F55
Confidentiality & RHP emails.
August 25 2014
Comments
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
IF.... - the message shared does not contain any identifiable names, or obvious references....- .... I don't have a problem with it. But I live by the code that if you aren't prepared to act/say/write something your grandmother wouldn't approve of.... don't. (PS... My gran was frikken awesome ) Because ... its not as if these messages aren't being sent from inbox to inbox... WITH reference to the senders name... right?!!! Or probably discussed in dark, secretive little worlds... like that girly-only forum DG
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well I admit I have has men friends copy and paste messages they have received from other women on RHP before and sent them to me... Just to get a woman's perspective on things. Friends do that, women definitely do that in my experience. Although I think that would be different to posting it on an open forum.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have also shared particularly unusual or weird messages I have received with my friends. It's happened a few times anyway. Is that really okay though or is the fact that we all are known by an anonymous profile name make that okay?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I would be more than 'a little miffed' if my rhp emails were in ANY way shared...I would be absolutely furious, with 'friends' who abused my trust, , betrayed my secrets, or withheld the info that my written words were being shared, compromised, gossiped about or used as forum fodder... I would tell these 'friends' exactly what i thought of their actions, then cut these people from my life immediately. Once trust, loyalty pride & human dignity has been violated, there is nothing left.... But, It seems as though you, Meeka, are also guilty of breaking confidences . you reap what ypu sow....Consider the consequence as a lesson learnt for future reference. Such a petty, underhanded & blatantly childish place this Rhp is..!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Does a lot if damage. Why do we invest so much time and emotion into a flawed system where deceit and manipulation are common. I do try to protect others but am I human. I gossip, and am vocal. I have recently been told I am passive aggressive, that made me smile, as I think of myself as rather more direct than that. Not a dam thing is private here. But the cowards find this a breeding ground for their discontent at who they are offline. They are small and insignificant,and in here they and gods and goddesses. I am no different. I just do not like a forum post that is clearly meant to humiliate one, and elevate the smug two. If you give any info, then it can and will be used against you.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Why do you seem to come up with almost all of the "don't open that can of worms threads" Meeka ? Anyway..... We don't kiss and tell. But we have had a couple from here ask us questions about a certain user who we'd had contact with as well. Unfortunately for this particular user something had to be said because most people that had had contact from him had got the same impression of this user of which was very unstable. But this information was only divulged face to face with the couple as it came up in conversation not via emails. We have met other users that have asked questions about other users and we don't have anything to say, just because one person had not so good experience does not mean we didn't.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SpanglishFun' I would be more than 'a little miffed' if my rhp emails were in ANY way shared...I would be absolutely furious, with 'friends' who abused my trust, , betrayed my secrets, or withheld the info that my written words were being shared, compromised, gossiped about or used as forum fodder... I would tell these 'friends' exactly what i thought of their actions, then cut these people from my life immediately. Once trust, loyalty pride & human dignity has been violated, there is nothing left.... But, It seems as though you, Meeka, are also guilty of breaking confidences . you reap what ypu sow....Consider the consequence as a lesson learnt for future reference. Such a petty, underhanded & blatantly childish place this Rhp is..!! - Posted from rhpmobile But I didn't show anybody a friend's email though. Only strangers I have no idea who they are, only know them by an anonymous profile name and a cock shot and only because their email was so outrageous I felt I needed to share it with someone. Does that make a difference?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SpanglishFun' Such a petty, underhanded & blatantly childish place this Rhp is..!! I think this may just be online life. Whether it be facebook or other forums. Maybe we are all being naive to think that our emails are not occasionally being shared. Or even that people are downloading our private gallery pictures and showing other people. I have heard of that happening too.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Spanglish..... I just reread your comment you say that I am guilty of betraying friends confidences. But that isn't right because I don't know these people at all. They were strangers to me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have been contacted by people I have met here from time to time about their concerns regarding emails they have received and even posts they have observed. They have done so because they have found the contents offensive and have sought my advice because they know I am a lawyer. I have given them my honest opinion on the material presented and suggested means of redress. I find nothing wrong whatsoever in seeking such advice. I see it as no different to my neighbour asking me a legal question over a cup of coffee. In fact this behaviour should be encouraged otherwise the bullies will raise the sham of confidentiality to conceal their appalling behaviour. It is a well known rule in litigation to never put anything in writing unless you are happy for a judge to read it. This might be a useful rule to be applied in this scenario. This is to be contrasted with the salacious spreading of gossip or even sharing of other people's photos which I point out is in breach of the terms of use here. This behaviour only belittles the sender and should be discouraged at all times. Finally I note in regards photos that at present there is no law against publishing a photo taken by a person with a second person although Victoria is proposing a law which will require the second person's consent before the photo can be published. I have removed my photos of others from my pg in anticipation of this law. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
share emails, what people say to me in my inbox stays there and generally I don't discuss people I have been chatting to with others unless it has been a passing comment or a point of interest such as a forum poster has contacted me about a meet and greet or something along those lines to my co-organiser. I don't have much interest in idle gossip and chinese whispers and as far as I recall, nobody has ever tried to get me involved with anything untoward in here besides a recent misunderstanding. I do find it a little confronting knowing that people's emails do get exposed on here or in part but most people at least have the decency to post things without being able to identify who they are referring to. It doesn't matter to me if I know them or not, I don't think their correspondence is public fodder. I would prefer if people felt the need to discuss something someone else has said in confidence that it was a general recount and not a cut and paste because I think even though you may not interact with them on the forum, there is nothing to say that they aren't reading it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'AussieBiAsian' Why do you seem to come up with almost all of the "don't open that can of worms threads" Meeka ? Because I enjoy being a pain in the arse.
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Mr_MrsAraps
10 years ago
For people to say no I don't want them them to be shared and jump up and down ..... And sure you can ask that they don't be shared and take other measures to reduce the risk but nothing on the net is 100% anonymous. There has to be some level of personal risk and acceptance that everything you put out there on the net - emails, photos, thoughts has the potential to be seen be anyone and everyone. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Or probably discussed in dark, secretive little worlds... like that girly-only forum DG I hope most women are quite aware that nothing said in Secret Women's Business is safe from male members, and if they're not they should be.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'inthekiss' I do try to protect others but am I human. I gossip, and am vocal. I have recently been told I am passive aggressive, that made me smile, as I think of myself as rather more direct than that. Same same. I was called passive aggressive too, but I can honestly say I rarely say things about people here that I haven't also said on a public forum or in a private message. A member I wrote to recently told me she'd be sharing my message to her (it was an apology) with a friend. She told me, didn't ask me, but I didn't really care. I have quoted members in messages to others, though not those I consider friends here and have met. (I'm with Meeka and inthekiss: if you're just a screen name you only exist in Cyberland to me). I wouldn't share things told to me in confidence though. It's funny, there have been several occasions where two members have written me about each other at the same time. They will never know! My intent when sharing something I received has never been malice though. I'm a flawed human, but don't think I'm ever deliberately nasty.
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RHP User
10 years ago
There iIS a big difference between sharing strangers emails, and being betrayed by people you trusted, & considered your friends... The former is still wrong, &, in my opinion, unjustifiable, but it hurts far far more when you have been shafted by trusted & valued loved ones... - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Objection seems to be attached to a copy/paste message. Pull back one small step.... and consider a paraphrased comment.... or a mere reference made between two people..... Or consider that the vast majority if us..... yes.... even those taking the high and mighty position against sharing are"guilty" of sharing stories of their sexual experiences with other people without their expressed consent.... and doing it to either belittle that person, to entertain other readers or perhaps even educate forum members on what to do or do not do. I gotta say...... really..... it's no different. ;-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
... that everything I send/share/write could end up in the hands of someone who I didn't send it to. I also assume anything I send/share/write could be published publicly on the WWW. I take all reasonable precautions to that end, though occasionally slip up and kick myself. Trust is a myth - it's a hope, a prayer, but not a guarantee.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Objection seems to be attached to a copy/paste message. Pull back one small step.... and consider a paraphrased comment.... or a mere reference made between two people..... Or consider that the vast majority if us..... yes.... even those taking the high and mighty position against sharing are"guilty" of sharing stories of their sexual experiences with other people without their expressed consent.... and doing it to either belittle that person, to entertain other readers or perhaps even educate forum members on what to do or do not do. I gotta say...... really..... it's no different. ;-) - Posted from rhpmobile but to me, an email is like a letter addressed to a person, or reading someone's diary, I wouldn't presume that it was to be shared with others otherwise they would have just posted it openly. I think open conversations and experiences are different in that there is no presumption that what you say is in confidence unless specifically stated. To me the forum is pretty much like the pub with your mates and bragging about the hotty you just bagged or the scrubber that was hitting on you. I try not to say anything too personal about people who are on this site but will recount stuff that happened from other sites or at work but I am indeed guilty of telling vague stories about some on here. I totally understand your point and agree to some degree.
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RHP User
10 years ago
What is the Motivation? If we did not put up personal stories, or some humour, or some pearls of what we believe to be important. Then there is no forum, like one said it's a bit like meeting work mates at the pub. If we see something , as in belittling the office virgin geeky guy who dared to send an email to the office hotie, who was the mean girl. I would still say, stop the bus! This is an easy spot to be a keyboard sniper. Fire away buy all means but up front, pick on the strong who put themselves in this arena. Not on the quiet ones doing it as best they can.do not drag them into the lime light to humiliate. A person deserves a little respect and privacy,even in cyber land.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I should also mention that I have known people to create fake profiles so that they can email people can get the dirt on others or to stalk people on the forum. Until you meet someone face to face you are just never know for sure that those people are who they say they are. Just reminded me, as I just read a female profile that I know was written by a man.... I am sure he was just helping a friend out with her profile but sometimes you just never know. Always pays to be careful what you write to people on RHP. I agree with IntheKiss that there is definitely a lot of deception on RHP at times.
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RHP User
10 years ago
To say that a personal conversation between friends or work colleagues is the same as sharing Rhp emails & online experiences, is just ludicris & laughable. There is NO comparison, & in my mind, no justification.. (Most esp in regards to personal emails..). A personal conversation is between a few select people, within the targets social realm, Rhp is a cyber platform, open to millions of cyber bullies, false personas & computer screens.... A personal conversation has no visible or tangible evidence, so can easily be dismissed, forgotten or challenged.. Rhp emails can be screenshot & sent via text messenger, or cut, pasted & forwarded to the next shallow gossip monger... Personal conversations are also just an opinion, baseless & usually seem as idle gossip...said today, forgotten tomorrow.....Sensitive, or sexually volatile Rhp emails have the power to destroy lives (op forum just last week showed us how view of us are willing to expose our Rhp lives to our friends, family or workmates).....It is also very easy to manipulate the email by editing or adding unscripted info before forwarding ) I, for one will now be a lot more cateful - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree with what 'ralf' has said earlier. I expect that any email I send to anyone, regardless of whether it's on RHP or just via my private email, to be treated as a 'personally addressed Letter. And the same rules and considerations apply. We have 'Passwords' to gain access to our accounts. That makes them 'Personal' and everyone who send an email to someone (via RHP) should be able to expect that the email and it's contents NOT be shared in any way... By ANYONE or TO anyone. Swapping passwords to "Prove each other's Trust" is the silliest thing I've ever heard. If you want to show trust and prove trust... Take the time to earn it the proper way and not with other people's vulnerabilities. If someone I was 'communicating with' told me they had shared their password with anyone else (even partner if I was into married people), I would tell them what I thought about it, and them and break of contact from there-on. Asking also, (futile as it may be), that they delete all my messages. Sharing passwords, especially to a site as sensitive as this could be? I'm sorry, but I've never heard the like of anything so pointless and 'Untrustworthy' in my life...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Objection seems to be attached to a copy/paste message. Pull back one small step.... and consider a paraphrased comment.... or a mere reference made between two people..... Or consider that the vast majority if us..... yes.... even those taking the high and mighty position against sharing are"guilty" of sharing stories of their sexual experiences with other people without their expressed consent.... and doing it to either belittle that person, to entertain other readers or perhaps even educate forum members on what to do or do not do. I gotta say...... really..... it's no different. ;-) - Posted from rhpmobile Sorry Mischevious... I can't agree... I don't know about other people, but I wouldn't post anything 'Personal' about someone and NAME them... If I had a story to tell, an example to give, advice to relay or point to make via a 'quote', I would never mention the person concerned or do it in such a way as they could be identified. But to be honest, I've never considered 'quoting anyone from a private message'. I treat them like personal letters... as they in fact, ARE, given they are addressed ONLY to ME... We are talking here about 'repeating' (copying and pasting) or even paraphrasing, and identifying the person from whom, the 'quote' came. At least that's what I figure the 'principal' is about... So long as the person being quoted is 'anonymous' then I can't see how it's a problem... It's not a breach of privacy if the person is not identified and can't be... But I still wouldn't do it as a matter of principal.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' I should also mention that I have known people to create fake profiles so that they can email people can get the dirt on others or to stalk people on the forum. The old classic "Hey, just wanted to let you know Meeka said XYZ about you, thought you should know..." A first reflex would be "Oh really? That biatch! Let me tell you some things about her then!" 22 years of working with some very manipulative people as an addiction specialist has taught me a thing or two though. Meeka would never diss me. *Cough*
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RHP User
10 years ago
I truly hope that anyone I've communicated with hasn't had any kind of agenda and has taken it upon themselves to pass any comments I've made in emails... Although, I can honestly say that I have never 'dissed' anyone in any private communication... And those people I have exchanged private messages with, I trust and our conversations always concern the person I am messaging and myself... So I can't see why or for what purpose, anything I 'actually' said could have been shared in a surreptitious way. I like to think that's the situation with everyone. Obviously, as has been mentioned, if someone where new and also naïve and being the victim of someone with an agenda taking advantage of that, I suppose, could be understood and forgiven. PEACE... MAN!!!
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lovman8
10 years ago
I some times think we humans still operate on instincts and principals developed by people living in tribes in caves and hunting animals to survive and here we are presented with this social media which is so far reaching and accessible to the whole world that we haven't yet quite understood its implications and the etiquette needed to use the medium and still be respectful of normal personal interactions
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QLDtwo4fun
10 years ago
I understand your feelings and position but, why would you expect anymore respect or trust from people over the internet than you would from any other person in the street. A bad tattoo goes to the grave with you, an internet post or email may live forever.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Two apparatus predators use to catch their prey! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am also sure I have read general comments from people over the years that have suggested that they were showing lovers their emails. I know some forum men could put their hand up here to say that they have seen the type of emails women get... And how do they know. Huh??
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have been accused of being a fake profile a numer of times. In fact there was some blog a few years ago that said outright that Meeka100 along with a few others were employed and ran Red Hot Pie! Who gives a rats arse! With all due respect to people that would get upset over something like that? Why???? Why do you care what some random people on the net think?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Just my manner and in no way was that meant to be offensive.... And I know my manner pisses some people off. Not everyone can love me. :p
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RHP User
10 years ago
Right or wrong, I think you expressed yourself beautifully. And yes, I remember! Meeka, Stalky and Lostfocus were moderators! Ahahaha!
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RHP User
10 years ago
is secret, even if it was, prior to the "online world" how many times did someone tell you something "in confidence", yet it wasn't really was it. Everyone is guilty, true and not sad. Next topic
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RHP User
10 years ago
.. that is if the topic was about confidentially on RHP. If anyone thinks that anything they enter, whether it is in their profile, what pictures they post (both private and public), their messages and even what they write here is in confidence then I have a nice bridge for sale in Sydney ... Please remember, there is a raft of Admins, they have access to every facet of this site, they can see every profile, every message, every photo - nothing here is confidential. And if you are stupid enough to give out your password to someone else, or know someone that is this stupid, you get what you deserve. Meeka, I certainly hope you reported the person in question who gave out their profile, I am pretty sure they broke the 'Terms of Use' on here and if the Admins are doing the right thing, they would terminate the person's account. Of course if the intent was to gang up on someone, then that succeeded as well - and people wonder why they call this the sand pit, at times it reminds me of a primary school playground! Mooka
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm with Meeka. Why on earth would anyone waste their time being 'hurt' by allegations and rumours on here? Or even direct attacks?! If you live by your own code and are happy with your choices, and accept that others are doing the same, the such commentary would be like water off a ducks back. Surely? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
No I never reported them. I kind of think that there are couples with singles profiles who would be looking at each other's messages or have each others passwords. Is that against RHP policy? I didn't even realise that. Why would that be against policy?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Forgive me for not quoting your post to SimpleNeeds but I detest a wall of text. I carefully read your post and it made me think. I have been on a plethora of forums for many years and have learned that unless you know both sides of the story you don't know the story fullstop. Yes you might be forum friends with someone who might have a personal peeve with another user, you will only get one side, your friends side, of what has transpired and it might not be the full truth. I have seen people here bullied, accused of having a fake profile, of being admins in disguise, of having multiple profile, accused of being married, accused of being single - you name it they have been accused of it - for simply disagreeing with certain people. I have seen them forced to close their account because of it. And most of the time, it was something as simple as being outspoken, having an opinion or just being more popular than someone else. In every forum there are petty people who think they are the more important than everyone else and woe to anyone who dares to differ. I have no idea who you are talking about and frankly I don't care, I just hope the accusations you are levelling you can back up 100%, i.e. you know with full certainty that the person in question is fake, not that you were told that by a third party. If it is the latter then you are doing their job of character assassination whilst they can sit back and plead innocence. Mooka
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' No I never reported them. I kind of think that there are couples with singles profiles who would be looking at each other's messages or have each others passwords. Is that against RHP policy? I didn't even realise that. Why would that be against policy? i just read the Terms of Use, and surprisingly there was no mention of the requirement to keep your password/account details secure and not to give it out to anyone - which is normally a pretty standard ToU on the majority of sites. Still, I think if you would have gone to the Admins, they might have been interested to know that members are exchanging passwords as it kind of defeats their tiered payment system. For example, User 1 is a paid member, he/she gives their password to User 2 who can now view all the restricted photos for free or use their messages etc. Maybe I just have a suspicious mind. Mooka
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RHP User
10 years ago
I didn't see it either. Actually I just signed a new employment contract the other day and I don't remember anything in that about not sharing passwords at work, even though I thought that would be a standard clause. And people definitely do it when they shouldn't in the work place. well besides the fact that trying to remember all your passwords on so many sites, bank accounts, etc, etc that you usually have them written down somewhere anyway!
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RHP User
10 years ago
From the responses I got from men on here, that I need to get back in my box. I have always tried to be fair, mostly stuck up for men as I did when a man's private message was he'd up in a public forum to ridicule, it was done with the added input by a male, that makes it worse. In the end it me that got the nasty private emails. So lesson learnt. Don't be real, steal pictures off the net,make yourself a cyber goddess. And men will trip over their cyber cocks, and fire broadsides at woman who dares to tell them. The emperor has new clothes. The women on this forum, many I know offline who thought it unethical, regarding a post that got hidden in women's business. When we bought it out in the open so men could contribute. The results for me have been very unpleasant, and rather surprising. I at least know now what some men really think of me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
No, I don't think it's okay to play fast and loose with private messages Meeka. And yes, a lot of stuff off and on RHP can be hurtful. Sorry for your experiences. I suppose it's too late to consider asking RHP if they can delete those messages. Yes, I know the horse has bolted, just a thought . Sorry for my part in being petty at times ladies. I get your point.
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Seachange
10 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' share emails, what people say to me in my inbox stays there and generally I don't discuss people I have been chatting to with others unless it has been a passing comment or a point of interest such as a forum poster has contacted me about a meet and greet or something along those lines to my co-organiser. I don't have much interest in idle gossip and chinese whispers and as far as I recall, nobody has ever tried to get me involved with anything untoward in here besides a recent misunderstanding. I do find it a little confronting knowing that people's emails do get exposed on here or in part but most people at least have the decency to post things without being able to identify who they are referring to. It doesn't matter to me if I know them or not, I don't think their correspondence is public fodder. I would prefer if people felt the need to discuss something someone else has said in confidence that it was a general recount and not a cut and paste because I think even though you may not interact with them on the forum, there is nothing to say that they aren't reading it. Well said. Distribution of confidential emails or texts between two people should stay as such. Naive I know but I have much respect for one's privacy and observe discretion. I have been approached for information about another member before. I have refuse to engage in such discussion with them as I find this contemptuous. Regardless of whether I know a person or not, I will NOT ever, disclose anything about anybody as it is none of my business nor anybody's business. This is specially true if that info is going to be used against the subject That is beneath me. For those who engage in mindless gossip, I do not care how popular they are in the forum, their integrity , in mind view, is questionable. I know that some people have distributed or discussed my texts, and I will not surprised my emails with some people, with their friends in the forum in the guise of getting a woman's perspective . Bollocks! Some say they respect privacy but proceed to act otherwise. I know that some have proceeded to gossip about me, trying to ebb my integrity among their friends and subsequently, I have been a target of some bullying here. A particular person would snipe at me in the forum, most of the time outside the context of a thread topic. That is more a reflection of that person's character and state of mind, rather than me . Laughable at times. I will not engage with the petty bitter sniping. I refuse to feed this person's is ego because I dont think that person is worth it. It is disheartening that some members of this forum encourage that behaviour by engaging in the gossip. Some take glee in attacking me or other newcomers personally without getting to know me or their other victims personally. What is their movitation? I dont know and dont want to know. It is like a juvenile hazing ritual in some college dormitory. I am surprised that some people who said they were previous 'victims' of this venomous gossips and attacks, have joined in the attack of others, after they have proved their worth to the guards or cognoscenti of the forum. I thought they would have developed some compassion and empathy for the bullied members. I had enough of this petty and vile attacks on me and other people. it is NEVER a pleasant experience to be the target of bullying. Bullying is NEVER ACCEPTABLE here in RHP or in real life. It makes the forum experience very unpleasant and not fun anymore. STOP IT and get over your insecurities. I have met lots of people in real life from RHP and I respect their views. But just because I have not met someone in real life, does not mean I have to treat them with contempt until I they can prove that they are worthy of my time. For me, I will treat people with respect . I like to see the good in people first. But that is me. I will decide who I friend in RHP, regardless of whether I have met them personally or not. To belittle me for that is just plain petty and condescending. So please respect my choices as I will respect yours. This forum is for EVERYONE to enjoy, not just for the few who believe their views are above everyone else because of their perceived popularity and their seniority in this site. Glad that some of the forum members have spoken up, men and women. This is NOT a gender issue, it never was. It is a moral and ethical issue, always has been. Let's all move forward and put this petty behaviours aside as it only serves as obstacles in our learnings and having fun in the forum.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'mooka' Thank you both for those wonderful posts, hopefully some people here will see sense and take their petty jealousies and immature attitudes away. This is suppose to be a fun place, hell it use to be a fun place. But it seems to have evolved into the personal domain of some who resent anyone new that proves to be either articulate, popular or brave enough to offer a differing view (and not follow the sheeple). From my two posts yesterday I received some lovely emails of thanks and encouragement, and of course one nasty one trying to justify what has apparently transpired whilst making zero sense and sounding more childish the more the msg rambled. I know I will again be vilified and attacked for writing this (hey wonder if I will be called fake lmao) but the actions of a small few have nearly destroyed a very enjoyable forum. Mooka I thought my argument constructive and truthful only time will tell. Like you, I have had my private emails and one from a man that has had personal experience offline regarding this , as have I. I do not mind new people posting at all. It is not my nature to be jealous of any woman, never have been that way inclined. Feel free to put up my email to you in the forum. You have already eluded to the fact is was me. Unlike some who never gave permission, as I thought it logical and an explanation. It is rather interesting to note, that when women are assertive, truthful, and logical. Just like in the workplace labels are put on us. I have been called, in private messages and on this forum, childish, a schoolgirl, a bully, jealous and other names I do not care to mention. all very personal comments. What I have said is that the behavior is what I disagreed with. I do not believe if you look at my posts that I called anyone names like has been done to me. Has it affected me, yes it has very much. Was I offended by the hurtful comments, yes I was. I was also very surprised by the back lash from people I had respect for, that was the most disappointing part. I spoke my truth, based on offline experience, would I speak up again, definitely not.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' Quoting 'ralf74' share emails, what people say to me in my inbox stays there and generally I don't discuss people I have been chatting to with others unless it has been a passing comment or a point of interest such as a forum poster has contacted me about a meet and greet or something along those lines to my co-organiser. I don't have much interest in idle gossip and chinese whispers and as far as I recall, nobody has ever tried to get me involved with anything untoward in here besides a recent misunderstanding. I do find it a little confronting knowing that people's emails do get exposed on here or in part but most people at least have the decency to post things without being able to identify who they are referring to. It doesn't matter to me if I know them or not, I don't think their correspondence is public fodder. I would prefer if people felt the need to discuss something someone else has said in confidence that it was a general recount and not a cut and paste because I think even though you may not interact with them on the forum, there is nothing to say that they aren't reading it. Well said. Distribution of confidential emails or texts between two people should stay as such. Naive I know but I have much respect for one's privacy and observe discretion. I have been approached for information about another member before. I have refuse to engage in such discussion with them as I find this contemptuous. Regardless of whether I know a person or not, I will NOT ever, disclose anything about anybody as it is none of my business nor anybody's business. This is specially true if that info is going to be used against the subject That is beneath me. For those who engage in mindless gossip, I do not care how popular they are in the forum, their integrity , in mind view, is questionable. I know that some people have distributed or discussed my texts, and I will not surprised my emails with some people, with their friends in the forum in the guise of getting a woman's perspective . Bollocks! Some say they respect privacy but proceed to act otherwise. I know that some have proceeded to gossip about me, trying to ebb my integrity among their friends and subsequently, I have been a target of some bullying here. A particular person would snipe at me in the forum, most of the time outside the context of a thread topic. That is more a reflection of that person's character and state of mind, rather than me . Laughable at times. I will not engage with the petty bitter sniping. I refuse to feed this person's is ego because I dont think that person is worth it. It is disheartening that some members of this forum encourage that behaviour by engaging in the gossip. Some take glee in attacking me or other newcomers personally without getting to know me or their other victims personally. What is their movitation? I dont know and dont want to know. It is like a juvenile hazing ritual in some college dormitory. I am surprised that some people who said they were previous 'victims' of this venomous gossips and attacks, have joined in the attack of others, after they have proved their worth to the guards or cognoscenti of the forum. I thought they would have developed some compassion and empathy for the bullied members. I had enough of this petty and vile attacks on me and other people. it is NEVER a pleasant experience to be the target of bullying. Bullying is NEVER ACCEPTABLE here in RHP or in real life. It makes the forum experience very unpleasant and not fun anymore. STOP IT and get over your insecurities. I have met lots of people in real life from RHP and I respect their views. But just because I have not met someone in real life, does not mean I have to treat them with contempt until I they can prove that they are worthy of my time. For me, I will treat people with respect . I like to see the good in people first. But that is me. I will decide who I friend in RHP, regardless of whether I have met them personally or not. To belittle me for that is just plain petty and condescending. So please respect my choices as I will respect yours. This forum is for EVERYONE to enjoy, not just for the few who believe their views are above everyone else because of their perceived popularity and their seniority in this site. Glad that some of the forum members have spoken up, men and women. This is NOT a gender issue, it never was. It is a moral and ethical issue, always has been. Let's all move forward and put this petty behaviours aside as it only serves as obstacles in our learnings and having fun in the forum.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thanks everyone for adding your personal views and issues on here. I was not very interested to read them. Sniping, gossiping is part of RHP.... you all know each other and fuck each other after all. So what the do you expect? It is very incestuous around here. I don't really notice a lot to be honest but the odd sniping that I do pick up amuses me... and I think oooohhhhhh they must be porking! K... I.... S....S ....I... N ....G!
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RHP User
10 years ago
You know it is probably better just to report any suspicious profiles or any concerns you have directly to the RHP moderators. It isn't worth getting involved on a personal note. I mean you can never prove or disprove anything after all. But to be honest quite a few of us live in Sydney....... why don't we all catch up for a coffee and we can skype inthekiss in and become friends. What do you all say?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Since you have brought it up. I have only seen one person snipe at you. Personally I assume that you were both porking each other but have now split up, yes yes I realise that main not be the case but this is an adult dating site so I figure I have a fairly good chance of being right. I mean I am not going to get in the middle of a personal situation like that. that is for you two to sort out not the rest of the forum to get involved. Surely? Would like to also add that most people. I am sure 99.9% of people will not even know what you are all talking about. So I don't blame them for staying away and not commenting.
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RHP User
10 years ago
But yours is the sort of story I've heard in the forums before, and I've wondered more than once myself how it is that people who've copped a spray then go on to become part of the problem.
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RHP User
10 years ago
If you don't want the world to read it, don't put it in writing. Ever. This is a critical business rule to protect companies from the fact written material inevitably finds it's way into unintended hands, often the media. Business employees have much at risk if they leak info or are careless with info, but plenty still do it. You have MUCH more at stake if your private info gets in the wrong hands. It's all very well to get up in arms about how others behave and respect, privacy, expectations and so on, but in the end you can only ever control what you do. People who were once friends become enemies. Trusted information that was once exchanged becomes exposed. Whether the info was verbal or written it can still be shared, but we all know that when it's written it can cause a whole lot more damage. So here are my tips: - Don't do it! - Don't write emails or posts that you wouldn't be happy for the world to read. Ever. That's right. Ever. - Don't gossip and bitch about other people - verbally or in writing. Imagine that, if we were all truly the decent people we claim to be and we just didn't bitch and gossip! - Don't assume a trusted bond with someone is going to last forever, because chances are it won't - especially don't assume that the camaraderie you feel with someone on here is equivalent to a trusted bond. It rarely is. I remember a while back when a bunch of people we're sending me messages about other people on the forums who everyone would have sworn they we're best mates with. - Don't blame others when you made the first mistake of sharing information in writing that you shouldn't have - just don't do it. And if you do do it, in my honest opinion you're a bloody fool. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
scanned it can't read it...if it was a horse. *chk chk BOOM*
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Seachange
10 years ago
Quoting 'EuropianBliss' Quoting 'lilyorchid' Quoting 'ralf74'Hahaha. Fair enough. Your eyes, your choice. Too hard, don't read. Lol.
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Seachange
10 years ago
Don't know why you would assume that. Assumptions, Assumptions, Assumptions. No. We are not porking. I do not pork all men I meet, actually hardly ever. I am selective of men I meet personally and more selective the men I 'Pork'. Lol.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' Don't know why you would assume that. Assumptions, Assumptions, Assumptions. No. We are not porking. I do not pork all men I meet, actually hardly ever. I am selective of men I meet personally and more selective the men I 'Pork'. Lol. My attention span can manage the length of this one :P
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Seachange
10 years ago
Lol. Glad it works better. Cheers. Lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm glad :D *group hug* - Posted from rhpmobile
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