the instance of two toddlers that are pure and unadulterated.They can't speak but they seem to know what their little playmate is trying to achieve or communicate. A beautiful communication of noises and touch.Roll on a few decades and the damage that we have each received can distort our understanding of what we hear and what we say.Not to say it's our fault, or their fault. It just is. Hard to accept, hard to understand. A person that you love, a person that loves you, can often not be able to be together.Time heals the pain and we can move on. Memories remain and once the hurt goes, can be looked back on as a beautiful moment in our life. Often a case of what could have been. Sometimes we can learn to change, often we can't.Don't blame yourself, don;t blame them. Just accept and reject any hate or bitterness. It helps nothing only makes it worse. Sorry you left, come back soon when you heal, loved your work and will miss your posts.We shall service your room at the Hotel California so that its fresh for your return.

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RHP User

7 years ago

At the best of times. What pisses me off is when you've met up a few times, maybe go out and generally get on really well then, nothing. Communication stops. Why lead people on, making you think that they are nice? It does make you think at times that you're the problem not them and then I come to my senses and realise that it's the fuckwits that I've met that have the problem. I'm a straight up person and not clingy and if you tell me I'm not for you, then fine. Don't leave me hanging. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

Having a conversation via text and get an emoji for an answer. Like a smiley face fixes everything. Not always. LC.

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