F31
Confidence?
January 23 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi Jadec That's a sad story! And even though a) this is a sex site and b) I'd rather like to have sex with you because I think you're gorgeous, I feel like I have to say: stop. Stop sleeping with anybody else until you have made friends with yourself. Until you can honestly say you think you're sexy, it's hard to go out there and have hot sex with other people. And I don't mean hot sex for them. I mean sex that's hot for you. It's very hard to enjoy a place like this if you don't honestly believe you can be sexy, yourself. Holding yourself back is no fun at all! I don't know your story, so I don't know whether there was a particular moment or moments which may have eroded your self esteem to this low point, but it does sound like you are at a crossroads right now. Hurray! So my advice would be: get to know, and like, your body. Check out the forums - we're hardly all supermodels here. But we're having great sex, for the simple reason that we enjoy it! And enjoying it makes you hot, NOT looking like the cover of a magazine. And a very shallow point, because I'm a little bit drunk right now: tiny breasts are hot. Gorgeous. Suckable. Some people like them huge. Some like them non-existent. Some, like me, pretty much like them all, and all for different reasons. As long as you giggle when I play with them with my tongue. Just saying. MsKinkster x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Jadec I suppose as you get older you start to believe in yourself more and more. Believe that you are beautiful woman that has a lot to give to the World. Believe that you deserve to be pleasured and give pleasure without judgement and you will not be judged. We are all beautiful in our own way so learn to accept that we can not please everyone but we can please ourselves. Our bodies were made to be enjoyed, spolied and pleasured. Treat yourself with respect and do not be shy, just believe!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Jade... I suggest that your problem could be easily overcome with help from your partner and some positive affirmation. Yours appears to be a problem of confidence based on the perceived perception of your partner.... Shyness can be crippling.... Your partner should go out of his way to make you feel completely at ease naked in front of him and when you are intimate..Tell you how beautiful your body is and other positive affirmations.... You should also affirm yourself.... Words can carry incredible energy. What we repeatedly tell ourselves, gets heard by our unconscious mind, and it acts accordingly. If we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are incapable, and too shy to do anything, we will become increasingly aware of evidence to back up this ‘fact’, and our actions will always match what we tell ourselves..... Having seen your profile.... You look great... Start telling yourself that gorgeous and the shyness will start to disappear 😘
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RHP User
12 years ago
MsKinkster has it completely spot on!!!!!Quoting 'Kinkstersinc' Hi Jadec That's a sad story! And even though a) this is a sex site and b) I'd rather like to have sex with you because I think you're gorgeous, I feel like I have to say: stop. Stop sleeping with anybody else until you have made friends with yourself. Until you can honestly say you think you're sexy, it's hard to go out there and have hot sex with other people. And I don't mean hot sex for them. I mean sex that's hot for you. It's very hard to enjoy a place like this if you don't honestly believe you can be sexy, yourself. Holding yourself back is no fun at all! I don't know your story, so I don't know whether there was a particular moment or moments which may have eroded your self esteem to this low point, but it does sound like you are at a crossroads right now. Hurray! So my advice would be: get to know, and like, your body. Check out the forums - we're hardly all supermodels here. But we're having great sex, for the simple reason that we enjoy it! And enjoying it makes you hot, NOT looking like the cover of a magazine. And a very shallow point, because I'm a little bit drunk right now: tiny breasts are hot. Gorgeous. Suckable. Some people like them huge. Some like them non-existent. Some, like me, pretty much like them all, and all for different reasons. As long as you giggle when I play with them with my tongue. Just saying. MsKinkster x
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RHP User
12 years ago
In my vast VAST experience, and based on what I have been told, lots of men have lots of very average sex with lots of women. Sooooo, anything you can do to not be 'average' is going to come across as mind-blowingly awesome. Take control by initiating the action....let's say you are sitting on the couch making small talk, don't wait for him to make a move, straddle his lap and take off your shirt, pull your bra straps down or kiss him or whatever. He is not going to throw you off his lap or say WTF? Both his heads are going to be thinking the same thing which is 'oh yes baby!!!' Things should just take care of themselves for a while (seeing as your tits will be in his face) then don't wait for him to unbutton his pants, slide down between his legs and unzip them yourself. Now for the tricky part, I really love giving head so this isn't a problem for me, but if you aren't that confident or you are shy or whatever, give your best Oscar winning performance and you will teach yourself on the job - its like practical training :) look up at him every now and again and maintain eye contact because you are in control remember...you are the one supplying the pleasure. When you've had enough of that, sit up and tell him 'I want you to fuck me now'. Lead him to the bedroom/kitchen bench/outdoor gazebo or whatever and for ultimate 'taking charge' action ride him on top first, mmmm. I like to end on doggy, so when I want it I will just say 'fuck me doggy' and then being the bossy bitch I am I will probably tell him to pull my hair or slap my arse hahaha. Ahhhh good times :) So this all sounds like Porno 101 but if you want to get the confidence to take control it helps to have an idea of what to do. Then do that a few times, I guarantee the blokes will be more than happy and your confidence will go through the roof because sometimes you have to fake it to make it (not orgasms though - don't fake those lol). Remember, anything you do to take charge is going to be a hundred times better than the average root he's had - so don't be average - be awesome :) Good luck!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
We are all different in shapes and size thats what makes us great and unique.Stop doubting yourself and just enjoy the many beautifull things you have within to offer.You are a gorgeous so just enjoy without the doubt
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi Jadec, I used to be pretty self conscious about my body... until I stopped listening to society's ideals, stopped reading stupid magazines and started doing things that made me appreciate my body! They breed self-hatred because you can't possibly live up to the air-brushed, photo-shopped picture perfect bodies. I started belly dancing and at 19 and that taught me the confidence in the bedroom like nothing else. I think because I was seeing my body less as an object with flaws and more as an integral part of my psyche. I read books about sexuality and the body. I would really recommend reading "Succulent Wild Woman" and "Eat Mangoes Naked" by Sark. It's all about learning to love yourself, that there's nothing wrong with enjoying the pleasurable things in life that we women are trained to deny ourselves (including sexual pleasure). Number one is that there's nothing wrong with a bit of fat, a bump here or there, small boobs, big boobs, size 6 or size 20. We women come in all wonderful shapes and sizes! Not certain which person you are in your profile pic there (you might want to cut your friends out of the picture) but all of them are gorgeous and none of them should be worried about their bodies. I think with a couple more years you will improve your confidence and ability to speak up in the bedroom, as you become more sure of yourself and experienced with life and sex. Good luck learning to get in touch with your body.*Hugs*Ms Otori
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi Jadec, You should probably correct your profile statement too, you do NOT have average looks and body. Try attractive for looks and HOT for body, don't get sucked in thinking everone likes big tits. Lots of men and women love small boobs.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
Ladylulublue - has said it!! Take the advice!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
In fact it sounds like you've done a fair bit of living for someone who's 19.Confidence is somthing that comes with time. Be patient and honest with your self about feelings. Then it will come to you. ~smiles~Also. Remember other peoples opinions are a reflection on how they think, not you. So don't take every thing other people say on board without giving it some thought first.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Like Lochinvar says words carry incredible energy and can be very harming as well as very inspiring. You need to tell yourself that you are beautiful and worthy of respect, love and pleasure ... on your terms too. You are 19 and just out of a relationship probably with someone just as young , just as inexperienced and possibly as shy as you , which usually leads to lots of fumbling about, embarrassment and sadly sometimes not being able to enjoy the broad spectrum of pleasure that a healthy sex life can bring. Most guys your age think with the little head anyway and as long as they get their end away they are happy which usually leaves you hanging and possible questioning yourself. DONT !!!!Find someone (poss older who knows what they are doing and is a patient teacher) who tells you how lovely you are, how beautiful you are, who wants to pleasure you as well as themselves. Explore, fumble, laugh, find what you like, what you love and what you dont like. Start letting it be about you and your pleasure but it all starts with you liking yourself and believing you deserve it . And we all do !!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Jadec you look hot and not everyone loves big boobs at all!Quoting 'slm114' Hi Jadec, You should probably correct your profile statement too, you do NOT have average looks and body. Try attractive for looks and HOT for body, don't get sucked in thinking everone likes big tits. Lots of men and women love small boobs.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ladyblu nailed it. love, care and appreciate what you are/have. beauty is from the inside and attractiveness is what others see. confidence does come with age, and a confident woman is a sexy and alluring one in my eyes. my better half when younger had minor body issues regarding breast size she now loves her shape as do I. as a man breasts are great but they do not make a woman. learn to love and be loved- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hello Jadec, I agree with everyone above. Lots of people feel shy or self conscious, wondering if your skills are good enough. My confidence in myself increases with age and one important thing I have learned is that men don't care!! They don't care if you have small boobs, big boobs, no boobs... The fact that you have boobs is amazing enough. They don't care if you have a belly, or some cellulite, or some pimples, etc. Most men, the ones you want to meet, love women for what they are. They appreciate the variety in all our glorious forms, and when they fall in love it will be with you. Unfortunately, we are the most critical of ourselves. I too look in the mirror and see faults and fat! Have to keep reminding myself that I am damn fabulous. Lol You know men also feel shy in the bedroom, they also wonder am I doing it right, just like you. My advice. Tell him! Tell your next partner you feel a little shy and talk to him about it. You will probably both have a little laugh about it. You know being a little shy is very sweet, don't be ashamed of it. We all have those insecurities, believe me!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think I just swooned reading your post :) People often say we're responsible for our own self-belief and self-worth, however I do also think positive feedback from a partner is part of the glue that keeps a relationship fresh and sexy. There is honestly nothing sweeter, IMO, than having a partner who eats you up with his eyes and can't get enough of every bit of you. So I agree with younglochivar that a partner has a real role in helping you feel great about yourself. But equally, you have to let them - learn to accept compliments, learn to feel sexy from the inside out. Self-talk is very powerful and it can feel odd - and ridiculous - to consciously start saying good things to yourself. But .. like learning to drive a car ... it becomes automatic in time. So, just start ;) And to help, take some time to read through the forums here - you'll discover that all body shapes and types are considered super sexy by plenty of people. Good luck x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi... I just checked out your profile and all I see is a beautiful young woman . As far as I can see you are a complete package. I would'nt worry too much about your shyness you are still a young lady finding her way in this big bad world.Im sure what you thought when you were 16 yrs of age is alot different to what you think today. Im not just talking shyness btw but how we think in general.. Things change all the time, and that includes how we see ourselves. Im not just being nice here, but I have a preference for smaller boobies.. Every girl Iv'e known with smaller breasts have always left a nice impression. If fact cute and feminine. I also know a girl who was not happy so she make some enquires and went and had a boob job in Thailand.. Now she looks and feels great and her worries are now a thing of the past. Not saying this is what you should do btw , just a option if all else fails... 19 is still a awkward age when dealing with these things. Give yourself time. Treat your boobs as something sort after, because they are.. In a world where all thing are better if bigger,, eg : boobies and dicks etc.. It become a frame of mind only.. If I met you with your GFs , I would'nt be looking at your boobs first, If I like you, thats all that counts..Jay
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VillainNVixen
12 years ago
All good advice but Meeka100 is spot on (BTW Meeka I totally agree that you are damn fabulous from looking at your picks!!). Any decent guy that deserves you would just love the fact that you are putting yourself out there. Dont be afraid to be honest, I know for a fact that there would be a lot of guys out there who would find your shyness/nervousness a massive turn on and would love to have the opportunity to help you feel comfortable (include me in this category!!). Who knows your partner might be just as nervous as you.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree with a lot of the above but what I would like to add is that, at your age a lot of things could be perceptions from your upbringing. People often refer to sex as be naughty, there is rarely anything naughty about sex,except where abuse is involved, it is something that is natural. Another of my beliefs is that there is nothing wrong with being naked and displaying your body, but of course we must do that within what are the laws of the land. If everybody went naked, it would take a lot of the mystery away, but it would also overcome a lot of problems. I believe clothes should only be required for protection from the elements (sun cold etc) and for protection when performing tasks that may cause injury.
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RHP User
12 years ago
but I do have one concern You have a profile pic (very nice) showing you with three other lovely ladies..Im assuming your besties... Are they aware that they are the main pic on YOUR profile on a site primarily aimed at sexual hookups ? Very identifiable My bestie would absolutely throttle me if I put up shots of us together at a function - causes shes not part of my sexual life.. Are you offering a foursome ? Im just curious ???
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is your mirror broken?? Do you need glasses?? YOUR FUCKING GOURGOUS!!! All this "i'm not good enough" shit is just in your head. Ok, I can only see you face, but personally I think all boobs are beautiful. Big and petite. I would not care and you could bet your blinding good looks no other bloke would think twice about bedding you. Your beautiful, deal with it girl!!! Secrets
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have the same issue with confidence. The problem for me is I don't really have a lot of experience. I've been told i'm a passionate lover but have only ever been with one girl so i get nervous. I just really wish I had a girl that would take control and show me how it's done. I think i'd like to meet first though to make it easier....yes that is an invitation :)
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
from fellow RPH'ers and hope it helps you. I think a lot of people are the same in that its not till a lot older that they find a lot more confidence. Was certainly that way with me, sexually and in life in general.Cheers
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RHP User
12 years ago
There is much advice i could give you but im sure it's all be covered here. Usually i wouldnt say this but imyoung and a counsellor trained in sexology. If you would like to informally chat i would be happy to. Feel free to PM me or send me a flirt and i will find a way to contact you. Best of luck :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Most I think have summed it up. Age and maturity helps so much, well with age a little narcissistic cynicism does creep in, but on the plus that also includes a a lot of, "what do I care" which is very good for confidence.Be thankful to be young. Stop trying to impress, that will come naturally from any lover that is true. When worst comes to worst have a little LOL (on the inside) about his cock, you will quickly step you up on the ladder. (Shame on me to say there is a ladder, (oh and unless he is 10" plus, he will cringe)). Eeck double braced Let go girl, men are shallow husks and will love anything that shows interest. So I will not present platitudes, and maybe your tits are a little small. Bravo for taking the step to talk about it, one step at a time. So many years left to enjoy.All are sexy, even you men. ( barge pole needed for some)
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Goldenage
12 years ago
The common misconception with you women is that men only want absolutely gorgeous hot women.Wrong.......so wrong.You read your women's magazines with their airbrushed super models and believe everything you read in them.We men love you for who you are, the person inside that quite often still has to come out of her shell.Let your hair down, enjoy the moment with the man in your life and maybe you'll enjoy sex a lot more.Try the kinkiest thing on your mind and go with it, then add to it next time.My wife when we were together just wouldn't let herself be herself, she was absolutely adorable but when we first met wouldn't undress with the light on for years.....I kid you not.....and as for me going down on her, well that was so unheard of.25 years later it ended because she didn't feel pretty enough to let herself enjoy sex.......Would you like your man to ask you how to get you off when you can't do it yourself ?????my 2 cents worth.............
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RHP User
12 years ago
Interesting to follow along here and for what it's worth, some of the things that you may see in you are really assets and not at all liabilities...a different point of view although I hope you choose to nurture and cherish the gifts that you've been given.The first is the most obvious as it's easily seen by most anyone...your body shape and form, a visual perception of one of the five more primal senses. If you look at the enduring art over the ages even in more contemporary works...there are usually only two distinct impressions of the female form that are often deemed as priceless and yours in one of them. The other is far less visible and I can only describe it as 'the first blush' which you can call shy, bashful or at times even awkward...you'll find that many men (we do take a while to grow up, go figure) find that simply irresistible in a woman (don't kid yourself, they take time go grow up too) of any age regardless of past experience. Share that in a candle lit room and watch as your shadows dance everywhere filling the room...I hope you never loose that wonderful ability to share those types of emotions and feelings with another, it's priceless.Enjoy your journey...you have everything you need once you start to believe in you.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...does work, I was thinking about that very scenario ...'a candle lit room as you watch your shadows dancing everywhere' and got lost in my own mind. Maybe there's something to that too, our minds are the sensual and sexual center of our own universe...I'm not about to tell you what just happened in my own mind although I think she kind of liked it!It's easy...being human.
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RHP User
12 years ago
LOVE yourself first....It's saying and doing things that empower yourself...Not just saying you are BEAUTIFUL but believing it..Confidence just does not happen over night - it takes time.It's like the saying "there's light at the end of the tunnel".There is light however no ones says how long the time is......Can I suggest take time out to get to know your body - explore it.Masturbate using a mirror - get to know your VaJayJay.Look at it from different positions. It's Ok to do this...nothing wrong with it.Hope my suggestion helps you.All the bestSUPERFOX
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sweetgem
12 years ago
Hi Jadec It's only normal that you feel shy and self-conscious at your age :-) confidence does take time and experience to build up. My tips to you is: get to know your own beauty and learn about your true sexuality, that is, whether you feel more comfortable playing with men or women. Perhaps start taking notice next time when you play with a man and a woman......on different occasions of course. Also, there is no harm done to read online about sex and learn about different oral styles when you need a break from your uni study or work :-) have a bit of imaginative mind, start practising giving oral on a banana (if you like to play man more) or on an apple (if you like to play with woman more) or both. Then when you really go out there and play, start applying those practices that you did at home on your sex partner gently. Believe me, you will hear satisfactory moans from your partner if you take your time and be gentle :-) Sexual confidence is all about learning new tricks and keep on practising them until you reach a maturer age, then you know you're on top of the game :-) good luck and don't ever let any nasty comments from any person/people you've played with get you down! Tell yourself that it's their loss to pass you up :-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think you will agree most of the advice given on your post has been sound. At 19 yrs of age, Im sure you know the difference between the genuine and the not so genuine and use such advice to your advantage.. Good luck...
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N4November
12 years ago
#next_pages_container { width: 5px; hight: 5px; position: absolute; top: -100px; left: -100px; z-index: 2147483647 !important; } Quoting 'Kinkstersinc' Hi Jadec That's a sad story! And even though a) this is a sex site and b) I'd rather like to have sex with you because I think you're gorgeous, I feel like I have to say: stop. Stop sleeping with anybody else until you have made friends with yourself. Until you can honestly say you think you're sexy, it's hard to go out there and have hot sex with other people. And I don't mean hot sex for them. I mean sex that's hot for you. It's very hard to enjoy a place like this if you don't honestly believe you can be sexy, yourself. Holding yourself back is no fun at all! I don't know your story, so I don't know whether there was a particular moment or moments which may have eroded your self esteem to this low point, but it does sound like you are at a crossroads right now. Hurray! So my advice would be: get to know, and like, your body. Check out the forums - we're hardly all supermodels here. But we're having great sex, for the simple reason that we enjoy it! And enjoying it makes you hot, NOT looking like the cover of a magazine. And a very shallow point, because I'm a little bit drunk right now: tiny breasts are hot. Gorgeous. Suckable. Some people like them huge. Some like them non-existent. Some, like me, pretty much like them all, and all for different reasons. As long as you giggle when I play with them with my tongue. Just saying. MsKinkster x You are so young with years ahead of you. I would suggest you do some self confidence courses and get therapy. Until you are comfortable with yourself mentally and physically, how can it be possible to be an open and generous lover with your body? Once you do find yourself, you will attract someone who has the ability to give you what you desire. At the moment, your experiences sound fairly hollow. Please stop (if only for a little while) and I think you will begin to like yourself more and more.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Both bay and Kink have fantastic points. perhaps a break and slowing down with just friends. I hope you get to see those lustful loving look in your partners eyes again soon because we all see that you are very attractive. so we look forward to when you see it too.write back with how your going please! :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
you come to the end of your life, if your smart the less you give a fuck about what other people think of you and you start to love yourself, with all your battle scars that are inside and out time my pretty, time and meeting people that help you feel better abuot yourself
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RHP User
12 years ago
Dosen't matter how hard it is,walk into any room as you own it,without being snooty. Meaning Hold your head up,stand straight and when people notice you give them a smile or say hello with your eyes. I once had low self esteem,so I started listening to my own body and mind,positvely. See you can shy away from yourself and hide your true person or you can embrace who you are. Of course we all have parts of our body we aren't happy with but hey who is perfect? Take it from 1 old lady love yourself and your beauty will shine. Not meaning that physically you are not beautiful,you are! Confidence does take time,it isn't being on yourself to love yourself. There is a difference, one that loves themself,is enjoying the person as a whole,one that is on their self dosen't truely love themselves,they pretend to.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I become confident with age and finally not worrying what anyone else says about me. I remember the first time a guy asked if I was horny and I was mortified. Of course I was damn horny but thought I couldn't possibly say it out aloud. I decided to throw caution to the wind and just say what I felt. I replied.."yes I am soooo horny". After that I never felt fear in saying what I felt or what I wanted. Whilst I say I am confident I do worry now and again that a guy won't like what he is seeing in the bedroom. A guy is looking at different things. If you're worrying about celulite, your guy is probably thinking... "OMG her skin is so soft and sexy". Sweety, don't worry about your boob size. I have no idea what size they are but I see so many vids where the girls have boobs at the other end of the scale as me and all the comments say they love the girls boobs. Nobody ever wrote a comment that they were too small. xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Jadec,I agree with all of the good advice shown here. Take time to explore yourself first and you will soon realise quite quickly that you are beautiful. As soon as this happens you will project this feeling into every room you walk into. Everyone's heads will turn in your direction and all will sit up and marvel at the woman who "Owns the Room".Just relax and not worry about what others might or might not like about you. Nerves, like confidence will be picked up on by the people you are in the room with so in the end they will see someone relaxed, confident and Beautiful.All the best for the future to you, a stunningly beautiful woman.xx
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