F52

Disappointed?

April 23 2014

I'm thinking of changing my profile name to lilmiss_vanilla. Or limiss_nothanks :) Many of the kinks that seem to have become mainstream (and could even be described as vanilla!) - e.g. threesomes, anal, bi-sex - just don't get me excited. There are many things I haven't tried so I don't know for sure if I'd like them, but the thought of them does nothing for me. Mind you, in a wonderfully passionate, intimate relationship, I know I'd try many things and love them - but that would be because of the shared experience with my lover more-so than because of the sex-act itself. As an example - I've been to swingers clubs a few times and played around a little, including public sex, bi-play, orgies etc. When I had these experiences as a single woman they did pretty much nothing for me. I felt nothing, wasn't really turned on, and thought the whole thing was ho hum. However when I've been to clubs with a partner who I loved, the experiences were fantastic because they were all about us and our intense connection in the middle of the crowd. So much so that the crowd disappeared at times and it felt as though it was just us. My kink is definitely deep, intimate, loving, passionate, hot, steamy connection rather than a fucket list of sex-acts. So, my question is Would it disappoint you if you met someone, liked them a lot, had great sex initially, and then discovered they just weren't that interested in some of the things that turn you on? Would it be a deal-breaker? How would you handle the situation?

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RHP User

11 years ago

"My kink is definitely deep, intimate, loving, passionate, hot, steamy connection rather than a fucket list of sex-acts" Holy hell. I thought i was the only crazy one. Ive completely lost the need to kink myself. 15 months and nothing and it does not bother me in the least. I still post about kink, i still do it as my main "attraction" (only started this profile a few days ago) however i always state its about the connection, the.. intimacy. As a guy it's horrifying to state, society does not say that we have a heart (men, you emotionless bastards), that love and connection is needed. What the hell happened to me immaturity and needs to just fuck and not give a damn. Damn you maturity, give me back my youth. My past relationship was basically what you are questioning. It does disappoint me in some aspect that our kinks wouldn't match, but after having the last 15 months off with no contact at all, i think I've come out the other side an exception and generally most would state its a deal breaker (especially on this site). I've always told the truth in these situations, Would you like to try X? no/yes? If no, explain its really important to you and worth trying once, if you like it never again. Try once? They like it yay. No? Well @$!$@!.... At least you got it once... from this person.. More fish.. Just keep swimming.

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Mischeviouslad

11 years ago

Lil miss.... Sexual compatibility is very important. Some people grow into eachother, some don't. And some, wait 17 years before having a gripe in internet sites while disrespecting the person who has supported or even tolerated them all that time. So..... better to learn early if the person you like, likes what you like.... and save future drama and heartache. DG

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RHP User

11 years ago

I am basically the same, I only really enjoy all the group stuff when I have my lover is there. But it depends on the people there. I am I suppose fussy when it comes to who I am attracted too, and sometimes my libido is low when I am not getting any regularly. So I can sit in a room of naked people all fucking and be as dry as the sahara desert. Otherwise yes, I would be disappointed. I hope I never fall for anyone who doesn't enjoy going to swingers clubs and group sex because I don't want to give it up.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'lilmiss_fussy'I've been to swingers clubs a few times and played around a little, including public sex, bi-play, orgies etc. When I had these experiences as a single woman they did pretty much nothing for me. I felt nothing, wasn't really turned on, and thought the whole thing was ho hum. However when I've been to clubs with a partner who I loved, the experiences were fantastic because they were all about us and our intense connection in the middle of the crowd. So much so that the crowd disappeared at times and it felt as though it was just us. I'm similar to you, and though I found the clubs and orgy's exciting at first, am now left thinking "been there, done that and it's not really my thing."Doing all this with a lover is different though and I've had some great moresome experiences, in private and public. My favourite thing is MMF, and I'd be disappointed if my next partner really wasn't into that. Not sure if that would be a deal-breaker. It very well might be though. Dang, my bi lovers have ruined me!

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RHP User

11 years ago

Would it disappoint you if you met someone, liked them a lot, had great sex initially, and then discovered they just weren't that interested in some of the things that turn you on? Would it be a deal-breaker? How would you handle the situation? I wouldn't be with them in the first place. Sorry But its that easy. You discuss things way before entering a relationship that may be a second. Gawd we all (maybe} fuck up on the first but never a second.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Your last paragraph sounds like my marriage. After 33 years I still love her, but as for sex, forget it.

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RHP User

11 years ago

...only more questions.

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RHP User

11 years ago

wrong with vanilla. But there is nothing wrong with growing and evolving sexually as a couple too, as long as you are *both* on the same page. I agree with the poster who suggests good communication before committing

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Lovinit28andKC72

11 years ago

Can't I have it all, probably explains why I single I guess......I want all that stuff you want too, but I also want that little bit extra... I had a vanilla marriage for 8 years with the initial good sex that went to shit, then my next long term partner wasn't interested in sex at all (maybe lucky to get it 4 times a year, I shit you not) another 6 years gone. So now I want the love, passion, intimacy, connection with someone that I'm compatible (kink & vanilla) with sexually....don't want to settle for anything less, did that for to long already.... I hope that you find what you're looking for lovely, as much as I hope I find what I'm looking for too......💋

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Smilingwithfun

11 years ago

Settle for less? Say, if we found absolute satisfaction with someone in a vanilla situation. Why the need to be dissatisfied? Do we need kink to make a relationship worthy? Is it not about how we feel as me rather than what we perceive?

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Lovinit28andKC72

11 years ago

I've settled for less before and I won't be doing it again. You're right not everybody needs or what's kink, but I'm not everybody, I'm me.......for the first time in my life, I'm actually putting my needs/wants before everything else and I don't have a problem in doing so, it has taken me 22 years to get to this point.....

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madotara69

11 years ago

naughty forties

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Lovinit28'I've settled for less before and I won't be doing it again. You're right not everybody needs or what's kink, but I'm not everybody, I'm me.......for the first time in my life, I'm actually putting my needs/wants before everything else and I don't have a problem in doing so, it has taken me 22 years to get to this point.....

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RHP User

11 years ago

And the questions are? - Posted from rhpmobile

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Disappointed?

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