M57 F54

Discretion, or the lack thereof

April 27 2019

It’s taken as an unspoken rule in this lifestyle that discretion is expected and assured, it’s also quite often spelled out in profiles just to be sure! We’ve been fortunate to keep our private business private while our children were growing up.....until now. Recently our 19 year old daughter was contacted on a dating site by a guy who told her he’d slept with her mother and asked her if it turned her on! She was shocked and blocked him straight away but obviously thought her mum was cheating on me and confided in one of her sisters about it. We had to then tell them the truth to clear it up and thankfully all is good now. This self-described discreet guy obviously stalked our daughter through social media and then onto the dating site as it was not a coincidence. Then he betrayed our privacy and endangered our daughters mental well-being to attempt to satisfy his mother / daughter fetish. I’m having to restrain my emotions and words here to get this through mods but as you could imagine we are not too happy about this. How do we deal with these kind of people? Any similar experiences? This is unfortunately the last straw for us and we are done with the lifestyle for good, one final forum discussion before we go. Mr D

Comments

EarthQueen

6 years ago

I've never had such an experience and hopefully never will. Thats disgusting. I try to always think positive of people without being naive, but some are so skilled at hiding their true character. I feel sick for you because betrayal of trust leaves an imprint on you thats hard to shake, no matter where it comes from. I'm sorry your family had to go through this and will miss your presence on the forum. Your comments are always interesting and measured.

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MsSuperFoxy

6 years ago

I'm sorry what happened. What ever you choose to do is really a a very private matter between you and your partner. No one here can convience you to continue in the lifestyle nor does writting up a post about it. Best to thank the man for showing you redflags in this lifestyle and continue as you were. Many here have been in the same situation as you. If you have nothing to hide and nothing to be embarrassed about and are happy in the lifestyle why change just for one person. Sadly, some people just have no awareness of their behavour and concequences, here or out in the community. There are some pretty fucked up and unstable people out there. It is a jungle. Ms Foxy

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MsSuperFoxy

6 years ago

You stand up tall and proud, say "Fuck you buddie 🖕, stiff bickies cause I dont give a shit what you think of us or what we decide to do". If anyone doesnt like it, it is their problem not yours. 😊 Ms Foxy

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DynamicCouple36

6 years ago

Our golden rule Is to keep our real lives, and our RHP / swingers life , very VERY separate. That way, if we meet and play with someone, they (a) don’t know where we live (b) don’t know our surnames (c) don’t have our contact details like mobile number (d) don’t know who our kids, family & friends are. This is to protect our privacy and anonymity, and that of our kids, should things go pear shaped and the playmates turn into psycho stalkers. It has worked for us so far .

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jess4623

6 years ago

We were at a get together in a local pub and a few of those who attended got pretty drunk and were out there with their lifestyle, unfortunately for us a guy we knew sussed out the group. He decided he would tell others about our private lives, no proof and complete denial with humour has quietened it down but we are now very hesitant. From the OP perspective - absolute shame on the dick head for being a wanker of the lowest order. Maybe what you need to do is have a small group of trusted lifestyle friends to at least allow some fun.

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RHP User

6 years ago

That's awful and I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. My story is not as alarming as yours but here it is anyway.....A few years ago, a guy on RHP messaged me, I replied and we shared a few messages back and forth including email addresses because I thought he seemed fairly decent.........until he told me he had passed my details including my email address to his mate. Turns out he wasn't interested in me after all but thought I'd be a good match for his mate. That's indiscreet and an invasion of my privacy as far as I am concerned!! There's some real lowlifes on these sites. And can you imagine the fuss if I'd done the same thing to him without his permission?!? Some people just aren't mature enough to stop and think rationally about the consequences of their actions. I called him out on it but he never apologized.

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sweetnsensual

6 years ago

We had to threaten to summons a single guy due to his behavior. What happened to you was terrible and in a very small minority.

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RHP User

6 years ago

Dynamic Couple nailed it.You can't assume anything.All you can do is minimise the information you give out to others. I was phoned by a mans ex who he was still friends with.She hacked into his computer and called a number of women whose contact details she found.She was surprised when I said I would report her to the police. Something you may want to consider.He has probably done this before and will no doubt do it again. Hugs Q

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RHP User

6 years ago

“ Name and Shame “ ......that piece of shit Mr D 🤬 That certain individual should be the one that is exiled ,,,,,,, not you guys ! He’s a disgrace 😡

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RHP User

6 years ago

Dear Doubleup Oh my fuck, I would want to do a lot more than just wring his neck. He is dangerous. Unstable. A menace. Well the daughters all know. It's all out there now for you all to figure out. Work through. I think it's a perfect segue into a big robust discussion about online safety and privacy. Letting your precious see that even you, as their protectors, can be targeted. Figure a way to arm yourself now with your weakness and make yourselves all stronger and united because of it. Very sorry this happened to you. Privacy and protection of self is a lesson we all learn as we go. Good luck.

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totally_normal

6 years ago

That totally sucks, I am sorry you had this experience. No matter how discrete we may be it only takes one person with a warped agenda to throw any of us to the wolfs. I have always told my childten that it is important to feel comfortable with what you are doing and ready to live with the consequences of others finding out. Living through this outing would be hugely uncomfortable and potentially devastating snd I share your anger/frustration. It is awful that one indiscrete wanker prevents you from meeting other awesome couples and singles and having more sexy experences. Now the family knows have you got more to loose?

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bicurious4cpls

6 years ago

Absolutely agree with the above comment. It is entirely up to the couple what they would like to do in there own private lives but it is entirely another thing for a third party to feel they have the right to share others private lives. I feel for you both. Is the 'offender' still on RHP? Can you/we name and shame to RHP? I expect RHP would certainly not want people like this effecting their own business.

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MsSuperFoxy

6 years ago

Naming and Shaming is not OK and is very frowned upon within the forums and in the community. 1) you risk damaging your own reputation. 2) it intices mob pack bullying 3) it can tar the innocent 4) you are removing another persons choice and 5) would you like it done to you? To be honest, I do not think anyone really cares too much if the person )the OP is talking about) is on here or not. As the OP stated they were not happy and "it is all good now". Moving on Ms Foxy

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RHP User

6 years ago

Thank you for all your replies, while it was a difficult issue to overcome at the time, laying out the truth to the children was the best way to handle it. They were pretty much “we didn’t think you’d do that but it’s good you did it together”. It also had the effect of taking away any power this “discreet guy” thought he may gain from exposing us. While we have had thoughts of warning others by naming and shaming there’s no point, mods would block the post, or he would change his profile name. I’d have to agree with Foxy that naming and shaming is prone to misuse, as who determines the facts of who did what to whom? The lesson is to be mindful of people you meet and exercise caution, all people need is a name, photo and suburb and they can find you nowadays. Mr D

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RHP User

6 years ago

I had a frien... ummm.. an "Associate" is a better term I reckon.Said associate has boundary issues, and comes from a hard hard life as kid, and young man.Someone did his Sister wrong some years back.. back in the late 70's, and said "Associate" found out about it.Now, I did NOT know the fella then, but met him when he got out of prison (a couple of years later) for what he did.I cannot state it fully, but maybe you can put in the missing bits..I had to interview him, and asked straight out what happened..He was clear, and unrepentant."I paid him a visit, and bashed the fuck out of him. Then I ***** him, and threw him out in the street. I went to where his mates drank, and told them what I had done, and why, and where they could find him, then went home to wait for the police to come"I asked... "WHY did you do the second part, are you gay?"He replied, "No, not at all.. I just figured he would get over the bashing, but with his friends knowing what happened, he will NEVER get over THAT part"OK.. THAT was fucking extreme - even I understand that... BUT.. I CAN tell you this.. "SOMETIMES, I read shit, and get so fucking bent out of shape about it, I THINK of that interview!!!!"IF I was now in YOUR position, I would be thinking of it! Just saying.

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RHP User

6 years ago

Thanks absolutely disgusting and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I spoke with you guys about 12 months ago and you trusted me with your names and Facebook details even-though I didn't disclose my name. I was very new and nervous and we never ended catching up but to this day I have never breathed a word of it. I think like most people I just assumed it was an unwritten rule.

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RHP User

6 years ago

Thanks absolutely disgusting and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I spoke with you guys about 12 months ago and you trusted me with your names and Facebook details even-though I didn't disclose my name. I was very new and nervous and we never ended catching up but to this day I have never breathed a word of it. I think like most people I just assumed it was an unwritten rule.

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Samnite

6 years ago

This is why I trust SSLLLLLOOOWWLY. While I give respect to everyone freely until such time I feel that I need to remove that respect. I take a long time to trust people.

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boobsandbusted

6 years ago

double up ,so sorry to hear that happened to you guys ,you are beautiful people ,hope it does not impact your life anymore. than it already has ,love to you both mr and mrs b

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RHP User

6 years ago

His behavior is disgraceful and one of my worst nightmares. His actions were predatory and wrong.

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fitsyd

6 years ago

Doubleup, that was a very unfortunate incident but thanks for bringing it up openly here. I’ve been in the lifestyle a while now and this is the first time I’ve heard of such an extreme case of a breach of confidence. Having said that, the vast majority of the people in the lifestyle (singles and couples) understand the absolute need for discretion.

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