F47
Disability and sexuality
February 22 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
ooo my passion spot.. I am in the disability sector.. from a facilitators point of view, it is something that needs to be expanded and catered for. They are human beings, they have just as much right to a sex life as anyone else, but most cannot find a way to fulfill this need without seeking professional help from a prostitute. I as a facilitator cannot assist in any way in getting them help with the physical side, I can gather details and phone numbers, I cannot call, handle cash. I have to teach them how to do this themselves depending on their disability level..And many times this is their only chance at what I call skin time. I can help them understand all the ins and outs of sex and how to do it safely, I can be a confidant when they need to ask questions. There is a group over east called the Scarlet Road, run and started by an amazing woman who caters specifically for people with all ranges of disability. There is a huge safety issue, once anyone of any range of disability is 18, they are declared adults and can do as they wish no matter their intellectual age level. The only way you can keep them safe is to declare them unable to make those decisions and choices for themselves and the court will then hand a responsible adult or family member guardianship of that person, which in effect means, if a predator decides that this person is fair game and they choose this person as prey without meeting and getting to know the guardian and having their permission, they can face charges of rape in court. there is also different levels of understanding all around as well.. some might have physical disabilities and their minds are just as accurate and active as yours or mine, case in point, Stephen Hawking. So someone in Stephens position can make arrangements and have complete understanding intellectually, to not only arrange, but complete the process depending on physical capabilities. Then you have people in adult bodies who have an intellectual age of a child.. so their bodies are technically as ours are, but their minds do not have the capacity to see or deal with the sexual need. So for example a person with Angelmans syndrome, will grow to be a full adult, but intellectual age is that of a toddler, while they do have normal urges as we do, they themselves will never have the intellectual capacity for sex. So in basics, each person and their disability and situation has to be taken on individual merit, there is much to think about beyond helping them get to the act itself, safety, laws and education all must be dealt with to the fullest to give them the best and safest experience possible. There is a documentary called the scarlet road about the lady I mentioned above and people with a disability, its inspiring to watch, there is also a movie called The Sessions with Helen Hunt, about a man in an iron lung who hired a lady, they label a sex surrogate *which they have in America but not here to my knowledge*
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have had a few issues myself , I had very bad back problems and the three years of pain put a dead end to my desires. The problem is that you cannot always be wild in the sack if your unwell. So in the end you just stop having sex its the easy way you. I am like that at the moment, have permanent vertigo, both ears damaged so can balance with vision but that becomes problematic in the dark. Now I walk like I am tipsy and there is no grace in that, I feel clumsy and awkward, not attractive so that then rolls on to lack of libido. when I was fit and went to the gym, up went my sex drive because I looked better and felt better. I worked in the disability sector and I see how fearful parents are and cant say I blame them, as I also worked in the paedophile sector in jails, so they do prey on people, especially with those with intellectual disability. parents take over all aspects, I have a mate like that had a horror car smash and the only time he gets laid is if his other brother sneaks him away from the parents to go to a hooker. Most men go to hookers for release, as they cant get a woman any other way. Women do not have that avenue and they are often looking for a relationship that will more than likely never happen. the consequences for the wrong kind of sex with the predators is STDS and unwanted pregnancy. they really do need to get an organisation that caters for peoples needs, like the one you talked about and also one that caters to women.Hey I would kill for a massage with a happy ending, but that isn't going to happen as I am expected to return the favour and I just do not have the energy for shaving my legs, let alone sex.
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RHP User
11 years ago
on the topic of intellectual disability and sexuality - I realise that in particular is a very complex area with many factors to be taken into account, as has already been pointed out. If anyone is particularly interested, the head of OT at JCU - Prof Matthew Yau - does quite a lot of work in that area (and in the area of sexuality and disability in general) and I would imagine some of his material would be available on the general internet, or via google scholar. If you have access to university databases to find journal articles, even better.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Have the same Human rights as any one else who does not have a disability. They have a right to have relationships and sexual ones to. Who is anyone to deny people of this? We can teach and role model good practices, however at the end of the day it is a choice. Some people with physical disabilities are unable to make good choices when it comes to being sexual and having sexual partners. That is where their Guardians and Advocacy groups play such an important role in their lives. Example being: If two people with down syndrome chooses to have sexual intamacy with each other, their guardians and support groups like Family Planning can support two people to have a sexual relationship. I also believe people with disabilities (as mentioned above) are quite vulnerable, and can easily be taken advantage of by some people in the community as Lady T mentioned. Some people can not due to their physical and mental capacity have a sexual relationships nor have an understanding where boundaries lie. Example: Mental age may be two years old and their hands are twisted etc etc or they have no understanding what is the right way to touch someone and the wrong way. The Inner Circle is a great role model diagram to teach/role model with. I have lots and lots of empathy, understanding and compassion towards people with disabilities. It's such a broad spectrum and so many disabilities out there - where to begin? I only had this conversation with a co-worker yesterday would you believe it. We were discussing a couple, who both have down syndrome and the challenges they are facing..really sad that some people do not support them. They are the most amazing, loving two individual people I know, who hare happy and do need the support. BUT that is through my eyes, core values and beliefs. Foxy Agree with what is written above.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Some people with physical and Intellectual disabilities are unable to make good choices when it comes to being sexual and having sexual partners. That is where their Guardians and Advocacy groups play such an important role in their lives.
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Not that long ago Insight did a show called. "What's best for the Child" Fantastic show, yet debatable subject about people who have disabilities (physical and Intellectual) having children. Very Interesting. Foxy
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RHP User
11 years ago
That documentary sounds great...will definitely be following that up. And The Sessions has been on my list of movies to watch for awhile now.
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RHP User
11 years ago
enough said
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RHP User
11 years ago
At comments like that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'cwhereitgoes' enough said That is just plain rude! Pusscat xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I know, I used quite a few big words and concepts in there, didn't I. Probably a bit much for you. Here's a tip though...in future, if you don't understand something, just keep quiet. Then you won't look stupid.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Its hard enough getting some action ! Pulling a root ! Satisfying your needs when you are able bodied let alone disabled or even just some indifference ! I dated a prostitute for some time and disabled , lonely , depressed , indifferent , mental disabilities and more are a huge part of the client base , i wonder if anybody has actually looked into some statistics relating to this as it is not just about drunks wanting a fuck its a service provided for the very people that need assistance a little bit of help and a realistic educated fair approach to understanding sexual desires in all of us . - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
11 years ago
Dad use to work as a printer, in house at the spastic centre. Well he was the main attraction in there they loved him because he took the piss out of them and to them that means the world, in return they took the piss out of him. One of the spastics was confined to a wheel chair, he could not speak, just a headpiece with a pointer and a board with letters and some key words, he loved dad, because dad would see everything he had to say and then carry on with some sort of banter, spit would be thrown all over the place with laughter. It sounds yuk, but being there as a kid it was hilarious and inspiring to see these people happy with so little for life's joys. Dad became close to these people, and the one in the wheel chair absolutely no bodily control, but once a month dad would take him home to his mothers house and she had employed the services of a prostitute to spend an hour with her son, he loved the sex. Sometimes it makes me wonder. In that case the spastic felt close enough to talk to my dad about his wishes, which led to speaking with the mother and his wishes became a reality, something so special considering. What of others who wish for the same that never know how to ask, or if they would be taken seriously. Not many people see spastics as normal people inside and that is a shame. Mado Mado Tara xx
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MsSuperFoxy
11 years ago
Quoting 'cwhereitgoes' enough said What exactly are you yawning about?? Foxy
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gazpacho
11 years ago
Why would there be a point of difference? There's a guy nearby cruising men's toilets in his wheelchair. He's a good looking guy in a chair cruising for sex. The fact that he has an mlak (key) makes him quite an appealing fuck. Hugs Gazpacho
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RHP User
11 years ago
must admit that my initial response to The Troll above was unwarranted and inappropriate. I don't think he's stupid... he's just your garden variety, wilfully ignorant shit-stirrer. Mado - that is a great story, thankyou. And you highlight just one of the issues facing many with a disability. Most of us can arrange our own sexual dealings and not have to involve family members / friends / complete strangers to help us organise things. Imagine if you couldn't do it on your own though, and if you didn't even know where to start. Guys, imagine having to ask your mother to help you. Ladies, imagine if for some reason you couldn't organise your own contraception. Even those with partners often have to rely on assistance from their partner to a much greater extent than we do, just one among the many added pressures on such relationships. In the case of acquired disabilities such as spinal cord injury, many relationships that existed prior to the injury end up breaking down under the added strain post-injury.
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gazpacho
11 years ago
If you're referring to me, then you would be the ignorant one. If you think for a minute that there are no guys in chairs who are gay, then you're ignorant. If you think guys in chairs don't cruise for sex, you're ignorant and if you think guys don't cruise toilets for sex, yep... You're ignorant. Of course, I know you're not ignorant, so you mustn't be referring to my comment... But it isn't clear just who you're talking about. I suppose that makes me the ignorant one. Hugs Gazpacho.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Maybe you should have clarified who I was referring to, then, before calling me ignorant four times. Here's a hint - I wasn't talking about you. I hadn't even read your comment when I posted that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You were talking about the yawning man. Right?
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sweetgem
11 years ago
Whose son has become semi intellectually and physically disabled after a major accident more than a decade ago (I don't know what do you call this kind of disability). But he still can differentiate the difference between a man and a woman, their different body parts, and he does have sexual needs. So, from time to time, he keeps asking his mother to find him a girlfriend, and he has also expressed his dream of having a wife and family of his own! As a loving mother, my friend goes out of her way to find help with matchmaking for her son (there are community services out there that help people with intellectual and physical disability to find love). So, they have been successfully matchmaking my friend's son with women with similar condition. However, because both of them are intellectually and physically disabled to a certain degree, none of his relationships lasted very long or worked out in the end. I find it very sad for my friend's son, because he knows what sex is about, he wants a family of his own badly as well as being sexually frustrated! But because of his condition, there's not much he can achieve in the bedroom! Life is helpless sometimes! :-( - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
This is a fascinating topic, it has been wonderful to read the heartwarming efforts that people have gone to assist. Sweetgem, that seems a horribly tortuous situation for your friend and son. For those with autism and Aspergers', I realise by definition that those diagnosed vary as to where they are along the spectrum of level of disorder, but I am interested in what can be done for them. I have had relationships with wonderful ladies who have had brothers or sisters with autism or Aspergers' and either care for them or will have to later in life and its been a case of 'he/she'd like to be independent and form relationships' but the siblings have all been younger and required more development/assistance/care/education before reaching this. So let's say a person is high functioning, what are the possibilities and path to reach the possibilities?
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gazpacho
11 years ago
Thanks Luckdragon for the clarification. You might note, giving credit where due, that I did not call you ignorant, had you, in turn, read my comment carefully enough. In any case, I'm sorry for blowing off. Imagine a gay guy riding his motorbike and coming a gutsa leaving him seriously injured and ultimately a wheelchair user. Where do these guys cruise for casual sex? All the typical havens are not accessible. I can't think of a bath house that is accessible.... And I've been to a few. All the typical cruise spots on Grinder, BiAustralia or Squirt involve merecatting through the scrub... Not accessible.... I'm struggling to think of a cruise spot that is accessible. Hugs Gazpacho
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madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'gazpacho51' Thanks Luckdragon for the clarification. You might note, giving credit where due, that I did not call you ignorant, had you, in turn, read my comment carefully enough. In any case, I'm sorry for blowing off. Imagine a gay guy riding his motorbike and coming a gutsa leaving him seriously injured and ultimately a wheelchair user. Where do these guys cruise for casual sex? All the typical havens are not accessible. I can't think of a bath house that is accessible.... And I've been to a few. All the typical cruise spots on Grinder, BiAustralia or Squirt involve merecatting through the scrub... Not accessible.... I'm struggling to think of a cruise spot that is accessible. Hugs Gazpacho Car park and amenities, nothing official, but drive by any night of the week and the few are in there, wheel chairs often in amongst it. Straight across from a whole bunch of rules and regulations regularly patrolled by the rule enforcers MP on the sleeve. But that is over the fence and just outside the grasp of things, maybe book club hey?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Gaz, by that time last night I wasn't in the best of moods and wasn't really in the frame of mind to appreciate semantics. So...moving on!! You have brought up yet another valid aspect of this topic that I know I hadn't thought about, and I'm sure most people wouldn't think about either. Most people have enough trouble accepting hetero-normative (if that is the right term) sexuality among people with disabilities. Sweetgem - thankyou for sharing that story, it is such a sad situation and all too common unfortunately. I can only imagine how hard it is for his mother as well. I read an article that had been written about the Scarlet Road documentary mentioned by Ladyshai, and some of the comments pissed me off so much. Some people are so ignorant it makes my head hurt.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just to note - the latest DSM (Diagnostic and Statisticians Manual of Mental Disorders), DSM V, has done away with the Asperger's diagnosis. It has collapsed Asperger's and Autism into one diagnosis - Autism Spectrum Disorder. And obviously there are many 'levels' of functioning along the spectrum. There is a lot of debate about whether this is a good thing or not, just as there is debate about whether we should even consider autism to be a 'disorder'. I personally think we very limited in our thinking about brain functioning and what is 'normal', and too quick to assume that everyone 'should' act and be a certain way, but that's a whole other discussion for another time. I'm by no means an expert on ASD, but some of the main diagnostic criteria are difficulties with communication - both verbal and non-verbal, and social interaction. So this is obviously going to have a significant influence on their ability to create and maintain relationships with other people, including sexual and romantic relationships. But a lot of people with an ASD do have partners, marry, and have children, so it is definitely possible (depending on the level of functioning). As usual, there is a lot of information available on the internet, I did a search on "autism sexuality" and plenty of results came up, if you're interested in reading further about it.
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madotara69
11 years ago
The big bang, TV series, is all based on the main character living with the autism spectrum, the characters the spectrum, Penny the sexy easy going neighbour they all fantasise or shack up with. Wonder if any one will see the show a little different next time it's on?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was smashed up pretty bad 20 years ago, elbow bent the wrong way and bone sticking through. Spinal damage that resulted in nerve damage to two limbs other than that all is good. its slowed me down but hasn't stopped me from trying to do things. I can't run around a bedroom but really who wants to do that. Sex isn't an issue, some positions ar,e standing is more comfortable (weird I know) The disability isn't mine it's other people's perception is what the disability is.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Orangesound' This is a fascinating topic, it has been wonderful to read the heartwarming efforts that people have gone to assist. Sweetgem, that seems a horribly tortuous situation for your friend and son. For those with autism and Aspergers', I realise by definition that those diagnosed vary as to where they are along the spectrum of level of disorder, but I am interested in what can be done for them. I have had relationships with wonderful ladies who have had brothers or sisters with autism or Aspergers' and either care for them or will have to later in life and its been a case of 'he/she'd like to be independent and form relationships' but the siblings have all been younger and required more development/assistance/care/education before reaching this. So let's say a person is high functioning, what are the possibilities and path to reach the possibilities? good question... autism has its own issues.. as you see on big bang theory.. the emotions and recognizing them are just not there...they actually have to be taught starting at the age of 3-4 years old and if the person is diagnosed late, its very hard for them to pick up on it later on... many see themselves as A-Sexual and have no drive, it does not mean they don't still wish for family or someone to care for, but sex is sometimes a no for them as its just not there...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Catchup62'The disability isn't mine it's other people's perception is what the disability is. This is the idea that many people with disabilities, and disability advocates, are trying to promote in the community. And to not focus so much on what a person can't do, but instead focus on what they can do.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23' Quoting 'Catchup62'The disability isn't mine it's other people's perception is what the disability is. This is the idea that many people with disabilities, and disability advocates, are trying to promote in the community. And to not focus so much on what a person can't do, but instead focus on what they can do. exactly.. just finished my cert 3.. strengths based is all the way through it...
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sweetgem
11 years ago
Quoting 'Luckdragon23'Sweetgem - thankyou for sharing that story, it is such a sad situation and all too common unfortunately. I can only imagine how hard it is for his mother as well. It is tough and heart aching for my friend, because she feels exactly like how I feel at times.........helpless! But we are tough cookies, so we talk, we cry together, then we pick ourselves up again by laughing it off :-) Honestly, I cannot imagine how difficult it is to be in her shoes! So, all I can do is send her flowers at the appropriate time.
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