M51 F52
Consent
March 30 2021
Comments
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Phoenix_Rising
4 years ago
Are we talking consent in general that covers all topics or just consent when it comes to sexual encounters? I’m getting really worried about how involved schools are becoming with children’s sexuality and I believe they should back off but in the case of consent it applies to so many situations in life and they should be taught, giving consent and taking responsibility for your decisions are equally important in my eyes.
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RHP User
4 years ago
I think one of the biggest obstacles is the level of each individual child. Is each child going to be taught about consent on a level that they can understand? For example, when mine was 14 it was like communicating with a 20 year old on some subjects and a 10 year old on other subjects. Also, are we certain that if a young person does give consent, are they 100% sure what they are consenting too? Consenting to kissing, oral sex or fingers does not necessarily mean consenting to sex. I don’t think all young people have the same level of understanding or the capacity to give consent
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FunwithSandS
4 years ago
This is the loaded issue I mean. You have 15 year olds and you have 15 year olds. I’m referring to sexual consent, by the way, though issues with general consent would certainly overlap. I can see, on the other hand, why schools feel the need to be involved, given duty of care and the current public climate with respect etc. Genuinely tough one. How were you all taught?
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Sawadee
4 years ago
I think its a good starting point. I like the idea of students learning about consent together. Til now ' its gone un addressed and kids had not much guidance. Parents ( some ) teach thier kids the basic fundamental's on sex without much emphasis on consent.. l had no sex education when l was young qnd learnt from life's experience.. Bringing consent at a early age , might just save some kids from some seroius consequences...
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Libertine001
4 years ago
Consent has always been in the BDSM due to the sort of activities that are involved within it. These days is seems to be more mainstream as there is a lack of respect to anyone else that isn't in your close circle of friends. It is becoming mainstream as any litigation that comes from an encounter from a person calling abuse. Whether we like it or not we are all heading in the direction that the US takes and sues any person who has done wrong by them. I hate to see it but this is a reality in any encounters we have with others that have not taken the time to earn the trust needed where consent is not an issue. Just my two cents worth. Libertine
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RHP User
4 years ago
I could passionately write a book about this topic. I’m absolutely 100% all for discussions of this nature at school. Most sexual abuse of children occurs in a family environment by people known and trusted by the family. The law has also changed significantly since we were children. Remarkably, anal sex used to be an offence even between two consenting adults in the sanctity of their own home. Remember when we were teenagers and the thought of rape was always thinking of some psycho breaking into a house and brutally raping someone and not an act committed by someone known to the victim. Marital rape wasn’t even a thing many years ago. In Qld the definition of rape has broadened and includes fingering (as an example) without consent. So consenting to one thing and not another is complex. Plus throw in the videoing that can be done on the phones our kids have, and the repercussions sending nudes to their teenage partners may have. I believe we need to act as a community to educate our children. It’s not about sex education but rather the legal impact it may have on them. The victim shaming is still absolute bullshit - just take a look at the current JH matter. That case all came down to the argument of consent and very much in the public eye and every legal armchair warrior has a comment or thought on it. But as open minded parents in this community, we probably have more open conversations about sex, sexuality, consent than others. I know I do. But I also think of those children who don’t have that in their lives. Don’t we as a community have some obligation to recognise children listen more to others than us as parents too. The old saying “the behaviour you walk by is the behaviour you accept”. I’m not saying this falls solely on the schooling system, but do agree it should be reinforced regarding the legal and moral obligations placed on the next generation. Shit sorry - super long response! I know not everyone will share this view but that’s my thoughts for a penny.
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nightingale8
4 years ago
I wasn’t taught about consent. What’s consent!? (Joking). I count myself lucky to not have had adverse early experiences and the education to find out for myself. Plus I am thankful I didn’t grow up with a significant amount of porn available for me and my peers. Imagine thinking consent was a choice between violent hardcore porn acts or not. Yeek. I think any talk of consent needs to be taught alongside the importance of pleasure for both men and women in sex, as well as making it clear porn is entertainment. You wouldn’t act out the violent action movies, don’t act out the crass crappy porn scenes
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SpicyKale
4 years ago
As long as it’s done in an age appropriate way I don’t think there’s such a thing as too young to start. We started talking to our kids about it before they started school. They can’t speak up for themselves if someone touches them and they don’t know it’s wrong can they? The broader topic of informed consent will come as they get older, but it won’t come as a huge shock as we’ve been introducing age appropriate non sexual ideas of consent at a young age. I’d be guessing our nine year old could tell you more about half of this than your high school kids! Yes, parents should be doing this, but in reality a lot don’t. Hats off to your school for starting it, the teachers that aren’t need to have a hard look at themselves if you ask me. Relying on parents, peer groups and life lessons has only left us with the broader issues we’ve seen in Canberra over the last few months. Good work and rant over!
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The_Antichrist
4 years ago
You’re asking us and you’re the education professional ?? To give this much better context, if you’re on a commercial airliner and the captain suddenly pipes over the PA system saying “Hi, my name is Robert and I’ll be your captain for today’s flight. Firstly thanks for flying bomber airways, we hope you have a blast with our on board refreshments and inflight video. We’ll be cruising at 36,000feet and the weather looks calm(and ready 😂😂)...and if there’s someone on board that could just show us quickly how to start the engines so we can taxi out, that’d be great...” What would you think ??
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FunwithSandS
4 years ago
The_Antichrist, if you read my original post carefully, I said there was division within the school. I didn’t say I was divided about the need to teach it. Personally, I’m all for it. The issue of training is a good one to raise; some of my colleagues are being upskilled across the course of the year for that very reason.
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Phoenix_Rising
4 years ago
“After a 20-year-old woman took five shots of vodka and a prescription pill, she said she was standing outside a Minneapolis bar in May 2017 when a man invited her and a friend to a party. She agreed, but soon found out there was no gathering, she later testified. She “blacked out” instead, waking up on a couch and found the man she had just met was allegedly sexually assaulting her, according to court records. Almost four years later, the Minnesota Supreme Court unanimously ruled this week that Francios Momolu Khalil, 24, cannot be found guilty of rape because the woman got drunk voluntarily beforehand. The decision Wednesday overturned Khalil’s prior conviction of third-degree criminal sexual conduct, which had been upheld by an appeals court, and granted him the right to a new trial. The ruling also poured fuel on an effort in the Minnesota legislature to expand the state’s definition of “mentally incapacitated” to include voluntary intoxication so that defendants such as Khalil can be convicted of more serious offenses.” The woman was refused entry to the club because she was too drunk, she then chose to go home with a guy and allegedly got assaulted. This is a big issue regarding consent these days and as you can see they now want to consider whether or not voluntarily drunk people should be considered mentally incapacitated. I think it speaks to what Anti says about where this is all going and just how complicated the issue of consent is becoming, all I can say is good luck with it and please teach people about taking responsibility for their actions at the same time. We all know there’s people who have cried rape when really they just have regret and unfortunately that makes the whole situation just that much more difficult.
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Phoenix_Rising
4 years ago
After giving this topic considerable thought I think it’s dead set wrong to only discuss sexual consent. If schools are going to teach about consent it should be a class about consent and responsibility that covers all topics including sex. I think it’s entirely wrong and kinda weird for it to be about sexual consent and maybe touch on other areas of general consent, it should be the other way around, at the very least it’s make schools not look so creepy like they’re more interested in the child’s sex life than the other endless circumstances where consent is important.
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EarthQueen
4 years ago
I had no education about consent from my family. There was barely any sexual conversations. I was handed a book about sex for my sex education so its really been trial and error and self education. It's really in the last few years its been on my radar and when I was an active member here I have to say I was woefully unprepared to advocate for myself, to the detriment of myself. I am a product of my generation and when I was raised as a teenager in the 80's misogyny was commonplace. It still is but I think it was way worse then. This causes big problems for both men and women. It's a barrier to effective communication between the sexes and is a common block to creating a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. It's hard to change these cultural norms. I am all for consent being taught at school. I also work with vulnerable families and the amount of women I see with zero understanding in this area is ridiculous. I see a massive need for it. It's the type of real life education that is necessary for further societal shift. I don't feel it's necessarily appropriate for teachers to have to deliver this content though. I think it's much better to have people specifically trained in this area to deliver the material. The content is only as good as the understanding of the teacher so it's important to have someone skilled in delivering this, especially to teenagers.
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badboyhere
4 years ago
Consent. The dictionary explanation says - Permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. I guess that’s the key word here “agreement”. If we are talking about all topics regarding consent then I guess the first thing that we all need to understand is that there has to be agreement which would imply that two or more parties have to agree that something is going to happen, which also implies that there has to be conversation to come to an agreement. If this does not happen then no agreement can be determined. I don’t think schools or teachers are well equipped to talk about sexual consent. I feel most teachers would feel uncomfortable with any sexual content. However if the context was around agreement then this is something that can be easily explained and scenarios discussed in classroom dynamic. If there was curriculum developed around consent agreement then this might offer kids (and parents) more emotional intelligence and better insights into the consequences around no consent. I also feel parents need to lead by example and practice this first so they can lead their kids by example.
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2EssesExploring
4 years ago
I think people need to learn RESPECT first. For themselves, for others, for the earth. If you have self respect and respect for everything around you then the man who finds the vulnerable drunk young woman outside a club will make sure she gets home safe and sound or if she can’t tell him where she lives he might take her to a female friend’s place for her to dry out. He might respectfully leave her his phone number and is likely to receive much more in return for his deeds. Else if he’s the evil fucker he is, if most people respected each other then surely several people would have intercepted and protected this young woman and told the evil fucker to fuck off!
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funtimescouple1
4 years ago
Consent is very often blurred by alcohol or drugs, even for under 18's. I would implore to both girls and boys to not get overly intoxicated when they go out, always stay in your group, don't go off alone and look after your mates. Have a sober designated driver / lookout person if possible.
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Oysterman
4 years ago
Hi all, This is a no win subject, regardless as to what you think ! The last time I went to church this bloke splashed water on me and called me names ! My first experience with sexual high jinks was in a barn full of hay, there were three girls and one other boy, same age ! Both of us had no bloody idea about the antics we endeavored to get into - I think the three girls had some previous experiences ! , The question I’m asking :- “Are we from Anglo Saxon background and are we going to totally disregard the teachings of the Christian Church, which ever particular version your parents may or may not have encouraged you to follow” . I’m not going to throw stones coz ........ ! Are we going to have Emporia Dan stand on the steps of Parliament House, when his iddy biddy back and hip gets better and watch him play yet another fiddle on the good citizens, as Melbourne burns to the ground” . Think about it boyz and gurls - I’m gonna make a booty call on the Lady who lives in the unit next door. Praise the Lord, who ever she may be. !
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FunwithSandS
4 years ago
@Oysterman Mate, that’s truly left field. You’ve won the thread!
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MissyT
4 years ago
Consent needs a clear definition, to include touching onwards. With some kids, particularly those with social disorders, teaching them to articulate their individual needs regarding physical space is equally important.
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RHP User
4 years ago
I have been teaching my kids about consent since they could walk. To read people’s body language and watch if the step forward or backwards from you, as to whether you are to close or they want to be closer. To be aware of people and their different past experiences and if they are affectionate or like to maintain distance. These basic skills make them more aware if consent in all situations and teaches them to be respectful.
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Mrs_Deep_Love
4 years ago
I truly think leaving consent conversations until the age of 14 is locking the gate after the horse has bolted. I agree it shouldn't be the responsibility of the school but in all reality parents are not doing it. Probably because a lot of parents don't understand the subject matter themselves. I can recommend a great book I bought for my teen it covers consent and the full depth and breadth of sexual education. "Let's talk about it" by Erica Moen and Matthew Nolan.
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curiousnhorny05
4 years ago
At school which was during the 90s. Consent was not mentioned at all. Only the biomechanics of the birds and bees.
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PhoeniXandB
4 years ago
It really needs to be bundled into a broader topic - Respect, Consent, Rights & Responsibilities in your Community. This would go some way toward addressing the core issues of DV as well as sexual assaults and make sure young women know their rights - also would make sure men know that women know their rights, thus making them less likely to assault them. most do it thinking theyll get away with it, most are right sadly.
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gazpacho
4 years ago
Hi. Wonderful subject. Empathy is the lesson here. “Consent” makes it sound like you’re teaching men. But, empathy is a two way street. Sex is about caring and sharing. Teach that
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RHP User
4 years ago
That sounds awesome that they’re looking at running a program like that. I think it is so important to teach teens about consent and not just for their own agency and safety but as something that has legal consequences. Unfortunately, not all parents are created equal and as such some parents shy away from these important conversations while others give but information about it. I think teaching terns about consent makes everyone safer, identifying what consent is and means empowers teens to take action to protect themselves and others against people who would violate consent or know their rights to tell someone when their consent was not obtained. School should teach classes about these relationship issues including education about domestic violence and toxic relationships because unfortunately, all too often, parents aren’t talking about it or are modeling the same toxic behaviour.
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RHP User
3 years ago
Back when I was at school, the lessons were never touching upon consent. Consent was never discussed or raised, and personal development classes were all about bodily functions (menstruation for example, pregnancy), and never about the precursor to sex/intimacy. I think it's positive to have lessons about the importance of consent, for all. When I was at school it tended to be one sided in the sense of girls having to be conscious of contraception (or not have sex preferably, but we all know how that pans out). I think now, especially as consent laws have and are being changed, it is important for schools to be up to speed on the issues relating to consent, perhaps with added content on stories/cases concerning consent.
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