M53 F57

Do you and when do you let family know

July 23 2013

I have been with Mr for just over a year and a half now. His whole family know about our lifestyle and have done for nearly 20 years now with him. I love his family and get on well with them all. I only discovered I liked the lifestyle with him just over a year ago. His family members do not swing and neither do mine. My family don't know and that's the way I want it to stay ( I have a very judgemental parent and siblings) Whether his family understand it I don't know as it isnt discussed in depth but they are accepting of it as they are polite and jovial if mentioned in front of them and they love me to bits knowing that I am bi and we have gf's. He has two kids - one 8 and one 14 years old and I have an 11 year old. None of our kids know about us or my being bi as we do not play at home if the kids are home. Other couples that Mr knows have older children that are aware that thier parents swing. Some of them still live at home and his friends say that thier kids are accepting of thier lifestyles. Prior to meeting me Mr Wefuk played at homes of couples who's kids were aware (19 & 20 year old kids). Thier kids didn't join in or watch and went out for the night so there was nothing wierd involved. This has been on my mind since he told me as one of those couples wants to play with us and I am not sure I feel comfortable with the knowledge that thier children will be home maybe even if they are 20 years old. I have never involved my child in my lifestyle in any way. Albiet I can understand that it would make it much easier when children are young adults not to have to worry about finding somewhere to play if you could just have playmates stay anytime and maybe even a little liberating not to have to worry about them catching you out. I think I would have a hard time gaining acceptance from my daughter when she is older as she has been brought up in a fairly conservative way where man meets woman, falls in love, gets married has children and lives happily ever after, which is fine for an 11 year old. I would also fear that she would tell her aunties (my sisters) as she can't keep secrets and they would be very unaccepting.When does it become OK for your kids to know your orientation and preferences?????.What are your thoughts on this.

Comments

RHP User

11 years ago

You have a very detailed post, and one could draw many assumptions about various statements you have made. Keep them out of it, they have no comprehension at that age what you are doing.They are kids, what's next? Let them run the family finances!!My 2 cents

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

"When does it become OK for your kids to know your orientation and preferences?????."I'm really hoping the answer is never.Could anything be worse than thinking about your parents having sex? Oh there it is.Others don't seem to have a problem. Maybe I'll get over it in time.Mr C

reply

like
foreign_lover

11 years ago

I'm very diplomatic and the worst thing i feel is being branded for something that is generally viewed as "bad".I know what some of you are thinking ("Fuck 'em!), but the moment this tidbit is out, it will start leading it's own life in ways you might not directly foresee.It's not all that bad if you keep some control over it. For example, i have told only a very few people (3 to be precise). With these people i felt it was safe to say since they themselves are rather open-minded so i can trust them to be very discrete about it. For the rest I am keeping RHP as much as possible separated from my other life.Seems to work for now but it is a hassle sometimes

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

Dont plan on sharing anything with my guys anytime soon! they just know mum has "friends " she goes out with from time to time when they're at their dads....

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

Ours is a small family and very close. It's just us, our kids, one of their partners and an ex who know we've ever had anything to do with RHP. The kids who were adults when we told them, said they knew something was up already... They don't know any details and while they have met friends we've made on RHP, they haven't met any of the people we met on a sexual basis.And for 'friends' in our life... We have 'liked' RHP on facebook... Never been asked about it though lol...

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

My sons are 31 and 24 both know I am still having sex, both would never say yuk to it. Maybe the Europeans are a bit more open to the idea older people still have sex.My sons know I am on RHP I would never hide anything from my sons. I want my children to know me and I want to know my children.I cant think of anything worth then hiding, that I am still a sexual being.

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

Hi,The issue we have here is a societal one:When does it become OK for your kids to know your orientation and preferences? So you are a couple and as far as every is concerned including your kid your orientation is a "normal" straight couple you don't have to tell them that it is self evident.I think your issue comes in stages at what age should children know that you are Bi-Sexual. Well personally I think all children need to be bought up with an open approach to sexuality. So I think you should not hide this aspect from them. let them know that a woman can love a women just as much as she can love a man.By hiding this aspect we/you make it look wrong. Your unwillingness to share the information with your child implies you think it is wrong.Being open about multi relationship. poly armor & swinging...The underlying thing here is that for the greater part we do this for sexual gratification...you have to ask you self at what age would you be comfortable with you child do what they want for sexual gratification...This is the thing you probably want to with hold information even more. Not because it make you a slut, it is because you worry that people will think you are a slut...I am not certain that children (younger ones) need to or should know who you are having sex with, I do think they need to know and should know that sex is perfectly natural and acceptable. They need to know it has many forms and variants...LC

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

I have two adult children and 2 younger kids. The two that are in their 20's would cause me little concern if they found out. One of them, i imagine would be quite accepting of my lifestyle, the other perhaps not. It's a mute point as it's MY lifestyle just as theirs is their own to live. Their approval is not required.

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

But old enough to understand that I date both men and women. Its not something I can hide so its just easier to explain that Im attracted to both and there is nothing wrong with that.

reply

like
mvagusta9

11 years ago

Keep it secret then no one gets upset or hurt I do.

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'LoveCurvie'By hiding this aspect we/you make it look wrong. Your unwillingness to share the information with your child implies you think it is wrong.Thank you for your feedback and thanks to all others that have replied also. Up until a year and a half ago I had a very conservative approach to life. Never would I have imagined that I would indulge in and enjoy the feel and intimacy of another womans touch. It took me 44 and a half years to discover my true sexuality and my current partner is the one that helped me to discover it as he has been swinging for over 20 years now. I was married to a man for 16 years and with him for 20 years and that man was as straight or as "Normal" as they come so the thought of swinging would not have entered his mind. So for the first 10 years of my childs 11 years she has had parents that lived what some may call a "Normal straight life". So to perhaps shed some light on my lifestyle you have to understand that I was also one of those people till recent that looked at our lifestyle in perhaps a negative manner compared to how I see it today which is deffinately not seeing it as "Wrong" but now see it as you do - as perfectly natural. At no stage did I ever think that those who indulged were "sluts" as you say. Swinging just didn't factor into my thoughts or daily life and it was something that other people did and not me. I didn't really know enough about it to even think about if people were sluts or not. I used to think it was only committed couples joining other couples for orgies and the group thing just wasn't something for me at the time. Now I know that there is a lot more to it than the hollywood version. I am very open and honest with my daughter but struggle with when or if she should know my lifestyle. I am kind of thinking that she doesn't need to know and that she will discover her own sexuality and way in the world. She's well aware of the sexual choices others make in life such as gay, ff and mm attraction etc. I have always even in my more conservative days tought her about the different cultural and sexual choices that other people make in life and that what other people choose is OK so long as they don't hurt people in the process. She is just not aware of what I get up to in the bedroom other than the love between my partner and I. Whomever she turns out to be (Gay, straight or bi) will be OK by me but I will not influence that by letting her know something she does not need to know. I am a firm beleiver in "monkey see monkey do" with children. I want her to discover who she is without delving into things that mum does just because she looks up to me and I do it. If she works it out one day and asks me about it I will be honest with her. Till then I am thinking she doesn't need to know.

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

I also forgot to say:Quoting 'LoveCurvie'By hiding this aspect we/you make it look wrong. Your unwillingness to share the information with your child implies you think it is wrong.Quoting 'karynb'I have two adult children and 2 younger kids.The two that are in their 20's would cause me little concern if they found out.One of them, i imagine would be quite accepting of my lifestyle, the other perhaps not.It's a mute point as it's MY lifestyle just as theirs is their own to live.Their approval is not required.Nothing we do is wrong if it is between two consenting adults and if it does not hurt others. My own mother tought me this as I was growing up and I don't think though that she had swinging on her mind when she would say this. Unfortunately it does not matter how much we try to educate some people they will not understand the swinging lifestyle or agree with it. I only acknowledge that in life there are more people out there that don't swing and that do take a rather negative view to our lifestyle and my family are amongst them. If you knew them then you would totally understand why avoiding a negative impact on my life by keeping those that would cause hurt is the way I want to proceed in life. We may not need the approval from family and non playing friends but if they are part of our lives it makes it a hell of a lot easier if we can avoid conflict where possible. I want my family to at least speak to my partner. If they knew we were swingers they would brush it off as "his way of cheating on me with my permission". As ludicrous as that may sound to other swingers it's the way it is and they would not speak to him again. I would constantly have to listen to them trying to convince me to leave him and have them constantly tell me that he mustn't love me like they think he should when he does love and adore me. Unless you want to write your family off and not have them in your lives you do have to consider how they will react to some degree in order to get along.

reply

like
RHP User

11 years ago

understand why avoiding a negative impact on my life by keeping those that would cause hurt is the way I want to proceed in life. I meant to say "keeping those that would cause hurt" In the dark. I often joke that I like to treat my family like ostriches and keep thier heads in the sand as it keeps things peaceful :)

reply

like

Do you and when do you let family know

Comments

Tags

Boards

Forum help