F50
Do men want relationships these days?
June 14 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi FM, I guess you are going to get lots of differing opinions to this questions so I will start from my perspective. I believe that too "many/most/lots of" women want a your" mine now/don't you dare look sideways at another woman/I want marriage and kids relationship". To me thats really scary. But if that's what they want then that's ok but if men don't want that then they stay well away. I would like a "you live in your house/I will live in my house/lets have dinner/do you want to go away for the weekend" type relationship. I don't want a tied down shackled relationship. I'm all for meeting and having conversation but not the restriction and confinement. I know that I will now be howled down as being non commital but I really think that there are some women out there like that too. Why can't we just kick back and relax and enjoy socialising with each other with out having to plunge into a full on relationship?
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xFunlovingx
15 years ago
and I am no Pamela Anderson (well ok mine are bigger than hers), I have a brain and I certainly don't meet men to emasculate them. But I have found that alot of guys I have met in the past have wanted a relationship with me beyond the sex and one night stands...or they want an ongoing thing. Reading your post reminded me of the movie "He's Just Not Into You"...great book and movie and is so true. Now, I don't know you at all, but could you fall into the category of coming across as "too desperate for a partner"? Men are turned off by desperation as this is a sign of low self esteem. As quoted from a show that I love .... "If you don't love yourself...how the fuck can you find someone else that will"!! And the old line "Its me not you" is a load of crock..they just don't want to be honest with you about the real reason in case you turn out to be a bunny boiler lol. Patience in finding the "right" man is the key here. Good luck. xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
but come on... so I want to find love.... where does that read desperate? It reads as someone who is eagar to find a guy she connects with, and share stuff with.... and if it doesn't work out, no harm no foul.... no bunnies were harmed in the making of this friendship.... You and I are in different stages in our lives. I don't know you either funloving, but I am not making a judgement and placing my opinion about you out there....only myself. I am fun, vivacious, a great person to be around, loyal, honest and very sexual. I am also losing a lot of weight after spending most of my life yo-yoing from big to small and bigger again, and having had men tell me they don't want to be with me because of my body shape. So excuse me if I'm slightly jaded by men and how they seem to like thin big boobs chicks, cause thats usually what I got passed over for. I have an attitude that makes me think guys won't want me for anything other than sex...but I'm working on it. ogrilp.... and again, differing viewpoints on life.... never would I ever have the jealousy thing with the guy I was with...whats the point of that, a guy either likes someone for real or doesn't... again, no harm no foul, just didn't work out. I was asking opinion of why guys don't seem to want relationships, not opinions on me personally and how you feel you know me from reading a brief profile.... just my opinion... (borrowed from another strong woman)
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RHP User
15 years ago
hopefully im understanding where your coming from frack...cause i dont wanna be yelled at too hahaha i have noticed a lot of guys just wanna play the field, screw what they can and then run but i have also found a lot of these same guys are still in love with the ex....or they are still hurting like it was only yesterday that their heart was broken...even ones that have been seperated for years are still healing so mabye thats why a lot of the men are still playing the field and not looking for a relationship....they just arent ready for anything too serious just yet but i could be wrong and they are just all jerks that wanna fuck and run...who knows roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
If for some reason (god forbid) i became single again, the ONLY type of relationship i would consider would be the type you describe. Why?1) I think because no one could ever replace or be her equal in my eyes. 2) I like my my own company and own space.3) Because i am to old , to set in my ways to be adjusting them to suit some one else.Cheers Nev
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RHP User
15 years ago
How do you do it?? You always hit the nail on the head!!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Just someone about whom people felt it was ok to voice their opinions taking the time and answering them back..... what I'm asking is... give me some idea's why guys don't want relationships, don't make it an attack on me personally.... must be the debater coming out in me.... still to the topic and answer the question, don't sqrew it off onto another personal tangent. Roxy's got some points, which I take.... shame that guys lose their trust in all women when they get hurt by one or a few....
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RHP User
15 years ago
its cause im so clever lol but i do find if you listen to men and the little things they do and dont say...you learn an awful lot roxxy
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xFunlovingx
15 years ago
I read it that it was about you and how men that you meet don't want a relationship...I didn't take it as a general question. But I do agree with Roxy completely...men do have a hard time getting over ex's...I actually believe that men get hurt more than a woman does when a relationship ends and it takes longer for them to get over it. But...IF they met the one they wanted to be with .. they would climb tall mountains, move those mountains and crawl over broken glass to be with her. The internet has made it too easy for people to live in a "dream world". They did a survey the other day on both Ninemsn and Yahoo7 asking if the internet has made you less interactive in real life...and the end result was a resounding and emphatic...YES!! The best way to meet someone that is what you are looking for is by meeting them at things that you like doing..ie: gym, dance classes, swimming, chess club...or whatever. I for one would look for nothing other than a FB on these sites. But that is just me. xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
i guess Frack when you look at it we are all the same... we come out of relationships as broken people that need healing its up to the individual then to decide what they then want from life some people are hurt that badly they can never imagine having another woman/man again some walk away and straight in to life with another man/woman some people let them screw round for a couple of years then all of a sudden they want another relationship everybody is different...everybody needs time to heal roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi FM, This is really difficult to put across in written words which is why I so enjoy talking in person with a lady.I don't think any of us here have judged you either from your profile or from what you have written. Having read the replies I can only see people trying to give an explanation from how they see it. I only put my view across, it is not the view of all blokes. I do detect from your two submissions that you may be a bit frustrated or "jaded" as you say. What has she got that I haven't? We all get that way when we get over looked. Thats no solace to you though I know. You will hear lots of people saying "you have to sieve through a lot of chaff" or "your turn will come" but when your being over looked that doesn't help at all. I have been in your position (reverse sexes though) for a long time and I can't explain it either and yes it is bloody exasperating. I have no answers, no solutions. You are not alone in what you say, lots of lovely women are out there saying the same.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Our modern world. Our buildings last 20 years, everything we own is thrown away and replaced, even photos are digital... ephemeral... Nobody does oil portraits of their family and mounts them in stone castles for the next generation of stalky to enjoy. You get a job and that's treated as a stepping stone to the next one... Is it any wonder that something "permanent" is frightening? Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
We forge long term relationships in our work lives, with our friends and together, but that's just us! Well not just us, for every guy wanting to shag around and not settle down I'll show you double that want the whole kit and kaboodle. Mind you most of these guys are snapped up rather quickly!In no means Judging FM but there might be a couple of reasons you're not finding the ones you want. No.1 is that you're attracted and chase the wrong sort of guy, maybe you like the bad boy huh? No.2 is maybe you're putting out vibes that are scaring the right kind of guys away?There are all kinds of people all around the world and if your head is in the right place and you look in the right nooks you'll find the right people that'll blow your mind.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I'll admit i'm mainly looking for a friends with benefits situation right now but if the right person comes along who i enjoy spending time with, get upset when things aren't going their way, and miss when i don't see them for a couple of days, then i'll gladly see if a relationship is possible.There's nothing quite like being in love, and I miss the companionship I had in my last relationship, someone to cuddle at night in bed, watch tv whilst you stroke their hair, grab their butt whenever you like. ;)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Frack. I'm a guy and I feel like you. It's not that I'm lonely. Or in need. I just love to be in love. I am now. The relationship thing is so scary for alot of people. They are scared of it falling apart. I can go out clubbing and look for my type of girl. 90% of them are married or attached. So for me it's hard to find something so preacious. I have found her. But she is scared of having another relationship fall appart. Fab.
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Wouldyoukindly
15 years ago
Quoting 'casually_casual'There's nothing quite like being in love, and I miss the companionship I had in my last relationship, someone to cuddle at night in bed, watch tv whilst you stroke their hair, grab their butt whenever you like. ;) Oh I miss this very much. Having said that, I am looking for friends with benefits too, seems sexual healing happens faster :P.Part of what makes me resistant to a relationship at this time has a lot to do with my past relationship. It remains fresh for me, which is part of the problem. It was highly destructive of my emotional, sexual and mental state. What I dreamed of a bright future has collapsed in a flaming pile of crap and now I'm slowly picking up the pieces. I am not bitter or resentful, nor do I have no trust in women (I have been cheated on before), I have always taken solace in knowing that it's not women that are the issue, it's committing to the wrong person for me.So I'm trying to learn my lessons and prepare myself for that magical girl who makes my jaw drop, throws my heart into overdrive, and laughs with me. The time will come, till then I have my own life to reconstruct and with the wise words of Funloving: "If you don't love yourself...how the fuck can you find someone else that will"I'll keep soldiering on.Also Roxxy, you pretty much nailed it.Cheers,ZP.S. Love the profile name (Frack_Me), it gets my inner nerd dancing like nobody's watching.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Frackme, I am glad the shirtless brigade has your juices working for you ..I am sure you will find the right guy soon to enjoy you ..Maybe you should carry some sun screen protection with you at all times , like those people at traffic lights wanting to clean your windscreen when you stop!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
the comments on one of the opinion blogs in one of the papers, an article about do you want a relationship with someone you have sex with on the first date. The overwhelming response of the people commenting was "no". I think if you're meeting guys from sex sites like this one, then they're generally not viewing you as relationship material before the get go. Younger guys are more accepting of sexually liberated women than older (over 35) guys.I know, I know I'm generalising a lot here, but I do believe it's true. Personally I think it's a silly and archaic notion that you can fuck someone the first time you meet them and not have a relationship with them. Oh god, that awesome feeling meeting someone and falling for them straight away and having it reciprocated... be it for a couple of weeks or a few years, it's totally awesome and I would love to feel that intensity again.I sure don't expect to find that here though, and when I want a 'proper' relationship again I won't be looking on RHP for it.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Y'know Frack Me - I think now that the whole world has decided that oral sex should be performed with condoms for casual flings... long term relationships will become flavour of the month... I mean they're not all bad.. you get someone who cooks for you, cleans up after you and performs oral without a condom. Where's the downside anyway??
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RHP User
15 years ago
you're a woman speaking to my heart in my hearts' own language.....sigh.I agree with Stalky....we live in an instant-gratification, throw-away world.Now of course this doesnt apply to everyone...but on the whole I believe...People get into relationships looking at the exits...judging the new partner on the misdeeds of the former...keeping an eye out just in case someone better wanders by....guarding their wallets with their lives...making assumptions...believing the worst.I'm so sick of it.Like you....I have been rejected over and over because of my weight...and the resulting chip on my shoulder because of those rejections...but like you...I'm working on bettering myself.Girl...when we get to be the fabulous women on the outside that we are on the inside...we can bend over...pull down our sexy panties...and tell all the losers that passed us overto kiss our now beautiful toned asses!!The ones that reject us are in no way worthy of all that we can give.JMO...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Jean_Girard'Y'know Frack Me - I think now that the whole world has decided that oral sex should be performed with condoms for casual flings... long term relationships will become flavour of the month... I mean they're not all bad.. you get someone who cooks for you, cleans up after you and performs oral without a condom. Where's the downside anyway?? someone to paddle your arse!!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
both want love, I think it just looks a little different for each of them. I mean we all talk about honesty and integrity and so on. But what do we want each day?Women want love, which equals attention, affection, kindness, attention, time, tenderness, support, attention, to be swept up in the arms of a strong man. The more a woman gets this, the more she can be a woman - soft, vulnerable, available, free, but still capable and independent.Men want love, which equals freedom, acknowledgment, affirmation, sex, freedom, sex, support, attention, freedom, sex, and to have a woman surrender to him, getting lost in his arms. The more a man gets this, the more he can be a man - strong, capable, independent, but still soft, loving and tender.Love for a woman is about attention. Love for a man is about freedom - the freedom to choose how they spend their time, make their decisions, set their priorities etc.Yes, I generalise, absolutely. But I confess, this is a topic I'm passionate about, so I'm writing here about it again, after having written about it many times in RHP forums before.I think women grab at a man's attention because when he gives her attention, it proves how much he loves her. And besides, in my experience women have a bottomless pit for attention and love, it doesn't matter how much he gives (unless he's the weak, sucky type), it's never enough. The idea of letting a man be free can scare women, because she thinks it means he doesn't really love her.When a woman grabs at a man's attention, I think this scares him. Men are scared of relationships because they feel a woman's craving for love and attention from 20 paces, and they already feel suffocated. They anticipate not being good enough, the constant criticism that's coming their way and so on and so on.Ok, I'm bracing myself ... shout me down :)lilmiss x
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RHP User
15 years ago
both want love, I think it just looks a little different for each of them. I mean we all talk about honesty and integrity and so on. But what do we want each day?Women want love, which equals attention, affection, kindness, attention, time, tenderness, support, attention, to be swept up in the arms of a strong man. The more a woman gets this, the more she can be a woman - soft, vulnerable, available, free, but still capable and independent.Men want love, which equals freedom, acknowledgment, affirmation, sex, freedom, sex, support, attention, freedom, sex, and to have a woman surrender to him, getting lost in his arms. The more a man gets this, the more he can be a man - strong, capable, independent, but still soft, loving and tender.Love for a woman is about attention. Love for a man is about freedom - the freedom to choose how they spend their time, make their decisions, set their priorities etc.Yes, I generalise, absolutely. But I confess, this is a topic I'm passionate about, so I'm writing here about it again, after having written about it many times in RHP forums before.I think women grab at a man's attention because when he gives her attention, it proves how much he loves her. And besides, in my experience women have a bottomless pit for attention and love, it doesn't matter how much he gives (unless he's the weak, sucky type), it's never enough. The idea of letting a man be free can scare women, because she thinks it means he doesn't really love her.When a woman grabs at a man's attention, I think this scares him. Men are scared of relationships because they feel a woman's craving for love and attention from 20 paces, and they already feel suffocated. They anticipate not being good enough, the constant criticism that's coming their way and so on and so on.Ok, I'm bracing myself ... shout me down :)lilmiss x
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'Jean_Girard'Y'know Frack Me - I think now that the whole world has decided that oral sex should be performed with condoms for casual flings... long term relationships will become flavour of the month... I mean they're not all bad.. you get someone who cooks for you, cleans up after you and performs oral without a condom. Where's the downside anyway?? someone to paddle your arse!!! Hehe - that sounds kinkier then Roxxy's iron bar. But yep - what was I thinking.... still no downside I can see.
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RHP User
15 years ago
why Nic, you keep on bringing up money and wealth in almost every single post these days. I was talking about finding maybe love and a relationship with someone or at least someone to spend some good times with.... money never entered my head.... possibly because I actually make very good money in my job and have had two payrises alone this year.... I wouldnt care if I made more or less, I just want someone to wrap me up in his arms and fuck me silly occassionally... without wanting to fuck any one else silly when I'm not around....lol Ok, so how do you prove to these down hearted, broken men that you've not like every other biatch they ever encountered....
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RHP User
15 years ago
Jean_Girard for you, my arms would be like windmills!! Wack, wack, wack,........ Only the best for you because you deserve it. Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hmmmm Frackme, probably the same way that I prove to women that I'm not like all the other uncouth bums and wold be quite happy to indulge in some pleasant conversation. In other words its next to impossible.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Jean_Girard' Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'Jean_Girard'Y'know Frack Me - I think now that the whole world has decided that oral sex should be performed with condoms for casual flings... long term relationships will become flavour of the month... I mean they're not all bad.. you get someone who cooks for you, cleans up after you and performs oral without a condom. Where's the downside anyway?? someone to paddle your arse!!! Hehe - that sounds kinkier then Roxxy's iron bar. But yep - what was I thinking.... still no downside I can see. hey what do you have against my iron bar Jean....its a nice iron bar does me very well thanks roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Mikle you explained that so well...well i got it anyway thats exactly the way i see it all well done babe roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Both of you hit the nail on the head. The one thing that is truly not said here is that most of us here aren't. I'm so messed up. These reasons here are what is stopping the one I know I truly love. Big call but. Really it's too early for me to tell if I'm right. I'll continue. Loving her. I should be scared also but I'm more scared of not getting the chance for my heart to be wrong. Little miss. What you say about what women want for that matter what us men want is right. I see it in her eyes that she wants to surrender herself. All I want is for this to happen so I can be a man with her in my arms. I want my future to be the story that I write. Not someone elses. My own. Well this story to me is the one that I choose to write. If it is only a chapter or two I don't care. (prefer it to be the rest of the story.) It is not over yet as I'm too much in love to just give up and be scared I will get hurt. I only think of what it can be without the inner reflection from us both questioning whether or not it is the right choice. Trying to hold on to love when the other is afraid to let themselves dream is the scariest place to be. Wayne.
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RHP User
15 years ago
All I'm really craving is someone to have sex with all the bloody time.... lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Frack_Me'All I'm really craving is someone to have sex with all the bloody time.... lol id be happy if i could just find that one man to be my friend and wanna have sex with me and do a few little things with me every now and then roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
that it may be my confidence and independence that puts men around here off.... I am very self sufficent and don't need someone to do things for me..... it would be nice to have someone want to do things for me.... but I guess until I find someone who can put up with me being so strong and willing to just get in and do things, I'll have to just keep hoping...lol and wear out a few more batteries....
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hiya all,Guys want relationships, well I know I do. It is nice to know you have someone you can call on to spend time with and get out and do things with like goin to the movies. They will be there for you and not just for sex either.In saying that alot of guys are really choosy or even skeptical of letting someone get close to them because its not the manly thing to do but saying all that why wouldn't you want to be in a relationship with someone you click with?I hear guys who moan about their partners and think to myself why are you with her if you think like that or feel like that or is it just a cover foir their real emotions hahahahaPK!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I am open to relationships if the girl wants the same things i do... otherwise i don't want to settle for what someone else wants from a relationship. xo
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RHP User
14 years ago
I don't know about other guys, but is it possible to have an in-between relationship?Sometimes it can be great to be single, to be in control of your own destiny and to be 100% responsible for your own mistakes. Most relationships start out great lots of fun times, going to the movies, seeing friends, lots of sex both quantity and variety, and only seeing the positives in a persons personality. With time partners become content and think that they can speak rudely to each other or become too controlling. Sex happens on a monthly basis if you are lucky and personality traits you have are now really annoying. How do you keep it in the in-between? Keep all the fun desire passion and just enjoying each others company?
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RHP User
14 years ago
As I sit here on this rainy overcast day, my first day of being single, a giant cup of tea and one of those Toblerones you only get duty free by my side (massive), I just want to say that I am going to continue to be a dreamer and look for a perfect mate, male or female, to spend the rest of my life with... Yes it may be unrealistic, you may think I'm foolish, and I may fail on my quest, but I think it's worth it. I'm not going to be bitter about being dumped, I'm just going to look for someone new to heap my everlasting and passionate affection on. Hopefully the person will be a deliciously sexual cumjunkie like myself, willing to jump on the ride of sexual freedom and gratification, getting to know both themselves and me better. Going to swingers parties has only reinforced how many fantastic, functional relationships are happening out there AS WE SPEAK, and I think we all deserve one! Um, especially me! Thank you to those who inspire me, and good luck to those who want it all! See you in a month or so, I'm off to paint my family. Acrylics, not oils, sorry Stalks. Betsy
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RHP User
14 years ago
And BETSY.. ahem... just exactly what do you have in mind for that massive tolberone and can I expect to see it on redtube??? :-0 I'm fine with acrylics. I just booked some accomodation in Montmartre for Christmas. I'm going to pretend to be even more bohemian. :P Nobody to think about but me and Toulouse Latreche! Enjoy your escape bebe HUgs Gaz
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sorry Betsy.. the phone rang and I got distracted before I'd finished my last post!! I meant to add that there's always more than one perfect mate out there..... so you will surely find "the one"... and then the two... and I hope you manage to find them one by one and surround yourself with them all! Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Toblerone ........ Ahhh chick it's out there ..... it is .... I think....... ! I am not sure there is "the one" for everyone there maybe thou "the three" ??? Life / society has made us think we need the ONE! pfffft the whole "only animal bar 3 to mate for life" thingy ! yes yes yes I agree. Chat soon chick , when you heading back to visit us again ?? Miss Sarah want more Betsy ! Brae Hey do you have the Toblerone cause its full of nuts ?
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RHP User
14 years ago
By no means did I mean to hijack this thread, pls accept my apologies, I just wanted to say to everyone keep looking and questing and searching and experimenting and squirting and feeling and wondering because surely Love Is All You Need? PS also, Toblerone are pretty hilly really. Snickers have always been my favourite. Snickers really satisfy. And they taste yummy afterwards too. Love love love, Bets
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RHP User
14 years ago
i was just in nt staying near viginia sorry i missed you
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RHP User
14 years ago
Betsy, Toblorones rock, relationships are great if you both totally trust, and love each other, and arn't co dependent on one another, this worlds moving that fast, people want it now, my space, twitter, msn, facebook, me me me, LOL, in the i dream of gini, and bewitched era, there was none of this, couples worked shit out, worked as a team, plus the pill, the femminist movement has started a revolution, when i'm in a relationship i notice the battle of the sex's thing alot more, when i'm single, i don't, it works in your favour big time when you're single, god bless Paris Hilton, The last 10 years, the music on normal radio is females bagging men, and male rappers bagging females, it's not a competition, it's just respect, a good rule is make small changes, when meeting someone, but no major changes. easier said then done though.
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