F55
Dominant lovers, what does it mean to you?
January 26 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
For me it has to do with mindset... in general I prefer to do the dominanting one... as I'm a bit of a control freak, but once a dominant male has earned my trust over time, happy to hand over control and more open to be submissive. I like the role play aspects. I think to properly be submissive or dominant, mindset rather than a pure physical domination is really the key. I can't submit to someone who I lack respect for... it has to be a proven fact that he's capable of handling me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Was a lot younger than my father,she was totally in thrall to him...he controlled her,the household,everything. I saw how she was so besotted by him and quite frankly despised her for it...he was violent towards me,never to her...I think that this is why dominant men leave me cold...I am only just now exploring my inner Domme,she has been slumbering for such a long time,but now she wants to play 😘xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
In my day to day life I am quite a strong person, when I was married I was the more dominant personality, I took control of the finances and usually had to make most of the decisions etc etc. So when it comes to the bedroom I want my man to be the more dominant one, but not in a Dom/Sub type of way. So exactly like Cuckle_shells I like the man to take the lead flip me around, pun me down, and definitely don't ask me what I would like to do. Don't ask me, just do me.
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
Quoting 'funbuns43' In my day to day life I am quite a strong person, when I was married I was the more dominant personality, I took control of the finances and usually had to make most of the decisions etc etc. So when it comes to the bedroom I want my man to be the more dominant one, but not in a Dom/Sub type of way. So exactly like Cuckle_shells I like the man to take the lead flip me around, pun me down, and definitely don't ask me what I would like to do. Don't ask me, just do me. I don't believe you can be a dominant lover without first knowing the woman. I don't think you can... "Don't ask me, just do me" without first knowing that she is agreeable to that, so obviously (in my opinion) you can't be dominant on a 1st encounter, as you need to respect the persons likes and dislikes, which you would not know without first knowing them. Appears to me that it is easy to be Dominant if you know that is what she likes, dangerous and out of line to be Dominant guessing that is what she wants.
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On_Safari
10 years ago
I wore the burden and responsibilities in my marriage but was also the Dominant lover. The men I find sexy as hell to me these days are those who can be gentle enough to treat me like a cherished lover but also passionate enough to spur on my heat and passion. On doing this they promote mutual trust and desire which, for me atleast; leads to more adventurous love making. I love a man who will man handle me, turn me inside out, provoke my body's desire to respond to his. It also means I will give of myself completely, I will push his boundaries and allow him to puch mine because of trust. The man who mentioned he would "try to be dominant" with a woman sounds to me somewhat inexperienced/unsure of his own skill/prowess as a lover. He could "try" and not understand what his lover really wants/needs. I think Meeka in answer to this it's more a case of the feeling/connection/heat between those involved that drives the emotions, acquiesence and kinkiness in the moment. Trust always trust rules everything people are prepared to give of thenselves and allow to be done. ~ Indy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Just perfect, wish I could have articulated it like that.
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RHP User
10 years ago
most of the time, I earned more than him. He was quite content for me to take control of the finances. So I was the one that would keep up to date with which bank accounts were best, manage the credit card payments, etc. I would also be the one to ring tradesmen if a major repair job needed doing or search out various mechanics or workshops for our cars. That is because my husband has always detested talking on the phone. However, with the advent of the "computer age", he doesn't mind doing all these things via email now but for the majority of our marriage, I was basically "in charge". Circumstances has now changed and I'm not going to go into my personal family life. I can only say that there isn't a person who is 100% the "controller". No one in our household is really "dominant" over the other. I suppose that is why I am attracted to a "dominant" kind of RHP man. One who will take charge both outside and in the bedroom but not in a Dom/Sub kind of way. I too, don't like pain. I have read articles about Dom/Sub Situations in the bedroom and some of the practices scare me. I don't like the thought of being "bound". I need to have 100% trust in the man before I will let that happen and trust takes time to cultivate. However, I don't mind the man taking "control" as in telling me what to do, pushing me against the bed, desk, etc and having his wicked way with me. I find that highly erotic. When a man acts like a man, no matter where he is, it truly turns me on. Amy
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
Quoting 'On_Safari' The man who mentioned he would "try to be dominant" with a woman sounds to me somewhat inexperienced/unsure of his own skill/prowess as a lover. He could "try" and not understand what his lover really wants/needs. . ~ Indy Please check the wording of the "man who mentioned he would try to be dominant" as I can not find anything he says that resembles anything about trying. (unless there are post I am unable to see at this time)
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RHP User
10 years ago
This is not about dissing anyone at all. This is just because it in intrigued me that lots of people talk about being dominant or wanting the lover to take the lead but I figured that it might mean different things to different people. I don't think On_Safari has read the post I was referring to, she is just talking that from a comment I made in my question. The lovely gentleman who inspired my question said he would give it a go. But his is an unusual situation, not your normal one on one relationship thing so would take some balls I reckon! I eagerly await his update. Whoo hoo! I like adventure stories though.
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On_Safari
10 years ago
So I am only responding to the question at hand and the wording used here. I don't particularly care nor am aware of what is being discussed on any other thread by this person. Perhaps you would have been more comfortable had I not interpreted Meeka's "giving it a go" as "trying"? As such I don't see the relevance of your comment above. I'm actually interested in hearing the male perspective (based on actual experience) of dominant female partners.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was with my ex husband for 7 years and he was the most submissive (boring for me) lover ive ever had. Everything was asking what i wanted and checking if something was ok... it even took 5 years to convince him to try anal and we never successfully got there because he was too scared he was going to hurt me! Urgh!! I cannot be with a guy unless he is at least a little dominant in bed. The physical aspects of dominance are a minimum requirement! Lol However what i crave is a guy who can really get into my mind, understand me fully and know how to get me to that amazing submissive mind space. That right there is why i am 'a sub' and is my holy grail. Guys that are capable of that though are few and far between as my trust is not easily earnt. Sorry op, what was your question again? I got distracted by sexy thoughts haha - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mr_MrsAraps
10 years ago
It has taken me along time and more importantly a very understanding partner who is also interested in a little d/s as well to find myself. For me and ms_araps, its a normal relationship outside the bedroom but she is submissive in it. Has taken some time to explore together whats in and whats out and also for me to be able to pick up on her cues for deciding what direction I want to take each sexual encounter. Would be a lot harder to get the direction right with a partner you are unfamiliar with and haven't built up that relationship and trust I think.
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RHP User
10 years ago
means progression to me....you want it...you hunt it... Once you've caught it...be gentle when you need to be; yet aggressive when her body tells you to be.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Shells, Funbuns & Safari have covered it well....trust & chemistry are the biggest must haves, when they are there then you can also bring slightly dom foreplay into the equation....things like running your hands over her neck & then grabbing her hair & giving it a sharp tug while waiting in line at the supermarket checkout...gently biting her lip while kissing in public or even discretely playing with her pussy in a crowded bar before taking her from behind against the wall when you get home. sir stir also nailed it with "her body will tell you"
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RHP User
10 years ago
Bollocks. I want a man to sweep me off my feet and take charge and not wait until he gets to know me. By then I have already dominated him. Well not really, but my view of him as dominant personality has already passed.
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RHP User
10 years ago
If you haven't shown me or given me some indication that you can dominate me in the first meetings flirting I have already lost interest.
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
You are right, I did not link Meekas original "giving it a go" with your "trying", so it did not make sense to me, thought you had miss read something, did not think you were dishing it out to anyone, just did not understand. My mistake.
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On_Safari
10 years ago
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' If you haven't shown me or given me some indication that you can dominate me in the first meetings flirting I have already lost interest. The strap-on may only come out on special occasions, but it's possible the guys you meet can sense it hidden away in the sock drawer of your psyche.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm naturally dominant in the bedroom (or hotel room, carpark, cinema, out the back of the tool shed...), but never been into the role play. I'm just going to chuckle if you call me Sir, but that doesn't mean I won't tie your hands with the drawstring from the hotel robe and have my way when I get the chance (ok I might ask first if we've just met). You definitely don't have to ask. My lovers have tended to be like Shells, Indy and Funbuns above. I don't know how they find me or I find them. There must be something in the pre-play chemistry, because we both tend to know what's coming without a lot of verbal communication. My long term partners have been submissive in the bedroom but very independent outside. They were happy to be grabbed firmly by the hair, bent to the knees and taken. But I've always done my own ironing! I've known women who were submissive in and out, but they definitely weren't for me. I know the question was asked of the women. It's been my experience though that I've just gravitated to the right women for me, and I assume they are doing the same thing.
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Quoting 'Single_Guy4U' Quoting 'funbuns43' In my day to day life I am quite a strong person, when I was married I was the more dominant personality, I took control of the finances and usually had to make most of the decisions etc etc. So when it comes to the bedroom I want my man to be the more dominant one, but not in a Dom/Sub type of way. So exactly like Cuckle_shells I like the man to take the lead flip me around, pun me down, and definitely don't ask me what I would like to do. Don't ask me, just do me. I don't believe you can be a dominant lover without first knowing the woman. I don't think you can... "Don't ask me, just do me" without first knowing that she is agreeable to that, so obviously (in my opinion) you can't be dominant on a 1st encounter, as you need to respect the persons likes and dislikes, which you would not know without first knowing them. Appears to me that it is easy to be Dominant if you know that is what she likes, dangerous and out of line to be Dominant guessing that is what she wants. Understand why my friend above has said such, common sense logic appropriateness, personal space etc etc etc....however........ My view is that one can indeed be a dominant lover on first meet....I feel I am.....Dominant in my view is the one who is "conducting" the flow so to speak of things......little things like taking her hand and leading her to the bed, gently removing her stilettoes and throwing them on the floor, taking her underwear off with your teeth with gentle playful growls, gently thrusting, pivoting her back over forwards from the hips, All Subtly slowly and purposefully.....I flippin love it....its my forte......like i say naturally it begins subtly topping from the bottom scenario but(t) oh dear given the right chemistry lordie me it can get sooo hootttt....cant 'tit' ?... :-) SAx
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Quoting 'Single_Guy4U' Quoting 'funbuns43' In my day to day life I am quite a strong person, when I was married I was the more dominant personality, I took control of the finances and usually had to make most of the decisions etc etc. So when it comes to the bedroom I want my man to be the more dominant one, but not in a Dom/Sub type of way. So exactly like Cuckle_shells I like the man to take the lead flip me around, pun me down, and definitely don't ask me what I would like to do. Don't ask me, just do me. I don't believe you can be a dominant lover without first knowing the woman. I don't think you can... "Don't ask me, just do me" without first knowing that she is agreeable to that, so obviously (in my opinion) you can't be dominant on a 1st encounter, as you need to respect the persons likes and dislikes, which you would not know without first knowing them. Appears to me that it is easy to be Dominant if you know that is what she likes, dangerous and out of line to be Dominant guessing that is what she wants. Understand why my friend above has said such, common sense logic appropriateness, personal space etc etc etc....however........ My view is that one can indeed be a dominant lover on first meet....I feel I am.....Dominant in my view is the one who is "conducting" the flow so to speak of things......little things like taking her hand and leading her to the bed, gently removing her stilettoes and throwing them on the floor, taking her underwear off with your teeth with gentle playful growls, gently thrusting, pivoting her back over forwards from the hips, All Subtly slowly and purposefully.....I flippin love it....its my forte......like i say naturally it begins subtly topping from the bottom scenario but(t) oh dear given the right chemistry lordie me it can get sooo hootttt....cant 'tit' ?... :-) SA
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Missb4u
10 years ago
ill have a simon to go please ;) 😜😍
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SimonDoes' I don't know how they find me or I find them. There must be something in the pre-play chemistry, because we both tend to know what's coming without a lot of verbal communication. I would agree with this statement. To be honest I think I am still finding my "style" and I need to re-think my earlier statements because I don't actually like being dominated in any way really. What I really meant was I enjoy having a great passion were we may maul each other and probably take turns dominating the play. I do however always want to feel that a man is equal to me and can give as good as he gets and that he takes the lead when I want/need him too. I do like playing the little girl I have to admit. Gawd. I suppose it just depends on how I feel on the day really. Would be interesting to get a lovers perspective of how they see me when it comes to this.
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Talk is cheap, and people have time to construct a response to present to an audience. I could go into all the elements that make me dominant physical & masculine presence..... .... or I could just show you. That'd be way more fun.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Perfectly said. (And other ladies who said much the same thing). Dominant isn't always about D/s. To me it's exactly what Shells said - take the lead, move me around, pick me up, pin me down, drag me across the bed toward you and be confident in everything you do. Makes no difference if we've just met or been lovers for years, you can still do all those things - and read body language for feedback as to whether you're on the right track (which hey, you should do anyway). Confidence, taking the lead and hungering for me. That's dominant. And that's freaking sexy 😍
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madotara69
10 years ago
Quoting 'SimonDoes' I'm naturally dominant in the bedroom (or hotel room, carpark, cinema, out the back of the tool shed...), but never been into the role play. I'm just going to chuckle if you call me Sir, but that doesn't mean I won't tie your hands with the drawstring from the hotel robe and have my way when I get the chance (ok I might ask first if we've just met). You definitely don't have to ask. My lovers have tended to be like Shells, Indy and Funbuns above. I don't know how they find me or I find them. There must be something in the pre-play chemistry, because we both tend to know what's coming without a lot of verbal communication. My long term partners have been submissive in the bedroom but very independent outside. They were happy to be grabbed firmly by the hair, bent to the knees and taken. But I've always done my own ironing! I've known women who were submissive in and out, but they definitely weren't for me. I know the question was asked of the women. It's been my experience though that I've just gravitated to the right women for me, and I assume they are doing the same thing. Definitely has something to do with shoes. Some things you just know. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Bollocks. I want a man to sweep me off my feet and take charge and not wait until he gets to know me. Awesome fantasy Reality....Danger Danger...... Wouldnt want a knee in my bollocks if Ive misread the signals
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RHP User
10 years ago
IMO a dominant needs a submissive and a submissive needs a dominant, they seek each other out in overt ways here in RHP or elsewhere such as Fetlife, and identify each other in more subtle ways in person. Roles are fairly established upfront, the dominant will dominate the submissive, and roles can be "switched" in some cases where a person can dominate their submissive, but be submissive to their (sometimes a different person) dominant. My understanding is this type of d/s pairing exists very much in the mind then plays out in physical and sexual ways. Also this can be a sex only thing, where one partner controls finances, bills, social plans, day to day decisions, etc but is totally submissive in the bedroom and the other partner is easy going in real life but totally dominant when it comes to sex. In terms of who has control, well on the surface it appears that the dominant has control, and they like that, as does the submissive, as they like to feel they are giving up control. However the submissive may actually have ultimate control as often they set up the scenario. For instance, in the OP example given, who is really in control? the guy being asked to be dominant? or the person asking? Also ultimately it is the submissive who can bring a halt to the sexual play by saying the safe word, or just saying No. Which will bring an end to the dominant's sexual enjoyment, whether they like it or not. Control sort of depends in what the play scenario is I suppose. To me taking charge is different in that roles are not established upfront, the scenario is unlikely to be directed or pre-determined in any way by any one person. Control does not exist, there is an element of being out of control, before someone takes control. Taking charge is more about needing the challenge as you kinda wrestles each other both at a mental and physical level. I pin you against the mattress, you love it, so much so you get the energy to roll me on my back, I let you, because you deserve to, you mount me, I love it, so much so I then throw you on your side, because I can, then I turn you around, because I sense that you want me to, then I lift your hips and you start to thrust backwards, because you can, then I overpower your thrusts, because I can, and on and on it goes. Taking charge is more raw, more make it up as you go along, more "let's see who comes out on top".
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On_Safari
10 years ago
Thank you kind Sir (grinning). BUT DG you only fuck Supermodels 😳 and there's only a dozen or so of them in the world, show me? Sorry honey you know I adore you but we just aren't compatible, for starters I'm vertically challenged and fail the required anorexic BMI. But I do like your psychobabble pussy whisperer (winky face, blowing a kiss) ~ Indy
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RHP User
10 years ago
When it comes to dancing, the man always takes the lead. He decides where on the dance floor to go and what moves are made. Hence, why I guess dancers are so good in the bedroom. He knows how to lead and she knows how to take his lead. I must admit now, that if you can't impress me on the dance floor we're not going to get horizontal ;)
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
You can open your cleavage to my little balls of paper any day
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On_Safari
10 years ago
You do of course realise that although the man leads his partner has to do all the work and do it BACKWARDS 😳 no doubt!! The Woman also has to do most of the complex hip movements, twists, ball of the feet movements, lilts and turns. So in reality, the lead only thinks he's in charge. 😉 Norcuck come here, I promise I won't knee you anywhere you won't like.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'norcuck' Bollocks. I want a man to sweep me off my feet and take charge and not wait until he gets to know me. Awesome fantasy Reality....Danger Danger...... Wouldnt want a knee in my bollocks if Ive misread the signals Because once you get a woman into the bedroom you are not confident you can read the signs? You are not able to tell if she is enjoying something on not? Because once you start on a path you can change it as the mood requires?? Oh and by the way, what does sweeping someone off their feet mean to you? I am not about rough sex here just so you know. That is not what most women would say sweeping them off their feet means. *insert shocked face here*
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry that should say that " Because once you start on a path you can not change it as the mood require?' and "I am not talking about rough sex here"
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'YogaFlow' To me taking charge is different in that roles are not established upfront, the scenario is unlikely to be directed or pre-determined in any way by any one person. Control does not exist, there is an element of being out of control, before someone takes control. Taking charge is more about needing the challenge as you kinda wrestles each other both at a mental and physical level. I pin you against the mattress, you love it, so much so you get the energy to roll me on my back, I let you, because you deserve to, you mount me, I love it, so much so I then throw you on your side, because I can, then I turn you around, because I sense that you want me to, then I lift your hips and you start to thrust backwards, because you can, then I overpower your thrusts, because I can, and on and on it goes. Taking charge is more raw, more make it up as you go along, more "let's see who comes out on top". oooh yes please!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Did I mention, YES PLEASE!
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On_Safari
10 years ago
Lol DG I only got as far as "my little balls" then I just lost it!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
I thought Indy might like that, but Meeka as well. Leave your weapons at the door and come here gorgeouses.
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RHP User
10 years ago
whoo hoo! By the way I have really have been getting into hot yoga over the last few years
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changinpace
10 years ago
Not necessarily if you have a dominant personality you will naturally fall into that role first encounter or not. I'm sure you will pick up on it early on if she's not into it. You shouldn't need to be asked to be the dom. Just my thoughts anyway :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Quoting 'On_Safari' Lol DG I only got as far as "my little balls" then I just lost it!! I can neither confirm nor deny, that O_S has little balls. Go about your business as you were. DG
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RHP User
10 years ago
Same, love the flow, strength and balance benefits, it's sooooo good.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I won't hurt you,but I will leave you quaking 😘xxFreya
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LadyMaxine
10 years ago
........... . - Posted from rhpmobile
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Naughtydouble
10 years ago
A lot of grey areas! its like anything no ones the same.It takes a while to tune an instrument but once tuned great rhythm - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Talk is cheap, and people have time to construct a response to present to an audience. I could go into all the elements that make me dominant physical & masculine presence..... thanks for the belly laugh, now I have to clean up where I spat out my tea. .... or I could just show you. That'd be way more fun.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' Was a lot younger than my father,she was totally in thrall to him...he controlled her,the household,everything. I saw how she was so besotted by him and quite frankly despised her for it...he was violent towards me,never to her...I think that this is why dominant men leave me cold...I am only just now exploring my inner Domme,she has been slumbering for such a long time,but now she wants to play 😘xxFreya I have seen this to often in my work. Also in my life and found men that posture and boss women around, are weak. Also mean that are pissing into the wind kidding them self they are the big man. Watch men together and you can soon pick the alhpa dog. I love the guys that say now little missy let me tell you I am a dominant man. I am thinking sorry I just am not feeling it. My husband is alpha, never says much at all, when you see him at work or play you just know he stands out in a pack. but one woman's alpha may be another s pussy cat. I thought of my self as submissive for a long time, and did the whole ownership thing, collard but I soon realised by nature I am not that way, with a few rare exceptions.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'YogaFlow' IMO a dominant needs a submissive and a submissive needs a dominant, they seek each other out in overt ways here in RHP or elsewhere such as Fetlife, and identify each other in more subtle ways in person. Roles are fairly established upfront, the dominant will dominate the submissive, and roles can be "switched" in some cases where a person can dominate their submissive, but be submissive to their (sometimes a different person) dominant. My understanding is this type of d/s pairing exists very much in the mind then plays out in physical and sexual ways. Also this can be a sex only thing, where one partner controls finances, bills, social plans, day to day decisions, etc but is totally submissive in the bedroom and the other partner is easy going in real life but totally dominant when it comes to sex. In terms of who has control, well on the surface it appears that the dominant has control, and they like that, as does the submissive, as they like to feel they are giving up control. However the submissive may actually have ultimate control as often they set up the scenario. For instance, in the OP example given, who is really in control? the guy being asked to be dominant? or the person asking? Also ultimately it is the submissive who can bring a halt to the sexual play by saying the safe word, or just saying No. Which will bring an end to the dominant's sexual enjoyment, whether they like it or not. Control sort of depends in what the play scenario is I suppose. To me taking charge is different in that roles are not established upfront, the scenario is unlikely to be directed or pre-determined in any way by any one person. Control does not exist, there is an element of being out of control, before someone takes control. Taking charge is more about needing the challenge as you kinda wrestles each other both at a mental and physical level. I pin you against the mattress, you love it, so much so you get the energy to roll me on my back, I let you, because you deserve to, you mount me, I love it, so much so I then throw you on your side, because I can, then I turn you around, because I sense that you want me to, then I lift your hips and you start to thrust backwards, because you can, then I overpower your thrusts, because I can, and on and on it goes. Taking charge is more raw, more make it up as you go along, more "let's see who comes out on top". my charger is not working and its to hot to go get batteries , plus my right hand is no longer talking to me it rolls over every time i try to get it to play.
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
and so it continues......
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RHP User
10 years ago
cried the queen....if i had em Id be King!
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RHP User
10 years ago
To offer my perspective on the matter of dominance in the bedroom, it has nothing to do with what occurs physically, or whomever 'thinks' that they are taking charge. For example, a dominant lover may very well want to physically become the object of their partners sexual will and desires.
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RHP User
10 years ago
That picture of you On_Safrai where you're standing on the train tracks in a harsh unforgiving environment juxtaposed with the vulnerability and femininity of yourself on the train track... I likey! You have interesting pretty blue eyes as well. I apologise in advance for all the perving I will be doing of your profile for a while. Pls don't accuse me of stalking..lol
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