F53
Cynical
August 29 2014
Comments
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I think it partly depends on what someone expected when they came here versus what they actually encountered. But I also think this site is not all that different from real life. When it's good, it's fab and when you have some good and some bad experiences they may balance each other out, but when there's a stream of bad things for a while I think it can leave a person defeated. It could make them view other/future encounters in a certain light, and the expectation that everything sucks may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Recently there has been a fair bit of negativity on some forums and I found that the more negative people were, the more negative others (including me) became too. I find it's easy to get caught up in pessimism around me at times, and end up becoming one of the contributors. I think becoming cynical/jaded can be a vicious cycle that can be tricky to get out of. But then something may happen (or someone may suddenly come along) that restores faith in the genuineness and kindness of people here. As for a solution: I'd say: Expect the best and prepare for the worst. There is good and bad here, just like everywhere else.And treat others like you want (demand!) to be treated yourself.
-
Plain
10 years ago
As in you pays yer money and find you have been had, not on this site yet I Might say. Or you get carried away in forum discussions where you suddenly become a target and you are not sure why, or you have written something that offends somebody that you dont know and get hit you between the eyes in a literal sense.Yes you do get jaded more by the cynical attitude of people who react to someones experience as a slight on their character.Hmm theres a thread here and me thinks its by a lot of the site operators promising the world as in plenty of readily accessible partners all you have to do is join and voila, but in reality nothing more than emptiness.There are scammers a plenty and on some sites a rotating data base shuffled between countries etc that give an impression of lots of people but in reality....Forums are about as genuine as can be and I enjoy being able to voice an opinion or contribute a life experience and as a whole they are probably addictive and yes I know I wrote about the negatives first up, but life would be boring if we were all the same wouldnt it??
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Emotion contagion at it's finest ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
As a male, this website utterly destroyed my confidence in my physical appearance. Whereas few years ago I considered myself to be handsome and fit, now I am just fit. Could not believe how many doors closed to me the minute I unlocked my face pics, I never knew how unattractive I was until the women on RHP made it quite clear. Out in the 'real world' I seem to attract women at clubs and bars every now and then, but on here, I struggle to get a response to...well, anything. I think this website (and seriously, you cant deny this ladies...sorry...) is primarily for over 40s, I think I'm a tad young to be on here...the guys over 40 seem to be having no trouble at all. And NO - they are NOT necessarily any more intelligent, mature, articulate, or experienced than me, that's pure stereotype, and a defense mechanism for women who lack the self-esteem to spend time with a fitter, younger male. Anyway, that's how the RHP experience has been for me, a lot of hard work and persistence for very little result. Thankfully the girls I met on here were awesome...but they are too far and between to warrant a paid subscription, and my attitude to the people on here has changed, I don't find many to be trustworthy. I do like meander though ;)
-
RHP User
10 years ago
information shared between onlinre partners seems to result in a bed of suspicion, treachery and heartache. We then grow increasingly cynical towards intimacy. Socio-cultural motivations, lowered dating expectations, & the need to keep our hearts safe, cause us to question every intent or emotion showered on us, so much so that even the loving embraces of a partner elicit suspicion. In the face of such complicated feelings, a relationship cannot foster a bright and happy future. A relationship should thrive on trust, love, honesty, intimacy, emotional maturity, & mutual understanding, but this becomes increasingly harder to maintain, with each false online persona, negative experience, or catty forum disputes. Yes, I think Rhp has made me jaded & cynical....But, it has also taught me to value & respect the honest, integral people I converse with on here, to be thankful for new friendships, & to not just take everyone at face value. It has also shown me that I don't want or need unemotional sex, that I am worthy of true love. Through the negative we learn to value the positives even more. I have learnt much about myself, my needs, my wants, my strengths & my flaws.. This can only ever be a good thing... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Tigeroo' And NO - they are NOT necessarily any more intelligent, mature, articulate, or experienced than me, that's pure stereotype, and a defense mechanism for women who lack the self-esteem to spend time with a fitter, younger male. but statements like this - and not being the first time you have said something along these lines - indicate to me that perhaps you're not quite as mature yet as you consider yourself to be. You do seem to have a lot to offer but I think you have let RHP leave a little chip on your shoulder. I can understand it in a sense, and I agree that this place is probably more suited to those a little older, but it's a bit petulant to be blaming and putting down the women for not being interested in you.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Of emotions on here ,agree it's relative to what you wanted going in! In reality forums are a good way to form friendships,share sexy details of life! Can be frustrating as well,as long as you don't let it get to you,emotionally ,need a thick skin at times! Funny being a grey ghost can be a noose but surely you can be incognito Without the grief that goes with it !!
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Give the guy a break will you? Women complain constantly on this site... Just look at a secret whinging business yet when a guy shows some vulnerability he is labeled immature. Tigeroo I am intimidated by hot gorgeous people because I am just your normal chick. I agree that online dating is probably more for the oldies. Well it seems to be when you look at the forum. Are there younger people in the chat rooms? If you were in Sydney I would take you out.... No problem but I would have to hold my boyfriend back cause he would eat you up with lashings of cream!!
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Same if a guy approached me on RHP and he had all hot young women as friends on his profile. I couldn't compare with that, so I don't even try
-
Missb4u
10 years ago
I feel for you. That's a horrible thing to have happen. I always enjoyed your comments and posts and thought you showed great maturity, I often would check your age after reading your comments. Don't let the site wreck your self confidence. And I agree with Meeka hot guys intimidate me I always think what would they want with me, I'll just be a fuck for them.
-
madotara69
10 years ago
You have a great set of knockers Mado Mado Tara xx
-
MsJonesy
10 years ago
No, it doesn't make me that way. But I approached it with a healthy sense of who I am and try to be realistic as possible. If I found myself becoming cynical I would know I was spending too much time here and block myself for awhile :) Tigeroo - nice to see you posting again. Sorry to hear your experience here wasn't always positive. I would recommend you attend the next Melb Meet & Greet. I don't think you attended the last and I think you were one of the people concerned about the number of 'oldies' attending? But how can we oldies be won over if we don't meet you? Don't let cynicism set in!!
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Ive found most of the "hot faces" ( but not all) have massive egos and let you think they are doing you a favour by offering to meet you. "Hey, its your lucky day". Really? It would be if you had , instead , a nice smile and great personality. I know Im an old girl, under no illusions why younger guys message me, but theres nothing attractive about someone who thinks they are better than you. Back on topic, my friends are on other dating sites and you just have to take them for what they are, as Meander said, when its good, its great, but a bad spell leaves you wanting to give up.
-
Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
I get what you say, and it's magnified if you know girls on site that get dozens of messages, and despite your best efforts you MIGHT get one a fortnight. But it's about being realistic - for me, it's where I live and being a four hour flight to pretty much anywhere in the country. I will say though, that just occasionally there are some marvellous surprises in store, and there are some good people here! It may well be that the ladies who dropped off contact after pg opening have been swamped with other messages and contact, and you've just dropped off their radar - nothing sinister in it. My profile pic's pixelated as I regard myself as having a head like a half-eaten pie, but I'm glad to say it's been accepted by some - must be my winning personality and endless supply of knock knock jokes....... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
Well this was the first on-line dating thing I'd done. Is it for me, well I'm still not sure, I'm looking for something and I haven't found it yet, but in saying that I haven't found it walking down the street, at the super market, at work, at a pub or anywhere else either...... Tigeroo, the only reason I tend to stay away from a younger man is purely because, I don't really see what I have to offer them. I'm looking for someone that wants to be with me regularly and is open for a relationship. If feeling do develop, then there are things that I can't give a young man, like babies and I have responsibilities that see me being a home body a lot of the time. I love a younger man, I'm attracted to younger men, but as much as I love them, maybe I'm just scared of them.....💋
-
TheLuckyOne
10 years ago
You sweet talker you! x
-
madotara69
10 years ago
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Women complain constantly on this site... Just look at a secret whinging business yet when a guy shows some vulnerability he is labeled immature. Tigeroo I am intimidated by hot gorgeous people because I am just your normal chick. with both points :)
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I wouldn't say online dating has made me cynical. I would say that it made me re-evaluate my expectations but once that recalibration was done, it has been much easier to float along the surface here without being caught in the undercurrents. I am not going to rehash recent discussions but the last week has been a low point for me to the extent that I was developing an aversion to the site. It was easier to stick to friends and not take up arms against a sea of troubles. However, whilst I may disagree with people from time to time, I can see their intelligence and I know that they have worthwhile things to say which adds to my experience here, and spirits rise again. Tigeroo, I am sorry to hear about your experience. It is wrong to say that you only get what you put in because many put in their all for no reward through no fault of their own. Experience shows that being over 40 is no protection from feeling rejected and unwanted on this, and other dating sites. We all do it tough at some time. We all suffer the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. It is the measure of the man, and woman, how they react to misfortune, to persevere or perish. I agree with Meander. I expect the best of people but am not shocked by the worst. But too err is human, to forgive divine. In the end, you can only control your own actions and must strive in your own self to be true in your dealings with others as you would have them deal with you.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
But then I saw all the ass's... Seriously all above me I applaud you...hubba hubba
-
Paradisepair
10 years ago
Thinking just earlier today how much I have enjoyed the company of younger 28year oldish guys. I was always cynical, not necessarily jaded but definitely streetwise. Got the internet before 99% of Australia and dove into message boards head first. As a result I know not to feed the trolls and to only invest in the dramas of those you actually know, like offline too. I've met amazing friends online, lasting friendships. Any forum is a community, and I guess it's like we shift suburbs depending on the mood of the mob, some days we're all cohesive and caring, or lazing in the sun and other days we're rough and slumming it. A sunny Palm Beach Sunday vs midnight in the Cross... Can't say too much about online dating, but rejection's part of the experience of putting yourself out there, so grain of salt and all that, if we were all meant to click all the time with whomever we fancied there would be no need for sites like this.
-
Hottie1
10 years ago
Tigeroo and Twisted, you gents are HOT! ( just sayin) Tiger your experiences resonate with us. We are a couple, get a tonne of views, get hit up through messages, we open our PG and by then the couples who wanted to catch up are " already playing with too many couples and can't fit us in " or "we are not going to be sexually compatible", apparently a skill I don't have yet, because I can't determine sexual compatibility by simply looking at pictures 😉 We go to parties and are inundated by couples and singles who want to keep playing and seeing us ( my point is we can't be that bad). They see the real us and what we bring. As has been said before, hang in there. Go to the meet and greet because you will meet incredible people and your faith with be restored because we will all get to 'see the real you'. Mary xx
-
RHP User
10 years ago
YES
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I use the Internet as a tool , nothing more . I don't invest Emotions on a world of Fantasy & make-believe . If it ain't working for you , take a break , step away from the screen and go outside and smell the flowers and revel in the fact that Spring is almost here ... ;) GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Circe
10 years ago
I'm much more cynical and jaded about dating on here as a result of my experiences. I certainly don't trust anyone and I've got to say I used to. Hence, I don't meet anyone or reply to messages (unless they're exceptional- the message that is). I don't think I'm bitter about it, just very, very careful and protective of myself both physically and emotionally.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
and I think it is just the lying that has got to me. I can handle rejection, I can handle people not getting back to be, being rude and judgmental but I just can't handle being told bullshit. I do trust people and it annoys the absolute crap out of me having one guy after another just talk shit about what they want or how great they are. I find I am now jaded and as soon as guys start telling me how wonderful they are, I shut them down.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Missb72' I feel for you. That's a horrible thing to have happen. I always enjoyed your comments and posts and thought you showed great maturity, I often would check your age after reading your comments. Don't let the site wreck your self confidence. And I agree with Meeka hot guys intimidate me I always think what would they want with me, I'll just be a fuck for them. And personally I'm very attracted to your face, Tigeroo. Sigh.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I LOVE younger guys! !!!!! Usually so straight forward and uncomplicated and eager. I think I'm a very positive person but it is hard not to get jaded especially by ppl that say they are up for meeting and then aren't. It does my nut in. I am sexy and simply love unemotional simple hard sex and most men would rather talk about it than do it. Wtf? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SimpleNeeds2' It is wrong to say that you only get what you put in because many put in their all for no reward through no fault of their own.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
There is a lot to consider. Firstly there's the ratio of men to women. Secondly, fake profiles. Thirdly, the intoxication of the choice that women are offered. Fourth. The overwhelming differences between the written form and face to interactions. Fifth. Expectations. Six. The exposure to a lot more people without leaving your office. Mix all of this together; and you have a recipe for a hit to the self esteem being a male. IF...... You take it too seriously..... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Me, cynical?.... Never!! As for being jaded?... Well "J", you know that you can call me anytime!! XXX Obi1
-
TheLuckyOne
10 years ago
I had noticed some people on here seemed to have lost faith in others, automatically making assumptions if something didn't seem "right". Fake profile? Fake photos? Trolls? A couple that's really a male? A cheater? Some in particular seem overly paranoid. Just my observation.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'JerseyGirl'Fake profile? Fake photos? Trolls? A couple that's really a male? A cheater? The people here who continuously feel this is the case are the ones who believe "It must be them, as it couldn't possibly be me." On the other end of the spectrum are those who mostly feel the opposite, i.e. "There must be something really wrong with me."Frankly neither are very attractive to me. I think the healthiest place to be is where you believe not everyone is for everybody and there are dozens of reasons to turn someone down. Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's them. Tigeroo said his face must be ugly. I think it's important to remember that though someone can be gorgeous all over, they may just not do it for someone.(Men with model looks actually make me feel insecure, a reason for me to turn them down.) Those laws of attraction are fickle!
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting Meander : "(Men with model looks actually make me feel insecure, a reason for me to turn them down.)" Ahhh , so that's the reason ;) GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
You're profile is locked.... Which is cool... I feel as though I should also add that this place revolves around marketing.... We all know that marketers do whatever they need to in order to push their product. And women are no different to the men. There are some - both sexes - that take a great deal of pleasure in ogling at photos and setting down the hooks in the forums as well as their profiles in order to create a sense of interest in the mind of the reader - I've noticed a few women do it - with nothing more on their mind than to generate an inflation to their popularity; which then drives an increase in contact and choice. Unfortunately it's that level of choice is their after as it's very intoxicating to them. I steer well clear of those people as they can be very toxic to ones self esteem if you allow it. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
that people are motivated by self interest? Some are and I think when it comes to dating sites, we all are as we all joined so we could meet other people who might potentially be playmates or partners. that people are distrusting or disparaging of the motives others? I can't speak for others. There have been times when I have been distrusting. I've usually found out there was a good reason I was feeling mistrust. Generally I don't see myself as a cynic but in this realm I have to own a degree of cynicism. I think its healthy as there are people who aren't honest, sometimes about their situation, sometimes about their intentions. Am I jaded? To some degree, yes and I do sometimes consider I have done the online thing for too long.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share