M38
Connecting mentally with your fwb / partner
July 13 2016
Comments
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
Comes with practice. ;) Listen, and I mean listen to other person, they'll soon tell you. You'll pick up queues, as over time as they'll become repeative. Give yourself time, get out enjoy life, you'll met a lot of people along the way. Life is an adventure. Attend meet and greets, travel if you have too. You have a bright future ahead, if you use it wisely you'll be rewarded. Ms Foxy PS- women are not that difficult to understand. ;)
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RHP User
8 years ago
Sounds like you have found the perfect teacher. Cudos to you in that you have recognised your lack. Many people don't and are left wondering what the problem is . However soliciting feedback is also tricky,try and recognise the non verbal cues. You can learn if you listen,observe,respond to the verbal and non verbal cues. Concentrate on providing pleasure,get really good at it. ..then you might realise what is pleasurable for you..a refreshing question btw OP,enjoy your journey Q
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Eiliethiya
8 years ago
In that you WANT to improve and make the experience better (That's not always the case for many, or in my experience) I agree with what's already been said about practice and giving yourself time. Also...don't over-think things in the heat of the moment...then you may lose sight of why your there...fun & pleasure.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Good on you for putting yourself out there - both on the site and by posting this topic. It's a breath of fresh air not to have a bragging sess. As far as improving goes the first question I have is - what do you want to get out of your experiences? Some on here want to just have a great fuck, some want a relationship and some want something in between. You've mentioning connecting mentally? Maybe that's a key thing for you to enjoy sex more rather than it being mechanical. I get that because I'm exactly the same. Unless I have a real connection with someone I'd be better off watching grass grow than fucking them. Kissing - for me it's super important. How many people have told you're bad at it? If it's one person you might not be on the same wave length? It's hard to give practical advice without personal experience. However take it soft and slow. Baby steps. Don't try and examine their tonsils when you first go in. You can always ramp up the place later. You'll feel them pulling back a little if it's too much. Take your time - you might need to talk to someone more before jumping into bed with them and there's nothing wrong with that. Even if you're not into texting or messaging it can create a nice build up and give you insight into someone and their likes/dislikes. What do you enjoy in the bedroom? Do you like lots of foreplay, stroking or do you like to get straight into fucking? Find someone on a similar wave length. Relax and be in the moment. Enjoy yourself. Yes it's ideal to please the person you're with, but try not to agonise over it too much because it will show which will kill the vibe. Ask her what she likes and read her body. If she's not responding, try something else. And I agree with Q - sounds like a great teacher.
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RHP User
8 years ago
To your friend and asking for advice here ... That's a fantastic start. Your friend is still seeing you, she sees potential in you, take that as a cue. Don't let her advice be a 'self fulfilling prophecy '. Go in thinking I'm going to have fun and learn from her, rather than I'm not good at this I need to learn ;) I constantly ask for feedback from my lover, I like learning, it also helps to build a better connection. Kissing is an art form (abstract btw) what works for one, doesn't work for others. Take cues from her pace, her style, start off slow and sensual! tease with your tongue, just the inside of her mouth, listen to her 'noises' such as moaning :) they are your cues ;) Even consider a play with your friend, without penetration, explore, touch, listen and learn. It is refreshing to see a young man who wants a connection, quedos to you. Goodluck and enjoy your sexual exploration :) Mary xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
...let it be like a breath of fresh air. Think and act naturally...it either will or just won't be there.
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Mr_MrsAraps
8 years ago
Thanks for sharing and I can totally relate as went through the same thing when I got out of my first long term relationship and into my current one when I was told I sucked at kissing as well. After the initial attack of the sads I realised this is not a bad thing but an opportunity. I can say with experience if your with a partner who obviously cares enough about you to help you become better at it over the long haul and you have yourself identified you want to work at it then you will be more than okay. It may take some time so don't keep beating yourself up over and over. Just keep trying to read her cues and body language and you will get there and you as a sexual being and your relationship will be much better of for it. Good luck, W. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
But you still sound down on yourself.....I had a similar experience that I wont go into but when you get your confidence back you will have very fulfilling experiences. You dont connect with everyone....I only met a few guys on here I really connected with and we are still friends. It makes a HUGE difference. Dont have sex with someone just for the sake of it, wait til you meet someone who grabs your attention in all ways. Youre young, have plenty time and have the right attitude.....have fun! xx
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Mischeviouslad
8 years ago
Well done to you for being open and objective about yourself. Most guys hide behind their ego, which doesnt permit them to accept they may have certain failings. So big well done to you. Im not entirely sure connecting is the right word in this topic.Observation and listening are key elements, and it seems you are capable of observing your own self at the point.The other key element is communication. Your topic shows you can do that with us... and I hope you can do with whatever partner you are with. And it sounds like this *chick* is capable of it too, in her own way. Best thing you can do right now is learn from her, listen, pay attention, ... and don't be afraid of letting your masculinity off the chain. When she says you are missing cues, that means she is waiting for you to do, or not do curtain things. Lead, not wait. Leading takes that burden of responsibility off her shoulders.
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RHP User
8 years ago
maybe watching a doco or two on body language would help? random suggestion
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RHP User
8 years ago
...just google it! I stopped counting the YouTube pages at about number 10! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV2RTqrJ354 ....this one will do! And besides, the woman in the brief doco is ummmm... yeah, she would do!
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inspirit
8 years ago
Growing mentally and sexually. You were in a relationship with some one since you were 19. Unless you were both exploring and growing together, you end up in a rut with out realising. Hell just ask all the married men and woman on here seeking on the side. It happens. You are defo not the lone ranger on this. Everyone matures at different rates through experience, be it good or bad. Although good or bad is subjective to another persons thoughts. Just remember you will never please everyone. That's life, tho be happy pleasing you. Kudos to you young fella. Oh and shag around some more....it all helps. 🤓 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' That's life, tho be happy pleasing you. ....I think the lad wants a table for two? There's not a thing at all with a ''DIY Job'' now and then, just don't talk back to the one on the pillow that isn't there laying next to you!
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N4November
8 years ago
Western Australians that are too hot and too far away to reach!!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
When the student is ready-the teacher appears. Ive crossed the half century mark, and Im still learning about myself sexually. Never think you get to the point that there is nothing else to learn. Grow with each new experience.
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inspirit
8 years ago
Baysic.... 🤓 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Great post. Great steps in a direction that has a great future. I'm the same with connection. Without it sex is as you mentioned, a mechanical action. Having mental stimulation is a powerful thing. I find it brings increased pleasure to both. I can honestly say I have had and given lots more fun when the spark is there. I also never stop learning. I have a thirst for knowlegde and that doesn't exclude the bedroom. Great work on taking those steps. I'd be happy to chat with you more if you so desire. Keep up the awesome outlook. P.s. ... there are a lot of wise words from the replies. - Posted from rhpmobile
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