M49 F46

Compersion...

September 25 2014

The urban dictionary says Compersion is; "A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship..... (it) can be thought of as the opposite of "jealousy;" it is a positive emotional reaction to a loved one's other relationship." We both really like the idea of this. In fact, it is kind of what made us look into this lifestyle: the idea of getting a real and genuine thrill out of sharing each other's pleasures with different lovers. However...the reality has been a little different. We are by no means jealous, but I guess for myself (him), it feels a little like a sense of loss in sharing my wife. While I understand that seeing, hearing or hearing about your partner with someone else can be slightly confronting at times, it has surprised....and somewhat confused me as to exactly what about it I find confronting. It isn't something that upsets us particularly, we just end up avoiding it by playing separately. I'm curious to hear from RHPers where you've found your partners fun with others to be confronting to some degree, and if there was something that made that change and you were able to take joy in your partners experiences. I'd love to get to a point where I can get the same level of excitement from the thought of my wife with someone else as I do by seeing her experience someone else. him

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RHP User

10 years ago

Which is fine.....except the group thing just isn't my style yet. However.... I used to love watching her indulge. The beauty in seeing how animated she became when discussing it; engaging in it; and post event never seemed to ever make me frown. I mean how could I possibly ever be upset seeing - and sometimes not watching - her be so fulfilled with happiness that I would ever want her to stop?? I realise you're not asking your partner to stop but I'm trying to paint a picture for you lol Yes; there were differences in the sex that that lady and I shared but I saw it just as much intimacy between us while I watched her in any group situation as I did in a 1:1 scenario. That was truly something that I'd never experienced. I hope this helps.. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

The Ethical Slut, its a blue print for people that are Poly amorous. One of the best books I have read on this life style and the sexual choices liberated people make.

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him_and_me

10 years ago

Thanks inthekiss. I believe we've got that at home somewhere. We also have the book "Opening up" which Mrs him_and_me is reading and I flick to parts I feel are relevant to me :) From what I've read of the book so far in relation to compersion and other emotions on general, I can see that some of the concepts are discussed and provide interesting food for thought. I also understand that a broad range of emotions are quite normal. I'd still like to hear a variety of others practical experiences around what it is they do to get joy out of their partners pleasure with others. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

I am unclear about your question. Are you not comfortable with your wife having a relationship with other people... Something you are not included in. Or are you uncomfortable watching your wife have sex with someone else?

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RHP User

10 years ago

Okay I re-read your question. You find watching your wife have sex with others confronting. Well I don't have a lot to offer but I know when having group With a lover I cared for but was uncertain of him I didn't enjoy the group sex thing. However having a lover now that I care for so far I have really enjoyed the group thing although most of the time I am also participating. But I do enjoy stepping back and watching... Or just watching if I am feeling in a mellow mood. So far I have always really enjoyed the experience. But I am not married to him I guess. Will be interesting to hear other people's thoughts.

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him_and_me

10 years ago

Mrs him _and_me pointed out the last paragraph of my original post was around the wrong way...sorry about that. Conflicting emotions resulting in conflicting statements :) Thinking about her having sex with others = good. Actually seeing/hearing or hearing about...= not as good as I thought. Trying to work out why and what others have done to overcome. Thanks for your input sir stir. I think me painting a mental picture...I feel the same way as you. I just need to translate that into reality. I do enjoy thinking about her being with someone else. Often it is a real turn on. As (till this point at least) we've always played separately, I haven't seen her having sex with someone else...but I have heard it...and heard about it in discussions afterwards. It doesn't upset me....but it its more confronting than I expected it to be. I am really keen to establish a way in which this lifestyle enhances our own love life both in and out of the bedroom. That is got to be something worth aiming for. If that means we've got to have loads of sex with others to achieve it...then so be it....we'll just have to grit our teeth and do that :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

I hear you him, I know exactly where you’re coming from…My partner in crime have been together for such a long time and I too find it difficult to watch her indulging herself in fun, we’ve been in many different scenarios and yet still find it odd watching and even hearing her from another room. As for talking and sharing information from the ‘debrief’ it does nothing for me, as long as she enjoyed herself is all that matters. There have been times where the end result for her was not as she expected, and that’s simple, we move on.Lado…

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RHP User

10 years ago

I have often wondered about the reality versus the fantasy with this...I have no experience or suggestions to make...but I truly admire the honesty and transparency of your post...I often read about couples enjoying watching their partner with others but rarely does anyone admit to their dilemmas hugs xxQ

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Hottie1

10 years ago

I had never really considered it from the other person's point of view. I like the group play so does hubby but he has been recovering from surgery for the last 5 weeks and I've been playing without him and I share my stories with him because we always promised to share. He says he finds it challenging at times, in particular with things he doesn't like (but turn me on), such as spanking etc. where my body might be deliciously marked ;) I find it's difficult when the heart is concerned, but all we can do is be honest and express our feelings. Your post is a good example of you doing just that. Mary xx

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him_and_me

10 years ago

I suspect I'm unlikely to find one technique of handling this that'll work in all scenarios. I think some of the replies so far reflect some of my suspicions about that too. Shell, I'm interested to hear you say that details of a given experience don't necessarily do anything for you, but you can take some pleasure in hearing how he went, that he had a good time etc. Maybe that is part of it....just taking what you can from each experience and focusing on positives to develop your own primary relationship. Lado, I think in the past I've been happy to go with "out of sight...out of mind", but I really think that if we continue to work at talking experiences through and be totally honest with each other then we'll get a lot more back from this for our own relationship. Since exploring this lifestyle...we've certainly grown much stronger as a couple and are more in love than ever. I'm loving that and want it to continue to build. Mary and Q, thanks for your posts too. I am a pretty open and honest sort of guy. It's certainly not for everyone though...but our differenflces is what makes life interesting I think ;) Thanks again for the replies. Happy to hear more if others have further input and ideas on what works for them. Him - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

Perfect timing for this topic in my life. Going through this process now with hubby. He does not want to explore at the moment and doesn't wish to see me with anyone else, so I go solo. We did a lot of reading on comperison but he still has small doubts about if I will find the grass greener. There not right or wrong in these situations. Everyone has their own limits as to what they can deal with. He is getting some happiness from seeing me happier. But his programming is bringing doubt surrounding his own self worth. I know that there will never come a time where he would ever enjoy seeing me enjoy another person sexually. And that's ok. It's not a necessity to see your partner with another if you're in a non monogamous relationship and there are many variables. For us - whether he decides to explore others or not, it's about each of us being fulfilled as individuals through whatever experiences allow us to do that. I like having separate time away from him to just be me as a woman and not me being attached to a role - wife, mother, employee etc.

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RHP User

2 years ago

Our situation is causing some issues, Ken is totally Compersive, ever since a com break down at an orgy, Barbie sort permission to go outside the preset rules of engagement, she had to fuck the guy with the cock like a “Pringle can”, by the time Ken knew what was happening he was already “balls deep”, suddenly Ken realised exactly what he wanted , this was it. He had discovered “compresion” now it’s his obsession, though he wants only partnered men with the wife present. On the other side of the coin, Barbie has not reached the same conclusion about Ken. This is the issue

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