M57 F56
Differing opinions
December 02 2015
Comments
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
It sounds, by what you have written, that she is not interested . You have planted the seed (in her mind) already, by mentioning it. You now need to step back and not mention it again. If she is interested then wait to bring it up again. Be patient and don't push. Not sure that your "couples" profile is really valid, nor a good idea, as clearly she is not interested in pursuing swinging whereas you are. This can only lead to problems in your marriage if you are not both 100% on the same page and committed to all of this. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Having had some experience , unless you have some common interest its bound to put strain on both of you. Only you know her well enough to judge if it's worth taking a chance .. You could try doing a dry run and let her know you're ready to make a move and set the wheels in motion to test the water, but need her support to make it work... Good luck, It would be nice to both go with a open mind and take things as it comes..
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RHP User
9 years ago
You are not on the same page with this..how important is this for you?..work out why she is so averse. But also realise how lucky are you that for her,you are enough xxFreya
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social_suicide
9 years ago
......"that this is simply a means by which I get to screw other women, plus, she's not interested by the idea of screwing other men. Her words, not mine." ......forget it, its a dumb idea that will end up being the death of your relationship. Just build your porn library and let it all go.
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ReyandJean
9 years ago
Try getting to a naked beach/resort. Endeavour to keep away from wankers and set out to enjoy yourselves (ie make sure it's a great day out for her). Nudists are generally very pleasant people and there is no implication of sex at most places, especially family friendly venues. If that works out well, she'll let you know. Persuasion will only get you in trouble.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You asked this question before and are now trying from a different angle? The answer lies with your wife and it sounds like shes already given it to you.
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sweetgem
9 years ago
I find what you say here is contradicting OP. If your Mrs knows about this couple's account, then why would she still not be interested in exploring further with you on the journey that you've described above? RHP is not a social media like Facebook or Instagram, surely your Mrs would have already read and seen the explicit side of things on here and frankly, what else could and would a couple do on a site like this if she was not interested in exploring into a threesome or couple play scene? It's not like the single people who can choose to play with another person for 1-on-1 or to play with couples for more. Hence, what's your Mrs' purpose for coming on RHP with you if she is not interested at all in other scenes? To answer your question, there is no other secret doors to unlock without your Mrs' consent and agreement on playing with other people, whether it be with another person or couple. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
She loves you and is willing to consider this but has genuine doubts about her ability to cope with and/or enjoy the scene. I believe she feels insecure about watching you play with other women, and as she herself has no desire to play with other men she fails to see the benefit of swinging(unless she is bi curious). I would suggest baby steps, open discussion and exploring other ways to enhance your sex life while she builds confidence. Sex on cam, dogging, naughty chat with other couples are a few ways to tip toe into the swinging world. Or try a porn cinema, peep show or even just shopping in an adult shop late at night will get the adventurous sexy juices flowing!Some of us are naturally perverted, others need time, letting her find her place where she feels comfortable when she's ready will make it much more possible that you will achieve your fantasies.
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RHP User
9 years ago
The reality is it will all be about her, you will take a HUGE mental and physical back step once it actually starts. If the women are in the front seat then things progress when the men are trying to lead the charge it always fails or causes pain. Is it fair? nope but lock and key, supply and demand and all that stuff. So before you think about going further are you okay with seeing her get all the attention and you are the arm candy? The reality is more often that not that is the case. When you say you are thinking threesome are you meaning MFM or FMF? cause you should focus on MFM first if you want her to feel comfortable. if she's the focus (or hey go bi and both enjoy him) but that also might help her confidence. Also start with threesomes its WAY easier to find a dynamic where you only need 1 person to click with you both vs 2 people in a relationship. Never let either partner 'take one for the team'. So think about that stuff and if you can handle the reality then focus on her. Look at adding people just for her showing off with her via Cam which is safe from your bedroom and without issues (get her a masquerade mask so she can 'perform' while still being anonymous. Good luck mate. Its a long slow road with a lot of bumps.
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Mr_MrsAraps
9 years ago
You have planted the seed so now you have to give it time to see if it takes hold or not. If you constantly raise the issue (no matter the good intentions) it then becomes demanding instead of a place of mutual exploration I don't have all the answers, maybe you might want to continue having great adventurous sex together that pushes outside the vanilla envelope. Keep talking fantasies together and be open to fulfilling hers even if they are tamer than what you would like to happen. Sometimes though we don't always get to do or explore everything we want sexually with our partner. If not doing x,y or z is that important to you then you have to weigh up what things she does give in addition to the love in the relationship or do you need to move on and find someone who is more compatible. Good luck :-) W. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
She has made herself clear to you OP, however you keep pushing her into a corner that she does not eish to be pushed. I agree with your wife, you make this all about you and your wishes while distespecting her and her wishes (particularly setting up a couples profile when she had made it clear to you). - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
... I agree with everything previously said ... ... exposure to the concepts via the forums is a great way for her/ you to gently immerse yourselves in the idea, promote conversations ... limits .... likes/nots ... decide your current sexuality. Knowledge is a great way dispell fears ..... and grow the sexual part of the brain ..... 'caution' .... it grows amazingly fast when fed. Can I also say that with couples .... its about the journey .... together ..... so in your excitement don't be skipping too far ahead (at your peril) ..... so talking about excitement and orgasm ..... 'coffee' ..... the first long macc for the day 6.09am enjoy Ulysses ...... notes to himself ....... we all share the journey
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have seen dozens of new couples come and try the swinging scene, most of the time you never see them again. Way to many times its a total train wreck for them. On the odd occasion it all works and you see them again and again, that is the exception to the rule. You are in for a surprise if you go. From the sounds of it your partner has has your game well worked out. I think you are are down playing your desire to screw other women, (that's what swinging is about is it not, playing in a group) Bullshitting her will not work, and I would say the truth is not going to help as well. The crazy thing is that your expectations of what it is to be a swinger and the reality are most likely on two different planes. The reality you may not be aware of is that the swinging scene is very much a place where the women rule, they have the power, they get to pick and choose. Way to many times the train wreck is the result of the man realising this. Being in the swinging scene does not mean you get to fuck who and when you want, there has to be some level of connection between people, you have to have good social skills. She will be spoilt for choice, you will be tagging along. I do hope for your sake she does not forget you in the heat of all the attention. I wish I could say there is an easy way, getting her to go is part of your problem. If you do go, making it through the first night without major emotion train crash is another. If you want to get into the scene with your wife, a wife that is tentative and suspicious of your motivation you have to completely forget about fucking anyone but her. You have to let her be free while you carry the burden of restriction. You have to carry that burden without resentment or jealousy. You have to prove your control in a completely new social environment where there will be plenty of men who know how to impress a women vying for her attention and plenty of opportunity (temptation) for you to forget your place and stuff it up.. If you can prove to her that you can control your dick and the thing its attached to then, and only if she likes it, then in time you may be able to relax, and then the two of you can play the scene and enjoy being swingers.. It has such lovely irony the, endless stories of men thinking with dicks, convincing their partners to try the swinging scene. Then both finding out the truth, where she has it is actually a liberating and empowering environment for her, its the men who pull the plug and opts out. That is all based on the average couples that I have seen go to clubs and parties over many years in the scene, everyone is different so I Hope it works out.
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social_suicide
9 years ago
Hadn't realized how old you both were. So at your age if she is so resolutely against it then you are setting yourself up for a fall. At your age if she hasn't the inclination then its not going to happen. You said...", I'm a little unsure at to what has prompted this desire within me, nevertheless, it's there."....ahhh its boredom, same old same old, the sex may be great but its on a rinse and repeat cycle. You said.."we'd start very slow and carefully agree beforehand exactly what the ground rules are & to see if we are still happy to move forward to another occasion.".......look the ground rules are basic, use condom's, if she says "no" then its a no. Don't over think it as its a waste of time. Sex with other people is no different to what you 2 would do for the most part. You are heading towards 50!, so fuck slow, it doesn't work like that. If you ever "do it" it will be completely different to your preconception's. One thing is for sure, you have to have zero jealousy issues, you need to be comfortable with watching your wife being fucked by a bull and wanting more, you have to be comfortable with "friendly fire", but it goes beyond that, you need to want it. Your wife does not want to fuck another man and she doesn't want to see you with another women, "Her main worries are - bluntly - that this is simply a means by which I get to screw other women, plus, she's not interested by the idea of screwing other men".......ahhh there is no real in-between except the weird couples that only want same partner same room sex, and she is not interested in going to a club etc. GIVE UP!.......if you persist then it will only raise suspicion and cause massive problems ie; she will think that you are fulfilling your fantasies outside of the marriage because she will not agree to it, and you will not let it go.
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social_suicide
9 years ago
Read blindman67 post.....over and over again, from my experience he is 100% correct in every way.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Wow. I didn't expect quite so much advice in such a short time. Thanks everyone.
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
7 words says it all...."You have to let her be free". Miss Foxy
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MsJonesy
9 years ago
Quoting 'social_suicide' Hadn't realized how old you both were. OMG they are ancient, 47 is just so old. Hang on.... I'm older than them - does that mean I can't be on this site and indulging in crazy adult things like sex? Sheesh.... like heading towards 50 - That...is...the...end...of...the...world! Let me do the maths, hmm...they are three years off 50. And what a coincidence, three years older than you. Does that mean you are also heading towards 50 My point behind all that sarcasm is that age really has little to do with it. I have met incredibly sexy couples who started their adventure in their mid-late 40s....... because their children are for all intents and purposes off their hands and they have the space, time, and maturity to create an adult life for themselves.
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MsJonesy
9 years ago
You have only recently brought it up, what is the rush? Let her explore the idea in her mind, let her do some reading. Don't push it. Most of the ideas opinions (including social_suicide) are valid and relevant. It may happen, or it may not. And you have to be prepared to acquiese to whatever she decides is the right path... for her.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Why do you have a couple's profile?? Why not wait until she is interested and then make a couple's profile!!
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social_suicide
9 years ago
.....My point behind all that sarcasm is that age really has little to do with it."........ahhhh yeah it does, if at 47 you have made your mind up then it is very very unlikely to change when it comes to this type of sexual behavior. Do you seriously think a 47 yr old woman doesn't know what she doesn't like?
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RHP User
9 years ago
"Do you seriously think a 47 yr old woman doesn't know what she doesn't like?" I think everyone has the potential to discover new things, at any age, if they are open to it. A close friend of mine has become a bit of a deviate as a 50+ yr old, and another over 50 started swinging and became bisexual! We all have preconceived ideas and presumptions, isn't the point of the forums to seek advice? I think those of you bashing the OP are being way to harsh....he made the point that his wife is aware of the couples profile! This is their first step in exploring the idea, whether it leads anywhere is up to them.
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social_suicide
9 years ago
.......... if they are open to it.........the OP stated.... Mrs WwWw has very many reservations & is less inclined to do so" ...and......."Her main worries are - bluntly - that this is simply a means by which I get to screw other women, plus, she's not interested by the idea of screwing other men. Her words, not mine"........ahhh sounds like a 47 yr old woman who has made her mind up and has no interest, as opposed to being open about the idea. Much like a 47 old who has never touched alcohol will most probably never drink. Its all about what is reasonable, and I think my comments are very reasonable based on the info provided, we are not having a general discussion here, its very specific.............right?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Again, for those who have offered advice & suggestions, thank you. I confess, I was a little surprised by some of the judgemental comments on here - some do seem to be reading a lot between the lines of my one single post. Anyway, you're entitled to your views, but I am unsure why you assume so much - much of it not too kind :-) On my 'couples' account. Well, I'm one of a couple, not a single guy (?) No matter though, I'll be closing this account down shortly until (or if) both my partner & myself jointly want to proceed. Thanks again for your perspectives.
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Mr_MrsAraps
9 years ago
Just because your not playing as a couple doesn't mean you need to listen to every comment and close your account. There are plenty of people on here who are one half of a couple with their other half's knowledge (myself being one with mrs araps's knowledge and okay). Being honest on your profile with your status and what you are getting one RHP helps. Again for me I'm just here for the forums and am fully up front and ethical to everyone (partner included) about that.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I agree that your wife doesn't sound keen from what you've posted, and that the best plan is to sit back now you've planted the seed. If she changes her mind I'm sure she'll let you know. To me you sound you really care about her, and I think you did not deserve many of the judgemental comments from people who think they know all the ins and outs of your relationship by reading between the lines. Especially you, FickleFanny. Calling the OP a fu dickhead under your breath doesn't make it any less nasty in my opinion. Worse even. Maybe should have a look at your own behaviour before jumping on someone else.
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RHP User
9 years ago
That is.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You can't rush comfort. Make it about her freedom and growth as a sexual being, not yours. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
You had a range of opinions, some helpful, some judgemental. Just take on board what you is helpful. If one bit of advice helps then it has been worth it. Thing with the forums is, the person asking the question needs to be able to withstand some negative comments. People are not here just to tell you what you want to hear. But from your closing comment, it appears that your couples profile was just wishful thinking on your behalf. Jumping the gun a bit? Just firms up a lot more comments were on the money. Good luck though.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
People of that age wont change their mind? What a ridiculous statement. Look through RHP. Filled with people of that age and older who have come in with a vanilla mindset and felt like a deer in the headlights. 12 months later, attending parties and swinging like a swingset in a playground.
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social_suicide
9 years ago
Seriously????, you have done exactly what unicorn did. This is not a general discussion regarding life changes. People change their minds, no kidding, when they are open to it.....and the OP's partner is not, sooooo its highly unlikely that at 47 she is going to change her mind with regards to having sex with other people. .........." Look through RHP. Filled with people of that age and older who have come in with a vanilla mindset and felt like a deer in the headlights.".........ahhh yeah mate no argument from me on that, however you are referring to people who had been open to the idea, perhaps always wanted to explore what life has to offer, as apposed to the OP's partner who has no fucking interest at all. At 47 she has lived long enough, and had enough life experiences to know that she has no interest, nothing wrong with at all. This may come as a surprise but there are people in the world who know their own mind, and she is one of them, and that's ok.
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PL1963
9 years ago
I agree about "Fickle Fanny". Going by some of your recent posts FF, you seem to be turning into a very judgmental man & ppl hater. Not a good look. So you can get on over & block me now. Cheers Paul.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Really? How can you make a statement like that? Unless you know her. Make comment regard your own mind but you cant speak for people you dont know or represent. " Objection your honour. The witness is speculating" "I agree with council. The witness is not qualified to say. Objection sustained. Strike the comment from the record. Witness will stick to the facts."
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RHP User
9 years ago
I decided to be non-monogamous only at age 40, I don't see why 47 would be too old. Annie:
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social_suicide
9 years ago
.........."How can you make a statement like that? Unless you know her".........for real?........ahhh the OP STATED WHAT HER POSITION IS, NO SPECULATION. .......... "Make comment regard your own mind but you cant speak for people you dont know or represent"t.....again really??......ahhhh the OP has clearly stated the partners mind set........and guess what..........she has made her mind up. Now you are just arguing for the sake of it, very unusual here...lol. Maybe you need to read more......the OP...."Her main worries are - bluntly - that this is simply a means by which I get to screw other women, plus, she's not interested by the idea of screwing other men. Her words, not mine"..........NOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WOMAN WHO HAS MADE HERE MIND UP....im not getting why you don't understand this simple point.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
That 44 might be the age you make stupid statements?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Well, I'll leave you folks to argue this one out. :-) Are you all always this argumentative, or is it more fun when you actually get together ?! With regard to Mrs. Wwww, the situation is not a closed book, otherwise I would not have come here in the first place. I'll be closing this account now not for any bad feeling, I'm not so pathetic as to be hurt by anything said here. Instead, until (or if) Mrs. Wwww is ready to join me here, it doesn't really seem appropriate to me. Anyway, I'll say bye for now. Willwewontwe (aka fu dickhead) haha
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RHP User
9 years ago
How people bite. I have done my work. - Posted from rhpmobile
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