M43
Disclosure
May 26 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
I know it was badly written and there are mixed reviews about the movie however one of the things it has done is allow more people to be honest about their sexual desires and kinks . . . . . so ask her/him if s/he has seen 50 Shades of Grey and what they thought about it. That will give you an opening. How you keep the conversation going is up to you. And whether you would forego your kink depends on how much you like them. If it is really important to you then not being true to yourself is going to get you down eventually. Ask yourself the question "Do I want to repress any part of me for another person?
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RHP User
10 years ago
on how important this side of you is to you eh?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
They usually can tell im a bit left of vanilla. If they dont, there is usually a quiet few moments when i drop my panties.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
My experience is that a diverse selection of topics are discussed to greater or lesser degree when first sharing interests and experiences with anybody, not just a potential partner. During this time, I get a 'feel' for that person, the same, I would think, that they do with me. For me at least, it's about going with your 'gut feeling'. If it's something I feel is integral to them knowing the 'real me' then I will disclose. If it's something that 'sends them packing' then they weren't right for me anyway.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I find if you tell blokes to early on about my non-vanilla interests they instantly view me as someone great to know because who knows what they will get out of it... But I will have ruined any chance of them viewing me as serious relationship material.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've had a few dates off a vanilla site, and though I'll usually bring up before or during the first date that I'm not looking for monogamy, I haven't yet steered the conversation to the topic of DP. I'll let them ease into that one...
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RHP User
10 years ago
I bet you will. One stroke at a time. :p
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RHP User
10 years ago
What are you looking for in a partner?..if the swinging lifestyle is important to you then you need to find someone who is compatible..If not,then there is no point in having that conversation too soon..but as Gypsy said.you can always gauge another's view by discussing the ubiquitous 50 Shades xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have always been of the view of being honest and up front, possibly to my detriment at times but hey I rather be that way and find out early who may really appreciate me for who I truly am.
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RHP User
10 years ago
One thrust at a time even.
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Mr_MrsAraps
10 years ago
For me I would let a muggle (love the use of that word btw Meeka) get to know me a bit first before rolling out what I am into. Certainly not first or second date material for discussion but would wait ages before bringing it up either as if one person is not into it then it just wastes both peoples time. It's a balancing act that you still want to early on find if share common ground but don't want them running screaming. In my mind at least, I am selling to a prospective vanilla dating site partner that the kinks I am into are a plus not a curse. With my kinks come a lot of sexual variety, sexual adventures together and a chance for her to at some point share openly and honestly the things she is into without being shamed. Cheers, W. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I've had a few dates off a vanilla site, and though I'll usually bring up before or during the first date that I'm not looking for monogamy, I haven't yet steered the conversation to the topic of DP. Of course, no one individual can help you with that one... short of him having two peckers.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' you can always gauge another's view by discussing the ubiquitous 50 Shades xxFreya True, but in that case the kink was still possible in a monogamous relationship. Group fun however, is not... but is still possible in a committed relationship (with extra-curricular activities together). However, apart from that, I'm actually rather innocent... Really!.... There is plenty I haven't done at all, but want to try, and that's the problem. Maybe I'll see if said someone compares similarly on one of those online "purity tests", and go from there :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' I find if you tell blokes to early on about my non-vanilla interests they instantly view me as someone great to know because who knows what they will get out of it... But I will have ruined any chance of them viewing me as serious relationship material. There may be too many of those blokes around, but I'm sure there are good ones capable of true sexual variety and freedom for the partner AND serious committment. I'm sure many of the established couples here will back that up. I guess that's where finding someone (if possible) on rhp or equivalent would work best all round.
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
I don't date for one...secondly I'm not on any vanilla sites and in general I just say I'm a little bit naughty...😇
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm not on any vanilla dating sites for that reason. Not that any of my fetish interests are all that 'out there' anyway. But the 'hot wife' and mmf bi fantasies are not everyone's cup of tea, so I figure it's easier to be on a site where those proclivities are out in the open up front. Having said that, if I met someone outside of this site who ticked major boxes, I would put aside those interests and focus on that person for as long as it took to feel comfortable discussing my kinks.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Astrild' I'm not on any vanilla dating sites for that reason. . I actually met one amazing couple I've been seeing for ages on OkCupid. Go figure.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sounds like OkCupid might be worth checking out :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
and dropping subtle hints at opportune moments and gauge their reaction. LG
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RHP User
10 years ago
I know I can not live without so I always tell. I have gotten used to the speal as i say it every time someone pulls at my soul. It goes a little like this.... "I have something to tell you, I can't help my self, its an obsession. Every opportunity I get I will sneak off and get some more, always checking out the net to see what new, and some of the people I meet are fucken freaks (oh excuse the french) I mean nut cases. My closet is full and its bursting to all come out. Over the past 5 years its cost me the equivalent to a years wages, and when I pull it out to play I can not stop, sometimes for days, or weeks. I really like you and I know its early days, yet its important, you have to know, I am an Adult Fan of LEGO." I find that on the whole most people are rather cool with it, some to my surprise actually find it very interesting and take the time to see what its all about. A couple of times I was told that I should grow up. Guess they did not understand the bit about obsession. In reality, I have tried to give it up, I can't, maybe I will naturally when i grow up. But for now I cant enter any type of relationship without knowing that they can deal with it. I owe it to them as much as to my self. To be drawn between to conflicting obsessions has never worked. Tried it and learnt my lesson. So OP can you live without.
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RHP User
10 years ago
it need be any different from bringing things up as they unfold naturally - regardless.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think now that by bringing things up too early, you are prone to other people making incorrent assumptions before they have had the time to learn about it, or learn about you. I guess like you said by waiting a bit longer, till they know you better and it comes up naturally, they will understand why you are the way you are, and less likely to run for the hills :) While I wouldn't wait until they are deeply emotionally involved, I guess it would be best to wait until I have built a rapport with them.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think if anything, I get the distinct impression that many people feel as though there are conversations that they’d have with people in here (or within the community as you put it) that they wouldn't necessarily have or struggle to initiate with people outside of that, for reasons you've mentioned (among others) and I guess I find that really odd in that people are people regardless - remove the separation between 'them and us', and it's no different to communicating as you would elsewhere.
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