M40
Curious about Open Rel/s
February 21 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Will watch this thread very closely.. FOXY *popcorn in oven, relaxed in recycler* - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
You say women are the instigators of the open relationships? That is interesting, certainly from my circle of friends and alot of women I know in my age group I think most of them would be horrified by an open relationship scenario. Are you mainly referring to younger women? 20's and 30's??
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RHP User
12 years ago
To meet a woman who instigated it. I've yet to meet a couple who has successfully maintained it. The operative word is maintained it
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RHP User
12 years ago
but then I am not the norm,most times its the mans desire so far its working but then I keep my life with my husband and my lovers seperate Its not something we discuss Its something we agreed on, he has no desire to be with anyone but I am sure if he was attracted to another woman he would give it a go. I think so long as you are only getting involved re the sex and not emotional then it can work, and there is the danger of open relationships falling for the person your just playing with. life has its risks , especially if you live it to the max
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RHP User
12 years ago
I know a couple for whom the wife was the instigator for it. While I initially thought that it would almost always be the man's idea, from what I've heard / read about other people's experiences it often seems to be the male who is more opposed to the idea of it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Like I said I don't thinks it is always the woman that is why Ian asking to see what I can find out about it. I simply said in FIFO situations it seems to be the women more,but not only focused on them I want to know about the at home couples as well. If there is someone in the relationship who was in a previous O/Rel do they want for that again or do they prefer the non O/Rel. I really want to hear all sides of the stories here.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
between me and my attached :> when he travels and is a long way from Victoria and home its difficult. i brought it up and we agreed as long as we we honest to each other and others. We agreed if either of us was uncomfortable we would stop. When my partners around we don't play unless both are involved happily. We both have high sex drives, it keeps our selves stress free. ;>in saying that though, we stick to honest clean straight up nsa fun, that suit all involved, and doesn't hurt any one. We just scratch a itch that some times a little one on one or whatever your fancy in person can only scratch.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My wife and i have been together 17 years and had a 10 year engagement, been married 7 years. (our friendship often transcends our marriage). We started talking about infidelity and the inevitability of it just before we got married so we put a "hall pass system" in place where each of us could "play up" once (or twice at a stretch) and know there would be no consequence at home. This was a "dont ask, dont tell" arrangement that curiosity got the better of and we eventually compared notes. Being able to openly talk about it and the feelings,etc that arose from it led to a deeper understanding of each other and the realization that the sex wasn't the important aspect of our relationship, just a facet and that the really important thing was intimacy. It's the glue that sticks all the other parts together to make a whole. Having sex without intimacy made it just an act, like eating, breathing or other mundane functions. More exciting of course but still just an act. So with the realisation that the intimacy and trust between us was the real key, it was fairly simple to conclude that if we weren't looking for that in others no jealousy could arise between us, what we have is invioable. Experience and experiences have added to our knowledge base to the stage where we now feel some possessiveness yet no ownership of the other, an equality of spirit, mentality and emotion and the wholehearted desire to see the other experience maximum happiness and fulfillment in ALL aspects of their life. We're both experimental sexually and aren't conceited enough to believe that we can provide everything that the other needs or wants. Therefore we ultimately believe that inviting others into our lives to fulfill these wants and needs is actually a healthy and vital necessity to our relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Deviousbassman that is how it works :)
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inspirit
12 years ago
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RHP User
12 years ago
....wanted it - and still do.She has her fuck buddies, and picks up when clubbing. I don't (can't lol) pick up so I have fun at gangbang parties. We play without each other and we play together in 3/4 somes or at the few swingers parties we have been to. Works really well.The DIFFERENCE - for us - is.....I get off on watching her being fucked (whether thats one guy or a group) and hearing about her fun afterwards (or even hearing beforehand eg a text saying she is about to go for a lunchbreak fuck).Whereas she doesnt want to hear about my antics. That's the difference. Shame but I cna put up with that. Obviouslyt when we're playing together she watches me and joins in - she is in the mix and on a sexual high. But when I get home from a gangbang she doesnt want detals lol.There is no lying or cheating - its all out in the open. And we don't go crazy, like seeing people every day...we keep it in perspective and usually make it once a week.You CANNOT be jealous and you CANNOT be put off by another man all over your wife, for example. Get past that hurdle and you won't look back!One day it will prob all end, or when one of us wants it to. But for now, we're riding the wave while we can. And we have 3 young kids to think about too!!!So, apart from the small difference, it works SUPER well for us.I recommended all to try - as long as they don't get jealous. If one partner can't hack it, STOP!Paul & Rosie
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have to say that I can't understand open relationships or people who are poly amorous. Most of my friends have a monogamous relationship with their partners so I have no experience on whether open relationships work. Some of you say it works as it is just sex without any emotions involved. In that case, does it really matter who instigates it? Well, if it works for you, great.I am not judging, not everything works for everyone. I am not sure I would be comfortable in such an arrangement.For me, a relationship involves trust. For guys, you always have Mrs Palmer and her five daughters to keep you company instead of looking for another woman. Is it as fun, definitely not but at least it keeps the trust alive while the partner is away. It also makes the homecoming a whole lot more sweeter.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...yes its just sex. Animal sex. No intimacy. We have a rule - no cuddling...well at least not in front of the other partner lol.She has had a weekend away with a FB once. No, I wasn't thinking every minute of the day "I wonder what she's up to" - you just switch off lol.We also do safe sex only. That was hard to adhere to at first but now easy peasy!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I find it interesting that your partner PUSHED you into it. May I ask what it is that's going to be next to "keep the relationship"?? I don't mean to sound judgemental, but emotional blackmail - if indeed that's what your partner has done to you - is a big fat NEXT for me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Definitely I was the first to raise it in conversation. We love each other very much but we have different drives. We have been in the swinging scene before and had quite a wide variety of experiences. But despite our love and desire for each other, combined with my very late arrival to the world of sex, we don't seem to be able to balance our needs. As a part of a discussion of things we could consider to add another element to our lives, something we could do together and separately, we ended up deciding on an open relationship with full disclosure. I have an individual profile and we have one together, but are happy to play separately. Neither one of us is more keen than the other, we both have interests and excitement for different reasons. Similarly, we both have areas that we are cautious with, probably different ones. But we have no reason to hide anything, we have settled on very few absolute rules, one of which is safe sex for everything, no fluid transfer. As a couple, we subscribe to the context of change. That is everything changes, it is the only guarantee, so we will direct the change, and be open to the changes that will come. Where we are now, we may not be next month, or next year, but our commitment is to be there together. Xoxo Monique - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
soiry my hubby fifo his the one that wants it!!!!! basically if he doesnt get it i wont have a marriage . i told him i dont want it but he then doesnt want me but as soon as i say ok i guess we have to wow he wants me i guess as i dont want a divorce i am having to do it even though it makes me sick and feel so unworthy but hey now i have told him i guess i have to enjoy it so i am going for people who turn me on its not always women and yes it defiantly ruins what you had. we had great sex and love making before this and now it will never be the same! oh well ill find someone who will give me what i want sex wise cos it aint him anymore!!!!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
The theory is amazing....in practise it can be fraught with danger. I have several FWB .... From here and the real world. Who in turn are seeing others. While they all know there are others, the level of knowledge varies depending on the individual. The only constant is change and each little "r" relationship evolves over time. My current philosophy is to enjoy the journey and leave the destination to the universe to work out. It's been liberating on a number of levels from a serial scheduler to simply enjoy the ride. Will there come a time when choices have to be made? Maybe? Maybe not. I can tell you that clients, friends and family are all continually telling me how happy relaxed and gorgeous I look, so no plans to change anything in a big hurry. Is my name Sally and did I just meet Harry!!!!!! I want just exactly what I have right now....
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RHP User
12 years ago
That is so wrong of him and shows a total lack of respect for you and your needs! You were basically blackmailed into it. No way would I stay in that kind of marriage.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
My heart breaks for you. That is wrong and is a direct way to show no care for your feelings. I don't know what to say.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
My goodness! No! Are you saying you participate with others also just to keep your husband? I suddenly feel so very sad
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RHP User
12 years ago
Note she doesnt want to fuck other people either, so Id say its a semi-open relationship. I love her so much and cant think about not being with her. Its just that I have a high sex drive and she hardly ever wants sex. Im lucky if I get it once every 2 months. Does this mean I will leave her? never. I thought she was joking when she said it but no, she really wants me to find a fuck buddy. So thus im on this site just feeling around. Id also point out that its by her rules only - she doesnt want to meet them or talk to them, she says she will get jelous. Now most would say its me cheating on the side after that last sentance but I have no reason to lie, even tho most do. At the moment Im sexually frustrated but head over heals in love with my GF. So whos to say that everyone cant be happy in a open relationship? Some people dont want a relationship and other are in a relationship and just want a fuck-buddy on the side to be sexually happy. Just my two cents worth.
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