T63
Courtesy Period. A moral question.
June 15 2016
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
It's been a long time since I was in a realationship , The last one I didn't even know about ( too longer story , and it's another subject ) I noticed it's just happened to you Annie so "Big Hugs" I hope your ok ? I feel it's as soon as they change there fb to single , yeah I don't use Facebook anymore , As soon as the other party starts to tell the world there on market again ! I think it's when you know there is no chance of getting back together again ! As some people change there mind after they realise they can't live without one another It depends of the cause of the break up and how bad the break up was . Hay I have no idea ! I say it's when ever you feel it's the right thing to do !!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Emotional and mental processing of a broken relationship can and will vary, we are all different after all. Therefore, there is no right or wrong length of time. Some may need the physical aspect of being close to another to help the healing process, some may swear off physical relations for a while. Essentially, the appropriate length of time is what feels right for each individual. x Dam - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Oh, and I am not in a steady relationship however have been so thought I'd comment. x Dam - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I was married to my husband for 4years when it was called off. I waited about 3 months. I love sex and sex was always an issue in our relationship. As far as im concerned the cooling off period is more for new relationships rather than sex. - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
9 years ago
I think this any one can post here.... we've all been in a relationship. So Annie, here is mt take. I was in a 20 year marriage. We clearly broke up and it was a shit time. Anyway my ex was in another relationship 3 months after. I found it disrespectful to the 20 years we had together plus to himself and our kids. Was he cheating before we split up.... Probably. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
It if we're me, but that's married for 12, together for 16, two kids and a hubby that's never played outside the marriage. I guess it comes down to respect and how the relationship is since the break. Is there any reason the former partner needs to know about when their ex is having sex? Are they having sex with someone their ex knows? That's what I'd be concerned with more so than how quickly it was after the end of the relationship. Wounds take time to heal, and it would better to have a little buffer of time before finding out even if the relationship was a short one. Next day? Hell no! A week or a month? Again I think it comes to - does the ex need to know? Tough one! x
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RHP User
9 years ago
It depends on if you are the leaver or the left. The leaver has already started to heal when they break things off with the left , they knew it was coming so will be ready to move on more quickly in most cases. In terms of what would be respectful, I think at least a month or two is what SHOULD be done.. but it rarely happens in my experience.
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
If you are not together the other can do as they choose. For me, and I'm sure most sensable people, would agree, there needs a healing time. There's also what I call "relationship jumpers", those who jump from one relationship to another or sex with who ever and anyone. They use that as denial to their feelings, thinking that will be a quick fix. When in fact most of the time it backfires. I believe when this happens there's no investment in sex. It's just a root and that's it. There's nothing wrong with that as long as no one gets hurt in the meantime. It's their choice. I think everyone is different, depending on break up, how long etc. Ms Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
Who dumped who..in most cases I say, the who did the breakup has normally left long before the "actual" breakup-they grieved prior. So that leaves the one dumped to grieve the relationship. So they will go through many stages of it, including sex as a barganing tool. Ms Foxy
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Bazingal
9 years ago
I was with my ex for 19 years. After our split I found out he was cheating with my ex "bff". He remained living in our marital home with our children and I for 3 long, painful months. And in this time would come and go as he pleased while rubbing my face in it. After a short while I decided I was going to have some fun too. So I did. Amazingly he voiced his concerns at how inappropriate my behaviour was...... moving on so soon etc, lol. Ivy is very right, the leaver has already moved on before the end of the relationship is called. It's the left that has to catch up. Didn't take me long at all for sex; love took a lot longer and trust is still struggling along. - Posted from rhpmobile
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0z_boy
9 years ago
If there was a chance of a reconciliation jumping the gun may hamper that.I think a lot of (women in particular) have sex as soon as possible after a break-up out of spite, more so if the break-up is due to a straying partner.Paybacks a bitch.Me personally Ive never been able to jump from the fire into the frying pan.
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
and would depend on the person(s) involved, the length of the relationship, how close the relationship was, the reasons for breaking it off etc. It's something that we personally cannot answer, as we have been happily married for almost 19 years and could not even think of how life would be, if we were to part company. All we can comment on is previous relationships (before we met and married one another) Mrs D was a virgin and so had not really had any long term serious relationships. She had a long line of potential "suitors" who tried very hard (unsuccessfully) to get past 1st base. If they did not get what they wanted, they quickly moved on. Mr D had just one long term (6 year) relationship (his first). When that ended he went into a period of celibacy (approx 13 months) during which time he did not date anyone. He needed the time to heal and to get to know himself, to live by himself and enjoy his own time. After that he had a several girlfriends over a 2 year period, none of them very serious at all and so did not need any "time" to ''lie low and get over them before having sex with the next". He then met Mrs D and married her ..... the rest is history.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Its no ones business and no need to tell the other person...unless you deliberately tell them to try and cause some sort of pain. Which is pretty narcissistic and screwed up.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I saw the title and thought it was about the female half of the couple faking a "courtesy period" to get out of an awkward play date! Onto the real topic, we would agree with the one leaving the relationship moving on sooner and being ready for some fun in weeks rather than months as they have a head start in the process. Love takes longer to find usually but some healthy sexual fun in the meantime (as long as you're not leading anyone on) is part of the recovery process. Mr D
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RHP User
9 years ago
She did the 'leaving' but he is planning his fourth marriage this coming October! He had someone else in under two weeks, after 12 years of marriage with my friend. She's only just started seeing someone! She did leave because the marriage had broken down and she was under the impression that they would seperate and try to repair and rebuild! Alas, he obviously didn't get the memo :( It's a tough one. If I'm looking for purely physical intimacy, I couldn't tell you, it might happen quickly. If I was looking for something more, I'd wait. Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think it's OK for both parties to have sex with others immediately after...but they shouldn't advertise it to the ex at all.Just as both parties shouldn't inquire or look into who the ex is sleeping with now. That's looking for pain.And if your still living under the same roof for a while, you can't bring people home while they're there...that would be cruel.2 and a half years ago, my ex showed me all the courtesies while we lived and worked together for 3 months after the breakup. I was down for months, because the love hadn't died for me....but the courtesy she showed me is why we're still long distance friends now. Life goes on...there's no need to make it harsher than it has to be.
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Twisted_Mister
9 years ago
Just cannot stand having nobody in their lives. It's that simple. My ex (not badmouthing her) hasn't been single since she was 16. She dumped her previous boyfriend the day before I took her out, we had 13 years together, she moved into a rented place and got a tenant who she started dating within a week - that lasted for two years before she kicked him out and got another bloke on the hook by that weekend. I'm happy with my own company - I was single for over six years before I hooked up, and have been single for another three post-relationshop. Single, but not celibate.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Twisted_Mister' Just cannot stand having nobody in their lives. It's that simple. My ex (not badmouthing her) hasn't been single since she was 16. She dumped her previous boyfriend the day before I took her out, we had 13 years together, she moved into a rented place and got a tenant who she started dating within a week - that lasted for two years before she kicked him out and got another bloke on the hook by that weekend. I'm happy with my own company - I was single for over six years before I hooked up, and have been single for another three post-relationshop. Single, but not celibate.... - Posted from rhpmobile Yeah i was like that.Then i took a few years off, no dating and found i actually liked my own company and re-connected with myself before even thinking about dating. I do much prefer having a partner but have learnt that it's not the end of the world and think that time out that i took ended up learning more about myself to better future relationships. To me i think a couple of months after a break up is acceptable but in saying that it all depends on the circumstances of the break up/relationship. I do fail to see why the other person needs to know though it is afterall your life not theirs.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Twice I've given it 2days. She calls it quits that's her choice I'm not waiting to be second choice. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Annie I would say it depends on if the person is the leaver, the leavee or if it was a mutual break up and both stayed friends. I don't think there is a courtesy period as such. Nor do I think it is necessary. If you or they have moved on then when they feel comfortable with venturing out to play again it is totally up to individual. For the one left behind ... the mourning phase will vary on how long and deep the relationship was. People heal in different ways too. Some close down and take time out for themselves, others go out and will have sex with someone else as a way of getting the ex out of their head. LG
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RHP User
9 years ago
OP hugs and all the best to you. LG
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Twisted_Mister' Just cannot stand having nobody in their lives. It's that simple. My ex (not badmouthing her) hasn't been single since she was 16. She dumped her previous boyfriend the day before I took her out, we had 13 years together, she moved into a rented place and got a tenant who she started dating within a week - that lasted for two years before she kicked him out and got another bloke on the hook by that weekend. I'm happy with my own company - I was single for over six years before I hooked up, and have been single for another three post-relationshop. Single, but not celibate.... - Posted from rhpmobile I too was like that , I've now been single two years - on purpose , I needed to learn to be happy with my own company :)
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RHP User
9 years ago
You are talking about monogamous couples. Do they really discuss that tho?
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
As long as there is no chance of a reconciliation, and over is over as stated by the OP, then it is over and as long as you feel up to it then you are not cheating and can have sex the next day if you want. If you were in a relationship that was open and you were allowed to have sex with others then the question is irrelevant (with regards to having sex that is). Now, getting back into another relationship is an entirely different matter, and varies per individual and circumstances and how you feel. Could be a day, could be years. That's feelings though. If you are talking morally, can't see any reason why you can't get back on the horse as soon as the bruises have healed sufficiently.
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RHP User
9 years ago
It depends on the nature and the length of the relationship but IMO it's always a good thing to take some one out to reflect on where you are in your life. Sex is never just about sex,it can literally fill a physical space but IMO it is just a for of white noise hugs Annie Q
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RHP User
9 years ago
When my ex husband left it was with no lead up so it was a huge surprise but he was 'sharing' with a female a few days later. I think it was 12 months before I thought if sex and another 12 months before I actually did anything about it. I think it is completely up to the individual be it the next day or the next year but a little time is good for the soul. Best wishes and hugs Annie 😘 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Every situation differs Usually, it's over long before you finally call it quits. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
isn't it frequently "longer than they did" I know people who think that their ex jumped over to another person too quickly - even though they had been with another person before their ex. I don't think there is any set timeframe - generally whoever moves on first will have the other person saying "how could they". I think there is a length of time where it's nicer to keep things quiet rather than shouting from the rooftops about your newfound paramour.
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RHP User
9 years ago
arms around you xoxo
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Presumes it relates to my situation. It may or may not but i just thought it was an interesting topic that came up in conversation. But thanks for the hugs and wishes though. My situation did change as can be seen from new profile gender.
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PurePeony
9 years ago
Annie, I'm so sorry. :( Breakups suck! When my longest relationship of seven years ended, it took me years to finally get over it. He was also the guy I lost my virginity to, and for the next few years, I just couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else. I'm too embarrassed to reveal exactly how many years I was celibate for. :P With my latest relationship, it lasted eight months only, we barely had sex and when we did it was lacklustre. I chose to be alone and celibate for a year after we broke up. Once I got over it, I felt a bit "cheated" that I was sexually deprived whilst in a relationship and I ended up with a profile on RHP to make up for it! I suppose I am extremely atypical with my totally self-enforced long courtesy periods. I wish I weren't, but it is what it is.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting '0z_boy' If there was a chance of a reconciliation jumping the gun may hamper that.I think a lot of (women in particular) have sex as soon as possible after a break-up out of spite, more so if the break-up is due to a straying partner.Paybacks a bitch.Me personally Ive never been able to jump from the fire into the frying pan. I'm usually already in the frying pan sizzling away
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RHP User
9 years ago
love jumping in the pan with the sausages
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Monogomous couples No its not a normal topic but why not have the matter of fact discussion over dinner to see your partners response. In a light way of course. And then report in here.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' love jumping in the pan with the sausages You mean being the mash between the bangers...?#foodjokes#inmyelement..
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RHP User
9 years ago
My ex said, "We are done and dusted" on Sunday as she had found someone else (female). We still shared the same bed for the next 3 weeks, but by Wednesday, I thought "What am I waiting for?" and my (now) ex was supportive. That weekend was sex sex sex culminating in my date meeting my wife and girlfriend when we got back on Sunday. All good. Everyone happy. Not all breakups end badly.👍
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Koolgrey' Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' love jumping in the pan with the sausages You mean being the mash between the bangers...?#foodjokes#inmyelement.. you know I love talking about food mmm
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
I was going to post something similar. So if it's a mutual breakup, what is there to discuss? If both are happy, seeing each other happy, there shouldn't be a problem? Yeah?? Back on Topic..why would anyone put limits on another about having sex with others, (put a time period in place)? I think I would politely tell them to get stuff. Not something I would discuss with partner prior, a break up either. It's kinda creepy, in my eyes Ms Foxy
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RHP User
9 years ago
back on topic, I won't comment on the sex part because I'm pretty loose in that regard but in relation to moving into another relationship, where kids are involved, for me personally, it's a big no no. I won't do that to my kids. They are mature and accepting, understand me and my sexuality, but I still wouldn't now bring a new partner into my life, they really don't want that, even though they don't say it. They're used to their parents being there, as a team, or not, whatever, but they only have one set of parents and the closeness that comes with that, can then make them feel awkward and uncomfortable when new partners come into play. I don't really care if my opinion isn't shared, I respect other people might choose to do it differently, but for me, I won't go there. If I was seeing someone as an ongoing thing, I'd still keep that separate to the life I have with my children, for now at least and probably for a good few years
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm sorry, I didn't realise. Hugs from me too, sorry xx
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sweetgem
9 years ago
Nearly a decade ago since I had a breakup auntie Annie 😛 in that breakup, it took me six months or so to get out and start seeking some casual company (sex included of course). My last breakup was a marriage broke down, so there were legal aspects to take into consideration when it came to seeing someone new. Hence, I purposely waited a bit longer to start seeking casual company and sex was mainly what I went for because, I did not want my ex to have any excuses to make our divorce a difficult process, as regaining my marital freedom was paramount! However, if I was only in a non-married relationship, I would not have any issues in having sex with new men sooner because, I would not be looking for love and so emotional satisfaction is not on the list to be taken care of 😋 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Eiliethiya
9 years ago
All experiences are different. My ex-husband and I "grew up" together. We met at 18, married at 22 and were together for 16yrs. I left him, but we (awkwardly) shared the house for 6months afterwards. I felt a little hurt because he had a new 'girlfriend' within 2wks. I didn't hate him, I just didn't love him anymore, but him moving on that soon made it feel like those 16yrs meant nothing. I don't regret it, I have 2 wonderful kids, but I do regret how it ended and how we no longer speak at all. I had hoped it wouldn't go that way. But it got really nasty before it just became...nothing. :/
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RHP User
9 years ago
My BF doesn't view sex in the same way as most people. So I don't think he would worry about the sex too much, but entering into another relationship is something else entirely. He would be conflicted and have mixed feelings about that as most would. Each situation is different. At the moment we are monogamous but he has had boyfriends in the past, so waiting doesn't really apply in that situation.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Actually I am monogamous - he is monogamish. Lol. ;-)
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OzRednecks
8 years ago
Breakups are never easy. The way I feel about the 'Courtesy Period' is: Its up to you (the individual). If you feel lost, then take time out and find yourself. Do stuff YOU want to do. Make yourself happy. If you want to take time out, do it. If you want to spoil yourself, do it. If you want to bed that hottie that is giving you the eye, do it. If you want to commit to someone else straight away, do it. If you dont want to jump into anything, dont. 'You' are the most important person in your life.I remember you from another topic (I dont get on here that often) and I thought your answers and comebacks were amazing. Very funny, witty and sincere.I hope you are happy and well and wishing you all the very VERY best in whatever you doKeep smiling Hugsxxx She xxx
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
I share the same opinion about same sex interludes. I would have no problem with either having an interlude with another from same sex fresh from a breakup. But thats probably only agreed with from those who are bi themselves and of course be dependent if the bi ex is not open to an emotional involvment with the same sex. No clear answer though having reread my words above. There will be posts saying there should be no difference drawn between homo and hetro hook ups. Not sure how to word what im trying to say there. Hope it makes sense. Thanks hesheWA. I'm good.
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RHP User
8 years ago
i don't believe in a moral period, whatever feels appropriate to your emotions or your ex partners, i.e if you guys were in a great relationship but drifted and even though you care for each other it isn't going to work, then you wait until you feel that its right or that you know your ex is in a good place and you won't cause undue pain. if you find out your ex was cheating and your ex walks out then all bets are off, as soon as i can get under someone its gonna help get over em too
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
You summed it up well. But as i said, the view would be lost on the straight people.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I don't think it's a difficult concept to understand at all. I am sure everyone would get that. What I was trying to say with my example is that people who have more than one relationship - not necessarily same sex - wouldn't have a coutersy period per se.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I recently split up with someone after 6 years, after he'd bought me a ring, made me promises of being together long term; the whole shebang. So as far as I'm concerned, if he lied about how he felt about me, and USED me for his own ends, without the slightest twinge of conscience for that whole time, on the day he ended it, I was free to go about my 'business as usual'. A nurse I work with told me some fabulous advice which I hold dear to my heart - 'the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else'. Works for me.
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RHP User
8 years ago
The minute it's deemed to have ended, you owe each other nothing more than the respect of not being a cling on...... Onward, upward, and smile that it had happened at all. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Single_Guy4U
8 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' love jumping in the pan with the sausages and meat balls (with cream sauce)
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