M55 F56
Confused, is it compulsory or non compulsory to play at a swingers party
November 04 2017
Comments
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mango69er
7 years ago
Wish we had the name who,s party it was. Know you cant. But think i know who. And not happy with him. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Do with it or NOT do with it, as you wish to Sounds like the couple in the spa were the problem. Probably they were regulars who were familiar with the host. The other woman felt some " issues" and covered her insecurities with a blame game to the host with a fairy tale. Don't let that put you off. Most parties are very supportive of a choice not to play so just choose another venue and push onward. Good luck
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P69D69
7 years ago
Mango69er, Its sad as the turnout seemed less than expected, I so hope that man isn't driving others away causing the low numbers for the group. Maybe why, is because he was the host? The home owner had told us of huge numbers attending prior events, so who knows. The previous one we attended at a different location, hosted by someone else, saw approximately 3x more attendees, yet the setup was no where near as great as this location. The old saying, only takes one to spoil it.
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P69D69
7 years ago
Anywhichway, yes most likely but that is only speculating, we can only go by what was spoken and by whom. Hence we don't know, and being the outsiders, it would be pointless complaining, its not as if my wife especially would ever feel welcome again amongst them. I just hope others don't get the same heavy approach and succumb to the pressure, you should be comfortable and wanting to play, not pressured into it.
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P69D69
7 years ago
AnnieWhichway, apologies getting name wrong
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DynamicCouple36
7 years ago
We have been to several swingers clubs and parties. At none of these was there ever any pressure to (a) dress down (b) play. It has always been made very clear, at the above, that there would never be any pressure to play and the No means No. Perhaps the party that you went to , was the exception to the rule. Now you know which one to avoid for next time. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
Quoting 'PKDK69' AnnieWhichway, apologies getting name wrong You were on the money either way. I've used that name here as well so still correct.....
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RHP User
7 years ago
We have attended several killing kittens parties, both in Sydney and Melbourne. Never any pressure to play, always seem to be held in great venues. Great fun and relaxed atmosphere with hosts that look after all those that attend. They may be a good option for you to meet others in a no expectation environment. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I know the group, and heaps of regulars that attend. I'd email the organiser with exactly what you posted, and get some feedback. It doesnt sound in keeping with their useual attitude, because they love newbies. Everyone is one of those once. If you want some other suggestions in the mean time, I know few smaller groups & couples that host events of various sizes. Just message me.
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teejaylongsword
7 years ago
Sorry to hear about your experience. I have been to group events and they were always very friendly (however usually everyone played. There was one exception when one guy simply left after chatting for awhile. I have never seen pressure to play before). When you went into the 'open sex room', you were clearly invited. You have made this very clear. That was clearly not the problem. Some people love to be watched by lovely people such as yourselves. Perhaps you guys having clothes on may even provide some sort of 'kink' to the situation. Come and watch me anytime haha. I think the problem was definitely the woman in the spa. She may have liked you and felt frustrated that you were not playing - but that is her problem not yours. I have felt disappointed before too when I have missed out on playing with someone who seemed reserved, but that's just too bad for me, just like in the vanilla world. I didn't go running about complaining. I just shrugged my shoulders and played with others. As far as I know, it is definitely not compulsory to play. Hope you guys have some great experiences in the future (watching and/or participating)
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TheScorpions
7 years ago
We tell everyone we have no expectations for couples and singles to play even before they arrive. The simple anwser is NO and if your at a party where you are told you have to play ...your at the wrong party. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Freaky_Fun
7 years ago
And it's not unusual of late. I've received the text messages stating l was expected to play if l attend and the parties aren't for beginners. Being the shy, delicate flower that l am l responded appropriately. Needless to say l haven't attended. In saying that l have attended a party from the other host and was warmly welcomed and treated well.
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twowithnolimits
7 years ago
I never endorse poor attitude but i don;t see a problem with running parties with both approaches, i thin k it comes down to expectations..it is incumbent upon the organizers to make the expectations crystal clear ahead of time not after you arrival. We have had some very disappointing times when 75% of attendees stay dressed and watch in groups seriously cooling down the night when what we have been seeking is a good sweaty night, similarly we have run our own functions for the less experienced which attract a different crowd. One size does not fit all.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Disgusting. I would avoid avoid avoid and pass the word around. I couldn't give a crap whether people are disappointed they don't get a root. Screw them, that's their problem. Pressure to play? May as well throw keys in the middle of the table and fuck anyone. What a revolting thought, not to mention how it opens a can of worms with people feeling violated. So they're not attracted to anyone there, which can happen, yet expected to have sex with them? Has a brothel kind of sound to it. No absolutely means no, no exceptions. The only people endorsing that would be those who otherwise can't get a fuck. The very reason so many dusgusting men host parties I would think
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noeleena
7 years ago
Hi, I have been to a few different meetups one at Melbourne in King street 7 th July and never was told I had to be involved quite the other way I was left to myself only there 5 ,1/2 hours unicorn or wallflower ,plus 200 people The others have been at Tawse Manor in Christchurch NZ, been to 6 meetups avg 45 to 60 people and again I was left to my self never asked to join in and was able to watch what ever when ever while there ,plus being very reserved I would never ask , Allso I don't think I,ll make a very good swinger,,, not active and quite standoffish, any way I don't have Tawse Manor to go to any more The Host,s have taken time out, and it is or was a neat place to go to. ...noeleena...
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RHP User
7 years ago
We’ve only been to one small house party full of regulars but were made to feel welcome and there was no pressure to dress down or play all night. If we went to a party and got treated like that OP then we would name and shame to help others make informed decisions. Mr D - Posted from rhpmobile
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P69D69
7 years ago
Thanks all, its good hearing your views. Its hard as we don't want to be seen making any waves, we have thought about trying to contact the organisers behind it, but they all seem to be a close group, we are the new outsiders remember. I think the guy would just deny it, then we would look like a pair of trouble makers. On the other hand we feel guilty not to stand up and warn others that their parties are not what they present. The worst thing was my wife feeling hurt and not welcome, and i feel it was a gutless thing as he approached my wife and not myself, even though he tried speaking quietly in my wifes ear, I caught what was said, but left the conversation with wife and him, I didn't want to spoil the atmosphere in the room on the othrrs so i held my peace. I then said to wife, lets exit the room, sat on lounge and discussed it, then agreed to walk out. The group advertised it as new couples welcome and no pressure. They also hold events that are more full on, which this one wasn't. Maybe the host has issues not comprehending which event it is. We will just look to other options now.
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FredAndGinger2
7 years ago
There's an event organiser here in Melbourne that hosts parties and fom several reports he also puts the heavy word on guests to play, particularly women. Not everyone is interested in random fucks, and not everyone can flick a switch to fuck on request. This is why we are generally only comfortable at meet and greet events and then organise private catch-ups with the couples we do connect with. - Posted from rhpmobile
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cat_n_the_hatter
7 years ago
to go to private parties but not to play (Melbourne). Even though they advertised their party, in the Events section, as a party that is for everyone, no pressure to play and NO means no, when I send them the message to enquire further about the details and explain our position I was told they have a limited number of places and we were rejected. I have to say we went to one party where we felt welcomed and I really liked the people, so it’s not the rule. My opinion is some advertise it as inclusive of everyone, but in reality they don't want you if you don't play. I would rather us to find a nice couple that we can have a connection with and become friends. (Ms)
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DynamicCouple36
7 years ago
There are some males (Melbourne ) that only host swingers parties so that they get to have a shagg and some action. We too have encountered them and now avoid their parties. We feel that someone who hosts a paid swingers party, should not be getting in on the action, but rather keeping an eye on things and ensuring that his guests are all OK. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
hmmm... sad....this community seems overall to be unusually accepting and non judgemental, we certainly haven't encountered anything worse than a polite no thank you when overreaching...giving the matter careful thought and due consideration could be caused by ego splitting and projection...translation...they sound like tools and don't seem representative to us at all.
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ozmelbcpl4cpl2
7 years ago
we agree not one person should play for the sake of anyone else unless they want to
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P69D69
7 years ago
I think you have hit it on the spot, everything you stated relates to what and how we feel. We attended in hope we would find a connection, we are not interested in being involved with everyone, just who we connect with. This party just seemed like having meaningless sex with as many people as possible. Maybe the swinging parties are not suited to us? Maybe as you said FredAndGinger2, meet and greets is a more suitable avenue, I think we need to pursue that option, just hadn't noticed many if any in South East Queensland though.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Hi Guys, We know the exact party on acerage on the northside. We had a similar issue and will not return to his place and know of others in the same boat. We have decided till we find some better parties to just play at Mikes Place. Never any pressure there.
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RHP User
7 years ago
It should be non compulsory. I can’t imagine many women would be interested in a party like that, unless they are gang bang girls of course. PKDK, my experience of house parties are that they can be very wild and there often isn’t much time to get to know people really. So you could be right in saying they are not for you. I would say swingers clubs are different and that’s there is often a few hours at the start of the night for a meet and greet flirt. So swingers clubs may suit you.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'DynamicCouple36' There are some males (Melbourne ) that only host swingers parties so that they get to have a shagg and some action. We too have encountered them and now avoid their parties. We feel that someone who hosts a paid swingers party, should not be getting in on the action, but rather keeping an eye on things and ensuring that his guests are all OK. - Posted from rhpmobile Understood and agreed. Considering if they are doing it even partly for income or for profit, they should be acting as a good business would and ensuring all of their clientele are happy, not just pleasing themselves. Although I don't see wanting sex as an issue in itself, as we all do want sex, but it shouldn't be an expectation any more as a host just like it is not an expectation as a guest. However, what about if someone hosts an unpaid (ie free) private party? Is that different or not? And is there a different dynamic (sorry for stealing your word) if it is a single male host, single female host, or couple host? I would assume if a couple hosts a couple's get together for instance, the host couple also gets to play if they want? (Obviously you have probably done likewise, although I do not know whether any entry cost was applicable). But ironically, I have found events without pressure and less profiteering, most or all people have played, because of the fact there is no pressure. As soon as you add the pressure, I think it creates the opposite effect to that desired. Also, other regular couples and singles have acted as quasi-hosts, as all invitees are collectively interested in ensuring the event goes smoothly.
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P69D69
7 years ago
It was a paid donation, think to cover nibbles, condoms etc. Id like to think its not a matter of if its a paid event or not, that the host should treat their guests with respect, make them feel welcome. You don't invite people over to your house and expect something from them, then treat them like they are not welcome do you. If you did you wouldnt have many people visiting, We paid our donation, we did not consume any nibbles, did not use any provided condoms or lubes, so our admission was money in pocket to them. The male host was getting impatient, as he was walking back and forwards from inside to the front enterance waiting on expected people that did not show. We where in the spa alone at this point of time which is near front enterance, he stated he was wanting to play and evenually gave up worrying about the expected others. His co host partner was straight into play, so maybe her having fun without him, not getting any sex, getting annoyed at the no shows, the female attendee of the couple who joined us in the spa getting into his ears possibly drove him to his actions. If so sounds like he can't handle the role of host and by other comments here, seems others know of him and his attitude.
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DynamicCouple36
7 years ago
CountryTouch, following on from your comment above. We have been on this site for 4 or 5 years now, and have attended several swingers clubs and also paid/unpaid parties in and around Melbourne. Based on our experiences to date, we have formed an opinion as follows:- SWINGERS / DATING / ADULT SITES Sex sells as does the promise/expectation / "hope" of sex. These websites make a lot of money out of this, and they do it well. Their business model is to attract as many paying members as possible. Members who hope to get a piece of the action. Members who, for their membership fee, expect and sometimes demand, to get a piece of the action. It is a known fact that single male profiles (both genuinely single and married/attached) are in the vast majority on here. We often wonder why, but assume it has got to do with males being wired differently to females and that with males the urge to "copulate" is generally much higher, both in need and frequency to females, generally speaking. Then there are the males posing as females and the males posing as couples, and the couples profiles that are just the male half of the couple, the female being oblivious to their profile on RHP (and other sites) SWINGERS CLUBS AND PAID PARTIES We have been to several. In our opinion the business model of the swingers clubs, is to make as much money as possible and to use all sorts of tactics to increase the flow of paying patrons through the door. They do this in a number of ways, and the underlying tactic is always to make out (to those enquiring) that there are a lot of couples & single females at the club. It is all about numbers. Quantity as opposed to quality and the mix of people is not relevant. The club merely provides the venue. They don't guarantee sex or play or anything like that. The fee that you pay simply gets you through the door. They are not a charity, they are a business. Swingers parties (the paid ones) are, in our experience, no that different to the clubs. The hosts advertise these on the events page, you make contact, you get given the address, you pay the admittance fee and you are let through the door. It's a mixed bag of people inside, and you never know what you are going to get - it's like a "lucky packet" (remember those from your childhood?) . As money, and thus numbers of patrons, is the over riding factor, the screening is not very strict nor do we feel that the hosts consider the mix of people, their personalities, the dynamics of the group/attendees. In essence anyone can attend as long as they pay the entry fee. Some hosts simply host these parties to get laid and or get a piece of the action, for others it is all about making some money. At one paid party , that we went to, we counted 36 single males @ $80 each and just 4 couples ( us and a couple we know from RHP and then the hosts and a couple who were friends of theirs) We paid $30 entry fee. It was clear, to the majority of the male attendees, that they were not going to get laid that night ( we and the couple with us were not interested in a gang bang) and the proverbial shit hit the fan when the males started to demand their $80 back from the hosts, who naturally refused. The minute you pay for a party, the emphasis, dynamics and to a large extent the responsibility (on the guests and hosts) changes. The downside of having paid a fee to get in, is that some people would then want to get "value for money" and perhaps expect and or feel that they are entitled, to get laid. And therein lies the problem. UNPAID/FREE PARTIES Generally (based on our experience) these free parties have been strictly invite only. As such they have not been advertised on any websites nor event pages. Being invite only, the hosts generally have carefully screened the prospective attendees and considered things like would they be suited to the party, and to the others who are attending? Have they been to a party before? How did they behave? Did they enjoy it? How well do we know them ? Have they been recommended? As money (admission fee) has not been the driving factor behind these unpaid,private, invite only parties, the emphasis is , we feel, on quality as opposed to quantity. These are, in essence, parties for a close group of intimate friends and friends of friends. Generally they provide nibbles and some booze, but everyone normally brings their own and also a plate of nibbles. The dynamics of these parties are very different to the paid parties & clubs that we have been to. People all behave and work together to make the party a pleasant experience for all. The hosts are certainly open to playing at these parties, but it is to be noted that they don't always play (nor do they expect or feel that because it is their party that they are entitled to pay) , just as we don't always play, at these private parties. It depends on ones mood, the mix of people and a whole lot of other factors. To play or not to play is not the emphasis of it all, but to rather have a good time regardless. For four (4) years now, we have enjoyed an intimate "swingers NYE party" out on the large block of land near Bendigo (where our in the dead tree photos were taken). There has never been any charge and everyone has brought something along to share , some booze, bubblies, food, snacks. Generally attendees sleep over (there are a few prefabricated cabins, whilst others bring tents etc). The parties have been great fun. There is a large gazebo out in the open, a pool and a spa and this lends itself to some really fun times. We played at the first party (full swap) but did not at the 2nd or 3rd, but we certainly did have fun, as did everyone else we hope. The last party was themed along the lines of "Eyes Wide Shut" insofar everyone wore masks and masquerade outfits, which naturally did not stay on very long. The most important thing, for us, is that there is never, and has never, been any pressure on anyone ( or even perceived pressure) to play or to dress down or to do anything that you are not comfortable in doing. Enjoyment and a relaxed fun, and safe, time has been the number one priority.
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P69D69
7 years ago
Thanks for that summary of your views, much valued and sounds pretty spot on.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Sorry to hear that it wasn't a great party for you both. Any party that puts pressure on anyone to do something they are not comfortable with, etc, is one you should just leave. Being new to the scene can bring up all sorts of emotions, feelings, etc. But over time, you will know what is right for you both and which parties to avoid etc. We have been to most in the openly advertised scene, and there are a few that have the right mix. At the end of the day, like DC has said, parties are a mixed bag and you just have to find the right one for you both. Just take your time and enjoy the journey with those who are positive, friendly and honest. x
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Mark_and_Kathy
7 years ago
Every relationship is different some couples watch only for 12 months .parties are not only for sex we find that many couples enjoy the relaxed setting that allows them to share and explore via conversations discreetly and without judgement - Posted from rhpmobile
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rupamohan
7 years ago
Based on what you described I don't believe you were wrong anywhere... But it can also be seen as Host simply told you to avoid watching others in act because some of guests may not like it even if one of them invited you. Regd "Yet there was another two couples who where fully dressed and chatting all night and looked like they didn't recieve the same attitude." This can be easily explained..may be they were chatting in greet area not play area? If they were in play area may be they already know every one else in the play area? However... So are you simply being too sensitive? No idea Is it really happened exactly this way? Your story does have lots of subjective words and only you will know how accurately you described the situation.I can't comment which part is your interpretation and what was exactly said and we don't know version of host.A simple test to self judge you were right or wrong if this happens often..it is worth looking at yourself...if it is rare experience...have faith in your judgement you deserve a better place.
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P69D69
7 years ago
Yes, theres always two sides to a story, sorry if the other sides story is not available to compare. This was not about naming and shaming. We are only expressing what occurred to us and was hoping on good feedback of which we have recieved some great feedback. Please read other comments as you may be able to form a general idea of the host attitude towards others, it appears we are not alone. Where the two couples where standing & chatting, play was also occuring earlier in that area with a woman in cuffs hanging by chains from cieling, though yes its most likely the greet and meet area. The host could of said, that the others may feel its rude to watch, please exit into the other area, rather say play or don't bother coming back. No we are not being too sensitive, the attitude was rude & selective. We are a long time married couple, we both are not going to jump in and have sex with any random with no form of connection first, we are interested in playing, but when we decide and with whom we decide. We presented this, because we are new to this, and needed to try to comprehend the situation. From the comments we have recieved, we feel posibly that swinger parties are not our fit as even if they state no pressure to play, we feel there is expectations if not by hosts, there will always be someone expecting play. We will look at greet and meets from now on with possibilities of swinger parties in the future.
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rupamohan
7 years ago
If it was a commercial place no host will like to ruin a business with this attitude...I have never heard such a thing....so it must be very unique to this establishment.Don't let one experience form your opinion....
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P69D69
7 years ago
No not a commercial business, its a group that shares their properties amongst themselves. Fees are just donations to cover nibbles and consumables. As I stated its most likely just the actions of this one man who was host for that night. He was not the home owner, the home owner from what we understand lets others of their group use his house for events. The home owner was very polite and the house was brilliant with so many fun options, pool, spa, full equiped bondage room, play room with swing barbers seat, glory holes etc Its disappointing as could have so much fun there. We had attended a registered swingers club a little while ago where wife had oil painting done by Pricaso, the club was welcoming and no issues, had one guy pretty constantly trying to get on with wife but he was respectful and not over pressuring. We were eagar to try out the swing, only one couple in the room playing, no one else was playing, just sitting around or playing pool, we waited till they were finished and left room, wife was concerned of the guy who wss hitting on her entering room but I convinced her she would be fine. So from what we could see we were 2nd couple to play. Id gone down on wife on the swing, a few guys entered and watched, another couple jumped on a bed and were having fun, was our first time intentionally ever doing anything sexual in front of others, was pretty hot. Wife was not ready to go further though. As we finished the guy of the couple on the bed said that his female partner would like to please my wife, but wife wasn't ready for that, felt a bit imbarrased and said maybe next time. Wife's being hesitant in going back to this club as I tried to convince her its better being a registered business as they would not stand for that attitude of that man from the other group party and be good to attend to put that experience behind her. Might see if I can persuade her for this weekend. If not will just stick to greet and meets and dates. Not going to push her, she has to do it at her comfort.
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